The Ominous Wet Fish of Friendship

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2003-10-02 07:07pm

I am curious. How many of you out there have ever been hit with the "Ominous Wet Fish of Friendship"?

What is this, you ask? Simple. Let's say you like (in my case) a very nice girl You get to know her, you talk with her, go out on a couple of dates. Then, she kindly lets you know that she really likes you, AS A FRIEND.

That is the Wet Fish. Anyone who fishes will know what its like to get hit in the face with a fish you've been trying to reel in. I turn 33 years old tomorrow (Oct 3rd), and I've been hit with this Fish so many times, its lost all meaning.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-10-02 07:18pm

Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-10-02 07:21pm

Zaia wrote:Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.

Would you prefer to be thought of as a dry fish?

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-10-02 07:22pm

Zaia wrote:Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.

A new fetish? Eh, why not? Everything else has been covered.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2003-10-02 07:22pm

Zaia wrote:Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.

I don't think of women as wet fish, its just a metaphor. Hearing the dreaded F word and getting hit by a wet fish is pretty much the same as far as pain.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2003-10-02 07:35pm

Defiant wrote:
Zaia wrote:Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.
I don't think of women as wet fish, its just a metaphor. Hearing the dreaded F word and getting hit by a wet fish is pretty much the same as far as pain.

Actually, since I used the word "like" in the original description, its really a simile. My bad....

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-10-02 07:38pm

Zaia wrote:Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.

How about if they just though of you as wet?

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-10-02 07:43pm

Perhaps we're straying perilously close to off-topic... not that I'm trying to be moddy or anything, but all those locked threads look awfully untidy on my desktop...

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-10-02 07:51pm

"Look out sir! Incoming Tuna!"

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-10-02 10:33pm

Anyway, thinking of me as whatever sort of amphibious creature you choose (wet or dry: your preference), I have had that same experience a number of times. For some reason, the guys I'm into only want to be buds with me, I guess because they just don't think I fit into the typical 'girlfriend' role (because I'm into video games, swearing, being open about my sex drive and have wider hips than they like in their twiggy women). Unfortunately, the guys who chase me all are extremely clingy and suffocate me to death, so I have to tell them that I'd rather just be friends because that's the only way I can breathe around them.

So...I guess I've been on both sides of that damn fish.

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2003-10-02 10:51pm

You could always be hit in the face with a lobster...

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-10-02 10:53pm

For all those who have experienced this problem, I have the link for you:

http://www.wizard.net/~joelogon/platonic/

Beware, it's disturbingly accurate.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-10-02 11:01pm

Fortunately, I've been fortunate enough to never been hit by the Fish, per se, but now that I'm back on the market again, I foresee many a mackerel smacking me in the head because it's been such a long time since I've had to actually get a girl in seriousness that I'm not too sure what to do anymore.

But I know many people who've been hit by the Fish repeatedly and none of them were a suprise to anyone except the person getting hit.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-10-02 11:40pm

Beware, it's disturbingly accurate.

EEK, it is me!

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-10-02 11:44pm

Darth Wong wrote:For all those who have experienced this problem, I have the link for you:

http://www.wizard.net/~joelogon/platonic/

Beware, it's disturbingly accurate.

Makes me glad I have a strict "no asking anyone out ever under any circumstances" policy.

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-10-02 11:51pm

Demiurge wrote:Makes me glad I have a strict "no asking anyone out ever under any circumstances" policy.

That's kind of a crappy plan. Unless girls just naturally want to fuck you. In which case:

"Wonderboy! What is the secret of your power?"

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-10-02 11:52pm

I've never had the fish.

'course, I've never really had a girlfriend, either. I don't think it's an even tradeoff.

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-10-02 11:59pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:
Demiurge wrote:Makes me glad I have a strict "no asking anyone out ever under any circumstances" policy.
That's kind of a crappy plan. Unless girls just naturally want to fuck you. In which case:

"Wonderboy! What is the secret of your power?"

I never said it was a perfect plan, but it has worked for me so far.

Although most girls do just naturally want to be my friend. They just have to be in the same room as me. I think it's some sort of friend pheremone. It's not as impressive as the power you mentioned, but it's something.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-10-03 12:01am

"Wonderboy! What is the secret of your power?"

The power...to move you.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-10-03 12:31am

Darth Wong wrote:For all those who have experienced this problem, I have the link for you:

http://www.wizard.net/~joelogon/platonic/

Beware, it's disturbingly accurate.

When you are in a platonic relationship with the girl of your
dreams, she will go out with countless insensitive jerks who
treat her like dirt and you will have to painfully listen to her
lament over her misfortunes in the arena of love. She will describe
for you the sort of man that she is _really_ looking for, but she will
never realize that she is describing you to a tee. The reason for this
is that she does not really want the sort of man she describes. Most
women prefer jerks whether they realize it or not. -- Sidewinder

Good God, I've been through that umpteen times. It's like he's describing me!

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2003-10-03 12:43am

You know what's worse then the wet fish of platonic friendship? Not knowing if you're going to be hit with said fish, or if you'll actually have a chance. Now, if a girl tells me she just wants to be friends, GREAT! That means I can remove her from the active roster and fucking well MOVE ON. I am free of all obligations to become involved romatically with that person. Yes, it will hurt for a while, but better to get that out of the way as quickly as possible then to be led on for an indeterminable period of time, only to be slowly crushed by the ever-present fear of rejection hanging over your head.

I put off on attempting to develop a romantic relationship with a girl who was obviously interested in me because I was chasing after a girl who liked me but couldn't ever tell me if I was just going to be a friend or if we could have been something more. I'm only mildly annoyed with her, because I understood her so well, I can't really be mad at her, but I'm still fucking pissed off at the whole situation.

Fuckity Fucking Fuck.

Macross · Post by **Macross** » 2003-10-03 01:26am

Heres my story, I had platonic friend and after several months of recieving mixed signals from her, I asked her out. I was pretty confident that she would say felt the same way, otherwise I never would have said anything. She didnt say "I just want to be friends", nor did she say "I am interested in someone else", or any of the usual excuses. She said she "Never EVER wanted to be in a relationship." She then ripped out my heart, walked out the door, and out of my life forever. Havent talked to her since that day.

Two years of therapy and lots of medication later, I am now a firm believer and follower in the "no asking anyone out ever under any circumstances" policy.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-03 01:42am

Darth Wong wrote:For all those who have experienced this problem, I have the link for you:

http://www.wizard.net/~joelogon/platonic/

Beware, it's disturbingly accurate.

Let's see...

You meet a girl who is everything you ever wanted in a life-partner: attractive, funny, smart, great personality, laughs at your jokes, understands who you are as a human being, etc. You talk to her briefly, and find out that she is even more attractive now that you've spoken to her. You ask her out. She says to you:
"I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"

*swish*

You meet someone: a neighbor, schoolmate, co-worker, in the same club, on the same bus. You become fast friends. One day, you realize that, in addition to being a close friend, this person is an attractive woman. You ask her out. She says to you:
"I DON'T WANT TO RISK OUR FRIENDSHIP"

*SMACK*

You meet a girl who you know could be the one. She makes your toes curl, your stomach knot, your mouth dry -- you become even more of a gibbering idiot then you usually are. You're so incapacitated in her presence that you can't ask her out. You decide that things will be better once you get to know her better, so you become friends. You become best friends -- so good, in fact, that you can't bring yourself to ask her out. Yet there is this nagging voice in the back of your mind that says you could be more than friends. You swear that you will tell her how you really feel. Right before you can do this, she tells you:
"I'VE MET THIS REALLY GREAT GUY"

*SMACK*

Ouch. Yeah, I'd say I've been smacked by the wet fish. Multiple times.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-10-03 01:49am

The best part is the list of do's and don't's. Here's a partial excerpt:

DO play and replay scenarios in your mind where you come out and declare your true feelings to her, whereupon you proceed directly to frenzied yet sensitive, passionate, and completely fulfilling love-making.

DO NOT actually attempt this.

DO rehearse elaborate and impassioned declarations of your love

DO NOT ever let anyone hear you doing this.

DO NOT ever actually give her the speech. (Instead, drop little, enigmatic, self-deprecating hints to her, and then agonize over why she does not pick up on them.)

DO listen to all her problems with men:
No matter how many times you have heard her make these same mistakes (with other men), DO NOT get so entranced by her soft, full lips that you lean forward and kiss her. (Fantasize about it instead.)

DO feel the knife twisting and your insides tearing up as you listen to this

DO develop a gnawing enviousness that grows into an insane jealousy

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-03 04:57am

Zaia wrote:Wet fish?

I don't want to think of any guy thinking of me as a wet fish. Eww.

Fortunately you are stimulating enough (mentally of course) that I think of your as more of a damp minx.