Live Free or Die - Gor Story

[Kitsune]

It is not what I would call great and I wrote it a loong time ago but with the discussion of Gor, I thought I would go ahead and post it. I know it is a bit on the short side as well.

Live Free or Die
Disoriented as she was, she still limped away from her former place of captivity. It seemed like she was in a dream but she could not wake up. She could still feel the burning sensation from the brand on her thigh. Why?, she wondered did these people brand women like they branded cattle in some Old West movie starring John Wayne. Well, she was tough girl, U.S. Marines, Semper Phi. She joined the corps at age eighteen, now she was twenty two, is (was) a sergeant, and she was not about to become someone's slave. She flashed back to her childhood, remembering the life she had growing up on the streets of Chicago. No one, whether they were male or female survived the streets and did not become a Survivalist. She continues her travel and remembers the events of the last three and a half days.
As she digs through her memory, the last thing she can remember from the real world is going on a hike in Franconia Notch with her boyfriend. It was a beautiful, such panoramic views, no pollution, and few people. He was the one who talked her into going on this hike in New Hampshire and she loved every moment of the hike until the world changed around her. She went to leave him for a moment to do some private business and suddenly there was a bright flash. Next thing she knows there is a burning sensation on her left thigh. As she looks down at her thigh, she sees a symbol much like a brand there. As most of the disorientation goes away, She feels herself being pushed roughly into a line of other women. As she stood in line she looked at herself and around the area. Her clothes were in tatters, the rest of the other women's clothing was in no better shape. She was in some kind of stockade with about ten men with various weapons. The girls in the line were one by one being led to an anvil with a waiting collar and having the collar riveted around their neck. The next woman walks meekly to the block and waits while a collar is riveted on. Around her, she hears many voices in a language that she does not understand but they seemed menacing. A woman looks toward her and starts speaking to her, "Hello, you to must be from earth." "Well, you are now a bond-maid, a slave." "Accept your fate and like me you will grow to enjoy it." As she was dragged towards the anvil and a large man tried to force her head to it she decided not to accept her fate and she used the Aikido that she had spent in the last four years most of her free time learning, used his weight against him, threw him across the anvil. She then heard him screaming and looking at him and saw that he landed in the coals of the forge that was next to the fire. The other men then attacked her, luckily they attacked her without their weapons because ten against one even with Aikido and the enemy without weapons is not an easy fight. In the nearest guess of why she won she believe adrenalin kept her fighting. She quickly ran out of the Stockade. She ran and ran and ran until she though she could run no more. She then found a large field of boulders to hide from the pursuit she knew would be coming. Now after a day and a half of traveling she felt a little safer.
In the months that ensued she decided that if all women that lived here were treated like this then she would try against all odds to change this place. As she continued to travel she came to realize that this was another planet. She began a fight to allow all the people of Gor freedom especially the women. As she fought she found out that there were many women that wanted to stay as slaves, Even many women from earth, but she continued to fight. As time went on, many women and even many men joined the cause. She spent many years organizing, and fighting, and forming revolutionary groups. The movement grew until all around Gor until the ruler class could no longer ignore or control it. The called themselves Fighters for Freedom and she took the groups Motto off the Moto of the state of New Hampshire, "Live Free or Die", the state which her voyage.

[haas mark]

Very good, in my opinion. (And first post!! ) I'd suggest breaking up the longer paragraphs, and double-spacing between paragraphs to make it easier to read, though.

~ver

[Demiurge]

I don't think John Norman would approve. That's always a good thing.

[Peregrin Toker]

I'd like to see a sequel to this one. Or, for that matter, more elaboration upon the protagonist's fight for freedom and the movement she assembled.

[haas mark]

I'd like to see a sequel to this one. Or, for that matter, more elaboration upon the protagonist's fight for freedom and the movement she assembled.

In addition to that, a bit more detailing would be good. What surroundings are there? I don't remember mention of time of day, either.

~ver

[Kitsune]

I'd like to see a sequel to this one. Or, for that matter, more elaboration upon the protagonist's fight for freedom and the movement she assembled.

Actually, I agree but I have not read a Gor novel in something like 10 years (or more) and my memory of the series is so bad that I cannot add to the story. I actually would love to expand the story now.

[Steve]

Having read a few excerpts, including a lengthy one from the tenth book that includes "introducing" an American girl to Gor and instructing her as to her status....

Norman should have been fucking shot while this world was in it's formative stages.

I can't stomach Gor anymore. I have no outlet for the hate and rage now bottled up inside me.

It has promise, Kelly, but I'm afraid Gor is a fucked up world to make a fanfic of, because the characters have such shallow, stupid motivations (like aforementioned girl, who instead of being frightened and confused as a real one would be, found it more important to comment on a Gorean dancer girl's sensuality). Norman/Lange is a fucker, an idiot writer, and if I ever met the sonovabitch I'd be sorely tempted to beat his fucking ass. :evil::evil:

Still, keep up the work. An outcome like that, I wouldn't be surprised of. Despite what Fucker Norman thinks, people are not as shallow as his characters usually are.

[haas mark]

Kitsune != Kelly.

~ver

[Steve]

Kitsune != Kelly.

~ver

I know that now. My error. Kelly always called herself a Kitsune, so I assumed she had her profile changed.

[The Yosemite Bear]

No

This is not Kelly, this is one of Marina's pals...

oy vey

[Steve]

Again I apologize, Kitsune. But now I must ask.... where is the rest of it?!

And, has Marina told you about our idea yet?

[The Duchess of Zeon]

Again I apologize, Kitsune. But now I must ask.... where is the rest of it?!

And, has Marina told you about our idea yet?

I am going to fucking hurt you for making that name mistake.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

And, has Marina told you about our idea yet?

No, of course not, I've been to busy slaving away reading records in Spanish from the Royal Archives. I'm just your bloody research assistant, at that. *mutters* Worst formatting ever devised...

[Steve]

Again I apologize, Kitsune. But now I must ask.... where is the rest of it?!

And, has Marina told you about our idea yet?

I am going to fucking hurt you for making that name mistake.

Hey, I apologized! I wasn't thinking straight when I saw it and thought Kelly had changed her SN.

No, of course not, I've been to busy slaving away reading records in Spanish from the Royal Archives. I'm just your bloody research assistant, at that. *mutters* Worst formatting ever devised...

And I thought you were going to co-write, with a Caeserian fashion to your parts?

[The Duchess of Zeon]

And I thought you were going to co-write, with a Caeserian fashion to your parts?

Ignore my egomaniacal statements which come from slaving away at obscurist records for you. This is going to be so weird, anyway.

[Steve]

And I thought you were going to co-write, with a Caeserian fashion to your parts?

Ignore my egomaniacal statements which come from slaving away at obscurist records for you. This is going to be so weird, anyway.

Hey, I didn't ask for you to go over those records. I would have been happy with Italian mercenaries, but you decided to bring in Spanish naval forces too. I mean, it's going to be so sick to see those tercios tearing up Gorean warriors....

And it may be so weird, but it'll be so right, too.

[Eleas]

It is not what I would call great and I wrote it a loong time ago but with the discussion of Gor, I thought I would go ahead and post it. I know it is a bit on the short side as well.

<snip>

I have to apologise in advance if what I say upsets you, but I found the numerous problems with the story kept me from enjoying it, or indeed even reading it through. Random tempus changes, misspellings, and above all the fact that it reads less like a story and more of an transcript of stuff happening, all proved insurmountable obstacles. IMHO, a story would contain elements such as memorable characters, character interaction, growth and change and hardships. This doesn't.

That said, I found it much better than the original Gor series in its entirety.

EDIT: Also, as already mentioned above, the whole thing is a single lump of text. This makes it completely impenetrable to any casual reader.