I just cut my penis on a slice of stale bread

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-08-28 09:43pm

How in the world am I going to explain all this blood on my undies?

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-08-28 09:45pm

Spill it! What's the full story behind this? Curious minds need to know!

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-08-28 09:45pm

Oh god

I tried to massager it to make it feel better
It didn't do jackity jack

BlkbrryTheGreat · Post by **BlkbrryTheGreat** » 2003-08-28 09:46pm

This belongs in the hall of shame, not if off topic.

Daltonator · Post by **Daltonator** » 2003-08-28 09:46pm

ohhh, my god...

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-08-28 09:47pm

How did that happen?!?

You could try washing it yourself before anybody discovers. Or hide it somewhere and dispose of it later....

You know, if it's a serious cut, you might want to seek medical attention. Your dick is a pretty important thing...

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-08-28 09:48pm

aerius wrote:Spill it! What's the full story behind this? Curious minds need to know!

I got out of the shower, all nakie, then my gay friend from New Jersey called me, and we were talking about his mom's foot fetish, then then I took a bite out of a piece of bread that was on my computer desk

I didn't realize it was stale. It was only sitting there for 5 hours! Anyways, I bit into it, and a sizable piece fell off and sort of papercutted my weiner

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-08-28 09:49pm

I think it hit a vein, OMG it's bleeding like crazy

I have blood all over my keyboard and mouse

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-08-28 09:50pm

Two words for you:

Ha Ha!

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-08-28 09:51pm

Just wrap something around it. Kinda painful, though.

And now you're not gonna be able to clean the pipes for a while, since that'll open up the wound.

Newtonian Fury · Post by **Newtonian Fury** » 2003-08-28 09:51pm

Hamel wrote:I didn't realize it was stale. It was only sitting there for 5 hours! Anyways, I bit into it, and a sizable piece fell off and sort of papercutted my weiner

Believable. Harden bread edges can be kinda sharp. You might want to seek medical help immediately...

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-08-28 09:51pm

Whisky Tango Foxtrot!?

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-08-28 09:51pm

Don`t know why but i smell a joke.

J · Post by J » 2003-08-28 09:52pm

Well, first off clean the breadcrumbs off your penis, then clean it thoroughly and apply an antibiotic ointment to the cuts after you get the bleeding slowed down. Apply pressure with a sterile gauze pad and think unsexy thoughts to slow & stop the bleeding. If you have an Aloe plant break a leaf off and rub the plant juices against the cuts to stop the bleeding. Line your underwear with gauze or paper towels, other than that I can't really help you.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-08-28 09:53pm

Let's just hope he doesn't have to apply a turniquet.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-08-28 09:54pm

Why the hell are you telling us about this? Why aren't you getting medical condition?

I think he's bullshitting. Anyone who cut his dick wouldn't immediately log on to a message board to tell people about it.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-08-28 09:55pm

Hamel wrote:I think it hit a vein, OMG it's bleeding like crazy

I have blood all over my keyboard and mouse

Ok. First aid advice. Apply direct pressure with gaus. Whatever you do, do not get hard. The penis is made of spongy muscle tissue that is honeycombed with blood vessels. When you are aroused, blood flow increases....

J · Post by J » 2003-08-28 09:56pm

Stormbringer wrote:Let's just hope he doesn't have to apply a turniquet.

*snicker*cockring*snicker* Sorry...

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-08-28 09:57pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Why the hell are you telling us about this? Why aren't you getting medical condition?

I think he's bullshitting. Anyone who cut his dick wouldn't immediately log on to a message board to tell people about it.

I live in the fucking BOONIES. Even if I lost a limb I wouldn't bother driving to the hospital because it's 30 fucking miles to the nearest one!

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-08-28 09:57pm

Hamel wrote:
Gil Hamilton wrote:Why the hell are you telling us about this? Why aren't you getting medical condition?

I think he's bullshitting. Anyone who cut his dick wouldn't immediately log on to a message board to tell people about it.
I live in the fucking BOONIES. Even if I lost a limb I wouldn't bother driving to the hospital because it's 30 fucking miles to the nearest one!

Well, if you dont want to lose your penis... follow my advice.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-28 09:59pm

I smell BS. If the bread was stale enough to cut flesh it would need to be out for way longer then 5 hours, more like 5 weeks and it still wouldn't do anything unless he had a major hard on. Maybe there's a little scratch from excessive masturbation related stretching but that's it.

Not to mention, if blood is on his keyboard and mouse then why and how the fuck is he still posting messages?

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-08-28 10:00pm

I think I'm fine now. I have peroxide, so it won't get infected

Sea Skimmer wrote:I smell BS. If the bread was stale enough to cut flesh it would need to be out for way longer then 5 hours, more like 5 weeks and it still wouldn't do anything unless he had a major hard on. Maybe there's a little scratch from excessive masturbation related stretching but that's it.

Not to mention, if blood is on his keyboard and mouse then why and how the fuck is he still posting messages?

The same reason people post while drunk. They find it humorous. It doesn't really hurt that badly.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-08-28 10:04pm

Shit. That's horrible.

The most important thing is to make sure you don't get horny. Morning erections are going to be a problem, though.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-08-28 10:05pm

Darth Yoshi wrote:Shit. That's horrible.

The most important thing is to make sure you don't get horny. Morning erections are going to be a problem, though.

Yeah, not counting the blood loss...

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-08-28 10:06pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Why the hell are you telling us about this? Why aren't you getting medical condition?

I think he's bullshitting. Anyone who cut his dick wouldn't immediately log on to a message board to tell people about it.

I don't know. This is SD.net, it's practically freak central. I mean Einhander told us about his masturbation misfire, and who can forget Hemlock vs the cat?