How Stravo Got His Groove Back

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-09-26 07:07pm

That was brilliant. I had to double-check each name just to make sure I knew who was doing what. If your aim was confusion, then by george you got it!

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-09-28 06:32pm

Kuja wrote:*he disappears again ZAIA and KUJA run on and slam into each other*

BOTH: CYRAN! WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE NOT CYRAN!

*KUJA suddenly leans into ZAIA and smiles like an idiot*

KUJA: Ah, how I've waited for this.

ZAIA: Why, you-

*KUJA drops to avoid a punch, then runs off left, laughing like a maniac. ZAIA chases him off. STRAVO runs on from right, being chased by STEVE IRWIN*

Heheh. I like. Mucho.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-05 09:58pm

Part 18: A Turn for the Insane

*fade in on the interior of an Imperial shuttle. Earth is seen beyond the forward viewport. STORMTROOPERS sit idly, some conversing quietly. Suddenly, a huge cyborg man steps into the camera, smiling viciously*

LT. HIT-MAN: Hiya, ladies! I'm Lieutenant Hit-Man, and these are the Imperial Stormtroopers! Right, boys?!

*STORMIES snap to attention*

STORMIES: YES SIR!

LT: And starting now, we're gonna be a part of the story! And while we're at it, we're gonna be kickin' ass left and right! Right, boys?!

STORMIES: OF COURSE WE WILL, SIR!

LT: So you all had better pay close attention!

*he grabs the camera and shoves his face into it, still grinning*

LT: Cuz we're gonna shake the scene so hard, they're gonna be feelin' it all the way back to Coruscant!

STORMIES: HOO-AH!

*CUT TO: space, the shuttle in the foreground, Earth in the background as echoes of the troopers' voices fade*

PILOT (vo): Sir, I'm picking up localized transmissions. It looks like a riot of some kind.

LT (vo): A riot, huh? Good! Land as close as possible! It's vacation time, boys!

*STORMIES cheer. CUT TO: the street outside King Steve's, where the ruckus has become a full-blown riot. Amid the violence, two very familiar-looking British guys are kicking back on a debris-strewn patio*

NITRAM: I say, I haven't enjoyed myself so thoroughly in a fortnight!

*a RIOTER tries to attack NITRAM from behind, but he tilts his head and the guy crashes onto the table. NITRAM shatters a wine bottle over his head*

WILSON: Good show, mate, jolly good show indeed!

*HIT-MAN and the other STORMIES come around the corner, bashing anyone who opposes them*

NITRAM: Ah, I see the constables have finally arrived!

LT: Chaos, panic, disorder...I love it!

*NITRAM and WILSON exchange a glance*

WILSON: That's no constable...that's a Sith Lord!

*he stands, grabs the broken wine bottle, and walks up to HIT-MAN*

WILSON: Who are you? What are you doing here?

LT: I'm LT. Hit-Man, and I'm looking for some grub! There a place to get some food around here?

WILSON: You can find your nourishment in hell, heathen!

LT: Alright, you're starting to piss me off.

*HIT-MAN backhands WILSON and sends him flying into a wall. NITRAM rushes over to his downed companion*

NITRAM: Oh, Robert! Why did you have to be so brave?

*WILSON moans and passes out*

LT: Come on, guys, I'm hungry! This place looks like a restaurant!

*HIT-MAN and the STORMIES enter King Steve's, where a full-scale barroom brawl is in progress. They take a booth*

LT: WAITER!

GARLAND: Yessir, can I help you?

LT: We'll have-

GARLAND: We ain't got any more! All we got left is hot dog and cheeseburger!

STORMIES: CHEESEBURGER!

GARLAND: You got it!

*GARLAND rushes off*

LT: So, who's enjoying themselves so far?

STORMIES: YEAH!

STORMIE: Feels like I'm sitting on something.

*the STORMIE reaches under the table and pulls out a squirming creature*

LT: What the hell? That looks like a gnome!

GNOME: That's cause I AM a gnome, ya big dummy!

*HIT-MAN grabs the GNOME and squeezes him*

LT: What'd you call me?!

GNOME: Can't...breathe...

LT: Who are you?!

GNOME: I'm RogueIce, Grand Vizier of the Gnomish Horde! HAIL GNOMAGE!

LT: That's it, I'm pissed! Burn his ass!

ROGUEICE: You can't!

LT: Why not?!

ROGUEICE: Because we simply don't burn!

*HIT-MAN drops his voice to a cold growl*

LT: Oh, I assure you, everything burns. It's all just a matter of finding your flash point. Corporal Asskick!

CPL: Yes sir!

LT: Gimme that Flamethrower we took off the Rebs on Tarhog IV!

CPL: Yes sir!

*ASSKICK hands over a miniature flamethrower. HIT-MAN points it ROGUEICE*

LT: Any last requests?

ROGUEICE: Actually-

LT: TOO BAD!

*HIT-MAN ignites the flamethrower and ROGUEICE'S beard catches fire. HIT-MAN drops him on the floor and he runs wildly, patting at his beard*

ROGUEICE: My beard! My beard! My precious beard!

GARLAND: Here's your burgers, gents!

LT: Alright! Good food, good entertainment, what more can a guy ask for, right?

STORMIES: RIGHT!

ROGUEICE: HELP ME!

*crossfade to: beneath the restaurant, where a large group of gnomes has gathered. Some hold torches, some knives, some pikes*

DARTH GARDEN GNOME: Is everybody ready?

GNOMES: READY!

DGG: Today is the Day of Reckoning! We shall rise up! We shall take Manhattan by storm! Humanity will fall before us!

GNOMES: HOORAY!

DGG: And then, we gnomes shall become the rightful masters of the world!

*GNOMES cheer. ROGUEICE rushes in, still on fire*

ROGUEICE: HAAAAAAALLLLLLP!

DGG: Dammit! Why is it that the Day of Reckoning always comes this close and then someone sets RogueIce on fire?!

MITTH'RAW'NURUODO: Because he's got shitty luck?

DGG: SILENCE!

*DGG smacks MITT and sends him flying into the GNOMISH HORDE. Someone shoves MITT and sends him into another GNOME. The other GNOME shoves MITT back. A brawl breaks out as the GNOMES drop their weapons and attack each other*

DGG: Oh, not again!

ROGUEICE: HELP!

*crossfade to: the STORMIES*

LT: So, what do you guys wanna do next? Rape? Pillage? Or play some Ping-Pong?

*a beeping noise comes from the cybernetic side of HIT-MAN'S head. He sighs and taps his temple*

LT: Yeah, it's Hit-Man, whaddaya want?! *he blinks* Didn't I tell you never to call me here?! *a pause* What about it?!...Yeah, I got the guys with me...so what?...oh yeah?...sounds like fun!...OK, cool! I'll see ya later! *he whacks his own head again* OK guys, we're gonna blow this joint! Sergeant Smackemintheface!

SGT: Yes sir!

LT: Holy Hand Grenade, now!

*SMACKEMINTHEFACE hands over an ornate grenade*

LT: DUCK AND COVER, BOYS!

*CUT TO: the outside of the restaurant. The STORMIES rush out the door as HIT-MAN pulls the pin and tosses the grenade back inside. A bright white light suddenly emanates from the building*

ANGELIC VOICES: HA-LLE-LU-JAH!

*a massive explosion destroys King Steve's*

LT: Lock and load, gentlemen! Cut down anyone in our way! We've got a job to do!

*STORMIES draw their blasters and blow a way through the crowd. The camera slowly zooms out as gold letters appear on the screen*

AND SO IT BEGINS...

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-05 10:09pm

FIRST

So uhhh...where am I? Hehehe

Awesome. This is gonna get ugly. I don't think New York is gonna make it...

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-05 10:11pm

LMAO!!! It took a bit to get into it, but the end was *really* funny.

Good job, Kuja.

-First REAL post.

Take that, Cyran.

~ver

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-05 10:15pm

verilon wrote:LMAO!!! It took a bit to get into it, but the end was *really* funny. Good job, Kuja.

-First REAL post. Take that, Cyran.

~ver

Fear the edit button...

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-10-05 10:24pm

I kick ass.

And so do you, Kuja, through association of putting me in your story. I hereby award you with the Gnomish Medal of Creativity, for putting the Gnomes in a creative medium other than TGODing.

*the music from the Rebel celebration at the end of A New Hope can be heard as Midget-Carrie Fisher awards Kuja the medal*

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-05 10:26pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:I kick ass.

And so do you, Kuja, through association of putting me in your story. I hereby award you with the Gnomish Medal of Creativity, for putting the Gnomes in a creative medium other than TGODing.

*the music from the Rebel celebration at the end of A New Hope can be heard as Midget-Carrie Fisher awards Kuja the medal*

*Would mention that in Kuja's writing that RogueIce was horribly burned...but doesn't want to ruin the moment*

EDIT: Meep...I read the previous chapter...this is gonna be worse than I thought.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-05 11:19pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:
verilon wrote:LMAO!!! It took a bit to get into it, but the end was *really* funny. Good job, Kuja.

-First REAL post. Take that, Cyran.

~ver
Fear the edit button...

Last edited by Captain_Cyran on Sunday, October 05, 2003 ~ 1914; edited 1 time in total

Ph34r the quote button.

~ver

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-05 11:24pm

verilon wrote: Good job, Kuja.

Good enough to...sticky?

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-10-06 12:40am

ANGELIC VOICES: HA-LLE-LU-JAH!

Heh, has somebody been playing Worms?

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-06 01:14am

Kuja wrote:
verilon wrote: Good job, Kuja.
Good enough to...sticky?

Far beyond that.

~ver

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-10-06 02:30am

Very nice. Now, you have to add me.

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-10-06 02:29pm

Yeah, it's good enough to sticky.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-10-06 02:35pm

You know the best part of all of this? That Kuja can keep adding stuff to it and it threatens to spin out of control but it soon blends in with everything else and makes a wicked kind of sense. I'll say this, I don't think there's a plot twist in this story that can derail it.

Good chapter Kuja!!

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2003-10-06 03:35pm

This is a great story, I just spent an hour reading it all, and I'm so glad I finally did. GREAT work Kuja, incredible.

Kuja wrote:ROGUEICE: HAAAAAAALLLLLLP!

DGG: Dammit! Why is it that the Day of Reckoning always comes this close and then someone sets RogueIce on fire?!

MITTH'RAW'NURUODO: Because he's got shitty luck?

DGG: SILENCE!

*DGG smacks MITT and sends him flying into the GNOMISH HORDE. Someone shoves MITT and sends him into another GNOME. The other GNOME shoves MITT back. A brawl breaks out as the GNOMES drop their weapons and attack each other*

DGG: Oh, not again!

ROGUEICE: HELP!

Hilarious. It sounds just like something I'd say/do, too.

Agent Fisher · Post by **Agent Fisher** » 2003-10-06 06:49pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:I kick ass.

And so do you, Kuja, through association of putting me in your story. I hereby award you with the Gnomish Medal of Creativity, for putting the Gnomes in a creative medium other than TGODing.

*the music from the Rebel celebration at the end of A New Hope can be heard as Midget-Carrie Fisher awards Kuja the medal*

WHAT? Do you mean me?

LT.Hit-Man · Post by **LT.Hit-Man** » 2003-10-09 11:26pm

Damm that was fucking funny ass shit!
Thanks Kuja I needed the laugh keep up the good work

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-10 12:20pm

Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. Move along. Except for this:

Part 19: Return of the son of the bride of the revenge of the ROB SMASH!

*we open up on KUJA and CYRAN walking quickly and chatting in low voices. KUJA goes to turn a corner and slams into ACE PACE*

KUJA: Hey asshole, why don't you watch where you're going?

*he shoves ACE*

ACE: How am I supposed to see you through a fucking brick wall? Do you think I'm psychic or something?

*he shoves KUJA back*

CYRAN: Hey, hey, hey, that's enough. It was an honest mistake. Now, shake hands.

*they do. CYRAN slaps ACE on the back*

CYRAN: OK, let's go.

KUJA: Later.

ACE: Later.

*as ACE walks off, a piece of paper saying 'Turbolasers are lasers' flaps at his back*

KUJA: Nice trick. Where'd you learn that?

CYRAN: Oh, I saw Aya do it once.

*Crossfade: Caridia, some time ago. AYA and CYRAN, laughing like maniacs, slap an identical sign on the back of a man heading towards the Imperial Naval Academy. Crossfade to the previous scene*

KUJA: Did it work?

CYRAN: Well…

*Crossfade to Caridia again. A group of angry Naval recruits are tar and feathering the man seen previously. Crossfade*

CYRAN: …I guess.

STRAVO *from left*: There you are!

*an arrow flies on and nails KUJA in the ass*

KUJA: YYYYYEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!

CYRAN: RUN!

*CYRAN runs off right. KUJA hobbles after him. STRAVO and ZAIA come on from left. STRAVO is reloading a crossbow*

ZAIA: Good shot!

STRAVO: Come on, let's get them!

*Cut to: a restaurant. ROB DALTON is sitting at a streetside table with a GIRL*

DALTON: Thanks for agreeing to come out on such short notice.

GIRL: Hey, it's no problem. I-

*CYRAN runs by, holding his hat on with one hand*

CYRAN: Hurry up, Kuja! They're gonna catch you!

*a moment*

GIRL: Did you just see-

DALTON: *flatly* No. And neither did you.

GIRL: *blinks* Um, okay.

*KUJA runs by, mostly hopping on one foot*

KUJA: That's easy for you to say; you don't have an arrow stuck in your ass!

*DALTON continues to look down at his plate*

DALTON: I did not see that, I did not see that, I did NOT see that-

GIRL: Is there something I should know about?

DALTON: NO! I mean, uh, of course not! Now, what do you say we-

STRAVO: Rob!

DALTON: FUCK!

*DALTON stands and turns to face STRAVO and ZAIA as they come up*

DALTON: What? What do you people want this time?! Can't you see I'm in the middle of a date?!

ZAIA: Kuja and Cyran are up to something.

*ROB groans*

DALTON: What now?

ZAIA: I don't know, but you can bet it's illegal.

*ROB holds his head in his hands*

DALTON: Why me? Why?

*he turns back to his table*

DALTON: I guess…HEY! Where'd she go?!

*the GIRL has vanished*

STRAVO: Looks like she took off.

DALTON: That's it. I'm mad.

*ROB begins to shake, turn green, and transform into ROB SMASH. He picks of the table and breaks it against the wall*

SMASH: Rob smash people who ruin his date!

ZAIA: *points* They went that way.

*SMASH yells incoherently and charges off in the direction indicated. Crashing sounds are heard*

STRAVO: Man, Rob must be the one driving property insurance sky-high around here.

*CUT TO: HIT-MAN and the STORMIES*

LT: Hey! You!

ACE: Yeah?

LT: You see a couple guys in pointy hats around here?

ACE: Actually, I ran into them a couple minutes ago. They went that way.

LT: Thanks!

*ACE turns to walk away*

LT: WHAT THE FUCK?!

*STORMIES make noises of disapproval*

LT: GRAB HIM!

*the STORMIES surround ACE and begin shoving him around*

ACE: Hey, what, I, what, but, stop it!

LT: What are you, a kriffing idiot?

ACE: What?

LT: Don't you know that lasers move at the speed of light?

ACE: What?!

LT: Don't you know that turbolasers aren't massless weapons?

ACE: WHAT?!

LT: Don't you know that turbolasers can flak burst?

ACE: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

LT: HA! YOU ADMIT DEFEAT! TAKE HIM, BOYS!

*STORMIES pull out brass knuckles, chains, clubs, and other streetfighting weapons and proceed to beat ACE PACE senseless*

LT: That's what you get, moron!

*fade out as STORMIES continue to beat ACE PACE*

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2003-10-10 01:32pm

*cough first post*

LMAO, nice bit with Lt. Hit Man and Ace...

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-10-10 04:41pm

Despite throughly enjoying this chapter, the sharp decline in Gnome death has me concerned.

Ok it really doesn't, GO ROB SMASH!

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-10-10 05:06pm

See Rob.

See Rob Smash

Smash Rob, SMASH!

Excellent chapter. I'm done.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-10-10 05:06pm

Kuja wrote:SMASH: Rob smash people who ruin his date!

ZAIA: *points* They went that way.

LOL

Hehehe....I is smrt.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-10-10 05:32pm

Kuja wrote:*Crossfade: Caridia, some time ago. AYA and CYRAN, laughing like maniacs, slap an identical sign on the back of a man heading towards the Imperial Naval Academy. Crossfade to the previous scene*

*Is all smiles*

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-10 05:33pm

ZAIA: Kuja and Cyran are up to something.

*ROB groans*

DALTON: What now?

ZAIA: I don't know, but you can bet it's illegal.

Hehehe. Who me? Couldn't be...

Good chapter Kuja...

*Pats Kuja on the back, walks away.*

Hehehe....