Time for the ranter's point of view
You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
As a whole, quite possibly. Bin Laden stood no chance of actually causing America to fall. Ashcroft's destruction of American freedoms could (although it's highly unlikely) cause America to eventually become a less open society.
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.
Nah. All the presidents since...the first Adams at least have been liars. Washington
might be clean, but I doubt it.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
I have no problem with Schwarzenegger

.
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
Um. No. On this I definitely split with most liberals, and agree with Ward Connerly. AA is a
bad idea.
-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
Patriot Act. My father helped build the Patriot Missile, so it can't be all bad

.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
IIRC, Arafat was originally fairly elected, he just refused to give up office at the next elections.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
Our prisons are far too coddling of prisoners, and the solution to failing public schools is not to remove children and overcrowd other schools; it's to fund those schools properly and get better teachers into them.
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
Actually, most of my college acquaintances are politically quite different from me. I enjoy the different points of view, because it allows me to analyze my own point of view.
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
No, just the first half of that sentence applies to me (and I wouldn't really want the government to pass that, since it would be too oppressive. I'd just like to see them remove the tobacco subsidies that exist).
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
I don't really care that much about the Gitmo prisoners, assuming they really are al-Qaeda operatives.
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.

I know "A well regulated militia..." I also know that any rights not contained within the Constitution are at the discretion of the states, so unless an amendment forbids abortion, it is states' rights, and the SCOTUS has upheld a woman's right to abortion under Amendment XIV (which is debatable, but is the law of the land until overturned).
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
Well, I was a bit young when it came out, but the first half doesn't apply anyway.
-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.
What world is this idiot from? "Human rights"? I think everyone except him has admitted Iraq was about oil (exaggeration, y'all. Exaggeration).
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
No, I believe both are far too high. The increase in spending from properly applied tax cuts (i.e. to those with low incomes and a high marginal propensity to spend) would cause an increase in GDP far larger than the loss in tax revenues. And trial lawyers don't deserve that much of the settlements.
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.
Well, considering the governor of Texas is the #5 government official in that state, whose greatest authority is calling out the militia in case of an Indian uprising, I'd say that's about right.
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
I think they're both idiots. If I'd heard the Al Sharpton one, I'd have laughed at its sheer stupidity. Most gangs are much smarter than President Bush (Latin Kings and Bloods definitely are).
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
Nah. Rumsfeld's not
that bad by comparison to the rest of the government.
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
I feel threatened by both, and I'm a pre-ministerial candidate.
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.
Yes, but I also believe discipline is needed to prevent criminals from believing that prison is better than the outside world.
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
No, I'm just glad they didn't make a bigger mistake and elect Cruz Bustamante.
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
I believe the GMs haven't been studied enough, but Mugabe is worse. US exports of food overall are a problem, though, because they perpetuate the poverty of agricultural Third World nations.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.
Nope.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
Been talking with Shirley Temple Black lately, have you?
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.
I call both environmental criminals. Bush has a more immediate impact on my life, though, with his callous disregard for the experts' advice on permissible levels.
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
No, I think my ROTC friends and the two colonels (one retired, one active duty) who have been trying to recruit me would be upset if I were like that.
Yeesh. Take every bad stereotype that exists about liberals, amplify them about 20 times, and you still won't reach the level of idiocy contained in this document.