Tips on how to act on a first date

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-11-19 02:54pm

I also want to add another bit of advice.

Normally alot of people do this: if you know someone that is well liked by all and generally known to be a nice & good guy and so to make yourself look better you make it seem to either your date or their parents that you and the good guy are better friends than you really are making you look better by association. DON'T DO THIS. It can bite you in the ass, unless you inform or ask permission from the guy bfore hand. I am constantly hearing from female friends of mine or their parents that so and so says we are great friends and how we do all of this stuff together. Most of these people are friends of my friends and I barely know them, so I am like "Who?" and let the cat out of the bag so to speak. Plus there is the whole fact of if they do something scumbaggish to the girl then I get shit for them thinking they are my friend. So don't try to use someone elses good name to buy your way into their favor, it just fucks shit up, and if it will come out as a lie eventually in a real relationship.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-11-19 03:44pm

I've always tried to find things to do together where I can interact with my date instead of staring at a screen for 2 hours. To me, movies suck, there's at least an 80% chance one of you will absolutely hate the movie and that'll just kill the mood. I think of my date as a friend, and approach things from the point of "she's a friend, what do I do with my friends that is fun?". That gives me a big list of activities and from there I narrow things down to things which are female compatible, getting wasted & rowdy at a bar watching football is probably out.

I do stuff like going skating with my date and then having dinner, or maybe the other way around. Biking, rollerblading, & mini-golf can also be substituted, but so far I've had the best experiences with skating. Or you have dinner and then play some pool or go bowling or whatever, the key is to find something where you can keep interacting with her. Chill, relax, and don't stress things. And remember to cuddle her and poke her boobs.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-11-19 03:57pm

From observing people i would say that you can pull just about anything off, or retrieve just about any bad subject with the appropriate body language and learning to read the other person's.

For instance, act very open and happy, lots of eye contact, "aim" your body towards them, show outward signs of interest. DON'T YAWN(or if you have to sheild it reasonably) or touch your face too often. An occasional touch can also show that you're comfortable with them, and they will in return be more comfortable with you.

Only touch on subjects for the first date, save more in depth stuff for later ones.

There are some subjects and tales that are sacred ground, and should be left out until you're really good friends and preferably drunk so you can laugh it off. Don't talk about when your dog was in the room when you were shagging your last conquest and he came on the bed and licked someone's balls or whatever.

The whole gentlemanly attitude is good too, even if it's diluted.

Zac Naloen · Post by **Zac Naloen** » 2003-11-19 04:02pm

heres some advice, don't end up drunkenly making out with them the second time you meet, it messes everything up... especially if photo's are taken, it has haunted me since september

CmdrWilkens · Post by **CmdrWilkens** » 2003-11-19 04:12pm

Having, likewise, just recently re-entered the dating scene after a prolonged multi-year abscence I'm finding out, agian, what works and what doesn't.

What works: Self confidence, the funny thing is that confessing to my occasional lack of this has been, perhaps, the most endearing thing. A lto of our conversations have ended up revolving around ebing in the "outside" groups back in high school. We both came from similair (but not the same) crowds in similair schools. Thus talking about being shy in school and able to have a whole bunch of friends who are the opposite sex but not dating them.

What doesn't: Giving in to that lack of self confidence, often as not this comes in the form of my occasional random self-loathing periods that i do verbalize. This girl has been wonderful in that she understands where its coming from so she tolerates it but I am confident that in 98% of relationships giving in to a lack of self confidence is a deal breaker early on.

What works: Lots of moving about, by this I mean true spontenaity. Basically our first date was little more than me agreeing to come down to her colege and we would do dinner. Everything else was up in the wind and we ended up bouncing around half the DC Metro area because we kept tradng ideas for what we liked to do.

What doesn't work: No planing at all, sure we didn't lay down a lot of things (nor was I able to do more than make sure I had good directions to the campus) but we had at least an outline. if you don't have some preset idea of when you are going to start, when it will likely end, and where you are likely to go (movie & dinner or vice versa doesn't need to confirm a movie up front). Now the caution here is that the more passive a girl is the mroe likely you are to need more extensive planning. I've lucked out and found a girl who is , what I think, the perfect mix of agressive and passive and there are many such girls out there...but not all of them.

What works: Enthusiasm and a little bit of flattery, make her feel special if you like her. I'm assuming by first date we're talking about a girl who you want to have a relationship with nto just an attempt to score. If you like the girl say so, you don't need to drop those three words because she'll likely know you can't mean it yet. That said flattery and all the little things designed to make her feel like a Princess (or Queen depending upon age and propensity for flirtation) are excellent. Everyone else has compiled the long list of things like holding doors open but, again, don't forget to add compliments about her eyes, hair, smile, face, etc. Unless she's really starting to get physical now is not the time to mention how huge her tits are.

What doesn't work: Too much of a good thing, that enthusiasim and energy can sometimes be overbaord and thats when you just seem insane as oppossed to comlimentary. Its yet another example of moderation in everything, sure you can tell her she looks good with her hair done up but you don't need to drop into a five minute soliloquy about it.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-11-19 04:14pm

Rye wrote:The whole gentlemanly attitude is good too, even if it's diluted.

Yes, and on the opposite side of things, don't get offended if she holds the door open for you or the like. Women who do that aren't trying to take away your penis or make you feel like an impotent failure of a man; they are just considerate, sweet, lovely, wonderful human beings who like to show just how consider, sweet, lovely and wonderful they are.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-11-19 04:51pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Biggest tip of all:

Don't set it on fire.

Now, it being something in paticular, or it being anything at all?

No tips here though, never had one.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-11-19 06:06pm

Darth Wong wrote:Except that there's no thrill of discovery if you have a policy of not revealing anything about yourself at all. Don't pour out your life story, but don't hide behind an emotional wall either.

I believe I have a problem with the latter, I tend to come off as the terminator.

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2003-11-19 06:36pm

His Divine Shadow wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Except that there's no thrill of discovery if you have a policy of not revealing anything about yourself at all. Don't pour out your life story, but don't hide behind an emotional wall either.
I believe I have a problem with the latter, I tend to come off as the terminator.

Better than coming off as the Shermanator.</American Pie reference>

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-11-19 06:38pm

OK look, here is what you do. Act totally interested in what she has to say and kiss her at the end of the night. If you kiss her, there will be no confusion on her part. You won't get stuck in 'friends' mode, and boinking will be soon to follow.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-11-19 06:42pm

His Divine Shadow wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Except that there's no thrill of discovery if you have a policy of not revealing anything about yourself at all. Don't pour out your life story, but don't hide behind an emotional wall either.
I believe I have a problem with the latter, I tend to come off as the terminator.

Well you do look an awful lot like one.

Joe Momma · Post by **Joe Momma** » 2003-11-19 06:58pm

Darth Wong wrote:Of course, there's always Travis Bickle's approach of going to a porno movie on the first date

Just remember to lean over while the chick on screen is taking up the ass and say, "Hey, that'll be us in a couple of hours!"

-- Joe Momma

Metrion Cascade · Post by **Metrion Cascade** » 2003-11-19 07:14pm

Is this what pairs of gender-role-compliant people go through on dates? Jesus.

I'm not into the whole chivalry thing for myself. And Chelle and I have been involved for so long there never were any dates. We went from hanging out as friends to hanging out and nibbling on each other. Although one time there was a bit of Jerry Maguire syrupy moment when we first saw each other after a while of being stationed apart. I brought him roses. He giggled and bounced into my arms smelling like various soaps and shampoos. Sexy. Cuddly. Embarassing to talk about. I had no idea a boy could wear a blazer and still look like a girl who borrowed it from her big brother. Or that he would snack on the rose petals.

Jax, on the other hand...there was a little romance there, I guess. We'd been friends for a while, so most of the outings were pretty friendly. There were no movies. That's not a date. A date would be us feeding Jax appetizers at Red Lobster. Most of our really romantic dates were at home, since we'd been going out as friends for a while.

My advice:
- Be calm and collected, even if it means a shot of hard alcohol beforehand. Move fluidly and confidently.
- Laugh honestly when she's funny, to let her know when her wit gets under your skin. If she's really hilarious, make a show of having to contain yourself.
- Try and be witty yourself. Take notice of things that are potentially funny around you, and make sure your jokes about them are light, positive, and don't require too much thought.
- Joke about yourself, without sounding pathetic. Make it clear that you're okay with (or proud of) whatever minor flaws you have, as they give character or whatever.
- Ask her about her interests, and don't be afraid to get into light politics (liberal vs. conservative, not specifics like abortion or gun control)
- Treat her the way you would want your sister treated on her prom night, or like a female friend you respect and trust.
- Compliment her on her appearance only a little bit, at the beginning of the date. Other compliments should be about more meaningful things like her ideas or personality (wit, chosen profession, drive to succeed, etc.).
- If she tells a dirty joke, the best response is not to outdo her, or to act bashful, but to respond as you would if she were a guy - i.e., laugh and reply with an equally naughty one.
- If you're a geek, look for geeks. There's no substitute. No amount of physical hotness or caked on makeup will compensate for a woman who isn't into at least some of the same things as you. If she's into most or all of them, the gods have smiled upon you.

If you're Rye, just wear your hair down and smile. And catch her when she stumbles from cumming in her pants.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-11-19 08:59pm

Metrion Cascade wrote:If you're Rye, just wear your hair down and smile. And catch her when she stumbles from cumming in her pants.

If she's sitting down, simply say, "Okay, we can do this one of two ways. I can either find a mop, or we go back to the car and I go down on you."

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-11-19 09:05pm

anarchistbunny wrote:
Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Biggest tip of all:

Don't set it on fire.

Now, it being something in paticular, or it being anything at all?

Nothing in particular. More the proverbial "it".

Basically, whatever "it" is, don't set it on fire.

PainRack · Post by **PainRack** » 2003-11-19 11:19pm

Just a thought, won't most of the tips here fail, if the two of you are already friends for some time?

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2003-11-19 11:30pm

nothing like a little romance between friends, right?

Seriously though, its not like there is a rule that a girl can't make out with her guy friends, or vice versa. If a guy and a girl are friends and have a platonic friendship, the only reason it shouldn't be more romantic and closer to the heart is if they don't find each other physically attractive (y'know, fuck each other). Then a romantic relationship won't work.

The tips here dealt with the making the "romance" work better, so I think its all still valid.

CmdrWilkens · Post by **CmdrWilkens** » 2003-11-20 12:14am

Superman wrote:OK look, here is what you do. Act totally interested in what she has to say and kiss her at the end of the night. If you kiss her, there will be no confusion on her part. You won't get stuck in 'friends' mode, and boinking will be soon to follow.

There are a LOT of assumptions there not the least of which is an assumption that kissing on a first date is neccessarily always the right thing to do. Most of the time its good but I didn't do it and i'm getting involved in a great relationship. In other wrods physical contact is good but more is not always more.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-11-20 01:52am

Bertie Wooster wrote:Seriously though, its not like there is a rule that a girl can't make out with her guy friends, or vice versa. If a guy and a girl are friends and have a platonic friendship, the only reason it shouldn't be more romantic and closer to the heart is if they don't find each other physically attractive (y'know, fuck each other). Then a romantic relationship won't work.

I used to think the exact same thing. I don't understand why, but it's simply not the case. I have a great friend who is a girl, who I'm physically attracted to, and she certainly finds me attractive, but it's not that simple. Sometimes it just doesn't "click" with one of the partners, for one reason or another. You'd think that being physically attracted to one another and already being great friends who share with each other would be the makings of a great romantic relationship, but there's something else that has to be there, I guess. I'm not really sure what it is.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2003-11-20 01:55am

- If you're a geek, look for geeks. There's no substitute. No amount of physical hotness or caked on makeup will compensate for a woman who isn't into at least some of the same things as you. If she's into most or all of them, the gods have smiled upon you.

Where the hell does one find female geeks?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-11-20 01:59am

Uraniun235 wrote:
- If you're a geek, look for geeks. There's no substitute. No amount of physical hotness or caked on makeup will compensate for a woman who isn't into at least some of the same things as you. If she's into most or all of them, the gods have smiled upon you.
Where the hell does one find female geeks?

Good question. This is one department where Asians, from what I've seen, have it easy. I went to a LAN gaming place with my friend a few years back, and we were the only white people in the place. The rest were Asian teenagers with their hot Asian girlfriends, some of whom were playing CounterStrike.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-11-20 02:05am

Uraniun235 wrote:
- If you're a geek, look for geeks. There's no substitute. No amount of physical hotness or caked on makeup will compensate for a woman who isn't into at least some of the same things as you. If she's into most or all of them, the gods have smiled upon you.
Where the hell does one find female geeks?

For me the only time is usually an animecon(though some are ather young...there are some of a bit older).

Though as for Asian guys and their girlfriends...those were always the most fun to destroy in fighting games at arcades....god seeing the look on his face was worth it.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-11-20 02:07am

Uraniun235 wrote:
- If you're a geek, look for geeks. There's no substitute. No amount of physical hotness or caked on makeup will compensate for a woman who isn't into at least some of the same things as you. If she's into most or all of them, the gods have smiled upon you.
Where the hell does one find female geeks?

*raises hand* Do I count?

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-11-20 02:10am

Bertie Wooster wrote:Seriously though, its not like there is a rule that a girl can't make out with her guy friends, or vice versa. If a guy and a girl are friends and have a platonic friendship, the only reason it shouldn't be more romantic and closer to the heart is if they don't find each other physically attractive (y'know, fuck each other). Then a romantic relationship won't work.

I don't necessarily agree here. The dynamics of a friendship, even a close friendship, are different from those of a romantic relationship. There are some people who make good friends who'd make a terrible couple--I know this for a fact because I'm in that exact same situation, and have been for years now with one particular girl. Of course, in our case, I the attraction is one-way (she's incredibly hot, I'm just sorta meh unless you're into nondescript white guys), making a relationship even more unlikely.

Being in a relationship, with sexual jealousies and possessiveness and all that crap adds pressure to a friendship. Some friendships can do the transition, and some, just because of the personalities involved and the way the relationship is structured, can't.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-11-20 02:14am

Zaia wrote:
Uraniun235 wrote: Where the hell does one find female geeks?
*raises hand* Do I count?

You're a music geek, so yes.