Depression???

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2003-09-28 11:54pm

I like to think of myself as a fairly good asshole. I'm more than just a little selfish. And I'm very happy that way. Or so I thought. I really don't have alot of friends, which is fine. It tends to be a bit easier to be a loner. Today, I woke up. And, for no reason at all. I felt like my Mother had beat me with a rusty crowbar and told me I was the biggest piece of shit on the planet.

It was so odd...I've fought battles with depression before...but nothing like this. All day long I've crying. FOR NO REASON...I mean, I cried at EVERYthing...I cried so much my eyes burn now. they are red and swollen, I look like I went 10 rounds with cthulu's spiked anus. and I'm still like that. I can't seem to shake it.
The weirdest part of this whole thing is this: Though I am very sad. It is almost like the sadness is on the surface, but deep inside my mind, there is a part of me that is like...standing back, watching these thoughts, these feelings happen, and it is very intrigued. the reason is as I mentioned before, there really is no reason for me to be like this...I can't really complain about any part of my life, I have a good job which I like, My family loves me, and there's lots of good stuff on PBS tonight. I never had a truly traumatic event in my life...well...for a few years, anyway. I did attempt suicide once, and that was when I distanced myself from everything. and it is that part of my mind, created at that point in my life, which is intrigued by my reactions to everything right now.
I really feel like I have no control over the tears; the sadness, either. they just come. For no reason. but the part of my mind I control can do nothing but watch. It's very disturbing. I would go so far as to say it's frightening. You guys are really the only ones I can "Talk" to, so I am curious; has anything like this happened to you before? Did you figure out what it was? What techniques did you use to combat it? I'd really like to fight it off so that I can get some sleep tonight. otherwise, I will be a zombie at work tomorrow, and as Resident Evil clearly shows, Nobody likes zombies at work, yes?

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » 2003-09-29 12:06am

I know just how you feel. Wow, reading that reminded me of how depressed I am. Excuse me while I fight some tears. I'm pretty depressed myself most of the time, and I just have to live with it. I need to do something for it. Have some chocolate and take some NyQuil. You'll probably feel better in the morning.

StimNeuro · Post by **StimNeuro** » 2003-09-29 02:33am

*dons flameshield*
You asked how we deal with depression... Personally, I turn to God.
*waits for flames to subside*
Seeing as that's probably not the answer you wanted to hear, I suggest you just go to bed. Wake up in the morning, eat a good breakfast, and you'll feel better(hopefully). Put on some good, upbeat music. Surround yourself with things that bring pleasant memories. That kind of thing.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2003-09-29 02:35am

LOL
Funny you should mention upbeat music, I've been listening to the Neptunes remix of the Rolling Stone's "Sympathy For the Devil"\

____________Edit______________
Even funnier, you mentioned God.

StimNeuro · Post by **StimNeuro** » 2003-09-29 02:48am

Chardok wrote:LOL
Funny you should mention upbeat music, I've been listening to the Neptunes remix of the Rolling Stone's "Sympathy For the Devil"\

I'm not familiar with this, is it very heavy or more light?

Chardok wrote: ____________Edit______________
Even funnier, you mentioned God.

Eh, I'm one those who doesn't talk much about my faith, but it's still here.
What are you doing up? I thought I told you to go to bed.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2003-09-29 02:51am

Interesting, I typically turn to my friends and family, and I continue listening to the relatively downbeat music. I tend to get rather annoyed at the more upbeat stuff when I am depressed.

StimNeuro · Post by **StimNeuro** » 2003-09-29 02:53am

Hyperion wrote:Interesting, I typically turn to my friends and family, and I continue listening to the relatively downbeat music. I tend to get rather annoyed at the more upbeat stuff when I am depressed.

And I find your annonyance at upbeat music while depressed interesting as well. Ah, to each his own.

Macross · Post by **Macross** » 2003-09-29 02:53am

I would like to introduce you to two very good friends of mine... Paxil and Prozac. I never leave home without em.

StimNeuro · Post by **StimNeuro** » 2003-09-29 03:10am

Macross wrote:I would like to introduce you to two very good friends of mine... Paxil and Prozac. I never leave home without em.

Bah, Paxil and Prozac are nothing more than inventions of the Bourgeois designed to keep the Proletariat in a mental stupor and prevent him from realising the extent of his oppression!

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2003-09-29 03:23am

Macross wrote:I would like to introduce you to two very good friends of mine... Paxil and Prozac. I never leave home without em.

Both of those evil incarnate things are in the same class of drugs as Celexa, Zoloft (which I had the misfortune of being on), and some others. Zoloft fucked me up real good, and I have already outright told my shrink that if he gets within 10 feet of me with a prescription for an SSRI that problems will happen.

Now, dopamine fixers like Welbutrin, those seem to work... And theoretically the Lamictal I am also taking will counteract the siezure side effect of the Welbutrin. (at least one hopes it does)

Ah, drugs, the best way to fix the world quickly... Drugged up zombies can't do anything harmful.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-09-29 03:35am

StimNeuro wrote:You asked how we deal with depression... Personally, I turn to God.

You got the remedy right, but the spelling wrong. It's spelled D-O-G.

Yes, petting a dog actually makes people feel better. And the dog actually exists, which is quite the bonus over the misspelled solution you proposed.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-09-29 03:39am

Darth Wong wrote:
StimNeuro wrote:You asked how we deal with depression... Personally, I turn to God.
You got the remedy right, but the spelling wrong. It's spelled D-O-G.

Yes, petting a dog actually makes people feel better. And the dog actually exists, which is quite the bonus over the misspelled solution you proposed.

Having a cat around during depression probably helped me a lot. When you come home from work and your cat runs to your chair cause she knows that is the first place you sit down is a good feeling.

As for dogs, some of them just seem to know when you are feeling blue and stay close to your side.

beyond hope · Post by **beyond hope** » 2003-09-29 06:01am

Chardok: I know what you're talking about. I've had depressions that ran so deep that I wasn't feeling depressed anymore, just emotionally numb and disconnected from reality. When I had my nervous breakdown, I'd have crying jags that would come on for no reason, or periods of time where I just couldn't find the motivation to do anything. It does pass in time. I think of depression as kind of a phantom pain: it's your mind telling you that something's wrong. From what you've said, whatever the trauma was that you alluded to, it's still bothering you. The best advice I can give you is to find someone you can talk to who won't betray a confidence, and tell them what's bothering you. It might sound a little schizophrenic, but when I was dealing with a similar sort of thing I started a little debate with myself: anytime I caught myself thinking "you're a failure" or some such I'd argue the point in my head. I know it sounds odd, but it did help me. You might also want to consider talking with a psychologist... understand that I'm not implying there's anything "wrong" or "abnormal" with what you're going through, just that it might help to talk with someone neutal who'll listen. Consider meds only as last resort.

My two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2003-09-29 08:37am

Personaly I think you should leave your house and take a hike. Walk in the streets if you like but do not stay in your room as it will make you more depressed. Try visiting someone you do not know. The new enviroment should make you feel better. Yesterday I was feeling bored and depressed in the afternoon so I visited a girl I knew little about. Now I think I like her.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2003-09-29 10:06am

Thanks for all the advice, guys (gals?), I'll definately try at least some of them

I'm feeling a bit better today. I finally managed to get to sleep at around 2:30 this morning ( I uas up by six) Who is our official insomniac again? I think I may be a contender for that title.
I still feel a bit...disjointed, though. At least I'm at work. It's easy to detatch in this place, listening to customers whine about their mortgage really puts things into perspective. (No, it doesn't most whiny people call up to bitch about things they could have easily fixed had they not been so lazy. Not that I mind helping them, but there IS a certain amount of responsibility you take on when owning a home. Much like a dog.)

Oh, and "Sympathy for the Devil" Is a great song. It's somewhat upbeat, though the lyrics may be somewhat...inflammatory to religious types.
"Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man...of wealth and taste. I was around when jesus Christ had his moment, of doubt and pain..." there's a great video of that particular song at Ifilm.com, complete with remixed sound

Anyway, thanks again for your concern, all. I gotta hit the phones now!