Morning erections (or nature's cruel trick on men)

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-09-29 02:59am

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote: What if there's someone in the shower? (I'm not telling you how I handled this scenario.)

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-09-29 03:05am

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:That "slow and gentle" thing goes out the window once you have kids. Then the imperative becomes to get the job done quickly, before they knock at the door.
Yours knock?

The door locks are fairly effective.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-09-29 03:42am

Man, I dunno what is wrong, but for the last 3-5 years my morning wood is almost gone by the time I sit up. It is totally gone by the time I get to the bathroom, but I usually dont need to pee first thing.

Im not sure if it is a funtion of age, health, or fitness levels but I used to have the wood that lasted till the morning trip to the bathroom but not now.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-09-29 04:57am

Zaia wrote:Well, it depends. I think it's all about easing into it, so if you're just pounding into her, no, that wouldn't be the nicest way to wake up. But using your fingers first to get her ready, then going really, really slowly so you don't wake her.... Mmmmmm.

Just the amount of self-restraint it takes for a guy to hold back that much to go that slowly is INCREDIBLY sexy--and is usually written all over his face--that is such a turn on, let alone how it feels to be woken up like that. Mmmmm. Hot. So hot. Did I mention that's really unbelievably hot?

I agree that being woken up to sex is wierd - my sister had that a couple of times with her ex, and did not speak well of the experience. It's technically rape and is related to necrophilia.
But being woken up to foreplay - that's nice. When he strokes your hips and breasts to bring you out of sleep, then wkaes you up further with kisses and carasses, slwoly bringing you out of dreamland until he goes down on you and wakes you up fully with a ceiling shattering orgasm. That's a wake up to be treasured....

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-09-29 09:12am

If I wake up before my GF (which doesn't happen often) I start running my hands over her body, gently stroking her hips & legs and then fondling her breasts and kissing her and maybe nibbling on her ears a bit. I just have a hard time keeping my hands off her, especially when she's naked and snuggled up against me in bed.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-09-29 11:29am

I've usually silently departed by the time my newest lady friend has awaken.

And before someone decides to bash me for that, yes, it was a joke.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2003-09-29 11:30am

You see this whole 'thinking un-sexy thoughts' never worked for me ... to randy. When I wake up with my morning glory it is either;

Use it the way it is meant to be used.
Go have a shower

And that's about all you can do really.

If I tried thinking un-sexy thoughts I would be afraid that I am too horny, and end up being turned on by it. *shivers*

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-09-29 11:36am

Crown wrote:You see this whole 'thinking un-sexy thoughts' never worked for me ... to randy. When I wake up with my morning glory it is either;
Use it the way it is meant to be used.
Go have a shower
And that's about all you can do really.

If I tried thinking un-sexy thoughts I would be afraid that I am too horny, and end up being turned on by it. *shivers*

If that happens, your un-sexy thoughts are not gross enough. Try thinking about hordes of small beetles burrowing into your flesh.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2003-09-29 11:38am

Darth Wong wrote:
Crown wrote: If I tried thinking un-sexy thoughts I would be afraid that I am too horny, and end up being turned on by it. *shivers*
If that happens, your un-sexy thoughts are not gross enough. Try thinking about hordes of small beetles burrowing into your flesh.

Dude! I am trying to get rid of a boner, not induce vomit!

EDIT :: Although having said that ... yeah that's a good idea.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-09-29 11:39am

Crown wrote:Dude! I am trying to get rid of a boner, not induce vomit!

Vomiting doesn't get rid of your boner?

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2003-09-29 11:40am

InnerBrat wrote:
Crown wrote:Dude! I am trying to get rid of a boner, not induce vomit!
Vomiting doesn't get rid of your boner?

I choose to respond to that with disdain ....

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-09-29 12:05pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Crown wrote:You see this whole 'thinking un-sexy thoughts' never worked for me ... to randy. When I wake up with my morning glory it is either;
Use it the way it is meant to be used.
Go have a shower
And that's about all you can do really.

If I tried thinking un-sexy thoughts I would be afraid that I am too horny, and end up being turned on by it. *shivers*
If that happens, your un-sexy thoughts are not gross enough. Try thinking about hordes of small beetles burrowing into your flesh.

Grandma swinging a round a pole on stage seems to do the trick, shit, grandma naked usually makes my dick shoot back up into me like a retracting tape measure.

BrYaN19kc · Post by **BrYaN19kc** » 2003-09-29 12:08pm

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, morning boner gone!

The solution? ORAL SEX!

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-09-29 02:40pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Crown wrote:You see this whole 'thinking un-sexy thoughts' never worked for me ... to randy. When I wake up with my morning glory it is either;
Use it the way it is meant to be used.
Go have a shower
And that's about all you can do really.

If I tried thinking un-sexy thoughts I would be afraid that I am too horny, and end up being turned on by it. *shivers*
If that happens, your un-sexy thoughts are not gross enough. Try thinking about hordes of small beetles burrowing into your flesh.

Shall we go one better? Hordes of beetles bearing the faces and voices of Bea Arthur, Janet Reno and Margaret Thatcher burrowing into your pants, while the Queen -- just a large roll of cellulite with the voice of Penny Marshall -- talks about escargot and menstruation. Being a writer means you can kill your own libido for months if you have to.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-09-29 02:42pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:That "slow and gentle" thing goes out the window once you have kids. Then the imperative becomes to get the job done quickly, before they knock at the door.
Yours knock?
The door locks are fairly effective.

I'm thinking your kids probably just don't bother trying to pick them. Mine, on the other hand, seem to be on their way to a bright future as safecrackers.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-09-29 03:03pm

InnerBrat wrote:I agree that being woken up to sex is wierd - my sister had that a couple of times with her ex, and did not speak well of the experience. It's technically rape and is related to necrophilia.

Yes, but it also would technically be rape if you climbed onto your boy and rode him 'til he woke up.

*shrugs* I guess it just depends on the relationship. You said that your sister had that with her ex; maybe part of the reason she didn't enjoy it and felt like it was borderline/techincally rape was because there were other problems there too.

Or maybe I'm just weird and/or too trusting. Who knows.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-09-29 03:23pm

BrYaN19kc wrote:Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, morning boner gone!

The solution? ORAL SEX!

This would be a problem with men who aren't as versitile as you are.

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-09-29 03:38pm

Crazy_Vasey wrote:That's strange. I've never had any difficulty pissing with an erection.

Same here, I just have to concetrate on pissing. I usually do it in the shower so I don't have to assume the peeing witha hard on position which can be tricky with a hangover or if you are still drunk. Although my morning wood is not limited to only mornings after I have been drinking, I get them almost every day if not every day.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-09-29 03:41pm

SyntaxVorlon wrote:
BrYaN19kc wrote:Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, morning boner gone!

The solution? ORAL SEX!
This would be a problem with men who aren't as versitile as you are.

LMAO! Or guys who don't like sex when they have to pee...

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-09-29 03:48pm

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote: I'm thinking your kids probably just don't bother trying to pick them. Mine, on the other hand, seem to be on their way to a bright future as safecrackers.

I know exactly how you feel, every kid in my house (Including me) has become extremely proficient in picking the household locks. Locking the door to my room when I sleep now only guards against the parents, anyone else just gets through in 30 seconds or less...

And if my parents buy a keyed lock to the door, it's a safe bet that me and my brother'll have a lockpicking set in the next week, a basic sense of picking three days after, and mastery a week after that. My sister'll follow in a month...

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-09-29 04:27pm

I know exactly how you feel, every kid in my house (Including me) has become extremely proficient in picking the household locks. Locking the door to my room when I sleep now only guards against the parents, anyone else just gets through in 30 seconds or less...

And if my parents buy a keyed lock to the door, it's a safe bet that me and my brother'll have a lockpicking set in the next week, a basic sense of picking three days after, and mastery a week after that. My sister'll follow in a month...

Trust me, your parents are not looking to keep you out with the locks. Just buying enough time to throw a blanket over themselves. Seeing your parents fucking can stunt your growth and your kids watching you fuck can put a damper on the whole experience.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-09-29 04:40pm

Knife wrote: Trust me, your parents are not looking to keep you out with the locks. Just buying enough time to throw a blanket over themselves. Seeing your parents fucking can stunt your growth and your kids watching you fuck can put a damper on the whole experience.

God dammit man! You've killed my Libido for decades to cum!

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-09-29 04:41pm

Xenophobe3691 wrote:
Knife wrote: Trust me, your parents are not looking to keep you out with the locks. Just buying enough time to throw a blanket over themselves. Seeing your parents fucking can stunt your growth and your kids watching you fuck can put a damper on the whole experience.
God dammit man! You've killed my Libido for decades to cum!

Quit picking the damn locks then.

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » 2003-09-29 05:48pm

I feel so sorry for you all that have walked in on your parents. That really sucks.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-09-29 06:40pm

Yes, but it also would technically be rape if you climbed onto your boy and rode him 'til he woke up.

I think he could deal with it, quite frankly.