Hello, you have reached the Police Dept's Voice Mail. Pay close attention
as we have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances
arrive. Please select one of the following options:
To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that you
created yourself, press 1.
To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we'll do
something about a problem, press 2.
To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer
is trying to keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.
If you would like us to raise your children, press 4.
If you would like us to take control of your life due to your
chemical dependency or alcohol, press 5.
If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation
that took years to deteriorate, press 6.
To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not
take enforcement action against you, press 7.
To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you'll have our
badge, or to proclaim our career is over, press 8.
To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses
for police rather than keeping your dumb ass in line, press 9.
Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer
support and remember.....we're here to save your ass, NOT kiss it!
Thanks for calling your local police dept. and have a nice day.
I like the graphical display, too. 
