Weirdest Religion Ever.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-03 01:33pm

Review of a book supposed to promote this incredibly hokey stuff.

You thought The Raëlian Movement and Scientology were the strangest religions of 'em all??

This religion, whose name I don't know (I think it's called "Yahweh's New Kingdom", but I'm not sure) surely has to be the single weirdest collection of bizarre ideas that anyone ever has promoted as a religion.

It's not as much the kooky ideas themselves that's unusual as the collection of them.

Just look at it - spaceships, Jesus Christ, Planet Earth originally orbiting a star in the Orion constellation, Atlantis and Lemuria, King Kull and talking horses - all in one religion???

No, I'm not joking. This is so bizarre that I suspect whether Joseph Jeffers' "religion" was developed from rejected short stories from "Weird Tales".

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-08-03 01:39pm

I suspect that some kinde of mind altering drug had something to do with this.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-03 02:54pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:I suspect that some kinde of mind altering drug had something to do with this.

That book was written in 1977, after all....

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-08-04 12:09am

The moral of this story is "Don't smoke crack".

Did anyone believe the stuff in that book, anyway?

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-08-04 12:12am

Minus two of those, and you'd have the religion of the Illuminati.

~ver

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-04 06:28am

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:The moral of this story is "Don't smoke crack".

Did anyone believe the stuff in that book, anyway?

Given that the Yahweh's New Kingdom website still is running, I think somebody did.... but not many.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-08-04 08:29am

[TV commercial announcer] Boring old religion got you down? Tired of the same old dusty dogma? Want some new and wild? Well come on down Crazy Chris' Creation Closeout Center and create your own wacky religion complete with your very own sacred text. Custom choose from space aliens, fat round guys, multi-armed snake people, foul smelling bearded robed men, hell you can even pray to the sun! Tired rituals got you down? Well at Crazy Chris' Creation Closeout Center you can customize rituals to suit your faith! Wanna bang hookers in the back seat of a '78 camaro? You got it! Wanna drink poison tea and hitch a ride on a comet? You got it! At Crazy Chris' Creation Closeout Center, the olny limit is state and federal law, and hell, who follows those anyway! So come on down to Crazy Chris's Creation Closeout Center, paradise awaits! [TV commercial announcer]

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-08-04 09:17am

We need the 'Church of Wong'...

And don't ask about the rituals/services.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 11:47am

give me 30 min, Ill find a weirder religion.

Crazy Goji · Post by **Crazy Goji** » 2003-08-04 11:51am

Enforcer Talen wrote:give me 30 min, Ill find a weirder religion.

And the clock starts. . . now.

I decided to keep my brain cells and I didn't read that link. But I bet it's weird.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 08:44pm

I have just seen the topic.

-rolls out search engine-

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 08:45pm

we're going for weird, not outright offensive, so first on the agenda:

http://www.minitru.org/llf/borg.html

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 08:46pm

weird, but no time for indepth analysis:

http://www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com/index_a.html

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 08:51pm

http://altreligion.about.com/gi/dynamic ... ube.com%2F

the traditional odd religion

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 08:52pm

fun fun

http://www.t0.or.at/vvv/vvv.htm

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 08:54pm

http://w3.iac.net/%7Emoonweb/Santeria/TOC.html

odd

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-08-04 08:56pm

[Little boy from Sixth Sense]

Can I tell you a secret?

I see Spam.

[/Little boy from Sixth Sense]

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 09:00pm

http://yahwehbenyahweh.com/index02.htm
http://www.uscobm.com/
http://www.jediism.org/
http://tftb.com/deify/index.html
http://larouchein2004.net/pages/writing ... cheney.htm
http://www.stevens-tech.edu/jofo/sacred ... elvis.html
http://www.mindvox.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/MindVoxUI
http://www.end.com/~niko/Texts/kult.html
http://www.superchurch.net/

one of these has to be weirder. .. hm. where to look next.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-04 09:01pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:[Little boy from Sixth Sense]

Can I tell you a secret?

I see Spam.

[/Little boy from Sixth Sense]

and, put it one post.

see? Im self correcting.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-05 09:54am

Enforcer Talen wrote:we're going for weird, not outright offensive, so first on the agenda:

http://www.minitru.org/llf/borg.html

Ah, the Luciferian Liberation Front - or as I call it: "What would happen if the metal bands Bal-Sagoth and Nocturnus went together in order to design a religion."

(FYI, Bal-Sagoth and Nocturnus are Black/Death Metal bands with scifi-inspired lyrics)

http://www.militantbreastfeedingcult.com/index_a.html

You think that's weird?? That barely reaches "Equivalent of Jehovah's Witnesses" on the "New-Age Weirdness" scale.

http://altreligion.about.com/gi/dynamic ... ube.com%2F

A cult drawing their beliefs from "The Matrix"?? Hm... now it's entering Weird Territory.

http://www.t0.or.at/vvv/vvv.htm

"YOGH SHOTOTH"??? I can just imagine the tagline - Voodoo, H.P. Lovecraft style!

http://w3.iac.net/%7Emoonweb/Santeria/TOC.html

Odd, but not as odd as a religion which at the same time contains talking horses, Earth starting out in another constellation and then being removed to this solar system as a result of humanity's negativity, reincarnation, white supremacy, veganism and God appointing King Kull all-powerful ruler of a faraway galaxy inhabited by blue-skinned giants.

http://yahwehbenyahweh.com/index02.htm

I remember these Nation Of Yahweh folks. They run a motel in Miami, IIRC.

http://www.jediism.org/

The other Jedi order...

http://tftb.com/deify/index.html

OK, that's just plain silly....

http://www.stevens-tech.edu/jofo/sacred ... elvis.html

Elvis cult? They're pretty common. What puzzles me is that no Jethro Tull fans claim that Ian Anderson is the Second Coming of Christ.

http://www.end.com/~niko/Texts/kult.html

I think this one is a joke...

Bottom line: Those religions you've found might be weird, but they're not as schizophrenic as the "Yahweh's New Kingdom" movement. But wait - I think I'll be able to create an even weirder religion.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-08-05 10:13pm

hey, creating them is easy =p

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-08-05 10:42pm

This is weirder than my drive through religion idea.

"I'd like a wedding, two funerals, and a side order of 4 baptisims please."

"That'll be your soul and $10. Drive up to the Pearly Gates please."

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-08-05 10:45pm

lets not forget the mother of all silly religious

http://scientology.com/

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-08-05 10:49pm

kojikun wrote:lets not forget the mother of all silly religious

http://scientology.com/

Give me $5000 and I'll give you a religion and not some snot nossed cult.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-06 11:41am

Enforcer Talen wrote:hey, creating them is easy =p

Here's my current list of ingredients for my Weird Religion To End All Weird Religions!

1. A shadowy, solitary elite living isolated lifes and ruling the cult in isolation
2. The leader of the cult being a reincarnation of King Kull
3. Space aliens imprisoned beneath the Antarctic ice
4. A desire to find the Ark of the Covenant
5. Collecting money to build a technobabble device to awaken aforementioned aliens hibernating in Antarctica
6. Our own special pseudo-tarot deck of cards, used to influence the space-time continuum
7. Lots of sex
8. Cult members required to wear silly robes and even sillier hats during rituals
9. A special dietary code either advocating vegetarianism, or a diet modelled upon [url=http://www.hplovecraft.com/life/interest/foods.htm]that of H.P. Lovecraft.[/url (Not the "2 meals per day" and "canned food only" bit, but HPL's preference of what to eat and what not to eat)
10. H.P. Lovecraft's friend Robert E. Howard being a previous re-incarnation of King Kull (thus explaining why he wrote stories about Kull)
11. B-Movie watching should be a religious experience
12. Speaking in tongues
13. Use of "psychic energy" as a power generation method
14. Extensive use of elaborate swords in rituals
15. Certain influental people through history actually being human forms of a god of cosmic enlightenment, whose true for is a blue-skinned giant
16. Annual religious event celebrated by cult leaders driving around in Lowriders
17. An intricate religious hierarchy involving really weird titles such as "Great Pixie" and "Supreme Rabbit of Doom"
18. A secret language where everything is pronounced the polar opposite the way it's spelled
19. The most holy ground being an abandoned barn with the words "FURRY TOAD MOTEL" painted upon its side with white paint
20. Unhealthy obsession with firearms
21. Unhealty obsession with world peace
22. Conspiracy theories about certain celebrities being human forms of various cosmic deities
23. A code language for everyday communications, different from #18 but still intended to render speech between cult members totally unintelligible to outsiders
24. Members of Shadowy Elite Group driving pulling jokes upon critics of the cult, pretending to be "Men-In-Black"

Did I miss anything?