LT Hitman was lying down on a poolside chair in a seaside
resort somewhere on Risa, unwinding from his mission to
Borg space, which he did from time to time whenever he
got bored.
Surrounding him were several chicks of various species, all rubbing
olive oil over his body, and motor oil over his cybernetic parts, when
a whiny squeaky voice interrupted his pleasure.
Growling, the LT cracked open a blood-rimmed eye, a side effect of
last night's orgy with a hundred chicks that he was trying to sleep off,
before this twit had interrupted his attempts to sleep.
Locking his eye on this new annoyance, Hitman noticed that the annoyance
was dressed in what appeared to be robes with stars and crescents printed
on it in gold fabric, and the annoyance was babbling about magic, and
Hogwarts School (whatever the fuck that was).
"Tremble, evil-doers! Soon you will feel the heavy hand of truth personified.
I have come to this horrible den of inquity and the world will be a better
place when I have purged all the lies of science and logic, thanks to my
magic wand!"
With that, the fool began waving a cheap plastic wand that he had obviously
gotten for 99 cents at a dollar store.
The LT tried closing his eyes and ignoring the insect. Unfortunately, for the idiot,
he kept on babbling and waving his wand, until he knocked over the LT's drink,
spilling it's contents all over the LT's new silk shirt, staining it horribly.
"What the kriff do you think you're doing?" growled the LT, slowly pushing the
women off him as he got up from his chair.
"Bow down before my intellect, fool! For I am ANDREW JOSHUA TALON!"
shouted the moron whose life expectancy was now rapidly aproaching zero.
"Right. Any last words, fuckbucket?" growled HITMAN as he felt the Dark Side
grow within him, his rage and hatred enveloping him in a pitch-black fog of
seething pain.
Andrew had noticed this, as the air temperature had dropped somehow by ten
degrees in the last few seconds and promptly pissed his pants as the LT's
blood-red cybereye blinked on, and a targeting laser snapped on, the beam
centering right between his eyes.
Reaching out with the Force, the LT grabbed Andrew by the nuts, squeezing them
hard enough to break the blood vessels on them, causing the acrid stench around
his crotch to be replaced with the sickly sweet smell of blood.
Screaming in pain and clutching his groin, Andrew collapsed to the ground, gibbering
"It's not possible! My Hogwarts school experience should be protecting me from evil
doers like you!"
"Well, little man, I gots news for you." muttered HITMAN as he took out a cigar and lit
it with the flamer unit concealed in his left middle finger. "This is not your kiddy ass shit
no more, this is the real world."
With that, HITMAN took a few experimental puffs on his cigar before frowning.
"Shit, man. I really have got to talk with my supplier. The quality of these things have
gone down big time ever since we nuked Habana for rebelling against Admiral Sheppard
when he went down there for a visit with the local governor-general a while back."
With that, HITMAN disposed of the offending cigar the only way he thought of - stubbing
it out in Andrew Joshua Talon's right eye, grinning evilly as he heard Andrew scream
bloody murder.
******
To be continued when I can do it, because my worthless mother is
screaming at me to get off the computer and threatening to turn the
power off unless I get off...mutter mutter...LT, see if you can
add anything to this
