United States vs Middle Earth

Deimos Anomaly · Post by **Deimos Anomaly** » 2002-10-01 04:46pm

A huge wormhole opens in the middle of the north Atlantic ocean, two miles in diameter, centered on the surface, (extending a mile above and below the ocean surface), and allowing passage of anything that comes at it either on the sea, below the waves, or in the air.

The other end of the wormhole is in the ocean to the west of Middle Earth, about 300 miles offshore of the main continent.

The US sends some ships and planes through to scout the place out.

After a couple of months of this, the main continent of M.E. has been well reconoitered.

Bush, while hopped up on cocaine, decides to invade. War plans are drawn up to attack Gondor first, while bombing Mordor to soften it up before invading that. Then the rest of the continent will be assaulted.

What happens?

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-10-01 05:52pm

The US probably wins easily. Middle Earth has no high technology, and we saw that arrows are more than sufficient to kill Goblins and Orcs. Men are stronger than modern men, but not THAT much stronger, and they would almost certainly be forced to surrender. And remember the numbers in the Third Age. Ten thousand fighting men is considered a huge army. I guess they've never had any experience with American airpower. They would be bombed into the Stone Age.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-10-01 06:07pm

*Rumbling sound from A-10 incoming with napam strikes

Acclamator · Post by **Acclamator** » 2002-10-01 06:24pm

Thousands upon thousands of orcs rush forward, swords waving madly, their guttaral cries shattering the air as they close in on the small trapped group of US soldiers that got seperated from their unit and who've run out of ammo.

But then the Americans hear a sound, distant yet growing, that brings joy to their hearts.

The distant thrum rises to a rumble, and then to a ground-shaking thunder. Some of the orcs notice and look about in confusion, but most of the vast horde continues to rush forward.

Then, with a mighty roar, 65 tons of Abrams M1A2 hurtles over a low mound, sailing through the air over the men and lands between them and the orcs. It's quickly followed by another. They rush forward, and the orc charge falters, even as the two tanks fire their opening volleys from their cannon, obliterating clusters of orcs at a time. And then they are among the horde, plunging in and not stopping as they force themselves forward, their tracks growing slick with the blood and guts of multiple orcs that are crushed undertrack like so many ants. The orc army breaks, and flees the mechanical beasts, running away in full retreat.

A hatch opens on top of one of the tanks and the commander pops his head out. He turns and looks back to where the trapped American soldiers are. "Well we came and got you assholes. Like they say, nobody gets left behind"

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-10-01 06:43pm

well, the basic armies wouldnt be any problem at all. I'm thinking sauron might be a bit more trouble.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-10-01 06:54pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:well, the basic armies wouldnt be any problem at all. I'm thinking sauron might be a bit more trouble.

Somehow I doubt that even the Dark Lord could stand up to an Abrams tank, and he certainly could not stop B-52's and the like.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-01 07:09pm

Sauron stalks forward, demoralizing modern soldiers with his gaze as easily as he did with Middle-Earth's swordsmen. He kills one young man with his battle-axe. The air erupts as assault rifles, pistol, and anything that can throw lead begins firing. The bullets bounce off Sauron's armor as he laughs.

Sauron then stops laughing as a daring Corporal shoves a grenade down his armor. Everyone hits the dirt.

BOOM.....

Shadow WarChief · Post by **Shadow WarChief** » 2002-10-01 07:24pm

So let me see, your average Gondor foot soldier, hardened by years of war is no doubt quite a physically powerful specimen, add on the armor and you looking at something like 150 kg right?

So if KE = .5m * v^2

and the velocity is roughly 10 meters /second.

So to knock just one foot soldier back would require 7.5 kJ. Considering the fact that Sauron sent 10 guys flying at a time, would beef it up to 75 kilojoules per swipe right?

And as I recall, a tank shell has an energy output of 5 megap joules, so one tank shell is equivalent to 67 Sauron swipes.

So then, I think this pretty much puts the issue of

V.S.

to rest.

Considering the amount of trouble the Last alliance had with just Sauron, an Abrams with 67 times the energy output will pretty much fuck 'em over by themselves.

paladin · Post by **paladin** » 2002-10-01 07:52pm

b-52s pounded them back to the stone age.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-10-01 08:11pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:well, the basic armies wouldnt be any problem at all. I'm thinking sauron might be a bit more trouble.

Frodo+Ring+Pave Low III+100 F-16's flying cover=Dead Sauron.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2002-10-01 08:25pm

physical sauron? certainly. he got evaporated when he lost his jewelry. but the spirit of sauron endures. . . and as per rotk, he can mind control all sorts of critters. what good is a tank if it turns sides?

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2002-10-01 10:30pm

Sauron's army is toast, but he might simply twist the Americans as he did the Numoreans (sp?)

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-10-01 11:39pm

Master of Ossus wrote:They would be bombed into the Stone Age.

So, are you claiming that the U.S. attacks won't have any effect on them?

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-10-01 11:40pm

Maybe they'll first build schools and universities, and teach them some basic industrial methods, internal-combustion engines, etc. Then they'll bomb them to stone age again.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-10-01 11:41pm

Slartibartfast wrote:
Master of Ossus wrote:They would be bombed into the Stone Age.
So, are you claiming that the U.S. attacks won't have any effect on them?

No, I'm saying that they would get their butts kicked out of the Third Age.

lgot · Post by **lgot** » 2002-10-01 11:50pm

US Army go and go. Easy take over Modor. Then they start to take off the elfs. It is a bit more hard, Elrond do some nick tricks, US lost some ground army, but Elrond and the elves retreat. Then it is time to take off Galadriel's Elfs. They are hard to found, but you destroy the florest over and over and lost some men to few useless sneaky attacks. Then Galadriel goes herself to talk and ends in the US and without problem finds Bush. She hopes to put some sense within him and perhaps with her mighty majestic powers and allure she could. But when she get there is too late. She is cast away by a angry Bush and his new friend Sauron, who changed sides as quickly he saw a power able to give him power over his enemies and found a damn easy heart to be over his control there. USA won and start to domain all the rest in name of Sauron. End of story.

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-10-02 12:24am

lgot wrote:US Army go and go. Easy take over Modor. Then they start to take off the elfs. It is a bit more hard, Elrond do some nick tricks, US lost some ground army, but Elrond and the elves retreat. Then it is time to take off Galadriel's Elfs. They are hard to found, but you destroy the florest over and over and lost some men to few useless sneaky attacks. Then Galadriel goes herself to talk and ends in the US and without problem finds Bush. She hopes to put some sense within him and perhaps with her mighty majestic powers and allure she could. But when she get there is too late. She is cast away by a angry Bush and his new friend Sauron, who changed sides as quickly he saw a power able to give him power over his enemies and found a damn easy heart to be over his control there. USA won and start to domain all the rest in name of Sauron. End of story.

That wouldn't work if Sauron is an atheist. If Sauron is a christian, he gets extra points in taking over Bush's mind.

lgot · Post by **lgot** » 2002-10-02 12:57am

Well, Sauron can look like Jesus himself then ^^ And have tv show also.

Shadow WarChief · Post by **Shadow WarChief** » 2002-10-02 01:01am

While Sauron in his prime is is the best corrupting force ever known (he turned their equivilant of the bible belt into Satan worshippers for Pete's sake), he was only able to achieve this through t he use of his beautiful form.

He lost access to his beautiful form when he died on Numenor.

So he really wouldn't be able to manipulate Bush too much, or make himself look like Jesus.

lgot · Post by **lgot** » 2002-10-02 01:15am

To manipulate bush and look to be Jesus ?

"I am The uh, Big Eye of God, Bush. Worship me and stuff"
"hehehe, Yeah Beavies...errr, Sure, I want to destroy some florests to make energy first"
"Good, Happens that I hate some people that live in florests. "
"Well, actually we do not have much of a florest here, but..."
"Forget it. What is not with us, Is against us"
"Cool, I liked that. Catch phrase and stuff. How is your name again ?"
"Watever."

Sauron could not manipulate and use the form to look nice and wise against the people of ME that already knew him. He could yet still to manipulate by the use of terror and promess of power. Jesus for sure can promess such things...