A classic fic

[LT.Hit-Man]

From LT.Hit-Man's vault of Dark fan fic comes.

LT.Hit-Man's Journal Phoenix Company 1
or
The Mess That Parga the Hutt Made

Emperor Palpatine was deep with in a dark side mediation when there was the sounds of a slight scuffle outside the doors to his throne room that last for a few minutes then there was an eerie silence.

Emperor Palpatine reached out with the dark side and to his amassment he found that the source of the disturbance was none other then his third most favored being, his left hand of death LT.Hit-Man and from the sweet scent of fear that the dark side had made him aware of that the LT was not alone.

Slowly the massive doors to the throne room opened with a very deliberate slowness and standing there was LT.Hit-Man, behind him the Emperor could see that there where seven scantly clad Twi'lek slave girls that where chained to a large hover cart that had well over a hundred metal strong boxes on them.

" I have returned my dreaded master." LT.Hit-Man said with a ghost like smile on his scared face as he and the slave girls walked into his throne room, behind the LT Emperor Palpatine could see a few of his Crimson Guardsmen heaped up on the floor.

With a raised eye brow that was raised in dark amusement Emperor Palpatine watched as his faithful hand along with the enticingly dressed slave girls knelt before him.

" My master I have dealt with the task you sent me to deal with." LT.Hit-Man said from his kneeling position as he waited for his master to speak to him.

For a few moment Emperor Palpatine sat there looking at his hand then letting his gaze fall upon the lovely, nubile Twi'lek slave girls who where trembling, half from the cool air of the throne room and half from the deep fear that was slowly spreading though them like a lethal poison.

" Indeed my faithful I have no doubt what so ever that you have completed you mission, I wish to hear about it." Emperor Palpatine said a raspy voice that had a vague hint of curiosity in it as he gestured for the LT to approach him.

With a slowly growing smile on his face LT.Hit-Man walked towards the Emperor, " I shall do better then that my master I shall show you how the mission was completed." as he handed the Emperor a vid player and a data crystal.

Emperor Palpatine's curiosity was further wetted by the data crystal that the LT was holding out towards him, he reached up and took the vid player and the data crystal and slotted the crystal into the player.

***************

For a moment no one moved in the opulently appointed room, the Twi'lek slave girls had stopped screaming and where slowly backing away from Parga as they sought to escape from the evil that was standing before them however they only got a few feet from the monster of a stormtrooper before there chains held them fast, they began to tug at them as there reasoning fled from there minds a bit at a time as the stormtrooper slowly walked towards them with a soulless look in his one human eye.

" What is the meaning of this outrage!!" Parga said with a raised voice as the stormtrooper slowly walked over to him, if Parga had legs he would be backing up slowly as the hellish stormtrooper approached him as he a cold fear began to slow creep into his corpulent and bloated body.

" Indeed what is the meaning of this outrage you fat bloated piece of wookie shit, the Emperor is displeased with you." LT.Hit-Man sid in a low and almost amused voice.

When Parga heard that sweat began oozing from the pores of his body.
" We know all about you scamming the Imperial Treasury that has annoyed to the Emperor, just who do you think you are? what makes you better then all the other loyal Imperial citizens that pay there due to his Grand Benevolence that you are exempt for his laws?" LT.Hit-Man asked the quaking Hutt as he reached into his trooper backpack and took out a holorecorder.

Parga the Hutt knew that he was fucked but try as he might to talk his way out of the jam he found himself in but all he could do was blubber as the dreaded stormtrooper leaned over him allowing him to get a long and most certainly an unwanted look at his scared face.

" Sure I can understand that in this time of open rebellion that times are tough to make an honest living so our benevolent Emperor was willing to cut you some slack but you dealings with the rebel scum is intolerable, so he sent me LT.Hit-Man to show you the errors of your ways and set them to rights." LT.Hit-Man told the doomed Hutt as he activated the holorecorder.

Well when old Parga heard that his eyes bulged out, so much so one would swear that they would pop out of his misshapen skull as his guts turned to ice water, the chained slave girls gave up on turning to brake there bonds and watched in dreaded apprehension as LT.Hit-Man back up from there doomed master.

" Parga the Hutt you have been found guilty of the following crimes against the Empire, embezzlement, high treason, consorting with known rebels providing said rebels with illegal arms and equipment."

LT.Hit-Man said with a low rumbling voice as he looked Parga in the eyes and added " How do you pled?"

Try as he might all Parga that came from him in way of a reply to the charges leveled against him was a wet blubbering whine as he began to sweat even worse then he was already.

" I knew you'd say that! " LT.Hit-Man said to Parga in a menacing voice as he leaned over Parga until there faces where less then an inch apart from each other, the left side of LT mouth curled in a snarl.

" The sentence is DEATH! " LT.Hit-Man told Parga as he continued to look into the terrified Hutt's eyes, enjoying the look of pure horror as he rolled the last word from his snarling lips like a low rumbling earthquake.

For a moment there was a thick silence in Parga's chamber that could be felt then there was a loud wet, ripping fart that echoed though out the chamber like a tolling bell of doom as Parga shit himself.

LT.Hit-Man backed away from Parga, sniffing the suddenly rarefied air around them.
" Hmm looks like someone's having a problem here, maybe it's something you ate?" LT.Hit-Man said to Parga with a mock look of disgust on his scared face.

Parga was stabbing wildly at a button that was built into the arm of dias that his quaking bulk was resting on as LT.Hit-Man walked over to where the cowering slave girls where as he was reaching for his light sabre on his stormtrooper belt.

" Don't worry Parga I have taken steps to make sure that we will not be interrupted by your guards." LT.Hit-Man said in a casually dismissive voice as his light saber sprang to life with a snap-hiss that made the slave girls jump as well as the doomed slug.

Sure enough when the elevator reached the top there was a loud explosion that shook the hotel as the thermal detonator mine cooked off that was followed by a loud screech from the rain of twisted flaming metal as what was left of the elevator came crashing down the shaft.

After LT.Hit-Man cut the slave girls free from the dias he led the over to a marble pillar wrapped there chains around it and fused them with his light saber so that the slaves could not get away but they would have ringside seats to watch as Parga met his destiny.

LT.Hit-Man walked over to the tank that held the froggy treats that the Hutts seemed to enjoy above all other foods and grabbed one of them after deactivating his light saber and hooking it back on to his stormtrooper belt.

Parga and the slave girls watch in dreadful interest at LT.Hit-Man looked at the wriggling cuss for a moment with a contemplative look on his scared face then without warning he bit the head off of the froggy.

" Hmmm that's what I thought." LT.Hit-Man said as he chewed on the frog's head a few times as he threw the headless corpse over his shoulder, when the headless frog hit the floor it hopped around weakly for a few moments as the spray of blood from it's neck stump began to subside.

LT.Hit-Man spat the chewed up frog's head at Parga who just stared at the lunatic stormtrooper unable to say a word.

" Well Parga you old cock knocker before we get to the root of your blatter hostilely we have to make a decision on how to put your final affairs in order before you die." LT.Hit-Man said he sat down beside Parga and threw an arm around the terrified and confused Hutt and added in a cheerful voice
" We can do this deal one of two ways, my way or the easy way what's it going to be?" with a broad smile and a cheerful tone of voice as he looked the doomed Hutt in the eyes.

Parga looked at LT.Hit-Man and managed to say in a fear filled voice " The easy way? " hoping agist hope that his death would be fairly painless.

Looks like old Parga has no idea of what he's in for do he?

" That's what I thought, ok then the deal is this, I want access to all of your bank accounts and the location of all your valuables." LT.Hit-Man said as he got up from his seat and stood before Parga as he took out a data pad from one of the compartments from his stormtrooper belt and when he saw the look of outrage beginning to form if Parga's eyes he added " Come on Parga work with me here after all the interest rate on back taxes is fairly high and you can't take it with you ya know."

Parga knew he was beat but he would be dammed if he would let this loony stormtrooper get way with all of his worldly goods that just would be so unHutt like.

After he told LT.Hit-Man all of the access codes for his bank accounts he watched as the stormtrooper read over the list.

LT.Hit-Man shook his head he didn't need the dark side to tell him that the fat piece of shit on the dias before him was lying like a sidewalk.

LT.Hit-Man then handed the data pad to Parga, " That's all of them right?" LT.Hit-Man asked as he took off his trooper backpack and pulled out a stoogie and lit it.

Parga made a pitiful attempt to look like he was reading over the data pad toughly and after a few minutes he looked over to the LT who was blowing a few smoke rings and leaning against a wall like he was taking a coffee brake, " That's all of them." Parga told the Sith lord who walked over to his discarded trooper backpack.

" You know Parga I really don't think that is true, well like I said I'm sure I know the cause of your blatter hostility." LT.Hit-Man told Parga who started to quake with fear, so much so that if anyone was to look at him they would be reminded of a bowl of jell-o that was being lightly shook as he pulled out a big vial of white powder.

" It's because of a lack of salt in your diet." LT.Hit-Man said as he walked up to Parga and added " Also a lack of salt can cause eye problems." as he undid the top of the vial with a slight grin on his scared face.

Before Parga could say a thing LT.Hit-Man poured the salt in one of Parga's eyes and grabbed the eyelids and held then shut as Parga started bellowing like foghorn as he thrashed in agony.

After a few minutes LT.Hit-Man let go of Parga's swollen eyelids, " I think that should help clear up any eye trouble you might have had don't you? so why don't you look over the list and make sure that all your stashes are there, if there's one thing I dislike it's incomplete lists." and handed the data pad back to Parga who read though it with his one good eye and when he got to the end of the list Parga made a few more entries, quite a few more.

After that was done LT.Hit-Man took the data pad from Parga's fat trembling fingers and was about to force strangle the Hutt when a light clicked on in his warped mind.

" You know Parga since we're on the subject of dietary health I think it might behove the both of us to talk about being overweight." LT.Hit-Man said to a badly trembling Parga as he dig around in his trooper backpack and after a few nerve racking minutes LT.Hit-Man pulled out a blow torch.

" Now before we get to the matter of being overweight I need to ask you another favor." LT.Hit-Man said to Parga as he held the blow torch between them and slowly opened the gas feed filling the deadly still air of Parga's pleasure pit with a low hissing.

" I want the names and locations of your rebel contacts." LT.Hit-Man said to Parga as he took the glowing end of his lit stogie to the end of the blow torch and there was a loud WHOOMF! as the gas ignited, the light from the flames casting a hellish glint in the LT's one human eye.

One of the slave girls let out a terrified shriek at the sound of the gas being lit, " Shut the kriff out you bitch or you'll never have to worry about waxing your bikini line ever agin!" LT.Hit-Man snarled as he turned to face the slave girls and cranked up the gas feed on the blow torch until it was a huge roaring flame.
If there was one thing that he despised it was weakness and anyone who would allow themselves to be enslaved was a weakling almost beneath his contempt.

When he looked back at Parga the Hutt was holding out the data pad towards LT.Hit-Man hoping that he was not going to use the blow torch on him.

LT.Hit-Man gleefully took the data pad from Parga and began to read it over and to his surprise he saw the name Tal'Porey one of Borsk Fey'lya underlings.
" Payday!!" LT.Hit-Man thought to himself, he and the Emperor had a feeling that Borsk Fey'lya was working with the rebel scum but they had no proof of that until now.

" Ok fat boy time to work off some of that blubber!!" LT.Hit-Man shouted manically scaring the shit out of Parga and the slave girls as he refocused the blow torch flame into a narrower flame, " DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY YOU MAGGOT! "

Well Parga did his best to carry out LT.Hit-Man's order but after five pushups he stopped.
" YOU MISERABLE SHIT! NOW WE'LL HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN! "
LT.Hit-Man screamed in Parga's sweating face and took the blow torch to the tip of Parga's tail and the air was filled with Parga's bellowing of pain and an oily smoke from his burnt tail.

After fifteen pushups Parga collapsed to his dias gasping and wheezing half due to exhaustion and half in agony from the burns that the LT had given him from the liberally artful application of the blow torch.

" Ok since that did not seem to work we'll have to try something else out then." LT.Hit-Man cackled as he turned down the blow torch flame to a hot blue jet, " Ok slime nuts your going to do a few laps around the room and don't you worry I'll be keeping pace and buster you don't want to slow down if you do." LT.Hit-Man held the blow torch up to Parga's one good eye so that he could feel the heat from the torch without causing any undo harm.
" Now git! " LT.Hit-Man yowled and started to chase Parga with the blow torch.

The slave girls watched as there former master started to slither around the room as fast as he could with LT.Hit-Man hot on his tail every so often Parga would slow down and when he did LT.Hit-Man took the torch to his ass, " FEEL THE BURN BABY FEEL THE BURN! NAHAHAH HAHAHAH!"

After six laps around the room Parga keeled over and started to gasp for air AS LT.Hit-Man stood over him, shaking his head.
" Looks you failed physical health 10, shit a fifty year old ewok could move faster then that." LT.Hit-Man told Parga as he turned off the blow torch.

" Don't sweat it hemorrhoid head class is over! " LT.Hit-Man said as he unclasped his light saber and before Parga could say a word the loony Sith lord activate his light saber and beheaded Parga.

" You kriff with the empire and heads are going to roll." LT.Hit-Man said to the slave girls as he started walking towards them.

Emperor Palpatine looked up at LT.Hit-Man with a highly amused look on his leathery face but before he could congratulate his left hand of death LT.Hit-Man told him the best part was yet to come.

With that said Emperor Palpatine looked onto the screen of the vid player.

Six Hutts sat in a large room with there body guards not fully trusting one another but when word of Parga's assassination reached them they knew that it was time to hash a plan to hunt down the one responsible for Parga's death, no one bumps off a Hutt and gets away with it unless it was another Hutt who did the killing or had the killing done. As the five other Hutts talked to each other Jabba the Hutt who was the late Parga the Hutt's uncle was lost in his own deep and dark thoughts he had really liked his nephew, Parga was being groomed to take his place at the head of his crime syndicate when he popped off now there would be no one that would fill that roll.

Needless to say Jabba was not in a very good mood to say the lest.

As the Hutts talked, planned and ate the air in the room became slightly colder then normal.

" I have a message for you all." A low wispering voice seemed to call out from the dark shadows of the room, instantly the Hutts's body guards had there weapons pointed in a circle as they surrounded there bosses.

" Show yourself!" Jabba barked as he felt a slight chill of fear tap him on the spine.

Slowly a tall hooded figure walked out of the shadows everyone there knew that who or whatever was under that cloak was bad news and as much as the Hutts wanted to off the cloaked being they held off as they wanted to hear this message that he/she or it had for them.

Without warning something landed in the middle of the table that the Hutts where seated at with a wet thump, it was the maimed head of Parga the Hutt with it's burnt and amputated tail in his mouth.
There was a sicked gasp from the Hutts and there body guards and when they looked to where the cloaked figure was standing by it was gone and in it's place was the terrifying figure of a cyborg in stormtrooper armor, the one and only LT.Hit-Man.

" The emperor is most displeased with you Hutts, he knows what you all are doing and he's not going to stand for it any longer, quit dealing with the rebel scum and quit ripping him off or I'll be back to deal with you all myself." LT.Hit-Man said to the gathered Hutts and there body guards in a low rumbling voice.

The horrified Hutts watched in dreading silence as LT.Hit-Man was walking towards the door of there meeting room.

" Don't try it bobo, they could not offer you enough creds to try it and if they did you would not live to enjoy them."

Then LT.Hit-Man was out of the meeting room.

Boba Fett slowly shook his head " I hate it when he calls me that. "

Emperor Palpatine looked up from the vid player as it stopped and over to LT.Hit-Man who had ever so refreshingly inhuman smile on his scared face.

" I brought you these plaything as well as the credits that Parga the Hutt had ripped you off for."
LT.Hit-Man said to the Emperor as he pointed towards the slave girls and the hover cart with the strong boxes on it."
" The rest of what Parga had swindled you for is in his pleasure cruiser that I have parked in the hunger bay of your place, consider them an early life day gift from me before I leave for the mission you have given me. "
LT.Hit-Man added as he knelt before the emperor with that smile of his.

Emperor Palpatine felt his eyes starting to grow a bit misty, never had anyone given him such a thoughtful life day gift.
" I am most pleased my faithful hand as a reward for you're thoughtful gift you may take one of the few Tie Defenders with you as your personal ship on you new mission, now go I wish to enjoy my gift." Emperor Palpatine told LT.Hit-Man with a cruel smile on his withered face as he looked over towards the slave girls.

" You are to kind my dreaded master, I shall use it well for your greater glory." LT.Hit-Man said to his emperor before leaving the throne room he could hardly contain the unfamiliar joy that was coursing though his veins he had seen one of the mock combat tries for the Tie Defender and fell in love with it and with a jaunty stride in his step and whistling a happy tune he began to think of how he could mod out his new toy to bring maximum death and terror to who or what the kriff ever he was to encounter in his new galaxy that he was being sent to.

FINS
for now.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
I nomanate this fic for the funnest death and best torture in a fan fic.
LT.Hit-Man

[Sarevok]

Good work.

[LT.Hit-Man]

Thanks evilcat I'm glad you enjoyed it.
But there will be no other parts add to this fic, this was done along time ago to tie in with Sheppards Phonix company fic but that went tits up so that is that.

[Sarevok]

Any idea when Shep will complete Imperial Phoenix ?

[The Yosemite Bear]

This isn't from IP its From the simularly named Pheonix Company as to when he will complete it, I am tempted to offer him a place in Cold Day in Hades (CDH ltd) Productions Limited). Now to go about fucking with some art and create the sking devil icon....

[LT.Hit-Man]

Any idea when Shep will complete Imperial Phoenix ?

Nope I did a tie in fic for IP as well as this one for PC but they died out and as far as I know they will never be done, damm shame that both of them fics where realy well done.