How Stravo Got His Groove Back

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-13 02:26pm

Part 20: Shit.

*we open up on the BMs. CYRAN has one foot planted on KUJA'S rear end and is yanking on the arrow*

KUJA: PULL, YOU FUCKING WEAKLING!

CYRAN: It's...stuck...

*arrow pops free and CYRAN falls over backwards. KUJA stands up and sighs blissfully*

KUJA: Finally.

CYRAN: Now, can we-

SMASH: ROB HAS FOUND YOU!

BOTH: WHAT THE HELL?!

*ROB SMASH appears at the end of the block and charges forward. STRAVO and ZAIA are close behind*

KUJA: Shit! Not this again! RUN!

*both of them take off running. KUJA is in the lead, but CYRAN pulls on his robes and runs past him. KUJA grabs the back of CYRAN'S hat and regains the lead*

SMASH: ROB SMAAAAAAASH!

*CYRAN pulls a clipboard out of his bag and begins scribbling*

CYRAN: Last Will and Testament-

*KUJA turns a corner and CYRAN follows. SMASH plows right through the building and gains some ground. Up ahead, SHINOVA walks out of a doorway*

SHINOVA: What on Earth?

*KUJA runs up to SHINOVA and pulls a giant wrench out of CYRAN'S bag*

KUJA: Shin! When Rob runs by here, whack him with this!

SHINOVA: What?

*KUJA and CYRAN take off again. SHINOVA stares at the wrench for a moment, then shrugs and lifts it over his head. ROB SMASH runs by. SHINOVA holds his position. STRAVO turns the corner and SHINOVA lets him have it, bringing the wrench down on his head. STRAVO grunts and falls flat on his face. As the crossbow hits the ground, it goes off. An arrow bounces off the sidewalk and nails ROB in the ass*

SMASH: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

SHINOVA: YEAH! I got him! I...you're not Rob.

*STRAVO, being unconscious, does not reply*

ZAIA: What the hell did you do that for?!

SHINOVA: Uh, I, uh, I, well, I, uh...shit.

SMASH: WHO HURT ROB?!

*SHINOVA shoves the wrench into ZAIA'S hands and runs*

SHINOVA: SHE DID IT!

ROB: ROB SMASH!

ZAIA: Shit.

*CUT TO: a nearby alley. KUJA and CYRAN dart in and stop for a breather*

CYRAN: Damn...that was...way too...close.

KUJA: Yeah...what got Rob all mad this time?

CYRAN: Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. Rob's got someone new to hate.

KUJA: Cyran...it's Zaia.

*a pause*

CYRAN: So?

KUJA: Think about it.

*another pause*

CYRAN: Shit.

*CUT TO: ZAIA crouched in front of a wall. She leaps as ROB slams his fist into it, shattering it*

SMASH: SMASH!

*ZAIA ducks another swing*

ZAIA: Where the hell is my backup?

*CUT TO: HIT-MAN attempting to read a map upside-down*

LT: Uh...

CPL: You figure out where we go next, boss?

LT: Yeah, yeah. Just gimme a minute...here we are!

SGT: That's Alaska, boss.

LT: Shit.

STORMIE: Hey boss! Check this out!

*HIT-MAN walks over to the STORMIE and peers over his shoulder. He grins*

LT: Well, I guess this wasn't a waste of time after all! Get ready to move in, boys!

*CUT TO: KUJA and CYRAN*

CYRAN: We gotta go back and help her!

KUJA: Yeah, sure. Anyway, let's get going and meet my contact.

CYRAN: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO A WORD I SAY!

KUJA: Huh?

CYAN: Asshole! I'm going back to help Zaia!

KUJA: Like hell you are-

*blaster bolts suddenly hit the ground around their feet*

CYRAN: Yaaaah! What the-

VOICE: Don't move!

KUJA: Shit.

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2003-10-13 02:28pm

Whoopsee and that title......shit?....uh oh.~Jason

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2003-10-13 03:32pm

LMAO, that was funny, I like the wrench part

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-10-13 04:46pm

YEAH! I got him! I...You're not Rob.

Whoo, comedy.

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-10-13 04:49pm

Lt. Hit-Man vs you and Cyran?

How on Earth could you do that to yourself!
...
...
...

On second thought, don't mind me, let the show go on...

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-13 05:54pm

DGG...you forget something.

Kuja and I still have our Hadokens.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-13 05:56pm

This one wasn't as funny as the other ones...more of an inbetween chapter. But that's alright because the last ones were very funny and you need the occasional filler chapter. Great with the Shinova thing though. Shinova you bastard...turning on Zaia like that.

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2003-10-13 05:57pm

This chapter was okay... but I think it needs more Gnomes.. yes yes, Gnomes.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-10-13 06:11pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:Shinova you bastard...turning on Zaia like that.

*growls in Shin's general direction*

Good chaptah, Kuj!! *kisses his cheek* Mucho fun to be had by all!

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-10-13 07:20pm

SMASH: WHO HURT ROB?!

*SHINOVA shoves the wrench into ZAIA'S hands and runs*

SHINOVA: SHE DID IT!

ROB: ROB SMASH!

ZAIA: Shit.

LOL.. And nice usage of the word "shit."

~ver

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2003-10-14 11:24am

Col chapter.
Wheres the stickied thread?
I thought Stravo said he'd sticky it last weekend?

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-10-14 02:35pm

Behold all thee of little faith:
http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=32003

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-10-15 10:25am

Ribs...hurt...pants moist...sides splitting....too...much...funny. *Wheeze*

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2003-10-15 01:21pm

Aya wrote:Ribs...hurt...pants moist...sides splitting....too...much...funny. *Wheeze*

Pants Moist? is someone touching himself at night?

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-10-15 05:50pm

Ace Pace wrote:
Aya wrote:Ribs...hurt...pants moist...sides splitting....too...much...funny. *Wheeze*
Pants Moist? is someone touching himself at night?

Only when I think of you.

=P

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2003-10-15 06:44pm

Aya wrote:Ribs...hurt...pants moist...sides splitting....too...much...funny. *Wheeze*

Pants moist eh? Front or back?

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-10-15 06:48pm

Aya wrote:
Ace Pace wrote:[Pants Moist? is someone touching himself at night?
Only when I think of you.
=P

D'awwwwwwww....so cute!

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2003-10-16 05:12am

Aya wrote:
Pants Moist? is someone touching himself at night?

Only when I think of you.

=P[/quote]

this gives me an idea

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-16 02:26pm

Part 21: Ph34r the half-baked plans of SEGNOR

*Open up on a dark sewer deep beneath Manhattan. DARTH GARDEN GNOME and ROGUEICE stand before a cyborg human, currently deactivated. The chest of the cyborg is open, revealing three small seats inside*

DGG: So be it! If the Day of Reckoning won't come to us, we'll go to it!

ROGUEICE: Isn't it all the same?

DGG: IMPERTINENCE! RYE, ABUSE HIM!

*an orange-headed gnome jumps out of the shadows and crushes ICE with his head*

RYE: Shall I continue?

DGG: Shall he?

ROGUEICE: No! I-I've learned my lesson!

DGG: Continue!

*RYE bashes ICE a few more times*

DGG: That will be sufficient. Dismissed!

*RYE salutes and leaves*

DGG: Now then, we need our pilots!

*he whistles. MITT, JODOFORCE, and LONESTAR all rush up, dressed in flight suits*

DGG: RogueIce, brief them!

ROGUEICE: Gentlemen, your mission is to use this false human to infiltrate Manhattan society. Once done-

DGG: You will return to us and tell us everything we need to know in order to crush humanity!

ROGUEICE: *whines* I thought I was doing the briefing!

DGG: IMPERTINENCE! RYE!

ROGUEICE: NOOOOOOOO!

*RYE jumps in wielding a crowbar and chases ROGUEICE off*

LONESTAR: Sir? The mission?

DGG: Oh, yes! For secrecy purposes, your mission is codenamed 'Pandora's Thighs'. Now get going!

ALL THREE: YES SIR!

*all three GNOMES pile into the cyborg. JODO pulls the hatch closed. After a moment, the cyborg jerks, opens its eyes, and stands, towering over DARTH*

DGG: Well, Agent Fisher, are you ready?

FISHER: I-will-con-quer-the-hu-mans-sir.

*DGG grabs a rock and brains FISHER with it*

FISHER: OW!

DGG: Talk like a normal human, fool! Otherwise, you'll never blend in!

FISHER: Yes sir. I'm ready to leave now.

DGG: Good! Go!

*FISHER turns and begins to climb a nearby ladder. Upon reaching the top, he lifts a manhole and peers out at the street*

FISHER: Looks like a war zone out there.

VOICE: ROB SMASH!

FISHER: What the-

*a big green foot stomps down on the manhole, sending FISHER rocketing straight down. He crunches through the floor where DARTH is standing and continues down*

DGG: Oh, crap! He's going to slam into the C-4 stockpile!

*DGG dives under a blanket and hides there, shivering. Meanwhile, up on the street, SMASH is completely unaware of the chaos below*

SMASH: ROB SMASH REDHEAD WHO HURT ROB'S ASS!

ZAIA: That can be construed SO many different ways.

SMASH: ROB SMASH!

*ROB takes a swing at ZAIA, who ducks under it and begins tickling him*

ZAIA: Cootchie-cootchie-coo!

*SMASH immediately collapses, laughing hysterically*

SMASH: R-ROB...STOP...STOP...STOP!!

*SMASH jumps up and knocks ZAIA over in the process*

SMASH: NOW ROB SMASH!

*SMASH hauls off, but suddenly, the nearby manhole cover is blown off by a massive explosion. The manhole cover soars up, then comes back down on ROB'S head. He grunts and promptly falls over*

ZAIA: Why are men constantly falling over me?

STRAVO: *groan*

*cut to the nearby alley*

KUJA: Who's there?

VOICE: Throw down your weapons.

CYRAN: Do we do it?

KUJA: No choice. Do it.

*KUJA unslings his sledgehammer. CYRAN drops his knife and the traveling bag*

VOICE: Put your arms up!

*they do*

KUJA: That voice sounds familiar…

*a helmetless Mandalorian drops from the roof of the nearest building and trains a blaster pistol on each Black Mage*

MARINA: Now, don't make any sudden moves, and you won't lose anything vital.

CYRAN: Shit! Duchess, what the hell are you doing here?

MARINA: Making you two look like fools. Not too tough, I suppose.

KUJA: Zaia called you, didn't she?

MARINA: Now you're making use of that rusting hunk of metal you call a brain.

*behind the other corner*

LT: OK boys, get ready. And Private Long.

LONG: Yes sir?

LT: Remember, the hole on the end of the rifle is NOT a sighting device.

LONG: Yes sir!

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2003-10-16 02:29pm

1st post

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-10-16 02:57pm

Kuja wrote:*SMASH hauls off, but suddenly, the nearby manhole cover is blown off by a massive explosion. The manhole cover soars up, then comes back down on ROB'S head. He grunts and promptly falls over*

ZAIA: Why are men constantly falling over me?

STRAVO: *groan*

*ba-doom boom crash*

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-10-16 04:42pm

Duchess? What the...*blinks...falls over.*

Funny stuff Kuja. Nice with Rob and the gnomes, poor gnomes...almost feel pity.

Did you get Pandora's Thigh from the adult store around here named Pandora's Box?

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-10-16 04:46pm

Haha, funny.

I didn't know Zaia was a redhead. That explains the sexiness, I suppose.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-10-16 04:57pm

Woohoo, I'm in!

Great as always!

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-10-16 05:08pm

I really should be more careful when using high-explosives. Thank god I had my cloth bombshelter with which to hide under.

Kuja wrote:ROGUEICE: Isn't it all the same?
DGG: IMPERTINENCE! RYE, ABUSE HIM!
*an orange-headed gnome jumps out of the shadows and crushes ICE with his head*
RYE: Shall I continue?
DGG: Shall he?
ROGUEICE: No! I-I've learned my lesson!
DGG: Continue!
*RYE bashes ICE a few more times*
DGG: That will be sufficient. Dismissed!
*RYE salutes and leaves*

That is so me. Great chapter (if not a tad short) as usual. Perhaps the butter cow can make a guest appearance while we're on the subject of the Duchess too.