15 ways to avoid a southern ass whoopin

[Durandal]

Add to that extensive list that college football is all but a religion in the South, and Yankees badmouth a football team (or popular coach -- dead or living) at their peril.

Yes, college football is still working toward religious status in the South, but high school football is already there. Honestly, the sheer amounts of worship that some loser ex-jock who never let go of his high school years and can yell at players gets from you people is borderline insane.

Oh, and it's not a good idea to walk into a bar with a NY Yankees jacket or cap -- a Puerto Rican friend of mine did that in Alabama years ago, and the looks he got curdled his blood.

Watch My Cousin, Vinny.
"Oh yeah, you blend."

[Kelly Antilles]

How come everything posted that is supposed to be "ha, ha, that's funny" turns into a "let's bash them even though we don't know anything about them" fest? Especially when it involves Southern stereotypes?

[CorSec]

The STB should update their press release.

1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

But according to number 4 "most of [you] are more literate than [me]. How could I, a lowly carpet-bagging ingrate possibly confuse such wise and wonderful, earthy people? (And Waffle House does cook steak and chicken now.)

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or we'll kick your ass.

Having grown up in and around Houston, and for a short time a much smaller venue around Crockett, Texas - I can assure you that "most" is hyperbole.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Sam Walton, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. John Edwards, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, David Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick his/her ass.

Is the STB positive it wants to continue to tout the highlighted company?

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.

"Paying taxes to Richmond?" Are you sure about that? Last I heard, The South(tm) was only fighting for seccession not to take over The North(tm).

14) So you think we're quaint, or losers, because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like New York, Baltimore or Boston.
Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.

Oh yes, I agree! It's so much better to live in a yard filled with disfunctional machinery.

(Yes, I know it's a joke.)

[Durandal]

How come everything posted that is supposed to be "ha, ha, that's funny" turns into a "let's bash them even though we don't know anything about them" fest? Especially when it involves Southern stereotypes?

Ahh, I see. So it's acceptable for Southerners to proclaim that they are better-mannered, more intelligent, more literate (snicker) and more civil than Northerners, then say that Detroit, Chicago and DC are "hell holes," following up with calling New York City, Boston and Baltimore "filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools," but when one of us Yankees shoots back by proclaiming that the South is a haven for racism and bigotry with a few jabs in about how ridiculous the name "Billy Joe" is, it's suddenly ignorant stereotyping?

Perhaps you should read through the list again. Some stuff was benign (like the obsession about accents and the disgusting palettes and incorrect naming conventions for soda that Southerners are endeared to), but there's plenty of it that is not innocent humor.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

How come everything posted that is supposed to be "ha, ha, that's funny" turns into a "let's bash them even though we don't know anything about them" fest? Especially when it involves Southern stereotypes?

I, for one, would apologize that I even posted to the thread. It has ended up that way, in a rather undeserved manner (especially since the state with the worst reputation for hicks was not the Confederate side during the Civil War, if one wants to dissect it seriously--there's enough hickdom to go around and has more to do with backcountry areas than particular regions).

Okay, yeesh, you guys--go bash Idaho, Montana, and the Michigan Militia for a while.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

<snip>

Well, in all fairness, the Philadelphia-Detroit tag-team of burnt out inner city hulks neatly connected by The Black Hole of Ohio (that name was bestowed upon it by someone from Michigan, mind, not a southerner, though of course that might be more particular, not less!), does put us down in terms of inner city wastelands.

Seriously, the south is not an area of racism in the U.S.A., though--it has made vast improvements since the segregationist era, and most of the hate groups in the U.S. are in the midwest/western states these days, to address that as well. It's a bit unfair to let a stereotype linger when it's been pretty heavily erased, considering they had the furthest to go in erasing it.

[Gil Hamilton]

Hey, I bashed myself much more there than I bashed anyone down South. Besides, my trip to upstate New York in July was adequate to demonstrate that the South doesn't have the monopoly on rednecks.

[Knife]

How come everything posted that is supposed to be "ha, ha, that's funny" turns into a "let's bash them even though we don't know anything about them" fest? Especially when it involves Southern stereotypes?

I, for one, would apologize that I even posted to the thread. It has ended up that way, in a rather undeserved manner (especially since the state with the worst reputation for hicks was not the Confederate side during the Civil War, if one wants to dissect it seriously--there's enough hickdom to go around and has more to do with backcountry areas than particular regions).

Okay, yeesh, you guys--go bash Idaho, Montana, and the Michigan Militia for a while.

Oh sure, bring us westerners into it huh?!?! You east coast buba's can just stick to eating each other and keep us simple folk out of it.

[Kelly Antilles]

Durandal, you are a total and complete asshole. If you will notice, I said that anything like this, NOT JUST about Southerners, is treated in the same manner. I emphasized that it is even WORSE when it is about Southerners. Open your fucking eyes and learn to read.

And I am MUCH better mannered, a whole lot more intelligent, MUCH, MUCH more litterate and definitely more civil than YOU.

[Montcalm]

Durandal, you are a total and complete asshole. If you will notice, I said that anything like this, NOT JUST about Southerners, is treated in the same manner. I emphasized that it is even WORSE when it is about Southerners. Open your fucking eyes and learn to read.

And I am MUCH better mannered, a whole lot more intelligent, MUCH, MUCH more litterate and definitely more civil than YOU.

If you want to visit a place where people are civil and nice,come to Canada we do not start war for oil.

[Durandal]

Durandal, you are a total and complete asshole. If you will notice, I said that anything like this, NOT JUST about Southerners, is treated in the same manner. I emphasized that it is even WORSE when it is about Southerners. Open your fucking eyes and learn to read.

Red herring. The initial post in the thread was not 100% benign humor, which you made it out to be. The scope of your post is completely irrelevant. The point is that you considered the initial post acceptable humor despite its stereotyping and slanderous content of the North, but you start pissing and moaning when people from the North have the temerity respond with similar stereotyping.

If you could tame your painfully predictable knee-jerk reactions for just a few seconds, maybe you could actually see the point I was trying to make in the second paragraph of my post. Then again, I know it's a lot to expect of a knee-jerk reactionary like you to actually read through an entire post and put some effort into comprehending its meaning.

And I am MUCH better mannered, a whole lot more intelligent, MUCH, MUCH more litterate and definitely more civil than YOU.

Yes, you're certainly more "litterate" than I am. Here's a hint. Try spell-checking your asinine excretions before you criticize my intelligence or ability to read and write. As for civility, it's overrated. So I'm blunt. Boo-fucking-hoo.

[Joe]

Rednecks, eh...

I sincerely hope none of you people are ever driving through the South on business or otherwise (assuming that's not beneath you), because if you get a flat tire the only person who is going to stop to help you is a redneck.

[His Divine Shadow]

I sincerely hope none of you people are ever driving through the South on business or otherwise (assuming that's not beneath you), because if you get a flat tire the only person who is going to stop to help you is a redneck.

Why is that a bad thing? Is he going to beat me over the head with his jug of moonshine(y'know, the one with 3 X's on it), steal my car and then kidnap me and force me to marry one of his relatives to stop dat inbreedin' thing?

Oh man, look how many stereotypes I just chugged into one post, this is truly a great day for me.

[Joe]

I sincerely hope none of you people are ever driving through the South on business or otherwise (assuming that's not beneath you), because if you get a flat tire the only person who is going to stop to help you is a redneck.

Why is that a bad thing? Is he going to beat me over the head with his jug of moonshine(y'know, the one with 3 X's on it), steal my car and then kidnap me and force me to marry one of his relatives to stop dat inbreedin' thing?

Oh man, look how many stereotypes I just chugged into one post, this is truly a great day for me.

No, a redneck is likely the only person on the road who is going to be courteous enough to do so.

[Brother-Captain Gaius]

I sincerely hope none of you people are ever driving through the South on business or otherwise (assuming that's not beneath you), because if you get a flat tire the only person who is going to stop to help you is a redneck.

Why is that a bad thing? Is he going to beat me over the head with his jug of moonshine(y'know, the one with 3 X's on it), steal my car and then kidnap me and force me to marry one of his relatives to stop dat inbreedin' thing?

Oh man, look how many stereotypes I just chugged into one post, this is truly a great day for me.

Yeah, but looks at those Finns! They're all... um... up there... and cold... and stuff. So there!

[His Divine Shadow]

No, a redneck is likely the only person on the road who is going to be courteous enough to do so.

The bastards, they got to be stopped, they've stepped over the line this time!

[Darth Garden Gnome]

The Black Hole of Ohio (that name was bestowed upon it by someone from Michigan, mind, not a southerner, though of course that might be more particular, not less!)

In your face Ohio!

OHIO STATE SUCKS! U OF M OWNS YOU BITCHES!

[seanrobertson]

No, a redneck is likely the only person on the road who is going to be courteous enough to do so.

I remember you saying that some time ago.

I'm right outside Charlotte, and I'm a redneck, so I know this to be true

I'm actually one of the few rednecks who doesn't have a powerful fixation with cars. In my area, NASCAR is a real big deal. I think that fetish has something to do with their willingness to help out fellow motorists...they get excited by seeing what's under your car's hood

That said, Kelly, I understand where you're coming from. Even though I am a Southerner, there are times I wouldn't joke about such stereotypes. But I like Damien, certainly don't take personal offense from what he said, and am probably just worn down from recognizing and attempting to dispell those generalizations elsewhere.

[Coyote]

Okay, yeesh, you guys--go bash Idaho, Montana, and the Michigan Militia for a while.

Thanks a lot!

1: Don't move to Idaho for 'the quality of life' and then try to turn it into New California. We'll kick your ass.

2: Don't ask about the potatoes. We know about the gawddamn potatoes, and yes, they're mentioned on the effin' liscence plates. So shut up or we'll kick your ass.

3: We know Idaho is full of small, underpopulated towns. We like it that way. If we wanted to live in a concrete sardine can, we'd go to LA. Now get on the farm or get out, or we'll kick your ass.

4: Don't move into the subdivision right next to the 'pure, clean and wholesome' farmland then complain about cow poop, dust, and tractor noise at 5am. That's called farming, and yes, its necessary, and no, you're lawyer can't make it otherwise. Now shut up or we'll kick your ass.

5: That white stuff that falls from the sky in the winter is called snow. There's nothing you can do about it. Learn to drive on it or we'll kick your ass.

6: You may see garbage and grafitti all over the city, but that doesn't mean you need to do it to our mountain trails. If you want to feel more at home in the garbage, then go back to where you came from, or guess what? We'll kick your ass.

7: Quit whining about all the gawddamn SUVs and lifted pick-up trucks. In this climate and terrain, they actually are necessary, even on the paved roads in winter. Pitch a bitch and get self-righteous in your little Pria and you'll get your ass kicked.

8: Yeah, Republicans dominate the state legislature. That's because this is a conservative state. If you don't like it, go to a place where Democrats rule, like California, New York, Massachussetts, or Seattle, and get your ass kicked on the way out.

9: Even the liberals here own guns. If that scares you, better scoot 'fore you get your ass kicked.

10: Idaho's ten years behind the times and off the national radar scope, but we still have others to pick on that are even worse off: Wyoming. So go there for your cow-tipping, 'cause if you do it here, we'll kick your ass....

[LadyTevar]

Dumbfuck arrogant Easterners. Southern California is as far south as you are, yet you lay claim to an entire cardinal direction as your own.

Yes, I know its a joke. However, the arrogance is not.

The difference is, Southern Cal was settled by Northerners!

[Durandal]

Dumbfuck arrogant Easterners. Southern California is as far south as you are, yet you lay claim to an entire cardinal direction as your own.

Yes, I know its a joke. However, the arrogance is not.

The difference is, Southern Cal was settled by Northerners!

Hey look! Someone's attractive cousin!

[LadyTevar]

Dumbfuck arrogant Easterners. Southern California is as far south as you are, yet you lay claim to an entire cardinal direction as your own.

Yes, I know its a joke. However, the arrogance is not.

The difference is, Southern Cal was settled by Northerners!

Hey look! Someone's attractive cousin!

...... The sad part is how true that is.

It hurts when you can't find a High School boyfriend because all the cutest guys are related to you.

[Gil Hamilton]

Rednecks, eh...

I sincerely hope none of you people are ever driving through the South on business or otherwise (assuming that's not beneath you), because if you get a flat tire the only person who is going to stop to help you is a redneck.

It's a good thing I know change my own tires and aren't stupid enough to leave on a long road trip without a spare, as do many Northerners.

[Kelly Antilles]

No, a redneck is likely the only person on the road who is going to be courteous enough to do so.

Uh, NOT. There is another stereotype known as the "good ol' boy". They are more likely to stop than a redneck.

[Jeremy]

I live in the most northern southern state... Florida.

Mr. Wong got his fillet because for the most part it is A)a mixed culture, and B)people like the idea of making money. Speaking of mixed, there are plenty of mixed couples in Florida.