The Special Edition of Fist of the Empire: Prolog/Chapter 1

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The Special Edition of Fist of the Empire: Prolog/Chapter 1

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The Fist of the Empire.

Prolog:


The cold silence of space...

An ancient void..

A silent, dark sea.

Its currents a steady, merciless radiation. Through them, the only places warmed to life a few million planets per each galaxy--and the metal hulls created by the artifice of the beings upon them. But there were none of those out here, beyond the rim of this brilliant and cold galaxy, in the most empty place of the void, beyond all, perfectly devoid of the fragile cocoon of fragile.

A flicker of pseudomotion. The state of the region changed in an instant. Now well in excess of twenty billion persons inhabited the depths of space in this area. A small fleet of triangle, or perhaps wedge-shaped ships existed, drawn up in a protective formation around large two spherical objects, and six smaller ones, also around which were several hundred huge, blocky vessels, heavy-burdened things. They had launched their expedition three years ago in another galaxy, on a secret mission. Traveling at over sixty million times the speed of light, they had arrived at their destination following the path of an ancient group of colonists who had, some twenty six millenia previously, fled the terrors of Xim the Despot.

Peace could only be bought for so long.


Chapter One:


The planet Arran was the homeworld of the "Nefel", a humanoid race which, like many in the region, were generally similiar to each other. They had just discovered warp drive but a decade before, and had quickly spread to fourteen nearby systems with habitable planets. Though they had yet to discover any other species, they were confident that their exploration would soon yield results in that area. The hope proved to be exceptionally well-founded, for the Nefel were strategically placed in relation to the United Federation of Planets.

What happened next was brute gunboat diplomacy. Three Executor-class command ships arced out of hyperspace to close with Arran from nearly the edge of the gravity well. Each one was escorted by a coterie of Imperators, six apiece. The largest of the ships of the Nefel's fleet was a mere hundred and fifty metres long, and the home defence force was hardly even concentrated enough for any but a madman to harbour hopes of resistance. The ruling Triumvirate merely could hope for contact...

...And they got it. The terms that followed were very generous, for the Imperial forces needed the intact infrastructure in their local operations, and better yet, the personnel. The one who led this fleet, at least, was no racist, and even one who was might realize the need for sepoys in this galaxy where human were rare. It took the Nefel fourty-three minutes to concede to their terms out of an hour; but really they had as soon as they were offered. Now the matter would be one of consolidating this region until the detachment assigned for operations here would be able to make a single decapacitating thrust.


Federation Expeditionary Group.


The bridge of the USS Genghis Khan had gotten quite busy. She approached along with her sister ship the USS Mayan, one of the outer colonies of a species called the Nefel, and preparations were being made for First Contact, not unusual as the UFP constantly explored along the outer borders, meeting many minor warp-capable species. The Nefel's subspace communications had been intercepted several years before, but the mission of course had been delayed until the thorough surveying of the region between Nefel space and the Federation. Now, though, the two Sovereign class Starships were moving to make first contact with the species.

On the bridge of the Genghis Khan, Captain Victoria Summers was quietly pleased with the whole operation. The Dominion War was over and the Federation was back to exploration, in a grand style no-less as the fleet had an excess of ships while cutbacks were being debated. It was good to see the traditional mission return.

"Captain, we've arrived at Telerone IV," the Khan's navigator reported crisply, the visage of the planet below filling the screen as they dropped out of warp, the location of the Nefel colony just swinging around the terminator.

Captain Summers nodded in affirmation. "Helm, standard orbit. Communications; signal Mayan to orbit and prepare to hail the colony with universal greeting--prepare to transmit to surface as soon as we enter orbit."

"Aye Sir, Standard orbit," helm confirmed, the two great ships swinging down over the planet.

The communications officer, however, was frowning as he checked his systems a second time after transmitting the order to the Mayan. "Captain, we have a problem. There is a huge canopy shield over the main city of the colony, I can't break through the interference."

Captain Summers stood up, walking over to the Ops console and double-checking the readings from there herself. She paused as she did and stiffened slightly. Exploration brought surprises, but... "We don't have the technology to put up a shield like that. There's no way the Nefel should."

"It covers an area at least five hundred square kilometers and the power readings are off the chart," the ops officer answered by way of agreement. "Captain, are you sure we're in the right place?" The wry comment, a bit out of place, masqued real concern.

Captain Summers was about to reply when the tactical officer interrupted, speaking to her with a voice that old instincts could tell repressed panic only in discipline.

"Captain, sensors detect a vessel rounding the planet at high sublight speed. Power readings are off the scale; I'm detecting hundreds of weapons emplacements, and their shield power is nearly as high as that of the canopy shield on the planet's surface! The vessel is one-point-six kilometers long. I can't tell if their weapons are powered up or not, Captain--I can barely get a reading through those sorts of power levels. I don't think so--I can't detect any energy feeds."

The Captain straightened and stepped back to her command chair, keeping her voice level. "Red Alert, all hands to battlestations, and put the vessel on the main viewer. Communications, order Mayan to battlestations as well." As if Captain Mayer hadn't already. The klaxons sounding, she settled into her command chair and watched the heavy-hulled grey form swell on the screen.

Captain Tyrel of the ISD-I Slammer was quietly furious. This had been unexpected occurence, something hardly desireable at all: contact with the regional powers before they had fully established even a local infrastructure, let alone control over the other minor states of the area. Worse, it had to happen to him--he was up for promotion, and this was now going to be the career maker, or breaker.

On the flipside they had a chance to look at the ships of the force now approaching and would, it appeared, soon gain an idea of their ability in combat. The two ships were certainly odd looking, at least, with twin nacelles, a circular section, and a long, tapering club like section to the hull. Rather like a YT-2400 and a Corellian gunship wielded together with two oversized message drones, he thought idly. Certainly it didn't look any more stable than that.

The ships came about to face the Slammer with an admirable promptness, however. Each one six hundred and eighty meters long, give or take a few, and facing two frigates with an ISD was certainly possible, but at least should be taken seriously. It would have to be taken a bit more seriously because of his orders--he was supposed to capture ships in a situation like this, not destroy them. "Helm, course to split their formation! All Ion batteries and medium Turbolasers stand by. Combined volley on their shields, and once they fail, Ions only. The High Admiral wants prisoners!"

The Lieutenant in command of the communications bank called out to Captain Tyrel: "Sir, the alien hostiles are attempting communications!"

"Ignore it!" was the terse response. If these ships were more intimidating then they looked--certainly the main possibility--this could be a dangerous engagement with his fighting power so hobbled. Tyrel would take no chances and simply let them come on for as long as they remained naive.

Aboard the Genghis Khan, things were very tense indeed. The great vessel before them manoeuvred directly between the two Sovereigns and had no intention of giving way.

"Captain, the alien vessel still won't respond; Captain Mayer proposes that we shift orbit." The communications officer called out.

Captain Summers nodded in acknowledgement but spoke nothing, the design of the ship fascinating her even as she grapled with the situation. No sign of warp drives, and as heavily armoured as could be possible, with an immense conning tower. She recognized what the design could be, evoking memories of ancient, water-bourne Dreadnoughts which she had once studied as a mere piece of trivia in the long history of terran navies that had brought Starfleet to a better height. Why aren't they doing anything? If they were hostile, they could have engaged long ago... Then she saw the turrets.

"Magnify frame sixteen sixth power."

The image swelled to consume the screen and the bridge crew could clearly see what Captain Summers understood, the massive-barreled turrets of the alien craft lazily swinging to bear on the Genghis Khan as they entered the great ship's firing arc.

"Emergency warp, ahead full, now! Communications, Mayan, evasive manoeuvres!"

On the bridge of the Slammer, Captain Tyrel gave the order. "Designated batteries, commence firing."

The massive recoil pounded the ship as multiple medium turbolaser bolts and two massive Ion Cannon blasts from the heavy Ion guns slammed into the USS Mayan. The ship never stood a chance, shields failing instantly. In another two seconds, another blast from the twin ion cannon hit the Mayan and she was completely disabled, locked into tractor beams. However, Captain Summer's recognition of the turrets had saved her ship from a similiar fate, and the Genghis Khan was now well aft of the Slammer.

"Communications! Send all data from this encounter to Starfleet command immediately," Captain Summers ordered. "Bring us about at full Impulse, and forward weapons standby."

"That ship has a massive ion drive tail, watch out for it," ops called out, voice steady through the shock of seeing the other Sovereign so casually disabled. "Be sure to stay out of it."

"Got that," the helmsman answered as the Genghis Khan came about.

"Massive jamming, Captain," the communications officer reported doefully. "I'm not sure if the dump got through or not."

"Burn out the long range transmitters with the power if you have to but try again and squeeze everything you have to for it," Captain Summers answered as the after section of that monstrous ship with the trapped Mayan beside her loomed.

"Report." Captain Tyrel ordered as the tumbling of the port enemy ceased in the iron grip of his ship's tractors.

"One enemy disabled Sir, the other is coming about and accelerating..... They're firing!" A massive concentration of fired Quantum and Photon torpedoes were spat from the tubes of the Genghis Khan, streaking towards the Slammer, and dozens of phaser beams besides--and through them, the shields held.

Inside the Slammer the impact was barely even felt. "Reorient, full thrusters. Present our vertical plain to them and prepare to fire all ion cannons and point defense cannons." The Slammer swung around in a starkly nimble manoeuvre for her size, presenting her heavy turrets. Lighter turbolaser shots lanced in wave after wave from the sixty defence cannons that could bear, and another four from the heavy cannons; but the later shots being dodged easily now by the Genghis Khan.

"Shields down. Engineering--central transporter control! Beam off as many of the Mayan's crew as you can, now! Helm, continue evasive manoeuvres." The orders were given steadily as the awesome wall of fire came up from that wedge-shaped enemy and the task was an ominous one. The Sovereign-class starship twisted and spun as it started to beam off members of the Mayan's crew, and indeed the evasive manoeuvres defended the ship from the heavy ion cannon bolts.

They did not however protect the Genghis Khan from the fire of the point-defence cannons, which welled up in rapid fire masses from the guns of the ISD, peppering the hull of the ship with many minor wounds. As dozens of hits were scored it was clear that the situation was untenable, systems failing under the cumulative damage. Barely a third of the crew of the Mayan had been rescued but it was clear that they would have no chance of rescuing either those, or themselves, if they stayed longer.

"Shape our evasive pattern over the northern pole and stand by for warp as we clear the planet," Captain Summers ordered, beating the reluctance from her voice. "Shields up."

The Genghis Khan swung up and away from the prize of the Mayan, pursued by the light fire that abruptly peppered over her shield bubble and the heavier shots of the ion cannon that dissipated into the surface below. But even before the warp drives powered up a single incandescent lance of heavy fire struck the second ship and her punished shields. They vanished under its force and the overload crackled through the hull, shattering systems and killing crew and survivors of the Mayan who had just endured its ike in the extremity of that power pitted against the full war load on the Genghis Khan's systems. And then she was dead, drifting and tumbling on a course that would have eventually carried her to the planet, were it not for the tractors of the Slammer.


Executor-class Commandship Indomitable, two weeks later.


The Admirals in Charge of the Alpha Quadrant Expeditionary Force, Admiral Faris in overall command, Vice Admiral Wong second in command, and Rear Admirals Tyrel and Poe commanding heavy squadrons of the battlefleet, rose from their places along the conference table as their overall commander entered. She motioned for them to sit, a slight gesture of economy from an equally slight individual.

Red eyes glinted in blue skin set in that aristocratic face as High Admiral Mrina'sev'e'lel settled back into her chair at the head of the table, the light here customarily low, perhaps pleasant for her race, though they did well on the planets of the Unknown Regions that had been colonised jointly regardless of such considerations. Indeed, it was from those regions that they had collected most of the troops, and the idea of the expedition had been born. Most of the Chiss in the fleet would not have signed up at all had they not been serving under the daughter of Grand Admiral Thrawn.

The Imperial Admirals, on the other hand, feared the expedition for precisely that reason. Thrawn himself likely would have never sanctioned such nepotism and her experience had come through the Chiss forces and military structure, not that of the Empire. Her skill was in their eyes a truly untested commodity which had so far consisted only of raising the troops needed for the fleet.

"Gentlemen, the incident over the colony Gysema II forces us to advance our timetable for offensive operations against the United Federation of Planets," she announced calmly, a statement they had all been given to expect, but still hardly welcome. "And, indeed, the general plan for subduing the Alpha Quadrant. They will follow up; we must act while they are off-guard."

"Have we been able to confirm, Sir, that the data packet was actually received by the Federation from the Genghis Khan?" Admiral Faris asked.

"No. But we cannot confirm that it was not sent, either. And if they begin making preparations for an interior defence then our situation will be even more complicated than if we were to commence operations immediately. The choice is clear."

"I understand, Admiral," Faris assented, hands folded over a datapadd on the table as he gazed steadily at his twice-doubted commander and mused on the situation. This, at least, was indeed quite straightforward.

"Admiral Faris," Mrina'sev'e'lel continued, undeterred by the quiet unease in a position created half by politics and military populism and the other by reputation, "it is my intention to detach Admiral Tyrel's Fifteenth Destroyer and several lighter squadrons on a sweeping mission into Federation space to eliminate the Starbases nearest our forward position; the Starfleet vessels are much more short-legged than our own and the first matter must be to hinder their ability to conduct further operations near Nefel space. I plan for you to follow this operation up with a strike on..."


Spacedock


In orbit over Earth, the Enterprise-E was a splendid sight, approaching the Earth Spacedock. Some twenty minutes later it was fully docked inside that massive space station, Captain Picard arriving at a major conference, Admiral Jellicoe presiding. As the various captains settled down, Jellicoe began to speak, his tone noticeably grim.

"As of four hours ago, we received a subspace transmission from the Genghis Khan, under the command of Captain Victoria Summers. The message contained details of a unknown ship of incredible firepower orbiting one of the Nefel worlds, of which she was assigned to make first contact with." He activated a control on his podium, and a holo-image of the battle up to the point of the burst transmission was displayed. As it finished, the various captains and commodores were murmuring softly among themselves in some consternation at the demonstrated capabilities of the ship.

Jellicoe waited until the response had died down and then looked to Jean-luc Picard. The two were professionals and the incidents of the past along the Cardassian border were long forgotten considering the late Dominion war. This had not been his order, and he somewhat regretted giving it--but Picard was also one of the best for meeting these threats at the point. "Captain Picard, by order of Starfleet Command you are to lead a force consisting of the Seventh and Eighth flotillas of the Utopia Planita force and attached heavy Sovereigns vessels to Starbase-118 at Risam.

"We can only assume the Nefel have been overrun, and after the lessons of the Dominion War we cannot afford to ignore such a potential threat along a broad border; it must be investigated and resolved. Gentlebeings.. Our goal here is to avoid a war, but based on the information we have, if that war is unavoidable we shall be severely outmatched. Our opportunities for manoeuvre can only then be improved by a rapid reaction.

"Captain Picard, you are to do your best to establish diplomatic relations with this species and obtain the safe return of the crews of the Genghis Kahn and Mayan, assuming they're still alive. Otherwise, your duty is to secure the border against this potential threat and make sure that this species has no intentions of advancing into Federation space; and if they do, to prevent them. In all cases, gather as much information about this people as possible."

Captain Picard stood up, looking at Jellicoe. The swiftness with which Starfleet was ordering a major fleet gathered had surprised him, and he was concerned about old Dominion War admirals overreacting to a contact with a new species, even if it might have been blundered and they appeared aggressive. "Admiral, I fear that this force could only exacerbate tensions in a situation about which we know very little. It is a very large commitment of our strength and of major ships--perhaps, at least, the dispatch of ships more suited to border patrol would be appropriate, while the Enterprise handles the diplomatic duties?"

Jellico was quick to respond. "Jean-Luc.. I know how you feel about the military nature of Starfleet. However, the fleet will be staying in Federation territory--and, certainly, if it is possible you may make diplomatic contact with the Enterprise alone. However, the defence of the Federation is paramount here, and Starfleet command has judged that to best include the dispatch of a large force of our heavy elements to the border region. Do whatever you think is necessary to protect the Federation; through peace or confrontation, though I pray that it won't come to that. We all, I think, expect it to be a misunderstanding--it is just that recent experience has taught us we cannot expect that."

Captain Picard nodded once, crisply. "Of course, Admiral. I'd like all of the information on the action transmitted to the Enterprise as soon as possible. We'll need as much time as we can to prepare for this."


Nineteen days later--Starbase 529


At Starbase 592, which orbited the planet Lothar VI, over sixty-one Federation starships had been gathered from points around the sector and from deep in the UFP. Loaded into their hangar bays were a total of five hundred and twelve Peregrine class fighters, virtually all of their shuttles and all of their runabouts having been offloaded. The Federation had learned to take the buisness of war very seriously. Already, Jean-Luc Picard had heard that the third fleet was being reformed, a total of eight hundred and forty six starships, to provide a defensive backbone for this general region of space--an impressive concentration. It was clear that after the outrage at the Dominion capture of Betazed the Federation council wanted the next war to be fought as far from the major systems as possible--and that meant planning for an offensive war, which concerned Picard greatly.

Right now, all he could hope for--and what he could do his best to work towards--was a peaceful resolution. "Number One, inform the commanders of the Galaxy, the Cochrane, the Prometheus and the Arizona that they are to break away from the task force and follow us towards Risam at Warp nine. Mister Black, signal the rest of the task force to maintain position to defend the Starbase and the colony."

The "Aye sirs" chorused through the bridge, and the Sovereign-class starship, with it's two Galaxy-class and two Prometheusclass escorts, readied their engines as they moved away from the fleet. Picard was taking only this smaller force forward to Rahim, home to a small ground-base starbase that was at the extreme edge of Federation space, while he left most of the fleet back at Lothar to establish patrol lines and generally stay back from the border until a reconaissance of the situation had been made.

"Helm... Engage," he concluded as the smaller squadron showed its readiness for warp, and the five ships leapt ahead for the twelve day journey from the small starbase, to the smaller.


The Imperial Fleet:


Captain Victoria Summers had been in her cell for over two weeks, abandoned except for the odd robots that brought her meals and occasionally brought in a change of sheets and prison garb and removed the old--with a sufficient lack of frequency that it was clearly for sanitary considerations. The only remote event of interest had been when a scanner crew ran some odd device over her; they seemed very surprised at the results, but other than that, nothing. She had only seen two races among the crew of the ship that had captured her vessel, one that appeared completely identical to humans, and the other blue skinned with glowing red eyes and blue-black hair. Diversity, it seemed, was not their strong suite.

The ship shuddered, interrupting her train of thought. She looked up, and then around her after it had, but there was nothing. Just the normal operating sounds of the vessel could be discerned, steadily uninterrupted in the background. Minutes later that changed. The cell door opened and two of the white-armoured guards were waiting for her. After handcuffing and shackling her, they led her through the ship--an act it seemed was utterly ignored by the crew--to its massive hanger and one of the odd Tri-winged shuttles within it.

Her vantage point in the shuttle allowed her a view of space. And so as it launched she saw before her a brown-blue world of a certain sort of craggy beauty. That, however, was just the backdrop, the tapestry, for a sight of deadly elegance laid out upon it. Three arrowhead shaped ships the size of major Starbase loomed up steadily to consume the viewport as they closed with the centre of the craft. They seemed to be nearly twenty kilometers long, sleek and deadly perfect gunmetal hulls against the peace of the world below. Armoured conning towers appearing starkly small against the sheer scale of the hulls; turrets with guns like those that had wrecked her ship to number the hundreds, and engines of such mass against the size of the hulls in which they lay that those grim ladies might yet be greyhounds.

Her shuttle docked in one of the innumerable cavernous bays of the centre ship of that squadron of leviathans, a procedure achieved in what appeared to be a particular efficiency by the crew of the shuttle, indiscernable words yielding to discernable behaviours. Once again, she was led through functional grey corridors and lifts by the armoured, emotionless guards. It could be a very depressing experience, and she doubted her fate would be particularly pleasant.

At last she was taken before two doors; they opened and the troopers pushed her into the darkness, the doors closing behind her. The room within was filled with human artwork.. Dozens of pieces; holograms. All recognizable from the history of Earth. And out of the depths of the dimly lit room and the holograms, a surprisingly pleasant-toned female voice spoke clipped and efficient words. "Captain Victoria Summers, commanding the Sovereign-class Enhanced Deterrant Explorer USS Genghis Khan."

A statement, but one she felt compelled to answer. "Yes, That's who I am." A pause, a pause of time as she stood, staring, searching into the darkness. The isolation combined with the mystery of what had been done wore on the soul, and then that voice offered the first connect. She spoke again. "What are your people, to attack us without provocation as they did?"

Perhaps the lighting shifted. Perhaps it never did; but the simple movement of the chair the voice had emanated from revealed it, as it revolved slowly to lock into place, facing Victoria. The effect was unpleasant, a cool sort of unease about one's surroundings, as she faced the speaker. The woman, of the blue-skinned species, slight of form but elegant in a white uniform even to the human eye, regarded her inquisitely, patiently, even. She was in her element here.

"Your vessel was trespassing on Imperial territory, Captain Summers. Despite the creed of your peaceful mission, your ships are warships, and Captain Tyrel was justified in his capture. I now have considerable information regarding your Federation; his success confirmed my earlier intention to promote him to Rear Admiral." Captain Summers stiffened, responding rather hotly: "Who are you to attack peaceful vessels, then, without even entering into dialogue!? What do you intend to do to my crew!?" The woman simply steepled her hands together, almost appearing to meditate, and waited on her reply for several minutes, giving Victoria time to recover herself and remember her tenuous position. "I am High Admiral Mrina'sev'e'lel of the Galactic Empire. My intention is to secure this galaxy for the Empire, and you will help me."

There was a particular sort of look in those red eyes when that was said, and after it was, she raised her hand to forestall a reply from Captain Summers. "You will help me, Captain, because it is your duty, not in betrayal of it." The words uttered seemed very certain.


It was some time later when Captain Summers had left that Mrina'sev'e'lel reclined in her command chair amongst the holograms in what once would have been one of the secondary operations rooms of the Indomitable. She was, in truth, worried. Such mental exercises had a tendency of playing that trick on individuals who attempted them, she understood fully; throwing back the subjective confusion they created upon the originator into a soup of uncertainty. She did not understand how easily her father had dealt with it. Perhaps, then, the art was merely to relax his mind for the real matter, dealing with the people. But there was very much to be done and even among those who saw this image as all that mattered she could not live in it for long.


The End of Chapter One and the Prolog.
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In 1966 the Soviets find something on the dark side of the Moon. In 2104 they come back. -- Red Banner / White Star, a nBSG continuation story. Updated to Chapter 4.0 -- 14 January 2013.
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Post by The Duchess of Zeon »

And, yes, this is the original Fist of the Empire, my first-ever fanfiction effort from years back, and winner of one Golden Star Destroyer award for best Ground Combat and three Golden Star Destroyer nominations. It was a while ago taken down from the archive for "renovations", and these are the renovations--though I'm keeping the original plot and tech levels, which means that this is indeed going to be a look at the grand old days before the AOTC:ICS, indeed, before most of the calcs that established firm Imperial dominance (and when Turbolasers were generally thought to be plasma, for that matter), when you had a chance for a real scuffle.

In a sense, this version is intended as a homage to the Golden Age of ASVS fanfiction, the Shep and Michael January and Chuck (and even, dare I say it, Lord Wong's) works which established things the way they were and really made our renaissance in writing get to where it is now. Of course the first version was more like a pale imitation of that (though clearly enough people thought otherwise for it to count somewhere)--but in general my hope is not only to clean this version up but in doing so to improve it; and yet not to lose that sort of crazy attitude in the works that generally prevailed in the era and made them quite enjoyable in their own half-goofy half-serious way.

Or, in otherwords, this is the lowbudget crossover rewrite fanfiction. Expect other chapters to be shameless reground and tossed onto the boards as time permits.
The threshold for inclusion in Wikipedia is verifiability, not truth. -- Wikipedia's No Original Research policy page.

In 1966 the Soviets find something on the dark side of the Moon. In 2104 they come back. -- Red Banner / White Star, a nBSG continuation story. Updated to Chapter 4.0 -- 14 January 2013.
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Singular Quartet
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Post by Singular Quartet »

The writing is sound and good, and the story itself sounds intresting. Since you've just established the technological ratios, I'll just sit back and wait for the next chapter.

Keep writing.
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SHODAN
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Post by SHODAN »

Tee hee. I feel sycophantic. But I restrain myself.. for now.
In my talons, I shape clay, crafting life forms as I please. If I wish, I can smash it all. Around me is a burgeoning empire of steel. From my throne room, lines of power careen into the skies of Earth. My whims will become lightning bolts that raze the mounds of humanity. Out of chaos, they will run and whimper, praying for me to end their tedious anarchy. I am drunk with this vision. God: the title suits me well.
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Post by phongn »

Stylistically, there's something off about the prologue. I can't quite explain it now, but it doesn't read well. The first part of the prologue is rather terse as well. I expected it to be more fleshed out, as it were.

Why would the Federation send a pair of Sovereigns, though? For such an early civilization, it doesn't seem like they need to show the flag in such a manner.

More commentary to follow.
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Post by Steve »

Hmm, very good Marina. I like.

Well, except for what we all know is going to happen. As much as I loathe some of the UFP's principles and actions, I still don't hate them. The Galactic Empire, on the other hand, is an entity that I hate very much, and to see them win at all rather... irritates me.

Oh well. Please, do give us another chapter when you're finished. :)
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Post by phongn »

Come on, Steve! Clearly, this fanfic is good if they unleash ATOMIC ANNIE on the invading Imperial hordes :D :twisted:
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Post by Sea Skimmer »

The Duchess of Zeon wrote: Or, in otherwords, this is the lowbudget crossover rewrite fanfiction. Expect other chapters to be shameless reground and tossed onto the boards as time permits.
Excellent... This has always been my favorite fan fic, though I have little to say in regards to the first new part. Commenting on writing style and such has never been a strong point of mine.
phongn wrote:
Why would the Federation send a pair of Sovereigns, though? For such an early civilization, it doesn't seem like they need to show the flag in such a manner.
It might be the end of a shakedown cruise or something on those lines, a nice long easy mission as a finnal check for the vessels.
phongn wrote:Come on, Steve! Clearly, this fanfic is good if they unleash ATOMIC ANNIE on the invading Imperial hordes :D :twisted:
Though the question arises as to where they got two of them from, since the only one in existence is rusting at Aberdeen, say perhaps they could "borrow" Atomic Annie and the railway gun Anzio Annie? Modifying the nuclear shell design to be accepted by the German gun shouldn't be a significant issue.

I would very much like to see the basis of the Federations ground equipment reworked. By 2037 the US military would be working on or already fielding a replacement for Future Combat System/Systems and the Abrams and Bradley would be nearly two decades gone, possibly more then that if a replacement is developed during the mid to late 1990's as was originally planned.
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Post by The Duchess of Zeon »

Sea Skimmer wrote:
It might be the end of a shakedown cruise or something on those lines, a nice long easy mission as a finnal check for the vessels.
Yes, a batch of them coming off the ways just too late to participate in the war.
Though the question arises as to where they got two of them from, since the only one in existence is rusting at Aberdeen, say perhaps they could "borrow" Atomic Annie and the railway gun Anzio Annie? Modifying the nuclear shell design to be accepted by the German gun shouldn't be a significant issue.
The second is at Fort Sill, Oklahoma.
I would very much like to see the basis of the Federations ground equipment reworked. By 2037 the US military would be working on or already fielding a replacement for Future Combat System/Systems and the Abrams and Bradley would be nearly two decades gone, possibly more then that if a replacement is developed during the mid to late 1990's as was originally planned.
We are in general revamping certain particulars which shall be revealed as chapters are posted.
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Post by Sea Skimmer »

The Duchess of Zeon wrote: The second is at Fort Sill, Oklahoma.
I thought they only had a barrel? That's what I recall reading anyway, only a single complete gun was preserved but so where a couple spare barrels.
We are in general revamping certain particulars which shall be revealed as chapters are posted.
We? Who is the other?
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Post by The Duchess of Zeon »

Sea Skimmer wrote: We? Who is the other?
We are a Sovereign Duchess, We can talk like that.
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Post by Col. Crackpot »

dear god Marina, please don't let this be a tease. we need pert 3...remember how you left everyone hanging with Kirk and the Husnock...... You authors just love toying with us don't you. :P
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Post by Steve »

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
Sea Skimmer wrote: We? Who is the other?
We are a Sovereign Duchess, We can talk like that.
Nooooo! I went through enough of that in the Great Game!
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Post by phongn »

Steve wrote:Nooooo! I went through enough of that in the Great Game!
Feh? You weren't there when she did the Robotech Mercentile Empire in the STGOD1 and acted as a Triumverate.
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Post by Sea Skimmer »

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
We are a Sovereign Duchess, We can talk like that.
*Reminds self to blow Zeon out of space*

And don't forget to cut the naval gun action back to a minimal, after 400 years nothing 20th century is going to be useabul.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Sea Skimmer wrote:
The Duchess of Zeon wrote:
We are a Sovereign Duchess, We can talk like that.
*Reminds self to blow Zeon out of space*

And don't forget to cut the naval gun action back to a minimal, after 400 years nothing 20th century is going to be useabul.
Oh, I don't know. She did a very good Submarine warfare in the Long Patrol, and was rather realistic...
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Post by phongn »

Singular Quartet wrote:Oh, I don't know. She did a very good Submarine warfare in the Long Patrol, and was rather realistic...
No, in the original FOTE she had a bunch of ancient battleships dueling around.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

phongn wrote:
Singular Quartet wrote:Oh, I don't know. She did a very good Submarine warfare in the Long Patrol, and was rather realistic...
No, in the original FOTE she had a bunch of ancient battleships dueling around.
Yes, but I haven't read the original FOTE. I've only read The Long Patrol.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

I haven't read the original so I can't compare it really, but the Special Edition at least seems much better than anything I have written yet.
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Post by phongn »

The original FOTE was kinda goofy and not written all that well, IMHO. Reading DIG and the original FOTE is like comparing day and night.
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Post by Kuja »

Well, I haven't read the original FOTE, but I like this. It's well-paced and extremely descriptive at the same time.

My one complaint: when you shift your point of view, can you put an extra line break in between the paragraph? During the battle, I lost track of whose POV was being used twice and had to scroll back and read more carefully.

Other than that, this is quality material.
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Post by Shogoki »

I loved this fic when it was first posted and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love the SE as well.
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Post by phongn »

I want to see what Marina does with NCC-1701F, USS Enterprise this time around :twisted:
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Post by Sea Skimmer »

phongn wrote:I want to see what Marina does with NCC-1701F, USS Enterprise this time around :twisted:
Hopefully her repulser nuclear missiles wont be back. They simply made no sense.
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Post by phongn »

Sea Skimmer wrote:
phongn wrote:I want to see what Marina does with NCC-1701F, USS Enterprise this time around :twisted:
Hopefully her repulser nuclear missiles wont be back. They simply made no sense.
Or the refurbished battleships or 'plasma yield' shells or a bunch of other things. But I trust this revision of FOTE will be much better.
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