The LotR Elves Are Homosexuals (Theory)

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2003-11-12 10:42pm

And yes, that includes Legolas!
Ok, just some points about why the Elves are gay as the day is long. These observations are based on the films. Think about them...

1.How many Elvish men do you see?

2.How many Elvish women do you see?

3. The 2 Elvish women you do see: Arwen and the Lady of the Wood and 1 of them likes a human and the other is liked by a dwarf

4.How many Elvish children do you see?

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-11-12 10:49pm

1. You mainly see Elvish men because they are mainly the fighters and officials.

2. You see many an Elvish woman, look in the cut scenes and extended scenes in Lothlorien.

3. Aside form the numerous other Elvish women you do see, Arwen is liked by Aragorn, who has some Elf blood in him. And everyone seems to love Galadriel, especially her husband Celeborn.

4. Most of the Elves thought ME was dying, so why reproduce?

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-11-12 11:48pm

Elves are ageless anyway. No desire to reproduce, I guess.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-11-13 12:04am

But we know that they can reproduce, so there is obviously very little sex drive if they can go for centuries without knocking somebody up. Or do they use elf condoms? Do they get elf abortions?

I think their serenity is the result of the fire of youth being taken out of them by age and diminished hormones, possibly as a side-effect of their immortality. They have near-zero sex drive.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-11-13 12:15am

Darth Wong wrote:But we know that they can reproduce, so there is obviously very little sex drive if they can go for centuries without knocking somebody up. Or do they use elf condoms? Do they get elf abortions?

They might use the rhythm method while female's elves are fertile far less often then human women.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-11-13 12:20am

Sea Skimmer wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:But we know that they can reproduce, so there is obviously very little sex drive if they can go for centuries without knocking somebody up. Or do they use elf condoms? Do they get elf abortions?
They might use the rhythm method while female's elves are fertile far less often then human women.

Perhaps the males have some way of choosing when to pass their seed along?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-11-13 12:23am

I thought Arwen and Aragorn were able to conceive. Doesn't that mean elven biology can't be too much different from human biology?

baelfire1945 · Post by **baelfire1945** » 2003-11-13 12:23am

Who says they aren't knocking each other up? It is just as possible that the kids are all hidden away in nurseries or sent off to the Gray Havens for their protection. Judging by the Arwen-Aragorn scenes in Two Towers, I'd say Arwen has plenty of sex drive. I'll by into Wong's theory of decreased sex drive in extreme old age, though.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-11-13 12:25am

Darth Wong wrote:I thought Arwen and Aragorn were able to conceive. Doesn't that mean elven biology can't be too much different from human biology?

Well some women only menstruate two or three times a year, so it might not be an issue.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-11-13 12:25am

Darth Wong wrote:I thought Arwen and Aragorn were able to conceive. Doesn't that mean elven biology can't be too much different from human biology?

On the button. The primary differences is somehow elves live incredibly long lives. Beyond that, well, they're traits that could occour in a human population(Height, particular facial structures).

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-11-13 12:26am

Darth Wong wrote:I thought Arwen and Aragorn were able to conceive. Doesn't that mean elven biology can't be too much different from human biology?

Yes it does, Elves and Men have crossbred before. And their children have been able to do it, this would imply universal genitalia.

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-11-13 12:27am

Darth Wong wrote:I thought Arwen and Aragorn were able to conceive. Doesn't that mean elven biology can't be too much different from human biology?

Elf-human hybrids aren't common, but they're not unheard-of either. Elrond himself is half-elven, him choosing to represent the race of Elves while his brother Elros became a Man and went on to descend the kings of Numenor.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-11-13 01:38am

Just means that elves and humans are like tigers and lions.

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2003-11-13 01:43am

Maybe the women have an normal sex drive, but the men only have a drive for procreation very seldomly (somewhat like Vulcan males). This would explain why we tend to see a lot of female elf/male human bondings as opposed to the reverse.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-11-13 01:46am

The Kernel wrote:Maybe the women have an normal sex drive, but the men only have a drive for procreation very seldomly (somewhat like Vulcan males). This would explain why we tend to see a lot of female elf/male human bondings as opposed to the reverse.

The women don't need to have a strong sex drive for these bondings to occur. They just need to be slower runners than the human men.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-11-13 01:48am

Since elves are basically immortal, I should think that their biological clocks don't tick as fast as ours.. otherwise severe overpopulation would occur.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-11-13 01:51am

When do Elves stop growing? Obviously the have children, but if they live immortal lives at what point does the body stop aging? Puberty?
Elrond looks like someone in his mid 40's to me. His daughter looks like she is in her late 20's. Or do they just age very, very, slowly. If that is the case do Elf toddlers go through the terrible 20's?

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-11-13 01:54am

TrailerParkJawa wrote:When do Elves stop growing? Obviously the have children, but if they live immortal lives at what point does the body stop aging? Puberty?
Elrond looks like someone in his mid 40's to me. His daughter looks like she is in her late 20's. Or do they just age very, very, slowly. If that is the case do Elf toddlers go through the terrible 20's?

I think they just keep going till they hit a 30's- 40's age and then they just stop ageing.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2003-11-13 02:21am

Sea Skimmer wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:But we know that they can reproduce, so there is obviously very little sex drive if they can go for centuries without knocking somebody up. Or do they use elf condoms? Do they get elf abortions?
They might use the rhythm method while female's elves are fertile far less often then human women.

The elves are Catholics?!

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-11-13 02:36am

Gandalf wrote: I think they just keep going till they hit a 30's- 40's age and then they just stop ageing.

Is there any evidence of this in the books or just a thought? Do we know if there is an age where Elves are considered to be "adults".

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-11-13 02:46am

TrailerParkJawa wrote:
Gandalf wrote: I think they just keep going till they hit a 30's- 40's age and then they just stop ageing.
Is there any evidence of this in the books or just a thought? Do we know if there is an age where Elves are considered to be "adults".

I think I read that Elves can stop the physical aging process at any point that they wish to and look any age they want to. Look at Galadriel; she's thousands of years old.

Trytostaydead · Post by **Trytostaydead** » 2003-11-13 03:08am

Darth Wong wrote:But we know that they can reproduce, so there is obviously very little sex drive if they can go for centuries without knocking somebody up. Or do they use elf condoms? Do they get elf abortions?

I think their serenity is the result of the fire of youth being taken out of them by age and diminished hormones, possibly as a side-effect of their immortality. They have near-zero sex drive.

Nonono.. look at Arwen.. she's just oozing sexuality. They just do it anally if they're not trying to reproduce

Sheesh, surprised no one brought this up yet.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-11-13 03:20am

TrailerParkJawa wrote:
Gandalf wrote: I think they just keep going till they hit a 30's- 40's age and then they just stop ageing.
Is there any evidence of this in the books or just a thought? Do we know if there is an age where Elves are considered to be "adults".

It's just a thought. I think the Elves would look both old and young at the same time, like those who grow old gracefully.

As for the adult thing, I think it would be when they've developed mentally or something. That's all that I could think of.

Johonebesus · Post by **Johonebesus** » 2003-11-13 04:27am

It might be spiritually difficult for them to reproduce. Tolkien generally held that the elves reincarnated. That is how Glorfindal could be killed at Gondolin and then show up to take Frodo to Rivendel. It may be that there is a finite number of elvish souls, and when all the souls are incarnated, they cannot reproduce. Of course, if this is so, there should have been a baby boom at the beginning of the Second Age, but maybe the boom happened in Valinor.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2003-11-13 05:35am

Johonebesus wrote:It might be spiritually difficult for them to reproduce. Tolkien generally held that the elves reincarnated. That is how Glorfindal could be killed at Gondolin and then show up to take Frodo to Rivendel. It may be that there is a finite number of elvish souls, and when all the souls are incarnated, they cannot reproduce. Of course, if this is so, there should have been a baby boom at the beginning of the Second Age, but maybe the boom happened in Valinor.

Isn't it obvious? Elf-souls were being born in humans. That's why they surrendered when they were on the verge of victory in the Elf/Man War.