You Might be a Leftist If

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theski
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You Might be a Leftist If

Post by theski »

You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden

-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.

-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.

-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.

-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.

-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.

-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.

-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.

-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.

-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.

-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.

-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.

-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.

-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.

-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.

-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."

-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.

-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.

-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.

-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.

-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.

-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.

-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.

-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.

-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.
and both sides have their Loons.... :lol:
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Post by Uraniun235 »

Some of them are amusing, some of them go too far even for this a-partisan.
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Re: You Might be a Leftist If

Post by Natorgator »

Yeah that was one of the dumbest things ever
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Post by RedImperator »

A great deal of that was idiotic.
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Post by Xenophobe3691 »

The first ones were funny, the thing about tobacco and marijuana's actually quite stupid once you look at it, and the end was pretty fucking stupid...
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Post by Hamel »

Some of that came from waaay out in right field, like the abortion thing

I think this originated from the retards in The National Review
"Right now we can tell you a report was filed by the family of a 12 year old boy yesterday afternoon alleging Mr. Michael Jackson of criminal activity. A search warrant has been filed and that search is currently taking place. Mr. Jackson has not been charged with any crime. We cannot specifically address the content of the police report as it is confidential information at the present time, however, we can confirm that Mr. Jackson forced the boy to listen to the Howard Stern show and watch the movie Private Parts over and over again."
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Post by Wicked Pilot »

I wonder how much semen the author spilled while writing this right wing wank fest.
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Post by phongn »

Okay, that was highly dumb.
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Post by Iceberg »

You know, there's "jokes" and then there's "trying to arrogate the moral high ground without actually doing anything to deserve it."

This falls into the latter category.
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Post by Grand Admiral Thrawn »

Patriot missles can be dealt with by liberal (hehehe...) usage of HARM missles But for the Patriot Act, well so far, there have been no successful guided paper shredders yet...
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Post by fgalkin »

This is incredibly stupid. Most of the things listed here don't make sense.

Have a very nice day.
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Re: You Might be a Leftist If

Post by The Dark »

Time for the ranter's point of view :wink:
You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
As a whole, quite possibly. Bin Laden stood no chance of actually causing America to fall. Ashcroft's destruction of American freedoms could (although it's highly unlikely) cause America to eventually become a less open society.
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.
Nah. All the presidents since...the first Adams at least have been liars. Washington might be clean, but I doubt it.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
I have no problem with Schwarzenegger :wink: .
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
Um. No. On this I definitely split with most liberals, and agree with Ward Connerly. AA is a bad idea.
-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
Patriot Act. My father helped build the Patriot Missile, so it can't be all bad :wink: .
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
IIRC, Arafat was originally fairly elected, he just refused to give up office at the next elections.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
Our prisons are far too coddling of prisoners, and the solution to failing public schools is not to remove children and overcrowd other schools; it's to fund those schools properly and get better teachers into them.
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
Actually, most of my college acquaintances are politically quite different from me. I enjoy the different points of view, because it allows me to analyze my own point of view.
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
No, just the first half of that sentence applies to me (and I wouldn't really want the government to pass that, since it would be too oppressive. I'd just like to see them remove the tobacco subsidies that exist).
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
I don't really care that much about the Gitmo prisoners, assuming they really are al-Qaeda operatives.
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.
:roll: I know "A well regulated militia..." I also know that any rights not contained within the Constitution are at the discretion of the states, so unless an amendment forbids abortion, it is states' rights, and the SCOTUS has upheld a woman's right to abortion under Amendment XIV (which is debatable, but is the law of the land until overturned).
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
Well, I was a bit young when it came out, but the first half doesn't apply anyway.
-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.
What world is this idiot from? "Human rights"? I think everyone except him has admitted Iraq was about oil (exaggeration, y'all. Exaggeration).
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
No, I believe both are far too high. The increase in spending from properly applied tax cuts (i.e. to those with low incomes and a high marginal propensity to spend) would cause an increase in GDP far larger than the loss in tax revenues. And trial lawyers don't deserve that much of the settlements.
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.
Well, considering the governor of Texas is the #5 government official in that state, whose greatest authority is calling out the militia in case of an Indian uprising, I'd say that's about right.
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
I think they're both idiots. If I'd heard the Al Sharpton one, I'd have laughed at its sheer stupidity. Most gangs are much smarter than President Bush (Latin Kings and Bloods definitely are).
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
Nah. Rumsfeld's not that bad by comparison to the rest of the government.
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
I feel threatened by both, and I'm a pre-ministerial candidate.
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.
Yes, but I also believe discipline is needed to prevent criminals from believing that prison is better than the outside world.
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
No, I'm just glad they didn't make a bigger mistake and elect Cruz Bustamante.
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
I believe the GMs haven't been studied enough, but Mugabe is worse. US exports of food overall are a problem, though, because they perpetuate the poverty of agricultural Third World nations.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.
Nope.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
Been talking with Shirley Temple Black lately, have you?
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.
I call both environmental criminals. Bush has a more immediate impact on my life, though, with his callous disregard for the experts' advice on permissible levels.
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
No, I think my ROTC friends and the two colonels (one retired, one active duty) who have been trying to recruit me would be upset if I were like that.

Yeesh. Take every bad stereotype that exists about liberals, amplify them about 20 times, and you still won't reach the level of idiocy contained in this document.
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Re: You Might be a Leftist If

Post by fgalkin »

theski wrote:
You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
Like the Dark said, Osama never had a chance against America. Ashcroft actually created a real-life Nightwatch-like program,
-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.
Everyone lies, especially politicians
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
In case you haven't noticed, there is a difference between "discoursing at length" and HOLDING PUBLIC OFFICE. :roll: And I actually support Ahnuld.
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
Only dumb liberals support AA.

-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
The Patriot Act.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
Strawman, No one says that they were democratically elected.
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
No, I'm opposed to letting rich children escape, while trapping poor children in schhols that are even worse off, since all the money went into vouchers.

-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
I am considering starting a conservative organizations just to oppose all those Socialist clubs/Youn Commuists' League (yes, we have it at my college!)
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
No, just removing the subsidies to tobacco companies
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
Newsflash: half the countries in the world are doing that. Look at the entire continent of Africa. Look at China (anyone remebmer Tiananmen Square?). What made Iraq so special?
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.
Don't get me started, lest we have another gun control flamewar.
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
No opinion. I was back in Russia then.
-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.
Something like what?
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
Newsflash #2: the government gives that money back in the form of services (or at least it's supposed to on paper. I don't oppose the principle of high taxes in general).
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.
And france has a population of 59,329,691. Does that mean we should make Jaques Chirac president of the US? :roll:
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
Both are idiots.
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
Nonsense
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
I don't see a Wahabbi mullah preaching on my street corner.
Having said that, I think that all radical religions are dangerous
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.
What the fuck does that mean? :wtf:
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
I was cheering for Ahnuld
-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
What the fuck, mk 2! Are you high?
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.
:roll:
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
Newsflash #3: what you described IS A RELIGION!
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.
Who said anything about me loving Saddam?
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
I don't understand what you're trying to say/
If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.
And you, my friend, must report to the nearest hospital for mandatory sterilization. You should consider winning a Darwin Award, too.
and both sides have their Loons.... :lol:
yes, they do.

Have a very nice day.
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Alyrium Denryle
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Re: You Might be a Leftist If

Post by Alyrium Denryle »

theski wrote:
You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden
That is because his crusade against liberty threatens to undermine the very bedrock of this country

-
You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.
Oh no... Most if not ll politicians lie.
-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.
I dont really think any of them are qualified... But Ahnuld i think deserves a chance. I may not really agree with him o a few things, but lets see if he deserved to win that election...
-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.
I resent this remark, as I am against afirmative action for the very reason that it is racist in nature.

-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.
No comment
-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.
Strawman. here do you get the prison comment? And taking money away from the failing public schools would only hurt those schools more... Not to mention give public funds to religious schools...
-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.
All political opinions are open to debate. If I fail to win an argument, I conceed. And I expect others to do the same.
-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.
Again with the strawmen. I am the lone non-smoker in a family of them, and have no problem with smokers or smoking. pot lealization, I favor for economic reasons.
-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.
Again with the strawmen. I wanted UN approval for attacking Iraq, and those prisoners in Cuba .. well I dont know enough about their condition to form an opinion
-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.
Nothing wrong with abortion, and I support common sense gun control. You dont use assault rifles for hunting!!!! I dont support a ban on civilian guns at all... though people do tend to forget the other part of the second ammendment... A well regulated militia...
-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.
Again with the strawmen. Censorship is wrong bitch monkey.

-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.
BY bombing the fuck out of another country without the approval of the rest of the worlld. And ruthlessly attacking human rights at home :roll:
-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.
And the government wil use that money to make sure that the elderly do not have to choose between food and medication. And to help woking lass families that have fallen on hard times, and to pay for the military you love so much. And to fund those failing public schools so they can buy pencils and books.

If the plaintiff agrees on that payment who am I to complain??
-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.
The amount of people in the state someone hails from is no indicator of the qualifications to run for president.
-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."
Strawman
-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.
Fuck you
-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.
Both are dangerous.. as is all fanatical religion
-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.
If they cn be helped, why not do so... while they serve ther sentence...
-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.
I supported the recall... and Larry flynt

-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.
I happen to like gene-moded foods. Golden rice could help a lot of people.
-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.
Welfare needs to be reformed so people must work(or try to find work) while on it. If they are working, and still cant make bills... they we should help them out of we can. Basic human decency.
-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.
No... I just believe religion is a scourge on our society.
-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.

I complain about both actually.
-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
The military is welcome to have recruitment tables on college campuses. On the other hand, gays need to be allowed openly into the military... just like women shoud have to register for the draft.
If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.
And fuck you
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Post by Alyrium Denryle »

-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.
Hmm... I have no problem with weapons so long as they are not used over-eagery... Now, I DO have a problem with stripping me f my personal freedoms.
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Post by theski »

My bad I should have said were that came from...... The author was

Mark Levine.... I was just showing there is loons on both sides
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Post by InnerBrat »

On the presidents lying thing - does the subject of the lie not matter to the person who wrote this?

Eddie Izzard (yes, yes, I know - point three, but I'm just using his valid point) mentioned that just likje there's levels of homicide, there shoudl be levels of pergury, where Perjury One was lying about a bunch of weapons and Perjury Nine is saying you shagged someone when you didn't.

Just a thought...
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

I won't call this list a "You Might Be A Leftist If..." - I would rather call it "You Might Be A Democrat If..."

BTW - ridiculing the Democrats is nowhere near as fun as ridiculing old-school communists. (particularly Maoists) I once made following list with help from some of the people at Portent.Net....

You Might Be An Old-School Communist If...

1. You believe that all Gulag victims deserved it.
2. You believe that the Killing Fields of Pol Pot's Cambodia was a plot device introduced in an obscure spy novel from the 1970s.
3. You believe that anyone who disagrees with you have read too many Tom Clancy novels.
4. You think movies are made by social reactionaries if the credits don't list Sergei Eisenstein.
5. You're convinced that Lenin was a genius.
6. You actually use the words "Proletariat" and "bourgeioisie" regularly.
7. You accumulate lots of illegal weapons for the purpose of starting a guerilla war against the "bourgeoisie."
8. All your romantic relationships didn't have any other purpose than drawing more people into the Communist movements....
9. ... or you believe that the whole notion of love is a remnant from feudal society and a barrier against social progress and righteous industriousness.
10. You have a poster of Mao Tse Tsung in your room.
11. You wear olive green turtle necks.
12. You address "The Man" by his proper name... "THE MAN!!"
13. You believe that Gorbachev worked for the CIA.... aka "THE MAN!!"
14. You can't help but say "Power to the people" whenever you can. Even if it's in the middle of a wedding ceramony, a prayer of thanks, awards banquet, while you're shooping for a new car, or watching the super bowl.
15. You weeped when Pol Pot was put on trial for his crimes in Cambodia several years back...
16. ... But you were secretly pleased when the "young" people holding the trial couldn't help but use archtypical commie chanting when they denounced him.
17. You think Jane Fonda was the greatest.
18. When playing a game of Risk, you always play the reds, you set up in the Ukraine and surrounding asian areas and are in europe faster than the "American" player. You therefore base you ideology that because of this, the Soviets were a militarily superior nation.
19. You now enjoy your leadership position within the Democratic Party, or you enjoy your leadership position funneling illegal contributions to the Democratic Party.
20. Your everyday conversations are totally unintelligible because of the weird communist jargon you use.
21. You know the alternative spellings and grammar which "proper" communists use.
22. You've ever submitted a review to the Maoist Internationalist Movement's "Communist Movie Reviews" page.
23. Not only have you written Communist Movie Reviews, you've also written Communist Computer Game Reviews.
24. You've ever found a way to defend the North Korean regime.
25. You think Brezhnev was a sell-out.
26. You've ever made a replica Spetsnaz uniform entirely on your own.
27. You've committed terrorist attacks against bookstores which stock anything by Tom Clancy...
28. ... even though the same bookstores also stock communist litterature.
29. You believe that Karl Marx' definition of freedom actually makes sense.
30. You cannot explain the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact.
31. You believe that a dictator becomes more benign if he abolishes property rights, than if he just sticks to abolishing freedom of speech.
32. You don't mind anyone stealing anything from you, since you believe that victims of theft are participating in "passive charity."
33. You've ever tried to analyze a Godzilla movie from a dialectic perspective...
34. ...and none of your friends laughed at the result.
35. You listen to Mayhem just because Euronymous was a communist.
36. While shopping, you ALWAYS hand out communist pamphlets to the cashier...
37. ...even if you've handed one to him/her before. (Just to be sure he hasn't gone Social Democrat)
38. In fact, everywhere you go, you leave communist pamphlets lying everywhere, hoping for someone to pick them up.
39. And when you're out of communist pamphlets, you just start photocopying random pages from Mao Tse Tsung's writings and pass them out to strangers.
40. You once worked as a mailman, but the postal office fired you because you left aforementioned Communist Propaganda (TM) in all the mailboxes.
41. You also leave copies of Mao's "Little Red Book" under the windscreen wipers on cars at parking lots...
42. In fact, you keep a list of occassions to hand out Communist Propaganda.
43. Each time you have a garage sale, you have a "Free Marxist Literature" table.
44. Instead of handing out candy to trick-or-treating children at Halloween, you hand out a list of quotes by Mao Tse Tsung.
45. You accept Lenin as your saviour.
46. When sleeping at motels, you replace Gideon Bibles with copies of Karl Marx' "Das Kapital" or Lenin's "What Is To Be Done."
47. At Christmastime, you yell at carolers: "WAKE UP, DELUDED MASSES! RELIGION IS A BOURGEOIS LIE!"
48. Even worse, you once broke into a Church at Sunday and yelled the aforementioned.
49. You don't mind donating all your money to Communist organizations, even if you'll go bankrupt.
50. In fact, you consider economic bankrupcy to be a goal in itself, because you also consider impoverished people to be more "moral" than the wealthy....
51. ....nah, even though you consider low-class people to be "better people" than the better-off, you don't consider them more "moral" since you believe "morality" to be a bourgeois concept which should be purged from society.
52. You borrow books by Ayn Rand, John Locke and Adam Smith at the library, only to return them with communist pamphlets inside.
53. You are more fanatically dedicated to Communism than the average Baptist is to Christianity.
54. Even other left-wing extremists fall asleep during your repetitive, self-righteous speeches about the supposed evils of capitalism.
55. You don't have moral qualms about stealing, because you deny that property rights are nothing but a "bourgeouis lie."
56. Your motto is "Communism is not an ideology. It's the only way to live."
57. Your economy plan is designed to keep your wealth at an absolute minimum.
58. In fact, you live as a vagabond because you believe your ideology to prohibit you from owning anything at all.
59. You relish demolition derbies because you interpretate them as "a monument over the righteous mutilation of icons of the bourgeoisie."
60. Psychoanalysis has revealed that your unswerving devotion to communism has damaged your sanity.
61. You venerate Soviet Union flying aces even more than WW1 enthusiasts admire Mannfred "The Red Baron" von Richthofen.
62. You have a T-shirt that says "The KGB Is Still Watching You."
63. You once wrote a letter to a Star Wars fanclub titled "Emperor Palpatine: A Communist Role Model," and the essay didn't present the Empire in a negative light.
64. You never listen to other Beatles songs than "Back In The USSR."
65. You've legally changed your name to Friedrich Engels.
66. When debating against libertarians and run out of arguments, you just hurl false accusations at them or make other preposterous claims.
67. You are still convinced that all good, altruistic behaviour comes from communism, even though a look at history will reveal that nothing could be more false.
68. You don't believe that Stalin was one of the most evil people who ever lived.
69. You have recently started attending Green Party meetings because there are more people there who haven't heard your speeches and they like them.
70. You live in a one-room apartment with a toilet, a sink, a mattress, a poster of Che Guevara and no other furnishings.
71. You join the World Workers Party, because you fear the common man and his unions will oppressed by capitalists.
72. Everytime you vacation in sunny florida, you stand on the beech and day-dream of swimming to a better life in communist Cuba.
73. You've actually applied for a bourgeioisie job with the US federal government JUST so you can get access to secrets to "give" to a commie nation. AND everytime you've been rejected, it's all because you've been black-listed unfairly by THE MAN and there is a secret list somewhere that prohibits you from ever getting a good job...which makes it a good thing that you adhere to communist ideology on property ownership and possessions...since you'll never be able to afford anything...and it's ALL THE MANS FAULT! Damn him and his tyranical plotting to keep you down!!!
74. You have a 'red-neck' just to prove your communist loyalty. You also think of your 'red-neck' as a disguise and that you are actually a sleeper agent sent by the KGB to be a mole. When the time comes, you'll grab your possum gun also known as an AK-47 and go sabotage something.
75. When you heard the rumor that flouridization was a commie plot, you went out and invested in some yourself
76. While shopping at the grocery store you remenize about the good ole days and how great it was to stand in the snow, at 2 o'clock in the morning, for 5 hours waiting for a loaf of bread.
77. You still describe your government as a state in transition.
78. Instead of redbook or Sports Illustrated, you have a copy of Lenin's State and Revolution on your coffee table.
79. You denounce 'freedom of criticism' as meaning freedom to introduce bourgeois ideas into socialism.
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Vympel
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Post by Vympel »

How is Emperor Palpatine a Communist Role Model? Replace that with the UFP, closer to the truth.
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Post by Xenophobe3691 »

Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I bought all of those books he mentioned and put them on the coffee table...
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Post by Joe »

Palpatine is more of a benign dictator. Who happens to be extremely evil.
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Post by Nathan F »

Vympel wrote:How is Emperor Palpatine a Communist Role Model? Replace that with the UFP, closer to the truth.
Yeah, Palpatine was more of a Fascist role model.

Dunno if the UFP would be Communist, but more just highly socialist.
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Post by Joe »

It's communist. See Mike's essay.
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Post by The Dark »

Alyrium Denryle wrote:The military is welcome to have recruitment tables on college campuses. On the other hand, gays need to be allowed openly into the military... just like women shoud have to register for the draft.
IIRC, the reason women aren't under Selective Service is because they're not permitted in line combat. DACOWITS ended up eating a smidgen of crow over this when they pressed for women to be allowed as line infantry until they discovered that the SCOTUS would then force women to register for Selective Service. They then did an about-face on their stance, proving (to my satisfaction) that DACOWITS is about equal rights with unequal responsibilities.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Nathan F wrote:
Vympel wrote:How is Emperor Palpatine a Communist Role Model? Replace that with the UFP, closer to the truth.
Yeah, Palpatine was more of a Fascist role model.
.... and Fascism happens to an offshoot of Leninism.
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