the Colonel's Week 1 picks

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-09-05 03:01pm

NOTE: The Colonel's pix-o-the-week are for entertainment purposes only.

PATRIOTS at BILLS
line: even

The Colonel sez: Never bet against Bill Belichick. take the Pats

BRONCOS at BENGALS
line: Broncos by 6

The Colonel sez: If the bungles cover the spread i'll eat my hat. take Denver

COLTS as BROWNS
line: Browns by 1

The Colonel sez: Cleveland's D is a mess. Marvin Harrison will have a filed day. Indy is money in the bank

CHARGERS at CHIEFS
line: Chiefs by 5 1/2

The Colonel sez: I don't like this one. There is no defense to speak of on either side. Both teams have wheels, but KC has a much better passing game. If you must, take KC, but you didn't hear it from me.

TEXANS at DOLPHINS
line: Miami by 13 1/2

The Colonel sez: Poor David Carr will be doing Ben Gay ads before long if Houston doesn't get an offensive line. Miami owns this one. ::crunch:: 'hear that? that was David Carr's ribcage!

RAMS at GIANTS
line: even

The Colonel sez: Even? what are they smoking in Vegas? because i want some. Warner is healthy + Faulk is healthy = sad day at the meadowlands. Rams all day!

RAVENS at STEELERS
line: Steelers by 5 1/2

The Colonel sez: Take Baltimore to cover. Their D owns Pitt's offense. it will, however, be a squeaker.

CARDINALS at LIONS
line: Lions by 4

The Colonel sez: are you actually gonna watch this game? i'd rather bet a checkers game. um....yeah go with the Lions.

VIKINGS at PACKERS
line: Packers by 5 1/2

The Colonel sez: Unless Daunte Culpepper has a horseshoe up his ass, he's in trouble. Favre has a great game. Green Bays D roughs up Culpepper. Packers all day .....Did i mention the game is at Lambeau?

JAGUARS at PANTHERS
line: Panthers by 4

The Colonel sez: I hear the Panthers are new and improved. Well, Fred Taylor will surly dispell that rumor. Jacksonville to win. And where the hell did Jack Del Rio come from anyway?

BEARS at 49ERS
line: Niners by 7

The Colonel sez: Why's everyone picking on the Bears? Anyway Garcia is hurting and Brian Urlacher just may be the straw that breaks the Camel's back.Da' Bears cover

SAINTS at SEAHAWKS
line:Seattle by 3

The Colonel Sez: The Saints line cant protect Brooks, but Seatle just doesn't have the ability to exploit that. With 3 good targets now Brooks should be able to unload anyway. Saints to win

FALCONS at COWBOYS
line: Dallas by 2

The Colonel Sez: I like Bill Parcells. He is one mean SOB. Dallas is afraid to lose this game. Atlanta without Michael Vick, on the road makes for an easy target for Dallas to take it's frustrations out on. Dallas all day.

RAIDERS at TITANS
line: Titans by 3

The Colonel sez: Too much drama for the men in black. [yoda voice] Drama leads to distraction. distractions leads to mistakes. mistakes make you lose the game [/yoda voice] Flaming Thumbtacks all day

BUCCANEERS at EAGLES (Monday Night Football)
line: Eagles by 3

The Colonel sez: NO FUCKING WAY. Eagles get owned at home. Bucs all day.

BoredShirtless · Post by **BoredShirtless** » 2003-09-05 03:04pm

Can a mod please move this to Fitness and Health?

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-09-05 03:05pm

BoredShirtless wrote:Can a mod please move this to Fitness and Health?

fitness and health? i thought that idea got shot down?

BoredShirtless · Post by **BoredShirtless** » 2003-09-05 03:09pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:
BoredShirtless wrote:Can a mod please move this to Fitness and Health?
fitness and health? i thought that idea got shot down?

The Col. is quick tonight!

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-09-05 03:20pm

You put too much stock into the Green Bay defense. They are a whole different unit without Gilbert Brown stuffing runs up the middle. Throw in Brett Favre experiencing a Marinoesque career decline, and you have a Packer team that has more questions than answers. I say the indeginous Scandinavian tribes cover, but still lose to the Pack.

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-09-05 03:37pm

MIKE SAYS: Don't listen to the Col., don't bet on the Lions. Please. To my everlasting shame I have witnessed again and again bothced plays, dull-witted fumbles, interceptions during the first down of a play and then the first down of the play when they got the ball back, a seeming unwillingness to score in the face of any opposition, and the endless string of ego-crushing jokes from that hack Jay Leno.

For the love of God, don't bet on the Lions.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2003-09-05 03:44pm

Danny Says:
PHINS RULE ALL!!!!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-09-05 04:12pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:MIKE SAYS: Don't listen to the Col., don't bet on the Lions. Please. To my everlasting shame I have witnessed again and again bothced plays, dull-witted fumbles, interceptions during the first down of a play and then the first down of the play when they got the ball back, a seeming unwillingness to score in the face of any opposition, and the endless string of ego-crushing jokes from that hack Jay Leno.

For the love of God, don't bet on the Lions.

Such truths have rarely been spoken. In the past forty years, the Lie Downs have had exactly ONE playoff victory to celebrate. Ye Gads. While hiring coach Mariucci from the 49ers might appease the Football Gods for a brief spell, the Lie Downs have much work to complete before the Football Gods consider removing the Curse of Karma from this franchise.

Nathan F · Post by **Nathan F** » 2003-09-05 04:18pm

The Titans are gonna OWN the Raiders, hopefully.

And on the the NCAA Football pick:

Tennessee vs. Marshall:

Marshall is going to be the Vols first real opponent this year. After last weeks overthrow of Fresno State, I could see the Vols making this a good game, as long as Casey Clausen (QB) doesn't get cocky. The Vols held Fresno St. to -1 Rushing, and they have one of the better offenses in football it is said. But, I am predicting a 27-10 game, UT.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-09-05 10:17pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:NOTE: The Colonel's pix-o-the-week are for entertainment purposes only.

CARDINALS at LIONS
line: Lions by 4

The Colonel sez: are you actually gonna watch this game? i'd rather bet a checkers game. um....yeah go with the Lions.

I'm not going to watch. However, it might be the only time this year that Emmitt Smith runs for 100 yards or more in one game.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-09-05 10:28pm

For 4 years, I lived near the Michigan border, close to Detroit. I experienced the agony of Lions futility. The horror ... the horror ...

At least the Bills had their run of Quixotic glory.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-09-05 10:32pm

Darth Wong wrote:For 4 years, I lived near the Michigan border, close to Detroit. I experienced the agony of Lions futility. The horror ... the horror ...

At least the Bills had their run of Quixotic glory.

The Bills also had a string of years in which the competed for the worst record in the NFL. It was surprising when they finally put it together and then kept at it for so long.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-09-06 10:25pm

what you fail to realize that the lie down lions are playing crap-tastic cardinals. Plummer is gone, Boston is gone.....Arizona was horrible with that talent.....if you could call it that. If the Lions don't win this game, the might as well go 0-16. The Bumble Bowl goes to The Lions.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-09-06 10:32pm

BUCCANEERS at EAGLES (Monday Night Football)
line: Eagles by 3

The Colonel sez: NO FUCKING WAY. Eagles get owned at home. Bucs all day.

Red! Skimmer! Quickly, to the Steakmobile!

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-09-06 10:37pm

HemlockGrey wrote:
BUCCANEERS at EAGLES (Monday Night Football)
line: Eagles by 3

The Colonel sez: NO FUCKING WAY. Eagles get owned at home. Bucs all day.
Red! Skimmer! Quickly, to the Steakmobile!

that will be a damn good game.

*hops on the train to philly.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-09-07 01:31am

HemlockGrey wrote:
BUCCANEERS at EAGLES (Monday Night Football)
line: Eagles by 3

The Colonel sez: NO FUCKING WAY. Eagles get owned at home. Bucs all day.
Red! Skimmer! Quickly, to the Steakmobile!

I dunno, dude. We're paper thin on the defensive line, we've got one RB who missed all of camp and another who spent last year watching football on TV, and a starting MLB who's was an underszied second stringer in Atlanta, for Chrissakes. The question will be can the Eagles match the Bucs speed this time? That's what killed us in the NFC championships--the Buccanners ran rings around us (oh, yeah, and Donovan McNabb was hurting and out of shape and Jon Gruden took Andy Reid to school, but it was the speed that really did us in).

I don't think it's a Bucs blowout, not in Philly on Monday Night, but damn if I wish I was more confident.

EDIT: To test this, I played as the Eagles against the Bucs, in Philadelphia at night, in Madden 2004. The Eagles won 48 to 41. From this incredibly scientific test, we can determine the defensive AI still needs improvement.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-09-07 08:53am

Hey, more incredible things have happened.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-09-07 08:38pm

BEARS at 49ERS
line: Niners by 7

The Colonel sez: Why's everyone picking on the Bears? Anyway Garcia is hurting and Brian Urlacher just may be the straw that breaks the Camel's back.Da' Bears cover

dude, so far you are 4-13 with the Sunday Night and monday Night games yet to be played.

normally I wouldnt be an arse or anything but you went against my beloved niners, who whomped all over the bears like it was going out of style.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-09-07 08:47pm

Holy shit...The Bills not only won, it was a 31-0 shutout.

Holy shit...

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-09-07 10:34pm

Ahahahahha!

Kurt Warner got butt-fucked!

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-09-08 06:45am

holy fucking shit

milloy must have given the playbook to the Bills.

and Houston beat Miami? WTF???

Upshot Knothole · Post by **Upshot Knothole** » 2003-09-08 01:52pm

The Eagles will get destroyed tonight. Donovan McNabb is the most overrated quarterback in years. Yeah, he can run, but he'll never be accurate enough to be a championship caliber quarterback. And this year he doesn't have a defense that can bail him out.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-09-09 12:18am

McNabb is the real deal but so was the Bucs defense, Philly was destroyed at home and the Raiders penalized themselves into oblivion.

As for the Colonel. Well, Im sure theres a bookie out there with aLouisville slugger who is just dying to talk to you....

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-09-09 12:22am

RedImperator! What gives man?!?!?!?

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-09-09 08:33am

Darth Fanboy wrote: As for the Colonel. Well, Im sure theres a bookie out there with aLouisville slugger who is just dying to talk to you....

6 and 8. an off week, but come on, who could have picked Houston over Miami or Kurt Warner getting hurt and Mike Martz keeping him in and blowing the game.

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the Colonel's Week 1 picks

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