The Wormhole War (original story) - updated 9/11/2003

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Peregrin Toker
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

BTW- in case you haven't noticed, I've polished it according to your requests now.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Simon H.Johansen wrote:Hehe, it's obvious that I was a bit over-eager to post this one...

BTW - do any of you have trouble pronouncing Xril names?? If that's the case, I can reveal that I designed their language as being intentionally unpronounceable.
I genrally don't bother with trying to pronounce them.
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Also - was my description of Cpt. Iurkar's corpse visceral enough? I want "The Wormhole War" to depict war as something brutal and unpleasant - but am I fulfilling my intentions???
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Simon H.Johansen wrote:Also - was my description of Cpt. Iurkar's corpse visceral enough? I want "The Wormhole War" to depict war as something brutal and unpleasant - but am I fulfilling my intentions???
Hrrmmm... the only body you really described in the editted version was the random person who had their head gibbed by 20mm fire.
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Singular Quartet wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:Also - was my description of Cpt. Iurkar's corpse visceral enough? I want "The Wormhole War" to depict war as something brutal and unpleasant - but am I fulfilling my intentions???
Hrrmmm... the only body you really described in the editted version was the random person who had their head gibbed by 20mm fire.
It was not supposed to be a random person, but Qvarao's superior, Cpt. Iurkar.

I take breaks between writing chapters - and before starting on the 11th chapter I might revise the 10th further.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Singular Quartet wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:Also - was my description of Cpt. Iurkar's corpse visceral enough? I want "The Wormhole War" to depict war as something brutal and unpleasant - but am I fulfilling my intentions???
Hrrmmm... the only body you really described in the editted version was the random person who had their head gibbed by 20mm fire.
It was not supposed to be a random person, but Qvarao's superior, Cpt. Iurkar.
Needed to really state that.
I take breaks between writing chapters - and before starting on the 11th chapter I might revise the 10th further.
Heh, I have a different problem. I write a few chapters ata time, and then go back and edit them. I have... I think nine chapters of War of the Unforgiven on my hard drive, but they all look wretched because I haven't editted them yet...
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Singular Quartet wrote:Heh, I have a different problem. I write a few chapters ata time, and then go back and edit them. I have... I think nine chapters of War of the Unforgiven on my hard drive, but they all look wretched because I haven't editted them yet...
That's why I use my particular approach - that way, I don't need as much editing and fewer plot holes need filling than if I wrote several chapters at a time.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Okay, now I've updated the 10th chapter according to your requests.
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Chapter 11 - Lightning From A Cloudless Sky

Vorou Star System, Planet Avarnam, a suburb of the city Yitrakash

Vorkan had became increasingly anxious ever since the Kh-Sriil troops had landed troops near the Souranak mountains.

Just yesterday, even more Kh-Sriil troops clad in heavy exoskeletal armour came and drove the Avarnam Defense Force infantry away from the Souranak mountains... followed by these armoured Kh-Sriil then retreating to orbit.

Vorkan did not know what they would do, but he was very certain that they would strike again and ever since the Kh-Sriil starships had annihilated the Avarnam Defense Fleet as well as disabled the majority of artificial satellites orbiting Avarnam, he and his family had prepared for an invasion. They were all well aware that the Avarnam Planetary Guard (editor's note: The Avarnam equivalent of the National Guard) soon were patrolling the streets in order to defend the city, but Vorkan insisted: "The planetary guard can't be everywhere. We may have to defend this home ourselves."

He - with help from his family and neighbourhood - had converted his large basement into an improvised bunker only accessible by a concealed door. To be on the safe side, Vorkan also stockpiled canned food, water and air supplies for over a week, as well as acquiring firearms and ammunition. His wife Kursau found the idea paranoid at first, but understood that if it would be impossible to evacuate Yitrakash then it would be better to be prepared.

Suddenly, one afternoon his worst fears were fulfilled. He saw some extraordinarily large flying objects above the city - and they were frighteningly similar to the descriptions of Kh-Sriil dropships provided by the authorities. They were many in number and while high up in the sky they were not that far away from city. In fact, some of them were right above him, and suddenly the keel sections of the dropships right above Yitrakash launched tiny, grey objects almost invisible from the ground - but these tiny objects quickly scattered and started flying in a myriad of different directions. Vorkan did not know whether they were bombs, troop-transport helicopters or something else... but one thing was for certain: The Kh-Sriil invasion had come to town, and he better had to hide in the bunker with his wife and son.

He immediately yelled: "Kursau!! Vornuyk!! The Kh-Sriil have come!! Down to the bunker!!"

The family of three quickly gathered near an extraordinarily large locker in the kitchen which reached almost halfways up to the ceiling. Vornak opened it.

The locker was little more than a cleverly concealed entrance to the bunker, and its bottom did in turn contain a hidden hole to the bunker. He removed a section of the empty locker's bottom - unveiling a hole with an improvised ladder leading down to the bunker. The concealed door was rather heavy, as it was designed to protect against fragmentation grenade blasts, but Vornak managed to lift it nonetheless.

First his adolescent son Vornuyk climbed down the ladder with all his speed, then his wife Kursau and finally Vornak himself who put on the removable floor section. While standing on the ladder, he made sure that the bottom of the locker looked like that of any other big locker.

The bunker was very spartan, with only a single lightbulb illuminating it - Vorkan had also stockpiled a lot of candles and matchsticks in case the power plants went off-line. He remembered that he was not the only one to almost raid the military surplus stores for various survival gear - from emergency rations to gas masks - which now filled up over half of the improvised bunker. All dwelling space was a pair of benches and some very rudimentary beds.

Vorkan and his family were very aware that days - even weeks - might pass before they would ever see the surface again, and they were definately also aware that by that moment the city of Yitrakash might no longer exist as anything else than a ruin.

To keep track of the state of affair, Vorkan had taken one useful thing with him down to the bunker... a small transistor radio in order to receive eventual messages in case the radio stations would still be broadcasting.



Above the city of Yitrakash, Aboard a dropship of the Xvarrol:

Taken away by the authorities at infancy when his parents were arrested for treason and placed in an orphanage run by the Xvarrol, Xorax had known nothing but the rigors of military life and was from an early age trained to become the perfect soldier.

For all that of his life he could remember, he was taught to venerate Txaxil like a god and the Xvarrol officers like his priests, so that he never would question orders from above.

He had regularly overseen the execution and torture of political dissidents as part of his training, in order to be accustomed to seeing other people suffer.

His whole body had been covered in intricate tattoos, to accustom himself to pain and suffering.

He - and all of his comrades in arms - had not only been subjected to physical exercise like ordinary troops, they had also taken drugs which boosted their physical strength - all under the orders of their officers.

He had been told repeatedly by his superiors that servitude was a reward in itself, that an eventual victory would be reason enough to start a war. He was firmly convinced that no enemies of Zxavor, be they Xril or alien, deserved to live.

But that was only the tip of the iceberg - his training included what some people would have called brainwashing. Using advanced technology, his mind had been neurally reprogrammed to suppress all emotions save for hatred and rage - those emotions which could be used as weapons against the enemy. He had also sworn an oath of celibacy so that sexual frustration would fan these flames of hate and bloodlust.

On top of that, he had been equipped with some of the best infantry equipment the Xhatrr Dominion's military had to offer: Exoskeletal armour not only conferring tremendous strength, NBC protection and equal vision in daylight and night but also incorporating a taserglove, a mine detector radar and reinforced lightweight ceramic armour plating. His main armament was a 20mm cannon so lightweight that they could be used as an assault rifle. With this equipment, the Xvarrol were among the most dangerous of soldiers... if not the most dangerous.

From an outside perspective, the training from infancy had transformed Xorax from a Xril to something which was at once far less and far more. Xorax, like any other Xvarrol, was after the completion of his training no longer a Xril. He was a bloodthirsty monster trained to kill without mercy, a war machine of flesh and blood. It was not in jest that he on his exo-armour had painted the slogan: I AM ANNIHILATION INCARNATE!

Today, Xorax and the rest of the 7th Company of the 1st Xvarrol Armoured Infantry were in their dropship, descending upon an alien metropolis which had been selected to be the first to be conquered. The dropship had descended down from orbit to the sky above, escorted by swarms of fighters currently combating enemy interceptors. While the Xhatrr Spacefleet fighters were tying up the alien aircraft and xyrl robots, the dropships of the Xvarrol and Xhatrr Dominion Army were in the process of landing in a ring formation around the city to unload the troops.

With a "CLUNK!", he heard that the dropship had landed and the bars securing him to his seat aboard the dropship unbuckled. Xorax and his fellow Xvarrol heard the 7th company's captain order them to embark upon their armoured personnel carriers. As soon as he heard the order, upon reflex he ran over to his squad's APC with all speed to open the armoured vehicle's rear hatch and take a place inside it along with the rest of the squad. The APC, a Xhojj-type land-leviathan over 10 metres long still had to wait to leave.

The voice of the Captain, which the distorting effect of a Xvarrol exo-armour suit's amplifiers had rendering deep and commanding rather than androgynous, was deep and commanding, was then heard in the comm-system of every Xvarrol of his company: "Cpt. to all troops. Minibots'll go in advance of our APCs and disarm minefields. APC drivers - drive when ordered to. End communication."

While waiting for orders, Xorax whispered to himself: "Soon, this alien metropolis is about to face not only the might of the Xhatrr Dominion's army but also the wrath of the Xvarrol."



Planet Xhatrr, Yxl Mansion in the midst of the City of Jriakx

It was with a feeling of general unpleasantness that Zxavor laid a weary gaze upon the night sky.

He couldn't complain about how the conquest of the Xhatrr'vxoth solar system had gone as so far, but on the other hand the latest messenger had only reported that some marooned scout troops had been rescued and a major alien city soon was to be conquered. The siege had not even begun - in fact, the war had barely started.

Zxavor remembered that his last true military defeats were decades ago, during the Great Uprising. Back then, he seemed like the foolhardy leader of a desperate secessionist faction. Until one fateful day - the Third Battle of Kvorthx, which in his eyes probably was the defining battle of The Great Uprising. After the Xhatrr'Vyrka Confederacy lost their largest fleet base, he had success handed to him on a silver plate.

Particularly the news about the alien species were interesting, to say the least. Their anatomy was unnervingly similar to that of the Xril, but in appearance they only vaguely looked like them - being only half as tall but much more massive. Zxavor could not help but feel slightly fascinated at the photographies of dead aliens - what scared him was not as much their stunted, almost overmuscled forms and the amount of their hair but that their basic anatomy was so eerily similar to the Xril that he could not help but wonder if the Xril would have been much different if they came from a high-gravity planet, too.

One thing in particular was obvious. These aliens were much shorter than the Xril and therefore not able to run as fast, but they were much more muscular.

The second concern was far more disturbing - when the aliens looked so much like Xril, it would be much harder for Zxavor to successfully make his subjects regard these aliens as mere animals in order to approve of their expulsion from their homes in order to create living space for Xril colonists.

He would not have to deal with his subject if he chose the easy way out by nuking all population centres from orbit, but that would make the ground infertile from radiation...

All these problems - all because he, in his quest for power, had decided to expand his dominion beyond the solar system where he was born.

With a sigh, Zxavor whispered to himself: "So many dilemmae..."

Given that Xhatrr's sun Xholnra soon would rise, Zxavor decided better to get some sleep - he was tired after spending most of his awake hours contemplating so much. As he went to sleep, Zxavor told himself: "A good day's sleep better refresh my ability to concentrate."

(author's note: In case it isn't obvious enough now, the Xril are naturally nocturnal although their evolutionary ancestors weren't)



Meanwhile - in the Vorou star system, aboard the Suilrak-class frigate Ounaikol of the United Moons of Sarkai

Captain Kaishurin was pretty much expecting a standard routine patrol day. His ship, the leading ship of a squadron of Suilrak-class frigates were patrolling the space around the sea-world of Uishkar, one of the many moons of the colossal gas-giant Sarkai.

Kaishurin was particular proud of having been appointed commander of a Suilrak-class - they were developed under maximum secrecy because they were the first Sarkai ships to be armed with particle accelerators - beam weapons which had a rather short range, but nonetheless were incredibly effective against enemy spaceships. Compared to lasers, particle accelerators were humongous weapons and due to this, a frigate vessel such as the Suilraks had only two of them - one mounted on the top and another mounted on the ship's bottom, both turreted.

Other than the enormous weapons, the Suilrak-class was not extraordinary in appearance - like its predecessor, the Kaur-class, it hull was vaguely wedge-shaped in profile but when viewed from behind or from front, it looked like a hexagon. Describing its shape as a "hexagonal wedge" would be accurate, albeit clumsy-sounding.

Then, suddenly the Communications Officer picked up a distress call: "Sir! Picking up distress call from Shaikarsa."

Only slightly startled, Kaishurin asked: "What's the message?"

The Communications Officer selected the recently-transmitted distress call from the "incoming messages" database of his computer, and the message call was found out to be following:

Attention all military ships of the United Moons of Sarkai. This is Shaikarsite Military Space Station Rishina Tvurak. A heavily damaged Avarnam war frigate has docked with us, and informed us that the Kh-Sriil have destroyed all other ships of the Avarnam Defense Fleet. According to the frigate's crew, the Kh-Sriil fleet is more than three times as big as ours - so if Shaikarsa shall not suffer a similar fate, we immediately request that you send as many warships as possible to Rishina Tvurak! End communication."

Kaishurin, like a reflex, yelled: "Frigate Squadron - set coordinates for Shaikarsa. Engineering - full thrust on both antimatter and fusion engines."

And away Kaishurin's frigate squadron travelled towards Shaikarsa...

Shortly after, the Communications Officer picked up signals from other Sarkai Union Fleet ships that they too had received similar messages and were heading for Shaikarsa, too.
Last edited by Peregrin Toker on 2003-11-02 06:38am, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

BTW - I have a question for you: Are there any readers who find it slightly annoying that the story often changes viewpoint??

I'm just curious.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Simon H.Johansen wrote:BTW - I have a question for you: Are there any readers who find it slightly annoying that the story often changes viewpoint??

I'm just curious.
Don't mind at all. What I do mind, hwoever, is the really clunky dialogue. It looks/sounds like soemthing froma badly dubbed movie.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Singular Quartet wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:BTW - I have a question for you: Are there any readers who find it slightly annoying that the story often changes viewpoint??

I'm just curious.
Don't mind at all. What I do mind, hwoever, is the really clunky dialogue. It looks/sounds like soemthing froma badly dubbed movie.
Hmm... I'll be putting the next chapter on hold and revise the dialogues for what I have written. Thanks!

BTW - I apologize for the silly dialogue, but it has an explanation: English is not my first language. And I really appreciate suggestions for how exactly to alter the dialogue - some of it doesn't seem that silly to me. (Then again, I don't know much about naval and military combat and what jargon they use)
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Post by Crazedwraith »

An intresting chapter. I dont really ind the way its set ou but i would like to know when theese smugglers are going to join the invaded species (can't remember their name).
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Crazedwraith wrote: Obvious typos fixed by SHJ.

An intresting chapter. I dont really mind the way its set out but I would like to know when theese smugglers are going to join the invaded species (can't remember their name).
Hehe, this is quite a red herring. Thanks for reminding me of a plot hole which is undeniably going to be filled somewhere in a future chapter.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Singular Quartet wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:BTW - I have a question for you: Are there any readers who find it slightly annoying that the story often changes viewpoint??

I'm just curious.
Don't mind at all. What I do mind, hwoever, is the really clunky dialogue. It looks/sounds like soemthing froma badly dubbed movie.
Hmm... I'll be putting the next chapter on hold and revise the dialogues for what I have written. Thanks!

BTW - I apologize for the silly dialogue, but it has an explanation: English is not my first language. And I really appreciate suggestions for how exactly to alter the dialogue - some of it doesn't seem that silly to me. (Then again, I don't know much about naval and military combat and what jargon they use)
One of the best methods, is to say as much as possible in the smallest number of syllables.

Example: You dialogue:
"Kursau!! Vornuyk!! I've spotted Kh-Sriil dropships in the sky, and they're launching some grey pods which I can't identify!! We better hide in the bunker!!"

My suggested replacement:
"Kurusau! Vornuyk! Kh-Sriil dropships have come! To the bunker!"

Most people wouldn't care about telling others about grey pods being fired. Instead, they'd just give a short, good reason to do something, and then tell them to do it.

Military dialogue would be shorter, and would offer very little descripstions of anything, unless the speaker isn't in combat.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Singular Quartet wrote:
Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Singular Quartet wrote: Don't mind at all. What I do mind, hwoever, is the really clunky dialogue. It looks/sounds like soemthing froma badly dubbed movie.
Hmm... I'll be putting the next chapter on hold and revise the dialogues for what I have written. Thanks!

BTW - I apologize for the silly dialogue, but it has an explanation: English is not my first language. And I really appreciate suggestions for how exactly to alter the dialogue - some of it doesn't seem that silly to me. (Then again, I don't know much about naval and military combat and what jargon they use)
One of the best methods, is to say as much as possible in the smallest number of syllables.

Example: You dialogue:
"Kursau!! Vornuyk!! I've spotted Kh-Sriil dropships in the sky, and they're launching some grey pods which I can't identify!! We better hide in the bunker!!"

My suggested replacement:
"Kurusau! Vornuyk! Kh-Sriil dropships have come! To the bunker!"

Most people wouldn't care about telling others about grey pods being fired. Instead, they'd just give a short, good reason to do something, and then tell them to do it.

Military dialogue would be shorter, and would offer very little descripstions of anything, unless the speaker isn't in combat.

Thanks. :mrgreen:
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Okay - now I've not only revised all the dialogue but also added some more details. (particularly a little about Xril society in the 1st chapter)

BTW - in case any of you have the 3rd edition Forgotten Realms sourcebook for D&D, I advise you to check out page 48. The Hierophant of Lathander on that page bears a striking resemblance to what I envisioned the Xril as looking like. (Okay, my ideas about the Xril have changed quite a bit since I got the idea for TWW, but still....)
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