Joke - How many Christians does it take....

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-08-21 11:59am

...to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic and Orthodox: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved — you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutheran: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-08-21 12:06pm

Pretty good

Hmmm. I'm wondering if my religious friend would find this funny or insulting. When in doubt: avoid...

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-08-21 12:42pm

That's great, especially the bit about the Presbyterians.

Nathan F · Post by **Nathan F** » 2003-08-21 01:27pm

Hehehe, quite funny. And no, I see it as being a joke, not insulting.

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-08-21 02:30pm

Atheists: one to unscrew the old bulb and screw in the new one.

Logic's a bitch, neh?

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2003-08-21 02:33pm

Lawyers: You, (from now referred to as the "user") will be required to acknowledge the importance of this operation. The user must be aware that the gender-non specific person (from now referred to as the "lawyer") who will replace the darkness-repelling device (from now referred to as the "lightbulb") will be forced to maintain contact with the lightbulb for an extended period of time. To avoid suites, the permission of the lightbulb must be obtained beforehand. The required operation will the lawyer involve firmly grasping the lighbulb, and turning it in a counterclockwise fasion, until the lightbulb has been removed. Then the lawyer will dispose of the lightbulb as he sees fit. A clause of this...

Five pages later:

...It is important that such an action shall be undertaken only when the lightbulb reaches the end of it's cycle of usefulness.

- Random Lawyer

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-08-21 03:36pm

Iraqi Information Ministers: None, the lightbulb is shinning bright, there is no light buld in fact. It is still day light. It shall never be dark in the land where we destroyed the infidels. The light of Allah provides all we need.

Hethrir · Post by **Hethrir** » 2003-08-21 05:21pm

The one i heard was Baptist: Change?

Also, lead guitarists: 5. one changes, four argue about how much better they could have done it.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-08-21 05:36pm

EmperorMing wrote:Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved — you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

I wish more Methodists were like this. We're supposed to be a moderately liberal group, and the darn Episcopalians beat us to confirming a gay bishop

.

Just make sure the covered dish isn't potato salad or macaroni salad in disguise. I hate that stuff.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-08-22 10:24am

Fundies: The bible doesn't mention lightbulbs.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-24 11:29am

Mormons: Multiple lightbulbs!!

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-08-24 11:40am

Buddists: One, but it's half screwed.

Confusians: Two. One to screw it, the other to make sure it's screwed RIGHT.

Orthodox Jews: One, unless it's Sabbath. Then it'll wait until Sunday.

Shiites: One, but Allah does the work. The believer's there to bitch about the Sunni.
Sunni: See above.

Forgive the stereotypes, but that's what the joke is.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-08-24 12:14pm

YT300000 wrote:Lawyers: You, (from now referred to as the "user") will be required to acknowledge the importance of this operation. The user must be aware that the gender-non specific person (from now referred to as the "lawyer") who will replace the darkness-repelling device (from now referred to as the "lightbulb") will be forced to maintain contact with the lightbulb for an extended period of time. To avoid suites, the permission of the lightbulb must be obtained beforehand. The required operation will the lawyer involve firmly grasping the lighbulb, and turning it in a counterclockwise fasion, until the lightbulb has been removed. Then the lawyer will dispose of the lightbulb as he sees fit. A clause of this...

Five pages later:

...It is important that such an action shall be undertaken only when the lightbulb reaches the end of it's cycle of usefulness.

- Random Lawyer

Military Officer:
Says, "Make it happen, you."

Light bulb replaced quick, fast, & in a hurry...

Arrow · Post by **Arrow** » 2003-08-24 12:29pm

Computer programmer: Who the hell needs a little blub with all these moniters?!

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-08-24 03:05pm

Darth Gojira wrote:Buddists: One, but it's half screwed.

Ah, no, you see, the light bulb is but an illusion, and to believe in it is to fall prey to karma.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-08-24 05:25pm

It's so true!!

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-08-24 05:30pm

The Dark wrote:
EmperorMing wrote:Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved — you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
I wish more Methodists were like this. We're supposed to be a moderately liberal group, and the darn Episcopalians beat us to confirming a gay bishop .

Just make sure the covered dish isn't potato salad or macaroni salad in disguise. I hate that stuff.

I for one like Macaroni salad...so you can bring that. But toss the potato salad.

Stupid Episcopalians, beating us to that...we'll beat them next time though.

It's almost frightening though how much all those statements are true...

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-08-24 06:59pm

And GOD said "Let there be light" and there was light. But the light bulb burned out. And GOD saw the burnt out bulb, and he changed it. And it was good.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-08-24 07:01pm

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:And GOD said "Let there be light" and there was light. But the light bulb burned out. And GOD saw the burnt out bulb, and he changed it. And it was good.

The book of Electrician 1:7

Exerpt from the Technicians Bible.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-08-25 12:46am

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:And GOD said "Let there be light" and there was light. But the light bulb burned out. And GOD saw the burnt out bulb, and he changed it. And it was good.

Satan said "Let there be light" and lo and behold, the gasoline lantern came into existence...

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-08-25 12:47am

Actually, for Greek Orthodox, the joke goes...

Q: How many Orthodox does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Change?

Xon · Post by **Xon** » 2003-08-25 02:03am

Arrow Mk84 wrote:Computer programmer: Who the hell needs a little blub with all these moniters?!

I think it would be more like:
Computer programmer:
v1: Incandescent lightbulb experiences failure due to over use.
v2: Improve life expectancy, add more 'features'.
...
v10: Nuclear battery powered lightbulb, with dimmer control, smoke detector and kitchen sink biult in. Experiences occasional failures which frag the biulding.

Arrow · Post by **Arrow** » 2003-08-25 06:15am

ggs wrote:
Arrow Mk84 wrote:Computer programmer: Who the hell needs a little blub with all these moniters?!
I think it would be more like:
Computer programmer:
v1: Incandescent lightbulb experiences failure due to over use.
v2: Improve life expectancy, add more 'features'.
...
v10: Nuclear battery powered lightbulb, with dimmer control, smoke detector and kitchen sink biult in. Experiences occasional failures which frag the biulding.

Nah, that's what the hardware guys would do!

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-08-25 06:47am

Your right the software guys would right a program to remind people to change the bulb before it burned out.

Now Pointy Haired bosses: Would fire anyone caught changing the light bulb because of the supposed savings in electricty bills due to the lights being off. Also because the burned out bulb is still company property, and removing it is stealing from the company.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-08-25 09:35am

Esoteric Order of Dagon: None. Deep Ones just render electric machinery impossible to use because they're so water-drenched.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Joke - How many Christians does it take....

Joke - How many Christians does it take....

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