Star Wars-style "Dear Abby"

PSW: discuss Star Wars without "versus" arguments.

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YT300000
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Post by YT300000 »

Dear Abby,
I am a typical Alderaanian astronomer, and I am looking through my telescope right now. About a minute ago, this giant moon came out of hyperspace, a few planetary diameters away! A whole moon! It has one giant crater, and... wait, hold on a sec, the crater is glowing green! What th-

Dear Adian,
I bought this wierd bit of art a couple days ago. It looks like a human sreaming in anguish stuck in a block of stone. There are flashing lights on the side. Anyway, almost immediately, a bunch of people come after me. There's this guy wearing really cool green armour, he burned my house down. Then there's this Trandoshan, and a big assassin droid. Also, a this old beat up YT-1300 is following me. What should I do?
Art the Collector
Name changes are for people who wear women's clothes. - Zuul

Wow. It took me a good minute to remember I didn't have testicles. -xBlackFlash

Are you sure this isn't like that time Michael Jackson stopped by your house so he could use the bathroom? - Superman
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Peregrin Toker
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Dear Abby,

My daughter is in love with Palpatine. Is she insane, necrophiliac or both??

Signed,
Armand Isard.
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"

"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
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PainRack
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Post by PainRack »

Dear Adian,
Ever since my former teacher and best friend abandoned me to die, I have been down in the pits(literally). I taken to wearing leather clothing and a mask that obscure my breathing. The problem is, my wife is saying that she's extremely turned off by my costume and refuses to wear the sexy gold bikini with chain attached during our love making. I don't see what the issue is, considering her experience in using the chain as a whip.

The worse part of all, she has begun hanging out with above former teacher and friend way too often, and her stomach has begun to distend. Is she having an affair?

To add to my sexuality problems, another dear friend of mine has started expressing interest in me. He has always said that I am extremely gifted, and recently has started epousing that I "join him in the dark side". He's extremely mature, but he has a magnetic charisma that I can't resist. And to go where the sun don't shine is an offer I can't resist( my wife has gone off that).

What do I do?

Signed, Annkie.
Let him land on any Lyran world to taste firsthand the wrath of peace loving people thwarted by the myopic greed of a few miserly old farts- Katrina Steiner
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YT300000
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Posts: 6528
Joined: 2003-05-20 12:49pm
Location: Calgary, Canada
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Post by YT300000 »

PainRack wrote:Dear Adian,
Ever since my former teacher and best friend abandoned me to die, I have been down in the pits(literally). I taken to wearing leather clothing and a mask that obscure my breathing. The problem is, my wife is saying that she's extremely turned off by my costume and refuses to wear the sexy gold bikini with chain attached during our love making. I don't see what the issue is, considering her experience in using the chain as a whip.

The worse part of all, she has begun hanging out with above former teacher and friend way too often, and her stomach has begun to distend. Is she having an affair?

To add to my sexuality problems, another dear friend of mine has started expressing interest in me. He has always said that I am extremely gifted, and recently has started epousing that I "join him in the dark side". He's extremely mature, but he has a magnetic charisma that I can't resist. And to go where the sun don't shine is an offer I can't resist( my wife has gone off that).

What do I do?

Signed, Annkie.
Possible response: Give yourself to the Dark Side.
Name changes are for people who wear women's clothes. - Zuul

Wow. It took me a good minute to remember I didn't have testicles. -xBlackFlash

Are you sure this isn't like that time Michael Jackson stopped by your house so he could use the bathroom? - Superman
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Peregrin Toker
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Dear Adian,

Somebody has deleted all records of my homeworld! As the Rishi Maze's primary suppliers of clones, this has hurt us financially.

Do you know who's behind this?

Yours,
Taun We, Assistant to the Prime Minister of Kamino.
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"

"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
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YT300000
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Post by YT300000 »

Dear Adian,
My Dad's head got cut off by this BMF Jedi, but I wasn't able to get the rest of the body. Should I bury the head, or creamate it?
-Boba

Dear Adian,
I accidentally dropped my stylus yesterday, and I made the mistake of bending over to pick it up. Since I have no muscles in my back, I can't stand back up now. What should I do?
Kaminoan in Pain
Name changes are for people who wear women's clothes. - Zuul

Wow. It took me a good minute to remember I didn't have testicles. -xBlackFlash

Are you sure this isn't like that time Michael Jackson stopped by your house so he could use the bathroom? - Superman
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Peregrin Toker
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

YT300000 wrote:Dear Adian,
I accidentally dropped my stylus yesterday, and I made the mistake of bending over to pick it up. Since I have no muscles in my back, I can't stand back up now. What should I do?
Kaminoan in Pain
Hilarious. Always nice to see that I'm not the only one baffled by the Kaminoans' ludicrously unrealistic anatomy. (Not that this prohibits me from having Lama Su as my avatar)

Here's another one:

Dear Adian,
For some reason, Jabba the Hutt doesn't want my band to play "Lapti Nek" any longer but instead requests a lame blues number called "Jedi Rocks". What should I do?
- Max Rebo
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"

"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
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