A Chick Tract gets an MST3K Treatment

Majin Gojira · Post by **Majin Gojira** » 2003-08-11 02:51pm

http://www.humpin.org/mst3kdd/

It's of the infamous "Dark Dungeons" tract. Enjoy, some of the jokes are pretty funny.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-08-11 03:06pm

It was alright...

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-08-11 03:43pm

Damn, the original tract is bizarre. The MSTing is ok though.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-12 09:28am

SPOILERS BELOW!!

Some highlights:

Mike: Plus the women out number the men.

Crow: Well it is a "Chick Tract". hehehe.

Tom: What kind of personality is that?

Mike: One that is easy to manipulate and fool.

Crow: Oh. Baptists.

Tom: I am just glad they are not playing Call of Cthulhu! Imagine the body count then!.

Mike: Oh look it is the Wise Old Man© from all the Chick Tracts to laboriously quote the bible and tell us what is what.

Mike: If you are a paranoid Christian then you burn witches.

Tom: (in a bad British accent) And what do we burn besides witches? More witches!

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2003-08-12 09:50am

*blinks* Jack Chick thinks that C.S. Lewis wrote Occultic material? Hell, he's as bad as Phelps!

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-08-12 10:16am

WTF ... is this tract actually ... real?

Brother-Captain Gaius · Post by **Brother-Captain Gaius** » 2003-08-12 10:41am

Vympel wrote:WTF ... is this tract actually ... real?

Yeah, I read most of it awhile back. Then my brain exploded.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-08-12 10:47am

JediNeophyte wrote: Yeah, I read most of it awhile back. Then my brain exploded.

I think you should have exploded his brain instead. Remember kids, a good way to purge the effects of reading a chick tract is to take a good long look at the parody websites of him.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-08-12 11:32am

Vympel wrote:WTF ... is this tract actually ... real?

Unfortunately

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-08-12 01:13pm

Owww, my head hurts

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-08-12 01:22pm

LMAO...this is what many of my teachers must've thought I was doing when I said I played D&D.

I wish I had that many girls in my group though.

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2003-08-12 02:11pm

So, all D&D players are witches and satanists, the true path of a Christian is to burn all books beside the bible, and girls kill themselves over the loss of their fantasy character?

Nice lessons

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-08-12 02:58pm

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:*blinks* Jack Chick thinks that C.S. Lewis wrote Occultic material? Hell, he's as bad as Phelps!

Well, there was that talking lion and the magic wardrobe that transports people to a magic world and dragons that weren't evil and magic islands out near the edge of the world and something called a Dawn Treader... sounds like the occult to me. And that's only his famous work! His lesser known stuff could be filled with all sorts of Satanic stuff, but I'm not going to arse myself to find out what he wrote about for a living.

...wait a second...

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-08-12 03:20pm

FaxModem1 wrote:So, all D&D players are witches and satanists, the true path of a Christian is to burn all books beside the bible...?

Yep.

Acts 19:19 wrote:Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver.

Striderteen · Post by **Striderteen** » 2003-08-12 09:13pm

Not all Christians are this insane...heck, half the gamers I know (including myself) are Christian.

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-08-12 09:19pm

LOL. Most of the D&D players are broads. That prove's Jack's idiocy right there.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-08-13 03:57am

Gil Hamilton wrote:
The Duchess of Zeon wrote:*blinks* Jack Chick thinks that C.S. Lewis wrote Occultic material? Hell, he's as bad as Phelps!
Well, there was that talking lion and the magic wardrobe that transports people to a magic world and dragons that weren't evil and magic islands out near the edge of the world and something called a Dawn Treader... sounds like the occult to me. And that's only his famous work! His lesser known stuff could be filled with all sorts of Satanic stuff, but I'm not going to arse myself to find out what he wrote about for a living.

Not just that - the Narnia chronicles are thinly disguised Christain theology, only not a theology fundies support.

The passage about following Aslan even if you don't know you're following Him, for example. POne can be a Good Christian (TM) without knowing it.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-08-13 06:16am

I miss MST3K.

Raxmei · Post by **Raxmei** » 2003-08-13 08:15am

Gil Hamilton wrote:
The Duchess of Zeon wrote:*blinks* Jack Chick thinks that C.S. Lewis wrote Occultic material? Hell, he's as bad as Phelps!
Well, there was that talking lion and the magic wardrobe that transports people to a magic world and dragons that weren't evil and magic islands out near the edge of the world and something called a Dawn Treader... sounds like the occult to me. And that's only his famous work! His lesser known stuff could be filled with all sorts of Satanic stuff, but I'm not going to arse myself to find out what he wrote about for a living.

...wait a second...

As has already been pointed out, Narnia was Christian allegory. C.S. Lewis wrote Christian literature. Notable works include _Mere Christianity_, _The Great Divorce_, and _The Screwtape Letters_. Although it is possible to misinterpret Narnia (as you appear to have done) and especially Screwtape to appear to advocate the occult, particularly for someone like Jack Chick. Considering Chick's views about Catholics even his most obviously Christian works might as well be satanic anyway.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-13 09:07am

Hmm... reminds me of the common opinion among Cthulhu Mythos fans that August Derleth ruined H.P. Lovecraft's mythology by turning it into thinly veiled Judeo-Christian theology with Lord Nodens in place of Yahweh.