On your friend and their other friends

[Vympel]

I called up my friend last night (a few hours ago, as it's around 2am here) just to catch up now that exams were over and to invite him to hang out at some point in future. After some chatting, I mentioned that I wanted to know someone's name from the night I watched Matrix Revolutions with him and some other friends of his, and it went something like this:

" I've been meaning to talk to you about that"

"what of it?"

"I was picking up a vibe from some of them that you were being annoying [I think that was the word, don't remember that part so well]"

"what do you mean"

And then he began to give me this general spiel about how I need to watch what I say, or one day I might get "beaten up with sticks" (what. the. fuck?) and that these people "want to be my friend" and all this other crap- in general, I got the impression that he was telling me I rubbed some of them up the wrong way.

I didn't know what in the world of living fuck he was talking about. So I pressed for more information.

"who said what?"

"nobody said anything, i just got a vibe"

"so how do you know?"

"ok, it was words"

"who?"

"oh well x thought you were annoying, y thought you were annyoing, z thought you were annoying" (i can't remember if it was 3 or 4, who cares)

"annoying about *what*?"

(I still have no idea what crime I committed)

"i cant say, they told me in confidence"

anyways, the conversation ended soon after, with him inviting me to his birthday party next week, a joint one with one of those guys who apparently found me annoying, even though i didn't speak a fucking word to him the entire day.

So it's either that, or skirmish with other friends. Now, if I have to decide between a party for a close friend surrounded by other people who think I'm 'annoying', and skirmish with friends who like me as I am, then fuck the party.

The things that drove me insane:

1. Not knowing what the fuck their problem was. I hardly spoke with *any* of them and the only significant comments I made was voicing my disdain for the movie on the way back to his place, or making general jokes while having coffee, which seemed to be well recieved.

2. My friend (who I've known for 10 years, since Year 7 in High School) siding with them instead of defending me, and telling me all this shit how I need to change my behavior- *without* telling me what their grievances were so I could decide for myself if they were justified or not.

3. What was especially galling was him acting as if this was some sort of life choice decision, as if these fucking people (and him) were my only hope of friends on the planet, and that I should try and put myself in good with them. After having pretty much all night to think about it, I just thought FUCK them. In the few times I've met them, they've never made much of an impression on me at all, and now I know why- they're either humorless assholes or they loved Matrix Revolutions so much they couldn't stand me criticizing it.

Rant mode off.

[Zaia]

...And then he began to give me this general spiel about how I need to watch what I say, or one day I might get "beaten up with sticks" (what. the. fuck?)

Eddie Izzard reference! None of them were transvestites, were they?

[Ghost Rider]

Don't you love those:

"I was told in confidence."

Okay, so you were...now why are you telling me?! If I'm the one being bitched out in confidence, you don't give me a snack and take away the meal because well...I dunno, you want to fuck with me?

Seriously I understand the frustration...mostly because it's nutty and some friends think it a way to avoid you getting lambasted(too bad they never tell you why others are doing so).

The stick bit was either an Eddie Izzard reference(which would be good) or a bad pun(ie...sticks and stones, but words...etc)....I would prefer the EI reference.

Still sorta sucks when a friend of a long time starts critqueing how you and tell you how you should hold yourself towards others.

[Vympel]

Eddie Izzard reference! None of them were transvestites, were they?

Nah. Devout Christians though.

[Vympel]

Don't you love those:

"I was told in confidence."

Okay, so you were...now why are you telling me?! If I'm the one being bitched out in confidence, you don't give me a snack and take away the meal because well...I dunno, you want to fuck with me?

Personally, I try and make a policy of either keeping my mouth shut, or telling the whole thing. It's frustrating as hell.

Seriously I understand the frustration...mostly because it's nutty and some friends think it a way to avoid you getting lambasted(too bad they never tell you why others are doing so).

The stick bit was either an Eddie Izzard reference(which would be good) or a bad pun(ie...sticks and stones, but words...etc)....I would prefer the EI reference.

Still sorta sucks when a friend of a long time starts critqueing how you and tell you how you should hold yourself towards others.

I highly doubt it was an Eddie Izzard reference- like really, I doubt my friend knows who he is. Don't you just love thinking up pithy things to say hours after the conversation?

I guess it's part of a greater problem of worry regarding where the friendship is headed- I've basically resolved myself not to accept any invitations to go out with him and these friends of his at all- even before this, I knew they were not my kind of people- really, I have nothing to say to them. I'm starting to wonder where things are going to end up.

[Ghost Rider]

Seriously I understand the frustration...mostly because it's nutty and some friends think it a way to avoid you getting lambasted(too bad they never tell you why others are doing so).

The stick bit was either an Eddie Izzard reference(which would be good) or a bad pun(ie...sticks and stones, but words...etc)....I would prefer the EI reference.

Still sorta sucks when a friend of a long time starts critqueing how you and tell you how you should hold yourself towards others.

I highly doubt it was an Eddie Izzard reference- like really, I doubt my friend knows who he is. Don't you just love thinking up pithy things to say hours after the conversation?

I guess it's part of a greater problem of worry regarding where the friendship is headed- I've basically resolved myself not to accept any invitations to go out with him and these friends of his at all- even before this, I knew they were not my kind of people- really, I have nothing to say to them. I'm starting to wonder where things are going to end up.

Probably not anywhere good considering where that conversation was taken...especially if they won't be at least a bit forward of something's they find annoying.

It get rather bullshitty when friends/acquanitances are happy and beaming when seeing you but talk about behind your back about how something annoyed them.

[Zaia]

Damn, I was hoping they weren't a lost cause...

How good a friend is this guy, under normal circumstances?

[Stravo]

If it helps any Vympel I don't find you nearly annoying enough to beat with a stick, my shoe perhaps but definately not a stick.

[Vympel]

Damn, I was hoping they weren't a lost cause...

How good a friend is this guy, under normal circumstances?

I consider him a 'best friend'- if that concept has any meaning. Like, I think his heart was in the right place- in a misguided way, but the refusal to be up front with me, combined with the whole underlying premise of the conversation, pissed me off majorly.

If it helps any Vympel I don't find you nearly annoying enough to beat with a stick, my shoe perhaps but definately not a stick

ROFL. Thanks dude

[Galvatron]

I know the type. They're guys, but they're uptight assholes, so they act like an elitist chick clique. Oxygen thieves, the lot of them.

[Vympel]

I know the type. They're guys, but they're uptight assholes, so they act like an elitist chick clique. Oxygen thieves, the lot of them.

That's a pretty damn good approximation- made all the more telling by the fact that the chicks in the group, including the two who I were sitting next to during the movie, had no problem with me at all (not from my friend's word or from my perceptions of them).

[aerius]

Fuck it, in my books someone who gets all evasive and doesn't help you out is NOT a friend. An acquaintance perhaps but definitely not a friend. A friend is someone who goes "listen, about that other day, I don't think you hit it off with my buddies and here's why..." and then you go into why things didn't work out and get the problem solved. That is a friend, someone who will cover your back and help you out, and who you'd do the same for. If your "friend" ain't gonna be honest with you, fuck'em.

[BoredShirtless]

Bingo, aerius nailed it. Your friends promise to his friends that he'll not tell is silly high school stuff Vympel. And as aerius said, a good friend wouldn't bait you and act evasive like this.

[Zac Naloen]

Fuck it, in my books someone who gets all evasive and doesn't help you out is NOT a friend. An acquaintance perhaps but definitely not a friend. A friend is someone who goes "listen, about that other day, I don't think you hit it off with my buddies and here's why..." and then you go into why things didn't work out and get the problem solved. That is a friend, someone who will cover your back and help you out, and who you'd do the same for. If your "friend" ain't gonna be honest with you, fuck'em.

my sentiments precisely, anyone who lies to you, or evades the point is not a real friend. Someone you know yes, but not a real friend... unfortunately theres also a fine line between the two.

[Galvatron]

That's a pretty damn good approximation- made all the more telling by the fact that the chicks in the group, including the two who I were sitting next to during the movie, had no problem with me at all (not from my friend's word or from my perceptions of them).

I'd deal with the situation head on and ask them (preferably at the same time) if they have a problem with you. Fuck them if they don't like being confronted, but I loathe behind-the-back shit talk and unless they're effete pussies, they should be able to take it without suffering too much emotional scarring.

If they deny having a problem with you, ask your friend what the hell he was talking about. If you find out they lied to you and only used your confrontational attitude to demean you even more, I'd go to them again, tell them to pry their chickenshit heads out of their uptight snatches and be men about it. If that doesn't clear the air, nothing will.

Or maybe I'm just a hothead whose advice you're better off ignoring.

[aerius]

Galvatron's got it right on how to deal with this shit. Go right to the source of the problem and get it sorted out one way or another. The direct way is the best way. And if you find out your "friend's" being an ass, I'm sure you know enough about him to make life "fun" for him.

[BoredShirtless]

I think before you start confronting people you hardly know, you should sort your friend out first. Then, once you know the whole story, you can go confront the other guys....if it turns out you care what they think.

[Zaia]

Or just flick them hard in the scrotum.

[Beaker]

Or just flick them hard in the scrotum.

*shivers*

I know not to mess with you

backs off slowly

[Zaia]

[Uraniun235]

Or just flick them hard in the scrotum.

Sounds kinky.

[aerius]

Or just flick them hard in the scrotum.

Sounds kinky.

Only if she's using her tongue to do the flicking, or would that be licking. Otherwise I ain't taking a flick in the ballsack.

[Dorsk 81]

Eddie Izzard reference! None of them were transvestites, were they?

Nah. Devout Christians though.

Shouldn't they just forgive you then?

Although forgiving you for doing nothing is kinda messed up.

[weemadando]

Or just flick them hard in the scrotum.

Awwww, you promised you wouldn't do that to anyone else...

[Zaia]

Or just flick them hard in the scrotum.

Awwww, you promised you wouldn't do that to anyone else...

BEEBEEE!!!!! *runs over to Ando, flings her arms around him, and covers him with kisses*

I've missed you, baby!!