My own new fanfic

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-18 12:27am

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Very nice..... awww shucks! I thought we'd get to Terminators at this point

DAMN IT!!!

But still nice!

And I was hoping for it to be T-X once you said about tight leather outfit!

Meh.

Anyway, very nice, but will the Agents be droids or will they be real Agents? I never thought droids could manipulate material

So will it be droid vs. Agents? Kewl!

I wanna see what other stuff you pull out, this is really nice, I love this stuff man. The fight was nice, although more would've been better.

More soon, okay? I'm really digging into your plot man, fantastic stuff!

ah you'll find out soon enough!
no terminators sorry, terminators wouldn't last long in SW, 1 blaster hit would send them into chunks,

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2003-09-19 08:28am

It'd do the same to Agents.

The T-850 could take a 100mj T-X plasma bolt just fine, a bit dazed, and I've heard that blaster bolts from Stormies are like 10mj only. But I bet they wouldn't stand a chance against light sabers.

Meh.

But come on, could you at least make some of these next gen battle droids have some resemblence to Termies? PLEASE!!!!

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-19 12:35pm

Shroom Man 777 wrote:It'd do the same to Agents.

The T-850 could take a 100mj T-X plasma bolt just fine, a bit dazed, and I've heard that blaster bolts from Stormies are like 10mj only. But I bet they wouldn't stand a chance against light sabers.

Meh.

But come on, could you at least make some of these next gen battle droids have some resemblence to Termies? PLEASE!!!!

thats true agents would get killed if they could get hit

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-09-19 01:41pm

Shroom Man 777 wrote:But come on, could you at least make some of these next gen battle droids have some resemblence to Termies? PLEASE!!!!

Shroom, let him write the stroy the way he wants to.

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-19 03:43pm

CHAPTER 5 : Backdoor Method

Deep inside Geonosis

“I told you already Jango why these droids were necessary. Because of your unreliable efforts I have had to hire additional help.” Said Dooku.

Both men were standing side by side looking at three beautiful women in front of them. They were dressed in black leather and were the best assassin and bodyguards money could buy. Although they weren’t as imaginative as Jango they were cheaper in the long run thought Dooku.

“I have already explained that incident to you.” Said Jango from beneath his helmet. “We were intercepted by Jedi.” Dooku looked over slowly towards Jango and back towards his new help again. ‘You ignorant troll’ thought Dooku. ‘If you were more intelligent you would understand everything that is going on’

“What would you like us to do Master?” said all three of the Guri units at the same time.

“Accompany Jango back to Kamino, ensure there are no problems” and with that Dooku turned and walked out of the room.

Chancellor Palpatine’s Office

Palpatine sat in his chair looking out at the massive buildings around him. It was after hours and the city lights were captivating to the eye, even for someone such as Palpatine. All these insects had no idea his power, no idea that behind their squabbling backs he was taking over. It was his destiny to rule this galaxy, he could feel it, see it…

However tonight was not the night to daydream about future glory, he had a meeting with these new arrived aliens. Never had anyone crossed the distances between Galaxies. Not until these agents arrived not to long ago. Their price was high, but they were untraceable back to him or Darth Sidious. The only problem he thought was that he could not read their minds. The force told him that they were human, or almost human…but their minds were complete blanks. Strange that Anakin had said they felt like droids…perhaps he was still too young….the door chimed.

“Come” The door to his office slide open revealing Agent Johnson, Thompson, and Jackson. They moved through the doorway and walked up to Palpatine’s desk. “The incident at Amidala’s was well orchestrated…you have earned your hefty pay.” The three agents smirked but remained silent. “Obi-wan Kenobi has traveled to Kamino, I do not want any harm to come to him.”

“Anakin Skywalker must progress in his abilities” said Jackson. “Is he still on schedule?” Palpatine eyed them carefully and considered ‘that is the fifth time they have asked about his progress why was it so important to them’ he thought.
“Everything is proceeding on schedule, for as long as my plans stay on schedule.” He responded. All three agents held their earpieces for a moment then released.

“Anakin Skywalker”
“Is no longer”
“On this planet” said the three of them. “No harm must come to him” finished Thompson.

“You said you were only interested in the growth of strong Jedi, and that is what I will bring.” Answered Palpatine.

“Anakin Skywalker is an anomaly, we wish to study him from a distance” said Johnson.

“Yes…you have said that before. Proceed to Kamino, my efforts to bring Anakin to a higher level rest on his survival.” The Agents turned and left the room without another word. Controlling them would be a problem only for as long as he had to hide his plans. Once Count Dooku brought the plans of the Deathstar to Coruscant, he could begin work on it right away. And with emergency powers no one could question him. This was all to easy he mused…several minutes past when the door chimed again.

“Come” said Palpatine who was now standing looking out the window. ‘What do these agents want now’ The door opened but there was a new presence. It was a similar feeling but there was something off something different. Palpatine turned and looked at a figure standing half in shadow. Neither man moved for a few moments, there was a long silence.

“An…honor to meet you” said the man.

“What is your name” asked Palpatine.

“The names Smith…”

to be continued...

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2003-09-19 03:49pm

Smith.Yay!!
Some small grammatical errors. You need a comma when u say "Agent Johnson Thompson and Jackson." it should read "Agent Johnson, Thompson and Jackson."

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-09-19 04:08pm

So far, it seems very good as the plot develops and becomes more evident. A few question:

1. Are any future chapters going to take place on Kamino??
2. How much gratutious sex involving Guri is there going to be?? (sorry, I just couldn't resist...)

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-19 04:47pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:So far, it seems very good as the plot develops and becomes more evident. A few question:

1. Are any future chapters going to take place on Kamino??
2. How much gratutious sex involving Guri is there going to be?? (sorry, I just couldn't resist...)

not sure about the sex scenes, hehe
but yea kamino, obi-wan goes to stop jango, (as in the movie) but runs into more than he bargained for

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-09-20 12:42am

ALRIGHT! Agent Smith finally shows up!

This is getting better with each chapter, Omega.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2003-09-20 01:58am

Kuja wrote: Shroom, let him write the stroy the way he wants to.

Well, okay. Yeah, we've got enough Termie fanfics, anyways.

OOOh, a new chapter, me go read!
EDIT:

LORD ALMIGHTY!!! SMITH!!! OMFG!!! SMITH!!!! Damn, the "The name's Smith." was the own man! God damn, Omega this fic is gonna be great! Just fix up on your grammar and this thing will be worthy.

What's Smith gonna do? *drools*

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-09-20 02:02am

Please stop putting it in quote tags. You don't have to do that, and it frankly would make it physically much easier to read.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-09-20 03:10am

Omega-13 wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:So far, it seems very good as the plot develops and becomes more evident. A few question:

1. Are any future chapters going to take place on Kamino??
2. How much gratutious sex involving Guri is there going to be?? (sorry, I just couldn't resist...)
not sure about the sex scenes, hehe
but yea kamino, obi-wan goes to stop jango, (as in the movie) but runs into more than he bargained for

I'd like to see the Kaminoans' reactions to The Agents and their behaviour...

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-20 03:45am

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Omega-13 wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:So far, it seems very good as the plot develops and becomes more evident. A few question:

1. Are any future chapters going to take place on Kamino??
2. How much gratutious sex involving Guri is there going to be?? (sorry, I just couldn't resist...)
not sure about the sex scenes, hehe
but yea kamino, obi-wan goes to stop jango, (as in the movie) but runs into more than he bargained for
I'd like to see the Kaminoans' reactions to The Agents and their behaviour...

they are just pawns really, look at their knowledge of the republic...Kenobi even tricked them... if an agent went there and said he was sent by syfodeas? they'd believe him too

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-09-20 03:04pm

Minor grammatical errors. Since you're a Canadian, I'll let you live

"“I told you already Jango why these droids were necessary. Because of your unreliable efforts I have had to hire additional help.” Said Dooku. "

should read "“I told you already, Jango, why these droids were necessary. Because of your unreliable efforts I have had to hire additional help.” Said Dooku. "
Also, try not to start sentences with "because"

"Both men were standing side by side looking at three beautiful women in front of them."
should read "Both men were standing side by side, looking at three beautiful women in front of them."

"“What would you like us to do Master?” said all three of the Guri units at the same time. "
should read "“What would you like us to do, Master?” said all three of the Guri units at the same time. "

"However tonight was not the night to daydream about future glory, he had a meeting with these new arrived aliens. "
should read "However, tonight was not the night to daydream about future glory; he had a meeting with these new arrived aliens. "

"The incident at Amidala’s was well orchestrated…you have earned your hefty pay.”"
should read "The incident at Amidala’s was well orchestrated…You have earned your hefty pay.”"

"“What is your name” asked Palpatine.

“The names Smith…” "
should read "“What is your name?” asked Palpatine.

“The name's Smith…” "

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-09-20 04:03pm

Omega-13 wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Omega-13 wrote: not sure about the sex scenes, hehe
but yea kamino, obi-wan goes to stop jango, (as in the movie) but runs into more than he bargained for
I'd like to see the Kaminoans' reactions to The Agents and their behaviour...
they are just pawns really, look at their knowledge of the republic...Kenobi even tricked them... if an agent went there and said he was sent by syfodeas? they'd believe him too

Hmm... couldn't the Kaminoans' ignorance of human psychology in this case provide some unintentional comedy?? (Then again, I'm not sure whether the 'Noans should be degraded to Grey-Skinned Comic Reliefs)

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-22 02:20am

Ok guys another chapter, i'll start fixing the grammer errors tomorrow on my old chapters, feedback is excellent.

CHAPTER 6 : Who’s tricking Who?

Chancellor Palpatine’s Office

“And what is it I can help you with?” asked Palpatine sitting back into his chair. Smith walked forward and stood six or so feet away from the massive black desk.

“I was…in the neighborhood…so to speak…and it has come to my attention that you are dealing with agents.” He stopped only so long as to show a small smirk on the side of his mouth before continuing. “I’m going to be…as forth coming as I can…” removing his glasses “they are trying to manipulate you.” Palpatine sat silently in his seat. No stranger had ever been so bold, so straight forward as this Smith.

“What business is it of yours?” sneered Palpatine. Smith moved closer and sat down in one of the chairs facing the desk.

“I only wish to help, for instance I know of a clone army…that your government has secretly been growing for ten years.” Smith raised his eyebrow slightly to help drive home his knowledge. “I could help you improve them a thousand fold…” Smiths words were slow and methodical. His computer brain calculating all possible answers and questions to those answers, on going for dozens of ask and tell examples. There was an uneasy silence. Palpatine was busy debating to himself if he should quickly destroy him or not. He knew too much, who was he?

“You underestimate me Smith. My ability to see things greatly outweighs your limited and feeble understand.” Palpatine’s darker side beginning to come through. “Do you really think that anyone could possibly trick or fool me?” His old face was stone cold, as if talking to a disobedient child. There was a long silence as Smith looked at Palpatine…studying him.

“May I call you by your other name…. Mr. Sidious”

Kamino

“Father! Look!” screamed Boba as he pointed at the doorway coming out of the Kamino landing pad door. Jango spun around on his heels,

“Boba get onboard!” Ordered Jango. Obi-wan had just come through the sliding doors with the obvious intent to stop the bounty hunter, Jango did not have to be a Jedi to see that. It was pouring out and the waves of Kamino could be heard as thunder crashing against the support structure far below. It was a good opportunity for Jango, Obi-wans visibility would be limited and he might have a chance to escape, that is if he was alone.

“Jango! Do not move!” yelled Obi-wan as he came rushing towards Slave-1. Jango pressed a button on his wrist pad and Obi-wan’s attention turned to the ramp of the bounty hunter’s ship where three beautiful women quickly strode down. There was no doubt, they were the other droids that had been purchased.

“Always a pleasure to meet a Jedi…too bad you won’t be around to tell anyone about me.” Said Jango as he pulled his blasters and pointed them at Obi-wan. The three Guri units quickly pulled their own side arms and pointed them in the same direction. ‘too many to deflect’ thought Obi-wan with a bit of panic. He could feel the droids about to pull the triggers, and with that a great push of the force sent all four of them onto their backs sliding across the slippery landing pad. Before anyone of them could react Obi-wan was in the air with his lightsabre ignited landing right in the middle of them. With a quick swipe he took the arm off one of the Guri units as they rest of them scrambled to their feet. Jango blasted off to a further distance circling to find his blasters that had been knocked out of his hands. The injured Guri unit lunged forward with her good arm and attacked Obi-wan as the other two closed in. Before they could assist gunfire rang out from behind Obi-wan. Sparks flew as each droid was knocked onto the ground once more. Obi-wan whipped his head around to see three more droids in the doorway, the exact same droids that had tried to kill Amidala. ‘What the blazes is going on!’ his mind screamed. Jango could not believe his sensors as they focused in on the agents.

“What the hell is going on!” he screamed inside his helmet. Obi-wan stood motionless beside the droids, letting the force guide his actions. He could not trust any of them, all of them wanted him dead…or so he thought.

All three agents rushed towards Obi-wan firing their hand weapons. Each Guri unit was hit again as they staggered backwards covering their sensitive eye instruments. Johnson with a giant leap flew towards Obi-wan who was now facing the Agents. Johnson came down hard as Obi-wan went for a leg swipe only to get his lightsabre kicked out of his hand. A force push sent Johnson backwards a few steps as Obi-wans mind raced for an escape. Thompson rushed clear around Obi-wan standing between the Jedi and droids. Jango was now on the ground behind the beautiful women retrieving his lightsabre. He went to fire at Thompson but his blaster once again crumpled in his hands, as if only a toy. Thompson could not help show an arrogant smirk as his material manipulation kept him one step ahead.

Jango without wasting a moment dropped to one knee and shot out his wrist cable. Obi-wan instinctively ducked but was in awe as he saw Thompson twist his body to the point where his body was parallel to the ground, only his lower legs straight. In what Obi-wan thought was a blur, Thompson straightened again and yanked back his right harm, wrenching Jango to the ground by his own rope.

“What in bloody hell is-“

Kamino Medical Center

“Master…Master….” Obi-wan could hear a familiar voice just to his right. He opened his eyes to find himself laying on his back in the Kamino medical facility. Anakin and Amidala were standing beside his bed with a great look of concern in both their faces. Obi-wan sat up slowly holding his head. There was no explanation for this,

“What am I doing here….” He said softly. Anakin and Amidala looked at each other and then back to Obi-wan,

“Master…that man found you unconscious on the landing pad, and your navigational droid R4 sent a distress signal to me when you hadn’t returned.” Said Anakin.

“Who found me?” said Obi-wan now slowly standing from the bed, his eyes still blurry.

“That man” pointed Anakin.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-09-22 07:56am

Very nice, although I have one major complaint: The ending seems somewhat "unfinished"...

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2003-09-22 10:04am

Oh God.... this is too intense! CONTINUE!!! Why the fuck does Obi always faint... does he have leukemia or something?

Now for a few errors....

Read closely at this line of your fic:

Jango was now on the ground behind the beautiful women retrieving his lightsabre.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-09-22 11:46am

Simon H.Johansen wrote:Very nice, although I have one major complaint: The ending seems somewhat "unfinished"...

I disagree. I think the ending is perfect, as it leaves us hanging and it certainly makes me want to read the next chapter.

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-22 11:38pm

So what do you guys think of the ...characters abilities, u find they are 'realstic' or....just stupid? or.....

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-09-23 12:43am

Omega-13 wrote:So what do you guys think of the ...characters abilities, u find they are 'realstic' or....just stupid? or.....

Thus far, I think you've kept it pretty close to what it should be.

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-23 03:45am

Great to hear, keep reading it, the battle on Geonosis will be awsome

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-09-23 03:50am

Stop putting it in quotes. It's annoying and not needed.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2003-09-23 06:30am

Nah, quotes are okay for me, but it'd be better if they'd be unquoted, making them bigger and easier to read, but the size might make it a bit too long, but methinks that's okay too.

The battle in Geneosis would be nice too!

Question: Do the Agents use blasters or primitive chemical slug throwers named Desert Eagles, slugs in the .50 caliber?

Omega-13 · Post by **Omega-13** » 2003-09-23 01:48pm

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Nah, quotes are okay for me, but it'd be better if they'd be unquoted, making them bigger and easier to read, but the size might make it a bit too long, but methinks that's okay too.

The battle in Geneosis would be nice too!

Question: Do the Agents use blasters or primitive chemical slug throwers named Desert Eagles, slugs in the .50 caliber?

Ok i'll stop putting it in quotes,
so far they've used only the Desert Eagles,