Yes you've mentioned it repeatedly, find a new schtick okay?2000AD wrote:I've got my submission in for the PM competition, which reflects the facts that i wasn't a gnome symphasiser, i just wanted Zaia to kick Fanboy's ass!
GNOME HUNTER!
Moderator: LadyTevar
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Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
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"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
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2000AD
- Emperor's Hand
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Personally i wouldn't class twice as repeatedly, but what the hay.Darth Fanboy wrote:Yes you've mentioned it repeatedly, find a new schtick okay?2000AD wrote:I've got my submission in for the PM competition, which reflects the facts that i wasn't a gnome symphasiser, i just wanted Zaia to kick Fanboy's ass!
Ph34r teh eyebrow!!11!Writers Guild Sluggite Pawn of Chaos WYGIWYGAINGW so now i have to put ACPATHNTDWATGODW in my sig EBC-Honorary Geordie
Hammerman! Hammer!
Hammerman! Hammer!
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Singular Quartet
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"Repeatedly" means "more than once."2000AD wrote:Personally i wouldn't class twice as repeatedly, but what the hay.Darth Fanboy wrote:Yes you've mentioned it repeatedly, find a new schtick okay?2000AD wrote:I've got my submission in for the PM competition, which reflects the facts that i wasn't a gnome symphasiser, i just wanted Zaia to kick Fanboy's ass!
Hmm... now that I think about it... you haven't actually shown up in the fic itself... meh, whatever...
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Captain Cyran
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2000AD...you have yet to realize that when it comes to stories where the authors are writting about people they know...they are the unforgiving God of that universe, and as such will torture you in horrible ways no matter what you say. That's why I always try to stay on their good side.2000AD wrote:I've got my submission in for the PM competition, which reflects the facts that i wasn't a gnome symphasiser, i just wanted Zaia to kick Fanboy's ass!
(Especially after Kuja threatened me with a torrid love scene between myself and Janeway in his next chapter.)
Justice League, Super-Villain Carnage "Carnage Rules!" Cult of the Kitten Mew... The Black Mage with The Knife SD.Net Chronicler of the Past Bun Bun is my hero. The Official Verilonitis Vaccinator
Oh dear lord.Kuja wrote:Captain_Cyran wrote:(Especially after Kuja threatened me with a torrid love scene between myself and Janeway in his next chapter.)[/i]
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
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Singular Quartet
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Hrmm... I question whether or not I've done worse to people... I probvably have, though. Not sure.Captain_Cyran wrote:(Especially after Kuja threatened me with a torrid love scene between myself and Janeway in his next chapter.)2000AD wrote:I've got my submission in for the PM competition, which reflects the facts that i wasn't a gnome symphasiser, i just wanted Zaia to kick Fanboy's ass!
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Darth Fanboy
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Gnome Hunter "Eye-Ex": Sweeps Week
(Black Mage War room)
Denryle: And you're telling me not one bit of White Magic has worked?
Nitram: Yup, he's too deep into the coma. He's fucked. and if he's fucked we're fucked.
Kuja: Speak for yourself, at least Tevar is going to keep you alive as a pet! We're going to be KILLED by Zaia. She's still pissed! Though I don't see why, it's her own damn fault.
Cyran: Shhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Be quiet damnit! (draws pistol)
Denryle: This is most displeasing. I was hoping that we could at least have him conscious by the time we crossed into Gnomish Territory.
Black Mages: DO WHAT NOW?
Kuja: You gotta be kidding? You mean we're crossing into the Gnomish Borderlands already?
Denryle: Its the only way, we have to cross the Borderlands and then a short excursion through Ooba Jooba and finally The Darklands in order to reach the Highguard Portal. When we reach there we'l be fighting enemies that will make our previous battles seem like a cakewalk.
Cyran: Oh I just realized, I left something back in New York, sniff you jerks later.
(Cyran exits the War Room, Zaia is blocking his path, her eyes glowing red and crackling with energy)
Cyran: Sweet Jeebus! Oh I mean uhhh, Hey Z, ummm you need some visine?
(Zaia Kicks Cyran in the Crotch, sending him through the ceiling and into the bathroom where Jmac is shoering. Jmac boots Cyran back down through into the war room, where Cyran crashes through the floor and down into the room where where Duchess of Zeon is making minature butter cows. Several Gunshots and broken bones later the lumpy heap of Cyran is tossed back into the war room, bleeding and bruised, buthe'll be okay. Kuja meanwhile, is laughing his ass off. Zaia counters that by yaning one of the broken bones straight out of Cyran and stabs Kuja in the Ear.
Lady Tevar rushes in the room and performs Curaga. Cyran and Kuja pee their pants in fear of Zaia afterwards.)
Zaia: There will be no escapes! Duchess, if you're done with your arts and crafts I want you to rig all of the escape routes with Y chromosome-activated explosives. Then you will personally oversee this meeting with a shotgun until they've discovered a solution to his illness.
DoZ: Can't we just kill them now?
--------------
DReaM SeQueNCe
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An empty universe, nothing but a vaguely translucent series of oscillating colors with a varying white and black background behind them stretching in all directions.
Fanboy: Where the fuck am I
(A fully robed mystery figure emerges)
????: I could answer, but in the end youd only end up asking more questions.
Fanboy: Figures.
????: Interesting, you aren't as inquisitive as most people who end up here.
Fanboy: It doesn't matter, i'm going back soon and i'll probably forget this place anyway.
????: (The mystery figure steps closer) Are you sure you want to go back? (reveals face....) We're finally together again here.
Fanboy: Milyssa? But that's impossible!
Milyssa: Is it now? You yourself have proven that nothing's impossible Fanboy. Just look at how strong you've become.
Fanboy: It's not strong enough, you're still gone.
Milyssa: And do you know why that is?
Fanboy: Because i'm still not strong enough yet. One day i'll be able to revive you.
Milyssa: No, you don't understand Dale...
Fanboy: I'm not called that anymore. I go by my Ceremonial title...
Milyssa: Oh yes, I forgot, the all powerful masters of Style. Im glad you've found something to do in my abscence. You're finally strong enough now to accept my passing, yet you refuse to do so.
Fanboy: I'd give it all up for five more minutes.
Milyssa: I'm sure you would, and you know what that would get you? Killed probably, those idiots you've been running around with would probably drag you into fight they wouldnt be able to win and then Boom, you're unable to help them.
Fanboy: I don't care about them.
Milyssa: Oh? Not even that girl?
Fanboy: It's not like that Mel...
Milyssa: I know, but my point is, you nearly got yourself killed, just to free her from her madness. And now you'd let her be killed just to be with me again? The world needs you Fanboy.
Fanboy: Well I need you, not the damned world. I'll take the sweet embrace of death if it suits my purposes.
Milyssa: You do have that choice...
----------
Jmac: Zaia! Red Alert!
Denryle: What? A premature attack?
(Outside of the castle, hordes of hillbilly gnomes have begun to attack the Black Mage Castle. Using weapons provided them by their lord Darth Garden Gnome. The Black Mage Castle begins to tumble out of the Sk and begins a terrifying descent towards the ground.)
Denryle: Mages! Battle Stations!
Zaia: Good, you take battle Stations and the sisters will guard the infirmary.
Denryle: You've got to be kidding me.
Zaia: Show us what you're made of.
Nitram: This is bullshit...couldn't you just kill me now?
Tevar: Sorry sweetie, but the boss says you're fodder. now git along!
Denryle: We aren't that deep into Gnomish Territory, which means it must be the hillbilly gnomes of Ooba Jooba. Let's go mages I have an idea.
--------
Rogue Ice: Lord Obeseness, our hillbilly forces have met up with the black mage castle. However the front line commanders say that without moonshine they will abandon their positions.
Darth Garden Gnome: The more intoxicated the better! Lets keep our troops loyal! Have General Nathan reinforce the alcohol supplies and pamela anderson calendars at once!
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General Nathan: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW
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Denryle: The auto turretts have been engaged, they arent as good as real gunners but we dont have much of a chance. I'll stay in the Master control room and try to oordinate our attack while you three sneak past the enemy's frontline and get to their moonshine supplies.
Kuja: Which part of the plan involves us going home and getting out of this nightmarish TGOD.
Nitram: this aint a TGOD you dumbass its the a real thing!
Kuja: (Hefts Automatic Chainsaw) Dont make me hurt you
Cyran: Better out here than in the same castle as Zaia.
Denryle: hurry there isn't much time, you'll have to poison the moonshine before it gets distributed. Use This.
Kuja: What is it?
Denryle: It's a copy of the Pro Star Trek Fanfic "Portal"
Nitram: Ew I don't want to touch it!
Denryle: Its incased in a zip loc bag, which should keep the GK Germs off of you for awhile. now get moving!
Cyran: "Goodbye my friend it's hard to die, When all the birds are singing in the sky."
Nitram: "Now that spring is in the air"
Kuja: "Pretty girls are everywhere think of me and I ll be there"
Black Mages: "We had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed were Just seasons out of time"
Denryle: *wipes tear from eye* Awww geez you guys...
-----------
Fanboy: what are you doing.
Milyssa: I'm going to show you what's happening.
*Images from the battle are being displayed trhough magic to Fanboy*
Fanboy: Okay that's fine.
Milyssa: They are your friends. They are in danger.
Fanboy: Well i'm dead now, so it's a moot point.
Milyssa: if you're dead then how come we're still having this conversation.
Fanboy: You tell me.
Milyssa: Your body is still clinging to life Dale. There's a part of you that wants to stay behind.
Fanboy: That's not what I want.
Milyssa: Well maybe it is, as strong as you are you can do almost anything you want. Subconsciously you want to survive ao badly that you're stuck in the comatose state. If only you'd realize what you really wanted you could pass on or awaken.
Fanboy: I've already made my decision.
Milyssa: Don't be so sure.
*Images of the Sisterhood guarding the infirmary are now being displayed*
Fanboy: What are they doing?
Milyssa: Protecting you, because you can't fight for them.
Fanboy: But i'm DEAD! Damnit you girls get out there and defend yourselves!
Milyssa: They won't.
Fanboy: Then they'll die.
Milyssa: They'll all die. Every last human will probably die eventually. Unless someone saves them.
Fanboy: You're talking about me? If i'm such a savior how come I couldn't save you?
Milyssa: Because I made the same mistake you're about to make....I gave up.
--------------------------
(Cyran, Kuja, and Nitram are in the brush going down the mountainside. A Gnomish Artillery shell lands near their position.)
Kuja: (sniff) Cyran did you just shit your pants?
Cyran: Hell no!
*both look at nitram*
Nitram: REalx its just a bad case of the farts, special ops and chili cheesburgers dont exactly mix well.
Kuja: Your foul smelling corrosive ass is going to get us discovered!
Nitram: Oh yeah? Well then here's a signal flare. (pppphhhhbbbttt)
Cyran: Dude, most uncool.
Kuja: lok on the bright side, if we lose the poison The Minister gave us, we can use Nitrams nasty undershorts. Im sure they're all warm and moist now.
---------------------------
DoZ: Zaia, this is a complete fucking waste of time.
Zaia: You have any better ideas?
DoZ: Well yeah, I say we go out there and fucking kill some gnomes.
Innerbrat: Zaia, sweetie, with all due respect the guy's dead
Zaia: He's not dead!
Innerbrat: Ok, technically he's still alive, but there's about as much brain activity in his skull than there is in a hot pocket. If it makes you feel any better, say your goodbye before we go out there.
Zaia: I...I'm not strong enough to say goodbye. But if you girls want to go, I shouldn't stop you...
DoZ: Sounds like an order to go out and kick ass to me. Lets hit the armory girls.
Jmac: w00t! Rocket Propelled Grenades and Potato Mashers here I come!
Innerbrat: Don't worry Z, we'll come back and hash thi out over a pint of ben And Jerry's finest.
Zaia: ......
-----------------------------
Cyran: Okay, there's the forward command post.
Nitram: Looks like a Gnomish General just showed up too.
Kuja: Damn, he must be like, five feet tall...
Cyran: Think we can take them?
Kuja: Doubtful, but all we have to do is poison the moonshine.
Nitram: I've got an Idea. *stands up* HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ITS DALE EARNHEARDT JUNIOR! HE'S GOT A CASE OF BUDWEISER AND A COPY OF GIRLS GONE WILD!
-----------------------------
Nathan: Shit! Did you hear that! c'mon boys the 'shine can wait!
-----------------------------
Kuja: nice job Nitram!
Nitram: Okay you guys, I'll keep up the diversions, you guys run over there and poison the shine.
(Kuja and Cyran run to the Portable Still)
Cyran: Looks like they already have a big batch mixed up,
Kuja: Okay, lets toss this tuff in and get out of here, but first, look down in that Vat and tell me how deep it is.
Cyran: Awright just a second, Ehhh,, WHOA FUCK!
*Kuja shoves cyran in the large Vat of Moonshine*
Kuja: Bitch, Hey what the!!!!!
*Cyran reaches out of the Vat and pulls Kuja in with him. along with the poison. Before the poison can mix however, two very drunken Black Mages crawl out of the vat and begin to drunkenly fight each other*
Nitram: We always get this far and then those tow try and kill each other...Will you two get it over with and just have sex with each other for crying out loud!
Cyran: *hic* If by "sex" you mean "Cut his fuckin nuts off" suree *hic* *vomits*
Kuja: YOu wish you could have my nuts, you *hic* douche!
Nathan: Well I'll be a possum's inbred sister...looky what we have here. Some damn YANKEES are trying to steal our shine!
Nitram: (whistles theme to deliverance)
Nathan: Inform Master Garden Gnomes that we gots ourselves some YANKEE pris-ners.
*nathan is unawares of the sabotage*
Nathan: Awrighty then, Lets get our boys some of that XXX Nectar of the Nascar Gods! Oh, and kick all of 'em in the nuts fer me fer that damn trick they played on me. Consider that our offering to our messiah, Jeff Foxworthy. YEE HAW!
Nitram: Great...Gnomish POWs. Does it git any worse?
*The Three black mages are tied up and thrown in the back of a pickup truck. A hairy chubbier Gnome in overalls and bare feet keeps looking back at them with hungry eyes.*
Nitram: (in Charlie Brown Mode) AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
-----------------
Fanboy: Well It looks like their luck has run out.
Milyssa: What happened to you?
Fanboy: Come again?
Milyssa: You arent the same guy I fell in love with all those years ago. You really arent Dale.
Fanboy: Don't say that.
Milyssa: The Guy I knew would have wanted to help those guys. They guy I knew would go out there and fight even if he couldn't win because its the right thing to do, he never gave up.
Fanboy: That reminds me, you said that you gave up. That you gave up and that's why you died.
Milyssa: My heart wasn't strong enough, I failed myself and in doing so I failed you, I doomed you to an existence of misery. Well now's my chance to set things right, i'm not going to let my passing ruin your life to.
Fanboy: Fine then.
Milyssa: What?
Fanboy: If it's what you want then fine.
Milyssa: Fanboy...Dale...you can't just say that. You have to want it yourself. Now you're desire to die is working agianst you. You need to accept Life with your full heart.
Fanboy: Its hard for me to accept life, when death would put us together again. But I couldn't be with you if I had failed you in some way. I think now youve helped me get over some of that doubt.
Milyssa; then why are you still here.
Fanboy: Because I want you to make me a promise.
Milyssa: Name it.
Fanboy: When my time does come. I will see you again.
Milyssa: I wouldn't have it any other way.
(fanboy and Miylssa embrace each other, the realm aroudn them begins to collapse from a vast emotiness into a smaller confined space growing so small that in barely envelops the two, suddenly reality is shattered.)
-----------------------
Denryle: Shit!
DoZ: hey Minster Guy, we're here to start fighting...
Denryle: Fortunately I think we'll have this battle soon under control. the Mages have managed to poison the Hillbilly Gnomes Moonshine Supply. But In doing so they've been captured.
Tevar: Nitram too?
Denryle: (Nods Solemnly), If the poison holds out we should begin to see Mass fatalties within the next twenty minutes. If you gals can man some of the turretts and guard the entryways I think we can win this battle.
Jmac: We're still stranded in Gnome Territory, and this heap of junk isn't going anywhere.
Denryle: Worry about that later.
-----------------------
Nathan: WEll hot damn....i don;t feel so good....EErrRRKKR Ack! (dues)
*One by one the Hillbilly gnomes begin to drop dead as the vile poisons of Portal begin to corrupt the Gnomes bodies at a cellular level, causing them to become paralyzed and cease all function. Ironically this process results in Gnomish liver cells becoming too ignorant to succumb to cirrhosis from the moonshine, some gnomes survive due to an already enormous amount and are much healthier as a result*
----------------------
Rogue Ice: Oh this is not good, there are only a few gnomes left.
Darth Garden Gnome: yes but they are Super Gnomes. I will use my Dark Magic to create an ultimate Gnome of Pure Evil. though due to mixed opinions regarding the character that this Hellish SOuthern Super Gnome was supposed to be based on It will no longer be a hillbilly. That plus the fact that there are no female gnomes.
Rogue Ice: YOu mean Kel---
Darth Garden gnome: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, where was I, oh yes, DARK MAGIC BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Rogue Ice: Also, General Mith is reporting that the "Gigli Bomb" is ready for deployment. Also, the blakc Mage prisoners are being taken to the slave pits at JohLuis Colloseum. they will be prized additions to your gladiator hordes. As well as those two Sci Fi Nerds we captured in New Mexico even though earlier parts of the story said they were killed.
DGG: Good, Good, this unexpectled plot twist will surely get the author laid.
Rogue Ice: that plus the fact that we've actually achieved a small victory in this story is cause for celebration.
DGG: This is most excellent! BwahahaHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!
Rogue Ice: meep.
DGG: What the Fuck?
Rogue Ice: I didn't say anything.
*The Dark Magics combine the survivng gnomes into a horrible creature, nearly a hundred meters tall.*
Rogue Ice: I needs a name sir.
Darth Garden Gnome: We ran out of names.
Rogue Ice: GNOMEzILLA!
DGG: Fine, whatever.
----------------------
Denryle: Shit! If you girls are done primping yourselves concentrate all firepower on that big motherfucker!
DoZ: Why dont you get out of that chair and cast some damn spell then!
*Several Dozen different weapons emplacements begin unleshing thousands of bullets and small missles at Gnomezilla, which only serve to piss him off. the Sisters meanwhile have taken strategic positions and have begun manning mortars and artillery stations and hit Gnomezilla en masse.*
Jmac: No Effect1 I wouldnt be surpirsed if that was a big rubber suit and we're on the set of toho's latest project!
Innerbrat: I dont get it!
Jmac: neither do I, does the author actually think I fucking watch godzilla movies? and how come I have as many lines in this chapter as I have in the rest of the entire series.
Innerbrat: That's usually a prelude to a character being killed off.
Jmac: That's not funny!
fighter of Foo: I agree!
Innerbrat: What? When did you get here?
Fighter of Foo: I've been here the whole time! The author has finally given me some lines in order to further emphasize the point you were just making!
Innerbrat: Great, now my names flooding the script.
Jmac: We're all doomed.
DoZ: Listen to yourselves! Come on...Did Tasha Yar ever give up? NO! Did Jadzia Dax ever give up? No! Did Trinity Ever give up? No!
Jmac: They all got killed.
DoZ:
--------------------------
*As Gnomezilla attack the castle with a mighty swip of his hand the inside of the castle begins to shake abnd crumble. In the Infrimary, the walls begin tumbling down.*
Zaia: Looks like its all over, i'll never have another chance...
(turns to fanboy, still lying prostrate on the platform next to her)
Zaia: Its not love okay? i've been around you long enough to know it's not going to work out and im sure i'mnot your type anyway. But i've always prided myself on how strong I am. Now I owe you my life probably ten times over with all of the great things youve done and i'll never be able to repay that. (takes Fanboys hand in hers) That all I had to say, you'll never hear it though I think, I guess i'd better stop trying and give up.
*Zaia feels Fanboy's hand squeeze back, Startled he leaps to her feet but not letting go*
Fanboy: don't give up...(sits up grogily, is very tired)...that's a mistake...at least that's what she told me.
Zaia: She? (Anger twinges in her voice) Who's She?
Fanboy: Someone who reminds me of you, now hand me my damn boat oar. I gotta go kill a monster.
Zaia: Say it like that to me again and i'll break your face.
Fanboy: (Rubs forehead) You already did, you coming with me or not?
Zaia: (smiles) wouldn't miss it for the world.
-----------------------------
*Gnomezilla destroys the last weapons emplacement, the Sisters and Alyrium Denryle Scatter back into the castle for shelter.*
Denryle: Damned Gnomish Magics! ITs Immune to all but physical damage.
DoZ: How convenient. So you're pretty wel useless?
Denryle: about as much as the castle, I can fly and I know some white magic but thats about it.
DoZ: maybe Uber-Zaia or whatever she wants to call herself will pull that bug out of her ass and help us out.
(Explosion Rocks the side of the castle and it begins to tilt)
DoZ: What the hell?
Zaia: You guys had better come and see this.
----------------------------
Lyrics Battle Mode Perhaps?
*Fanboy fires a huge mind bullet in the the face of the oversized Gnome, then fires again.*
Innerbrat: Must have been some "inspiration" from Zaia (makes motion with wrist.)
Zaia: If your lips weren't so kissably soft IB you'd be dead right now.
Innerbrat: (puckers lips) bwahahah What great power I hold!
Doz: Stupid Broads.
Darth Garden Gnome: this is most disturbing. i will have my revenge.
Rogue Ice: General Mith says he can drop the Gigli Bomb when ready.
DGG: Fire that shit!
------------
*Zaia drives the mustang out to meet Fanboy, on a ridge several hundred meters away from the castle wreckage.*
Fanboy: Nice, car, who'd you have to beat the shit out of to get to drive that thing?
Zaia: A real stud of course. (Crawls toward him.)
Fanboy: You'll have to forgive me if I can't right now Z. Too much going on up here in the ol' Grey Matter.
Zaia: Oh get over yourself I just wanted to sit down. So ummm..,.Who was it you were talking about a little while ago?
Fanboy: No one really. Someone who died a long time ago.
Zaia: Well you said "she", someone you knew?
Fanboy: Yup. She's a lot like you Z. But there's one big difference.
Zaia: That being?
Fanboy: DO you love me?
Zaia: What? Hell no!
Fanboy: Heh, well she did, still does as a matter of fact. And for the last few years i've been trying to correct a mistake that I never even made to begin with.
Zaia: Oh...
Fanboy: Listen Z, if i've ever wanted to distance myself from you. Its for some pretty awful reasons. An uglier part of my psyche that i'm trying hard to get rid of. YOu need to understand it has nothing to do with you okay?
Zaia: fair enough. All things considered though i'm glad youre okay.
Fanboy: I'm glad i'm ok to. What a shame for the world it would be if I weren't around to grace it's presence.
Zaia: Asshole.
Fanboy: Heheh I knew you'd, What the fuck?
------------------
Meanwhile, aboard the Gnoish bomber "Egnoma Gay"
Mith: Bombardier! Drop the Payload!
------------------
*In an instant that seemed to take ages the powerful Gigli bomb was dropped on the Black Mage Castle. Exploding with a tremendous force the world had never seen A mushroom cloud erupted from where the castle wreckage once stood. Fanboy and Zaia jumped into the mustang and sped off, barely ahead of the blast even at top speeds.
In that instant. the Society of Sisters and Alyrium Denryle were destroyed. the combined Armory of the Castle only added to the explosion, Fanboy drove the Mustang down a cliff and anded a jump nearly perfectly into a cavern which was well sheltered.
------------------
Kawaii Denryle: Whew that was close. we might have died but thanks to the spell I cast our Kawaii Alternate universe selves will be okay!
Kawaii Innerbrat: Bloody hell? We're dead?
Kawaii Denryle: How did Cyran outlive me?
Kawaii FIghter of Foo: This fucking blows!
Kawaii Duchess of Zeon: Could be worse, we could have ended up airheaded blondes running around mindlessly.
Kawaii Lady Tevar: Nitram you bastard! Phoenix Downs now! Hop to it!
Kawaii Jmac: Won't work, Death is permanent in this fic
Kawaii Tevar: Its just as well, he ate Chili cheeseburgers and I would not want to wash his underwear, he gets pretty gassy.
Kawaii Sisterhood: Waaaaaaaaaa
Kawaii Denryle: Kuja you listen to me dammit! Avenge me or I swear to go I'll haunt you everytime you hook up with a woman from here on out.
--------------------
Zaia: No way....
Fanboy: This isn't good.
---------------------
Darth Garden Gnome: WE DID IT!
Rogue Ice: WE WON A BATTLE! HOLY SHIT!
Rye: GO GNOMAGE! GO GNOMAGE!
Mith: Target destroyed, but there is some bad news.
rogue Ice: Oh shit...Um Oh Bulbous one?
DGG: Can't you see i'm celebrating?
Rogue Ice: umm you know that tough guy that swore to kill you dead a few minutes ago?
DGG: He's a pile of ashes right now, woo doggy!
Rogue Ice: Umm, he lived. So did that really pissed off Chick with the glowing eyes.
DGG: Really? Okay then lets see umm. We got anything that can stop him?
Rogue Ice: If he's heading for you sor he'll have to ge tthrough our entiure army here in the Darklands and then fight his way through the eltire forces underground before getting to you sire, dont worry we'll all be dead before he gets to you.
DGG: Whew, okay...Just to be sure though. Lets concoct something.
Rye: yaY ! WE R WINNERS!
DGG: Shut Up Ladyboy.
----------------
END
Oh and by the way, Singular Quartet is the Winner of the kill 2000AD contest. his ideas will be used in an upcoming side story and incorporated into the plotline. And I apologize for killing off or imprisoning nearly half of my characters in this episode but thems the breaks.
(Black Mage War room)
Denryle: And you're telling me not one bit of White Magic has worked?
Nitram: Yup, he's too deep into the coma. He's fucked. and if he's fucked we're fucked.
Kuja: Speak for yourself, at least Tevar is going to keep you alive as a pet! We're going to be KILLED by Zaia. She's still pissed! Though I don't see why, it's her own damn fault.
Cyran: Shhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Be quiet damnit! (draws pistol)
Denryle: This is most displeasing. I was hoping that we could at least have him conscious by the time we crossed into Gnomish Territory.
Black Mages: DO WHAT NOW?
Kuja: You gotta be kidding? You mean we're crossing into the Gnomish Borderlands already?
Denryle: Its the only way, we have to cross the Borderlands and then a short excursion through Ooba Jooba and finally The Darklands in order to reach the Highguard Portal. When we reach there we'l be fighting enemies that will make our previous battles seem like a cakewalk.
Cyran: Oh I just realized, I left something back in New York, sniff you jerks later.
(Cyran exits the War Room, Zaia is blocking his path, her eyes glowing red and crackling with energy)
Cyran: Sweet Jeebus! Oh I mean uhhh, Hey Z, ummm you need some visine?
(Zaia Kicks Cyran in the Crotch, sending him through the ceiling and into the bathroom where Jmac is shoering. Jmac boots Cyran back down through into the war room, where Cyran crashes through the floor and down into the room where where Duchess of Zeon is making minature butter cows. Several Gunshots and broken bones later the lumpy heap of Cyran is tossed back into the war room, bleeding and bruised, buthe'll be okay. Kuja meanwhile, is laughing his ass off. Zaia counters that by yaning one of the broken bones straight out of Cyran and stabs Kuja in the Ear.
Lady Tevar rushes in the room and performs Curaga. Cyran and Kuja pee their pants in fear of Zaia afterwards.)
Zaia: There will be no escapes! Duchess, if you're done with your arts and crafts I want you to rig all of the escape routes with Y chromosome-activated explosives. Then you will personally oversee this meeting with a shotgun until they've discovered a solution to his illness.
DoZ: Can't we just kill them now?
--------------
DReaM SeQueNCe
--------------
An empty universe, nothing but a vaguely translucent series of oscillating colors with a varying white and black background behind them stretching in all directions.
Fanboy: Where the fuck am I
(A fully robed mystery figure emerges)
????: I could answer, but in the end youd only end up asking more questions.
Fanboy: Figures.
????: Interesting, you aren't as inquisitive as most people who end up here.
Fanboy: It doesn't matter, i'm going back soon and i'll probably forget this place anyway.
????: (The mystery figure steps closer) Are you sure you want to go back? (reveals face....) We're finally together again here.
Fanboy: Milyssa? But that's impossible!
Milyssa: Is it now? You yourself have proven that nothing's impossible Fanboy. Just look at how strong you've become.
Fanboy: It's not strong enough, you're still gone.
Milyssa: And do you know why that is?
Fanboy: Because i'm still not strong enough yet. One day i'll be able to revive you.
Milyssa: No, you don't understand Dale...
Fanboy: I'm not called that anymore. I go by my Ceremonial title...
Milyssa: Oh yes, I forgot, the all powerful masters of Style. Im glad you've found something to do in my abscence. You're finally strong enough now to accept my passing, yet you refuse to do so.
Fanboy: I'd give it all up for five more minutes.
Milyssa: I'm sure you would, and you know what that would get you? Killed probably, those idiots you've been running around with would probably drag you into fight they wouldnt be able to win and then Boom, you're unable to help them.
Fanboy: I don't care about them.
Milyssa: Oh? Not even that girl?
Fanboy: It's not like that Mel...
Milyssa: I know, but my point is, you nearly got yourself killed, just to free her from her madness. And now you'd let her be killed just to be with me again? The world needs you Fanboy.
Fanboy: Well I need you, not the damned world. I'll take the sweet embrace of death if it suits my purposes.
Milyssa: You do have that choice...
----------
Jmac: Zaia! Red Alert!
Denryle: What? A premature attack?
(Outside of the castle, hordes of hillbilly gnomes have begun to attack the Black Mage Castle. Using weapons provided them by their lord Darth Garden Gnome. The Black Mage Castle begins to tumble out of the Sk and begins a terrifying descent towards the ground.)
Denryle: Mages! Battle Stations!
Zaia: Good, you take battle Stations and the sisters will guard the infirmary.
Denryle: You've got to be kidding me.
Zaia: Show us what you're made of.
Nitram: This is bullshit...couldn't you just kill me now?
Tevar: Sorry sweetie, but the boss says you're fodder. now git along!
Denryle: We aren't that deep into Gnomish Territory, which means it must be the hillbilly gnomes of Ooba Jooba. Let's go mages I have an idea.
--------
Rogue Ice: Lord Obeseness, our hillbilly forces have met up with the black mage castle. However the front line commanders say that without moonshine they will abandon their positions.
Darth Garden Gnome: The more intoxicated the better! Lets keep our troops loyal! Have General Nathan reinforce the alcohol supplies and pamela anderson calendars at once!
---------
General Nathan: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW
---------
Denryle: The auto turretts have been engaged, they arent as good as real gunners but we dont have much of a chance. I'll stay in the Master control room and try to oordinate our attack while you three sneak past the enemy's frontline and get to their moonshine supplies.
Kuja: Which part of the plan involves us going home and getting out of this nightmarish TGOD.
Nitram: this aint a TGOD you dumbass its the a real thing!
Kuja: (Hefts Automatic Chainsaw) Dont make me hurt you
Cyran: Better out here than in the same castle as Zaia.
Denryle: hurry there isn't much time, you'll have to poison the moonshine before it gets distributed. Use This.
Kuja: What is it?
Denryle: It's a copy of the Pro Star Trek Fanfic "Portal"
Nitram: Ew I don't want to touch it!
Denryle: Its incased in a zip loc bag, which should keep the GK Germs off of you for awhile. now get moving!
Cyran: "Goodbye my friend it's hard to die, When all the birds are singing in the sky."
Nitram: "Now that spring is in the air"
Kuja: "Pretty girls are everywhere think of me and I ll be there"
Black Mages: "We had joy we had fun we had Seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed were Just seasons out of time"
Denryle: *wipes tear from eye* Awww geez you guys...
-----------
Fanboy: what are you doing.
Milyssa: I'm going to show you what's happening.
*Images from the battle are being displayed trhough magic to Fanboy*
Fanboy: Okay that's fine.
Milyssa: They are your friends. They are in danger.
Fanboy: Well i'm dead now, so it's a moot point.
Milyssa: if you're dead then how come we're still having this conversation.
Fanboy: You tell me.
Milyssa: Your body is still clinging to life Dale. There's a part of you that wants to stay behind.
Fanboy: That's not what I want.
Milyssa: Well maybe it is, as strong as you are you can do almost anything you want. Subconsciously you want to survive ao badly that you're stuck in the comatose state. If only you'd realize what you really wanted you could pass on or awaken.
Fanboy: I've already made my decision.
Milyssa: Don't be so sure.
*Images of the Sisterhood guarding the infirmary are now being displayed*
Fanboy: What are they doing?
Milyssa: Protecting you, because you can't fight for them.
Fanboy: But i'm DEAD! Damnit you girls get out there and defend yourselves!
Milyssa: They won't.
Fanboy: Then they'll die.
Milyssa: They'll all die. Every last human will probably die eventually. Unless someone saves them.
Fanboy: You're talking about me? If i'm such a savior how come I couldn't save you?
Milyssa: Because I made the same mistake you're about to make....I gave up.
--------------------------
(Cyran, Kuja, and Nitram are in the brush going down the mountainside. A Gnomish Artillery shell lands near their position.)
Kuja: (sniff) Cyran did you just shit your pants?
Cyran: Hell no!
*both look at nitram*
Nitram: REalx its just a bad case of the farts, special ops and chili cheesburgers dont exactly mix well.
Kuja: Your foul smelling corrosive ass is going to get us discovered!
Nitram: Oh yeah? Well then here's a signal flare. (pppphhhhbbbttt)
Cyran: Dude, most uncool.
Kuja: lok on the bright side, if we lose the poison The Minister gave us, we can use Nitrams nasty undershorts. Im sure they're all warm and moist now.
---------------------------
DoZ: Zaia, this is a complete fucking waste of time.
Zaia: You have any better ideas?
DoZ: Well yeah, I say we go out there and fucking kill some gnomes.
Innerbrat: Zaia, sweetie, with all due respect the guy's dead
Zaia: He's not dead!
Innerbrat: Ok, technically he's still alive, but there's about as much brain activity in his skull than there is in a hot pocket. If it makes you feel any better, say your goodbye before we go out there.
Zaia: I...I'm not strong enough to say goodbye. But if you girls want to go, I shouldn't stop you...
DoZ: Sounds like an order to go out and kick ass to me. Lets hit the armory girls.
Jmac: w00t! Rocket Propelled Grenades and Potato Mashers here I come!
Innerbrat: Don't worry Z, we'll come back and hash thi out over a pint of ben And Jerry's finest.
Zaia: ......
-----------------------------
Cyran: Okay, there's the forward command post.
Nitram: Looks like a Gnomish General just showed up too.
Kuja: Damn, he must be like, five feet tall...
Cyran: Think we can take them?
Kuja: Doubtful, but all we have to do is poison the moonshine.
Nitram: I've got an Idea. *stands up* HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ITS DALE EARNHEARDT JUNIOR! HE'S GOT A CASE OF BUDWEISER AND A COPY OF GIRLS GONE WILD!
-----------------------------
Nathan: Shit! Did you hear that! c'mon boys the 'shine can wait!
-----------------------------
Kuja: nice job Nitram!
Nitram: Okay you guys, I'll keep up the diversions, you guys run over there and poison the shine.
(Kuja and Cyran run to the Portable Still)
Cyran: Looks like they already have a big batch mixed up,
Kuja: Okay, lets toss this tuff in and get out of here, but first, look down in that Vat and tell me how deep it is.
Cyran: Awright just a second, Ehhh,, WHOA FUCK!
*Kuja shoves cyran in the large Vat of Moonshine*
Kuja: Bitch, Hey what the!!!!!
*Cyran reaches out of the Vat and pulls Kuja in with him. along with the poison. Before the poison can mix however, two very drunken Black Mages crawl out of the vat and begin to drunkenly fight each other*
Nitram: We always get this far and then those tow try and kill each other...Will you two get it over with and just have sex with each other for crying out loud!
Cyran: *hic* If by "sex" you mean "Cut his fuckin nuts off" suree *hic* *vomits*
Kuja: YOu wish you could have my nuts, you *hic* douche!
Nathan: Well I'll be a possum's inbred sister...looky what we have here. Some damn YANKEES are trying to steal our shine!
Nitram: (whistles theme to deliverance)
Nathan: Inform Master Garden Gnomes that we gots ourselves some YANKEE pris-ners.
*nathan is unawares of the sabotage*
Nathan: Awrighty then, Lets get our boys some of that XXX Nectar of the Nascar Gods! Oh, and kick all of 'em in the nuts fer me fer that damn trick they played on me. Consider that our offering to our messiah, Jeff Foxworthy. YEE HAW!
Nitram: Great...Gnomish POWs. Does it git any worse?
*The Three black mages are tied up and thrown in the back of a pickup truck. A hairy chubbier Gnome in overalls and bare feet keeps looking back at them with hungry eyes.*
Nitram: (in Charlie Brown Mode) AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
-----------------
Fanboy: Well It looks like their luck has run out.
Milyssa: What happened to you?
Fanboy: Come again?
Milyssa: You arent the same guy I fell in love with all those years ago. You really arent Dale.
Fanboy: Don't say that.
Milyssa: The Guy I knew would have wanted to help those guys. They guy I knew would go out there and fight even if he couldn't win because its the right thing to do, he never gave up.
Fanboy: That reminds me, you said that you gave up. That you gave up and that's why you died.
Milyssa: My heart wasn't strong enough, I failed myself and in doing so I failed you, I doomed you to an existence of misery. Well now's my chance to set things right, i'm not going to let my passing ruin your life to.
Fanboy: Fine then.
Milyssa: What?
Fanboy: If it's what you want then fine.
Milyssa: Fanboy...Dale...you can't just say that. You have to want it yourself. Now you're desire to die is working agianst you. You need to accept Life with your full heart.
Fanboy: Its hard for me to accept life, when death would put us together again. But I couldn't be with you if I had failed you in some way. I think now youve helped me get over some of that doubt.
Milyssa; then why are you still here.
Fanboy: Because I want you to make me a promise.
Milyssa: Name it.
Fanboy: When my time does come. I will see you again.
Milyssa: I wouldn't have it any other way.
(fanboy and Miylssa embrace each other, the realm aroudn them begins to collapse from a vast emotiness into a smaller confined space growing so small that in barely envelops the two, suddenly reality is shattered.)
-----------------------
Denryle: Shit!
DoZ: hey Minster Guy, we're here to start fighting...
Denryle: Fortunately I think we'll have this battle soon under control. the Mages have managed to poison the Hillbilly Gnomes Moonshine Supply. But In doing so they've been captured.
Tevar: Nitram too?
Denryle: (Nods Solemnly), If the poison holds out we should begin to see Mass fatalties within the next twenty minutes. If you gals can man some of the turretts and guard the entryways I think we can win this battle.
Jmac: We're still stranded in Gnome Territory, and this heap of junk isn't going anywhere.
Denryle: Worry about that later.
-----------------------
Nathan: WEll hot damn....i don;t feel so good....EErrRRKKR Ack! (dues)
*One by one the Hillbilly gnomes begin to drop dead as the vile poisons of Portal begin to corrupt the Gnomes bodies at a cellular level, causing them to become paralyzed and cease all function. Ironically this process results in Gnomish liver cells becoming too ignorant to succumb to cirrhosis from the moonshine, some gnomes survive due to an already enormous amount and are much healthier as a result*
----------------------
Rogue Ice: Oh this is not good, there are only a few gnomes left.
Darth Garden Gnome: yes but they are Super Gnomes. I will use my Dark Magic to create an ultimate Gnome of Pure Evil. though due to mixed opinions regarding the character that this Hellish SOuthern Super Gnome was supposed to be based on It will no longer be a hillbilly. That plus the fact that there are no female gnomes.
Rogue Ice: YOu mean Kel---
Darth Garden gnome: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay, where was I, oh yes, DARK MAGIC BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Rogue Ice: Also, General Mith is reporting that the "Gigli Bomb" is ready for deployment. Also, the blakc Mage prisoners are being taken to the slave pits at JohLuis Colloseum. they will be prized additions to your gladiator hordes. As well as those two Sci Fi Nerds we captured in New Mexico even though earlier parts of the story said they were killed.
DGG: Good, Good, this unexpectled plot twist will surely get the author laid.
Rogue Ice: that plus the fact that we've actually achieved a small victory in this story is cause for celebration.
DGG: This is most excellent! BwahahaHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!
Rogue Ice: meep.
DGG: What the Fuck?
Rogue Ice: I didn't say anything.
*The Dark Magics combine the survivng gnomes into a horrible creature, nearly a hundred meters tall.*
Rogue Ice: I needs a name sir.
Darth Garden Gnome: We ran out of names.
Rogue Ice: GNOMEzILLA!
DGG: Fine, whatever.
----------------------
Denryle: Shit! If you girls are done primping yourselves concentrate all firepower on that big motherfucker!
DoZ: Why dont you get out of that chair and cast some damn spell then!
*Several Dozen different weapons emplacements begin unleshing thousands of bullets and small missles at Gnomezilla, which only serve to piss him off. the Sisters meanwhile have taken strategic positions and have begun manning mortars and artillery stations and hit Gnomezilla en masse.*
Jmac: No Effect1 I wouldnt be surpirsed if that was a big rubber suit and we're on the set of toho's latest project!
Innerbrat: I dont get it!
Jmac: neither do I, does the author actually think I fucking watch godzilla movies? and how come I have as many lines in this chapter as I have in the rest of the entire series.
Innerbrat: That's usually a prelude to a character being killed off.
Jmac: That's not funny!
fighter of Foo: I agree!
Innerbrat: What? When did you get here?
Fighter of Foo: I've been here the whole time! The author has finally given me some lines in order to further emphasize the point you were just making!
Innerbrat: Great, now my names flooding the script.
Jmac: We're all doomed.
DoZ: Listen to yourselves! Come on...Did Tasha Yar ever give up? NO! Did Jadzia Dax ever give up? No! Did Trinity Ever give up? No!
Jmac: They all got killed.
DoZ:
--------------------------
*As Gnomezilla attack the castle with a mighty swip of his hand the inside of the castle begins to shake abnd crumble. In the Infrimary, the walls begin tumbling down.*
Zaia: Looks like its all over, i'll never have another chance...
(turns to fanboy, still lying prostrate on the platform next to her)
Zaia: Its not love okay? i've been around you long enough to know it's not going to work out and im sure i'mnot your type anyway. But i've always prided myself on how strong I am. Now I owe you my life probably ten times over with all of the great things youve done and i'll never be able to repay that. (takes Fanboys hand in hers) That all I had to say, you'll never hear it though I think, I guess i'd better stop trying and give up.
*Zaia feels Fanboy's hand squeeze back, Startled he leaps to her feet but not letting go*
Fanboy: don't give up...(sits up grogily, is very tired)...that's a mistake...at least that's what she told me.
Zaia: She? (Anger twinges in her voice) Who's She?
Fanboy: Someone who reminds me of you, now hand me my damn boat oar. I gotta go kill a monster.
Zaia: Say it like that to me again and i'll break your face.
Fanboy: (Rubs forehead) You already did, you coming with me or not?
Zaia: (smiles) wouldn't miss it for the world.
-----------------------------
*Gnomezilla destroys the last weapons emplacement, the Sisters and Alyrium Denryle Scatter back into the castle for shelter.*
Denryle: Damned Gnomish Magics! ITs Immune to all but physical damage.
DoZ: How convenient. So you're pretty wel useless?
Denryle: about as much as the castle, I can fly and I know some white magic but thats about it.
DoZ: maybe Uber-Zaia or whatever she wants to call herself will pull that bug out of her ass and help us out.
(Explosion Rocks the side of the castle and it begins to tilt)
DoZ: What the hell?
Zaia: You guys had better come and see this.
----------------------------
Lyrics Battle Mode Perhaps?
Fanboy: Hey Ugly! COME GET SOME!Woke up this morning
Got yourself a gun,
Your mama always said you?d be
The Chosen One.
*Fanboy fires a huge mind bullet in the the face of the oversized Gnome, then fires again.*
*Fanboy lowershimself on the monsters face and uses the boat oar to stab into his eye. Fanboy pries the eye out and melts it with a flash of energy.*She said: You?re One in a million
You?ve got to burn to shine,
But you were born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.
*Fanboy levitates out fo the way as the moster regains his footing. The moster throws a hard left hok which Fanboy blocks with his free hand. Raising the boat oar with his other hand he swings it at Gnomezilla's wrist. Breaking it. He then hurls himself forward and kicks Gnomezillas right in the sternum, shattering that utterly. Not one to relent, he furthered his attack with another series of mind bullets targeting the injured chest.*Woke up this morning
All that love had gone,
Your Papa never told you
About right and wrong.
But you?re
But you?re looking good, baby,
I believe that you?re a feeling fine, shame about it,
Born under a bad sign
With a blue moon in your eyes.
So sing it now
Woke up this morning
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Woke up this morning
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Woke up this morning
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Woke up this morning
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Denryle: How in the hell is he doing this?ou see you woke up this morning
The world turned upside down, Lord above,
Thing?s ain?t been the same
Since the blues walked into town.
Innerbrat: Must have been some "inspiration" from Zaia (makes motion with wrist.)
Zaia: If your lips weren't so kissably soft IB you'd be dead right now.
Innerbrat: (puckers lips) bwahahah What great power I hold!
Doz: Stupid Broads.
-------------But you?re
But you?re one in a million
Cos you?ve got that shotgun shine, shame about it,
Born under a bad sign,
With a blue moon in your eyes.
So sing it now
Fanboy: Darth Garden Gnome I know you're listening you midgety piece of fucking filth. I swear on this oversized soon-to-be-corpse I'll kill every single one of your god damned horde.
-------
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon
Got a blue moon in your eyes
Woke up this morning
So sad
God damn
God damned shame about it.
Woke up this morning
Got a blue moon
Got a blue moon in your eyes.
Woke up this morning
Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Darth Garden Gnome: Agh!
Rogue Ice: umm my lord?
Darth Garden Gnome: change the damn channel!
Rogue Ice: Sir, this is a live feed, from one of our satellites, we can't just change the channel!
Darth Garden Gnome: SCARRRRRRYYYY!!!!!
Rogue Ice: I wonder what Rye did with the classifieds.
(*Authors Note* Did you know that rye is a failed experiment in order to create a gnomish female? DGG fucked up and instead of a female he got an orange gnome instead of a woman gnome, though a I hear that if you line your palms with fresh peels its about the same thing anyway.)
----------
*Fanboy uses his powersof levitation to levitate the Gnomezilla into the air. Then, using further concentration he infused telekinetic energy into the vital organs and emty spaces within Gnomezilla. Expanding it outward until he became a big fleshy bubble. Next, the boat oar was levitated as well, and aimed towards the chest cavity like an arrow.*When you woke up this morning everything was gone. By half past ten your head was going ding-dong. Ringing like a bell from your head down to your toes, like some voice trying to tell you there?s something you should know. Last night you were flying but today you?re so low - ain?t it times like these makes you wonder if you?ll ever know the meaning of things as they appear to the others; wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers. Don?t you wish you didn't function, don?t you wish you never think beyond the next paycheque and the next little drink? Well you do, so make up your mind to go on, ?cos when you woke up this morning everything you had was gone.
Denryle: This is going to be messy
*The Oar shot through the air faster than any bullet and suddenly the wretched beast was dead. Several thousand gallons of bodily fluids and thousands of pounds of entrails rained from the sky and into a nearby clearing full o dead hillbilly gnomes.*
Jmac: *vomits*
DoZ: I say that when the wind blows towards the Darklands and the Gnomish Capital, we cover the whole area in napalm, light this shit, and let the stench carry all the way to Darth Garden gnomes nostrils.
Denryle: Not a bad idea. Zaia, why don't you go out there and see if he's okay?
Zaia: All righty.
Woke up this morning,
When you woke up this morning
Woke up this morning,
You woke up this morning
Woke up this morning,
Want to be,
You want to be the Chosen One.
Yeah, you know it.
Just can?t help yourself, yeah.
Woke up this morning,
When you woke up this morning
Woke up this morning,
Woke up this morning
Woke up this morning,
Got yourself a gun.
Got yourself a gun.
Got yourself a gun.
Darth Garden Gnome: this is most disturbing. i will have my revenge.
Rogue Ice: General Mith says he can drop the Gigli Bomb when ready.
DGG: Fire that shit!
------------
*Zaia drives the mustang out to meet Fanboy, on a ridge several hundred meters away from the castle wreckage.*
Fanboy: Nice, car, who'd you have to beat the shit out of to get to drive that thing?
Zaia: A real stud of course. (Crawls toward him.)
Fanboy: You'll have to forgive me if I can't right now Z. Too much going on up here in the ol' Grey Matter.
Zaia: Oh get over yourself I just wanted to sit down. So ummm..,.Who was it you were talking about a little while ago?
Fanboy: No one really. Someone who died a long time ago.
Zaia: Well you said "she", someone you knew?
Fanboy: Yup. She's a lot like you Z. But there's one big difference.
Zaia: That being?
Fanboy: DO you love me?
Zaia: What? Hell no!
Fanboy: Heh, well she did, still does as a matter of fact. And for the last few years i've been trying to correct a mistake that I never even made to begin with.
Zaia: Oh...
Fanboy: Listen Z, if i've ever wanted to distance myself from you. Its for some pretty awful reasons. An uglier part of my psyche that i'm trying hard to get rid of. YOu need to understand it has nothing to do with you okay?
Zaia: fair enough. All things considered though i'm glad youre okay.
Fanboy: I'm glad i'm ok to. What a shame for the world it would be if I weren't around to grace it's presence.
Zaia: Asshole.
Fanboy: Heheh I knew you'd, What the fuck?
------------------
Meanwhile, aboard the Gnoish bomber "Egnoma Gay"
Mith: Bombardier! Drop the Payload!
------------------
*In an instant that seemed to take ages the powerful Gigli bomb was dropped on the Black Mage Castle. Exploding with a tremendous force the world had never seen A mushroom cloud erupted from where the castle wreckage once stood. Fanboy and Zaia jumped into the mustang and sped off, barely ahead of the blast even at top speeds.
In that instant. the Society of Sisters and Alyrium Denryle were destroyed. the combined Armory of the Castle only added to the explosion, Fanboy drove the Mustang down a cliff and anded a jump nearly perfectly into a cavern which was well sheltered.
------------------
Kawaii Denryle: Whew that was close. we might have died but thanks to the spell I cast our Kawaii Alternate universe selves will be okay!
Kawaii Innerbrat: Bloody hell? We're dead?
Kawaii Denryle: How did Cyran outlive me?
Kawaii FIghter of Foo: This fucking blows!
Kawaii Duchess of Zeon: Could be worse, we could have ended up airheaded blondes running around mindlessly.
Kawaii Lady Tevar: Nitram you bastard! Phoenix Downs now! Hop to it!
Kawaii Jmac: Won't work, Death is permanent in this fic
Kawaii Tevar: Its just as well, he ate Chili cheeseburgers and I would not want to wash his underwear, he gets pretty gassy.
Kawaii Sisterhood: Waaaaaaaaaa
Kawaii Denryle: Kuja you listen to me dammit! Avenge me or I swear to go I'll haunt you everytime you hook up with a woman from here on out.
--------------------
Zaia: No way....
Fanboy: This isn't good.
---------------------
Darth Garden Gnome: WE DID IT!
Rogue Ice: WE WON A BATTLE! HOLY SHIT!
Rye: GO GNOMAGE! GO GNOMAGE!
Mith: Target destroyed, but there is some bad news.
rogue Ice: Oh shit...Um Oh Bulbous one?
DGG: Can't you see i'm celebrating?
Rogue Ice: umm you know that tough guy that swore to kill you dead a few minutes ago?
DGG: He's a pile of ashes right now, woo doggy!
Rogue Ice: Umm, he lived. So did that really pissed off Chick with the glowing eyes.
DGG: Really? Okay then lets see umm. We got anything that can stop him?
Rogue Ice: If he's heading for you sor he'll have to ge tthrough our entiure army here in the Darklands and then fight his way through the eltire forces underground before getting to you sire, dont worry we'll all be dead before he gets to you.
DGG: Whew, okay...Just to be sure though. Lets concoct something.
Rye: yaY ! WE R WINNERS!
DGG: Shut Up Ladyboy.
----------------
END
Oh and by the way, Singular Quartet is the Winner of the kill 2000AD contest. his ideas will be used in an upcoming side story and incorporated into the plotline. And I apologize for killing off or imprisoning nearly half of my characters in this episode but thems the breaks.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
oh by the way, Gnome Hunter is back.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Crazedwraith
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 11924
- Joined: 2003-04-10 03:45pm
- Location: Cheshire, England
-
2000AD
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 6666
- Joined: 2002-07-03 06:32pm
- Location: Leeds, wishing i was still in Newcastle
I take it the "Gilgi" in "gilgi bomb" was based on the film (i use the term loosely) Gilgi?
Ph34r teh eyebrow!!11!Writers Guild Sluggite Pawn of Chaos WYGIWYGAINGW so now i have to put ACPATHNTDWATGODW in my sig EBC-Honorary Geordie
Hammerman! Hammer!
Hammerman! Hammer!
-
Captain Cyran
- Psycho Mini-lop
- Posts: 7037
- Joined: 2002-07-05 11:00pm
- Location: College... w00t?
Ow... For a second there I thought I was gonna get offed.(Zaia Kicks Cyran in the Crotch, sending him through the ceiling and into the bathroom where Jmac is shoering. Jmac boots Cyran back down through into the war room, where Cyran crashes through the floor and down into the room where where Duchess of Zeon is making minature butter cows. Several Gunshots and broken bones later the lumpy heap of Cyran is tossed back into the war room, bleeding and bruised, buthe'll be okay. Kuja meanwhile, is laughing his ass off. Zaia counters that by yaning one of the broken bones straight out of Cyran and stabs Kuja in the Ear.
Cool that I lived, pity most of the Sisterhood died though...
Pretty good chapter, wasn't as funny as some, seemed a bit too long, but beyond that it was good.
Justice League, Super-Villain Carnage "Carnage Rules!" Cult of the Kitten Mew... The Black Mage with The Knife SD.Net Chronicler of the Past Bun Bun is my hero. The Official Verilonitis Vaccinator
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
Of course it got repetitive. I had to use filler because you used up all the great ideas in your recent chapter of "HSGHGB" Asshole!Kuja wrote:Too long. It got repetitve towards the end.
As for the editing, well, this isn't something I write for profit and my time is valuable (My New Game (+) of FFX-2 is most important Heheh) So if you want it cleaned send a check or money order to.... heheh.
however I got through this wretched chapter and accomplished my goal of killing off a bunch of characters And begrudgingly handing the gnomes a victory. Plus, with the Black Mages imprisoned in gladitorial combat, it sets up the Cyran vs. Kuja battle to the death.....OMFG SPOLIER!!!!!!!
Since I had to chop out lots of stuff, I threw in some catharsis writing about a girl named Melissa? Want to know more? Purchase Fanboy Brand Emotional baggage from the good people at Samsonite. Only $99999.99, because $100000 would be asking too much.
A quick opinion poll.
1-Would the Gnomes Either:
A)Try to capture Stravo and force him to write Gnomish tales of Adventure
B)Try to assasinate Stravo to cut the revenue stream for the Allied Forces
C)Capture/Kill and replace him with a Gnomish clone whats only 4 feet tall
2-Rogue Ice Should:
A)Remain in his current role as DGG's bitch
B)Die in the next edition, or ASAP
C)Defect
3-Santa Claus is:
A)A Gnome in Exile for crimes against DGG (put him on naughty list)
B)A Defected Gnome with an army of Exiled Gnomes (aka Elves)
C)A Gnomish Super Agent whose twisted experiments resulted in hideously mutated Reindeer.
4-East Side Love is:
A)Living on the West End
B)Stop quoting Red hot Chili Peppers
C) Both A and B
5-Of the following Male Dresspheres. Choose your three Favorite
-Star Trek Geek
-1970's Pimp
-Village People
-Samuel L Jackson
-Oakland Raiders Fan
-Gun Toting Hilbilly
-South Park
-SW Stormtrooper
-Cowboy Bebop (Jet/Spike)
-Painfully White Suburban "Gangsta" Rapper
6-Darth Fanboy Is the Worlds Greatest Lover
A)Strongly Agree
B)Very Strongly Agree
C)Agree Wholeheartedly
D)I'm a Dude, I wouldn't know, but if he were gay, id switch for him.
E)All of the Above
F)If it will get me sexy underwear for Christmas, All of the above
7-This Poll should end
A) Now
B) Later
*If you Answered 7, you're finished, if you answered b please skip to Question #8*
8-How about now?
A)Ok
B)Yeah, sure.
--------------
Thanks for humoring me cats and kittens.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
-
Captain Cyran
- Psycho Mini-lop
- Posts: 7037
- Joined: 2002-07-05 11:00pm
- Location: College... w00t?
-
Agent Fisher
- Rabid Monkey
- Posts: 3671
- Joined: 2003-04-29 11:56pm
- Location: Sac-Town, CA, USA, Earth, Sol, Milky Way, Universe
-
The Yosemite Bear
- Mostly Harmless Nutcase (Requiescat in Pace)
- Posts: 35211
- Joined: 2002-07-21 02:38am
- Location: Dave's Not Here Man
-
consequences
- Homicidal Maniac
- Posts: 6964
- Joined: 2002-07-07 03:06pm
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
here you go SQ.
Gnomer hunter side sTory : the death of 2000AD
The story portion of this was largely written by Singular Quartetwith a few changes in the intro so that it fits with the plot.
----------------------------------------------
SECRET BoTM/HAB Torture Chamber
Lt. Hit-man: Damn Sympathizers, that Fisher guy didn't even last fifteen minutes!
Sheppard: We'll if you hadn't tried replacing every one of his vital organs with those of a baboon maybe we'd still be picking on him. It's all right, this subject will do fine.
Lt. Hit-Man: remind me who he is again?
Sheppard: Another Gnome Sympathizer, though I suspect they're trumped up charges by someone who was watching Chris Farley movies.
Lt. Hit-Man: How can you tell?
Sheppard: The note here mentions something about "setting fire to Rec Centers" and "Banging horses in Nevada." There also a mention of "The Wretched Steaming Pile of Shit that was Beverly Hills Ninja." oh here we go. A side note. Apparently this guy was caught shoplifting E.L Fudge cookies. Which according to the higher ups means "Gnome liberation"
Lt. Hit-man: Aren't the keebler guys elves?
Sheppard: Same thing, except elves are more marketable.
Lt. hit-man: Says here on this chart that he's being designated for...oh good lord...
Sheppard: What? What is it?
Lt. hit-Man: "Therapy"
Sheppard: No! Not Therapy!
Suddenly a man enters the room. The man was non-descript and entirely forgettable.
Man: True... but I see it as all the more cruel.
Lt. Hit-man: ...
Man: They last longer healthy, don't they?
Lt. Hit-man: Point... but you aren't actually going to hurt him.
Man: So sorry, El-Tee, that my methods do not parallel your own. I prefer to destroy my victim's mind rather than his body. The Body is easy. The spirit, however... the spirit is almost immposible through physical means.
Lt. Hit-man: Almost.
Man: Almost... but much easier thorugh the mental.
The man pulls a small vial from his pocket. Several pills rattle inside of it. 2000AD is placed upon a wheel chair, and the El-Tee straps him roughly in place.
Man: But... if you so disapprove of my methods, why are you staying to watch them?
Lt. Hit-man: You can always learn something new.
Man: So true... and first, the stimulent...
The Man opens 2000AD's mouth, and shooves the pill down his throught, and forces him to swallow it.
2000AD*half conscious*: Gah... that tasted horrible...
Man: I know.
[2000AD:Who the fuck are you?
Man: Exactly. Now... El-Tee, the mouth, if you please?
Lt. Hit-man: Certianly...
Lt. Hit-man grabs 2000AD's head, and presses a peice of duct-tape over his mouth
Man: Thank you.
The man pushes 2000AD's head back and clutches his nose, preventing him from breathing. He grabs a second vile, thinner than the first, filled with a fine tan powder, and uncaps it. He places it to 2000AD's nose, and waits. As 2000AD's face turns blue, he releases a single nostril, and watches as the powder gets sucked up.
Man: Have to love porous plastics...
He recaps the vial and watches as 2000AD shakes his head back and forth.
Lt. Hit-man: And what, exasctly will that do to him?
Man: It messes with brain chemistry, causing a permanent chemical imbalance in the brain. That chemical imbalance wiull force him to pay attetnion, even actively seek out, things that he would otherwise never want to read.
Lt. Hit-man: Read?
The man grabbed the chair 2000AD was strapped to, and dragged it along behind him.
Man: Oh, yes... you'll see.
The walked into a padded cell. On one wall, was a desk. Built intot he wall was a screen behind a plexiglass shield. Built into the desk was a ball mouse.
Man: Due to the nature of the Writer's Guild and our connection with the ASVS Archive, we have... accumulated... a rather vast collection of some of what could be considered the worst fan-fiction in existance. This computer, if you could call it even that, is connected to it. The drugs affecting his brain will force him to read it, all of it, even though no human would ever possiblely want to, let alone survive.
Lt. Hit-man: I beleive that there is something deeply wrong with you.
Man: Thank you, Mr. Pot.
The man bent down, and unstrapped him from the wheel chair, ripped off the duct tape, allowing a long graon to escape 2000AD's lips. The man lifted the chair, and dumped him on the floor, and both he and Lt. Hit-man left the cell.
Lt. Hit-man: So how long does he have?
Man: I'd guess... his brain will give out in about three weeks, give or take a few days. There's no sharp or hard edges, so he can't smash or cut himself. All in all, he'll be dead inside of a month.
Lt. Hit-man: Just going to let him rot?
Man: I have other things to do, Leiutenant. There's material to be researched, and fiction to be read and written. Good day, Lieutenant.
Lt. Hit-man: Good day, Singular Quartet.
Sheppard: Son of a bitch that is one cold hearted bastard.
Lt. Hit-Man: True that, true that.
----------------------------------------------
End Story, begin GSDA Smear Campagin Commercial #1
*GoLD aLeRT!*
Sheppard: What's that?
Lt. Hit-Man: It's that time again!
Sheppard: To attatch shop vacs to people's rectums and suck out their innards?
Hitman: No
Sheppard: To stick pins in people's eyes and then use them to close electrical circuits?
Hitman: No
Sheppard: Then what?
Hitman: Its time for the Golden Stardestroyer Awards!
Sheppard: Oh Shit!
Hitman: That's right Shep and i'd like to take this time to remind our viewership that you may feel free to cast your ballots for the following stories:
Gnome Hunter
Unnamed Porno Fanfic
Horryfying Tale of LT (Thats me!) On Vacation!
Sheppard: Voting for other entries is okay in categories that these stories are not in. But Remember, we have ways of finding you...
Hitman: Guess What Kids? I killed Santa Claus! That's right, and I made Mrs. Claus My Bitch!
Sheppard: I seen him do it.
Hitman: Remember, Hitman's got his "Naughty List" right here, and it appears some of you have forgotten who to vote for
Sheppard: Those one the nice list will be spared...
Hitman: But if you're on the Lieutenants naughty list by the time voting is up? Well, lets just say you wont make the same mistake again next year.
Sheppard: Remember, vote for Fanboy, Sheppard, and Especially LT here, is a vote for not having us come into your house late at night, dragging you off to our "funhouse" and inflicting gruesome amounts of pain.
Hitman: And we'll kick your puppy.
Shepppard: Dude that's not cool.
Hitman: Yeah...okay no puppy kicking but we reserve the right to stik you waist deep in a tank full of starving Piranha.
*THIS AD WAS MADE BY PEOPLE FOR A FANBOY GSDA IN 2004*
Gnomer hunter side sTory : the death of 2000AD
The story portion of this was largely written by Singular Quartetwith a few changes in the intro so that it fits with the plot.
----------------------------------------------
SECRET BoTM/HAB Torture Chamber
Lt. Hit-man: Damn Sympathizers, that Fisher guy didn't even last fifteen minutes!
Sheppard: We'll if you hadn't tried replacing every one of his vital organs with those of a baboon maybe we'd still be picking on him. It's all right, this subject will do fine.
Lt. Hit-Man: remind me who he is again?
Sheppard: Another Gnome Sympathizer, though I suspect they're trumped up charges by someone who was watching Chris Farley movies.
Lt. Hit-Man: How can you tell?
Sheppard: The note here mentions something about "setting fire to Rec Centers" and "Banging horses in Nevada." There also a mention of "The Wretched Steaming Pile of Shit that was Beverly Hills Ninja." oh here we go. A side note. Apparently this guy was caught shoplifting E.L Fudge cookies. Which according to the higher ups means "Gnome liberation"
Lt. Hit-man: Aren't the keebler guys elves?
Sheppard: Same thing, except elves are more marketable.
Lt. hit-man: Says here on this chart that he's being designated for...oh good lord...
Sheppard: What? What is it?
Lt. hit-Man: "Therapy"
Sheppard: No! Not Therapy!
Suddenly a man enters the room. The man was non-descript and entirely forgettable.
Man: True... but I see it as all the more cruel.
Lt. Hit-man: ...
Man: They last longer healthy, don't they?
Lt. Hit-man: Point... but you aren't actually going to hurt him.
Man: So sorry, El-Tee, that my methods do not parallel your own. I prefer to destroy my victim's mind rather than his body. The Body is easy. The spirit, however... the spirit is almost immposible through physical means.
Lt. Hit-man: Almost.
Man: Almost... but much easier thorugh the mental.
The man pulls a small vial from his pocket. Several pills rattle inside of it. 2000AD is placed upon a wheel chair, and the El-Tee straps him roughly in place.
Man: But... if you so disapprove of my methods, why are you staying to watch them?
Lt. Hit-man: You can always learn something new.
Man: So true... and first, the stimulent...
The Man opens 2000AD's mouth, and shooves the pill down his throught, and forces him to swallow it.
2000AD*half conscious*: Gah... that tasted horrible...
Man: I know.
[2000AD:Who the fuck are you?
Man: Exactly. Now... El-Tee, the mouth, if you please?
Lt. Hit-man: Certianly...
Lt. Hit-man grabs 2000AD's head, and presses a peice of duct-tape over his mouth
Man: Thank you.
The man pushes 2000AD's head back and clutches his nose, preventing him from breathing. He grabs a second vile, thinner than the first, filled with a fine tan powder, and uncaps it. He places it to 2000AD's nose, and waits. As 2000AD's face turns blue, he releases a single nostril, and watches as the powder gets sucked up.
Man: Have to love porous plastics...
He recaps the vial and watches as 2000AD shakes his head back and forth.
Lt. Hit-man: And what, exasctly will that do to him?
Man: It messes with brain chemistry, causing a permanent chemical imbalance in the brain. That chemical imbalance wiull force him to pay attetnion, even actively seek out, things that he would otherwise never want to read.
Lt. Hit-man: Read?
The man grabbed the chair 2000AD was strapped to, and dragged it along behind him.
Man: Oh, yes... you'll see.
The walked into a padded cell. On one wall, was a desk. Built intot he wall was a screen behind a plexiglass shield. Built into the desk was a ball mouse.
Man: Due to the nature of the Writer's Guild and our connection with the ASVS Archive, we have... accumulated... a rather vast collection of some of what could be considered the worst fan-fiction in existance. This computer, if you could call it even that, is connected to it. The drugs affecting his brain will force him to read it, all of it, even though no human would ever possiblely want to, let alone survive.
Lt. Hit-man: I beleive that there is something deeply wrong with you.
Man: Thank you, Mr. Pot.
The man bent down, and unstrapped him from the wheel chair, ripped off the duct tape, allowing a long graon to escape 2000AD's lips. The man lifted the chair, and dumped him on the floor, and both he and Lt. Hit-man left the cell.
Lt. Hit-man: So how long does he have?
Man: I'd guess... his brain will give out in about three weeks, give or take a few days. There's no sharp or hard edges, so he can't smash or cut himself. All in all, he'll be dead inside of a month.
Lt. Hit-man: Just going to let him rot?
Man: I have other things to do, Leiutenant. There's material to be researched, and fiction to be read and written. Good day, Lieutenant.
Lt. Hit-man: Good day, Singular Quartet.
Sheppard: Son of a bitch that is one cold hearted bastard.
Lt. Hit-Man: True that, true that.
----------------------------------------------
End Story, begin GSDA Smear Campagin Commercial #1
*GoLD aLeRT!*
Sheppard: What's that?
Lt. Hit-Man: It's that time again!
Sheppard: To attatch shop vacs to people's rectums and suck out their innards?
Hitman: No
Sheppard: To stick pins in people's eyes and then use them to close electrical circuits?
Hitman: No
Sheppard: Then what?
Hitman: Its time for the Golden Stardestroyer Awards!
Sheppard: Oh Shit!
Hitman: That's right Shep and i'd like to take this time to remind our viewership that you may feel free to cast your ballots for the following stories:
Gnome Hunter
Unnamed Porno Fanfic
Horryfying Tale of LT (Thats me!) On Vacation!
Sheppard: Voting for other entries is okay in categories that these stories are not in. But Remember, we have ways of finding you...
Hitman: Guess What Kids? I killed Santa Claus! That's right, and I made Mrs. Claus My Bitch!
Sheppard: I seen him do it.
Hitman: Remember, Hitman's got his "Naughty List" right here, and it appears some of you have forgotten who to vote for
Sheppard: Those one the nice list will be spared...
Hitman: But if you're on the Lieutenants naughty list by the time voting is up? Well, lets just say you wont make the same mistake again next year.
Sheppard: Remember, vote for Fanboy, Sheppard, and Especially LT here, is a vote for not having us come into your house late at night, dragging you off to our "funhouse" and inflicting gruesome amounts of pain.
Hitman: And we'll kick your puppy.
Shepppard: Dude that's not cool.
Hitman: Yeah...okay no puppy kicking but we reserve the right to stik you waist deep in a tank full of starving Piranha.
*THIS AD WAS MADE BY PEOPLE FOR A FANBOY GSDA IN 2004*
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
Begin GSDA Smear Campaign Commercial #2
-----------------------------------------------------
Zaia: hello, I'm Zaia, you might know me from such Fanfics as "How Stravo Got His groove Back" and it's widely acclaimed and much hearlded rip-off "Gnome Hunter."
Let me you though, with the upcoming vote in the GSDAs with both of these great stories competing against one another it is important to look at the facts regarding these two stories.
Fact: In "How Stravo Got His Groove back" It is insinuated that I had sex with Kuja and Stravo AND Dalton. I will neither confirm nor deny what happened behind closed doors but let me say that I definitely had to do no such things in Gnome Hunter and I was definitely not duped into any nude scenes which were "edited out" at the last minute featuring myself and Innerbrat.
Fact: In "Gnome hunter" I am portrayed as being a strong fighter with a mastery of many weapons, and eventually gain Superhuman powers and kick some major ass. In :How Stravo Got his Groove Back" I just have claws, i don;t know about you but it seems to me that ONE of these authors is not offended by a truly strong female presence. plus, my character in Gnome Hunter is motivated by saving the world and not something like the damage done to her residence.
Fact: In "Gnome hunter" I lead a group of sexy talented powerful intelligent well trained militarisitc females in a secret organization that is out to save the world from evil. In "How Stravo Got His Groove Back" I lead around Stravo and Dalton. 'Nuff Said.
Fact: Darth Fanboy is a sexy sexy sexy manand he swears that if we were dating that he would never ever cheat on me. he says he would never ever especially cheat with that gorgeous Monica Belluci and hear Anti Gravity Teats. Then he says "rrrrrrrowl."
With these facts In mind I thinks its clear who you should vote for.
*THis AD PAiD FOR BY BACKHANDED DIRTy POLITICANS FOR FANBOY 2004!*
-----------------------------------------------------
Zaia: hello, I'm Zaia, you might know me from such Fanfics as "How Stravo Got His groove Back" and it's widely acclaimed and much hearlded rip-off "Gnome Hunter."
Let me you though, with the upcoming vote in the GSDAs with both of these great stories competing against one another it is important to look at the facts regarding these two stories.
Fact: In "How Stravo Got His Groove back" It is insinuated that I had sex with Kuja and Stravo AND Dalton. I will neither confirm nor deny what happened behind closed doors but let me say that I definitely had to do no such things in Gnome Hunter and I was definitely not duped into any nude scenes which were "edited out" at the last minute featuring myself and Innerbrat.
Fact: In "Gnome hunter" I am portrayed as being a strong fighter with a mastery of many weapons, and eventually gain Superhuman powers and kick some major ass. In :How Stravo Got his Groove Back" I just have claws, i don;t know about you but it seems to me that ONE of these authors is not offended by a truly strong female presence. plus, my character in Gnome Hunter is motivated by saving the world and not something like the damage done to her residence.
Fact: In "Gnome hunter" I lead a group of sexy talented powerful intelligent well trained militarisitc females in a secret organization that is out to save the world from evil. In "How Stravo Got His Groove Back" I lead around Stravo and Dalton. 'Nuff Said.
Fact: Darth Fanboy is a sexy sexy sexy manand he swears that if we were dating that he would never ever cheat on me. he says he would never ever especially cheat with that gorgeous Monica Belluci and hear Anti Gravity Teats. Then he says "rrrrrrrowl."
With these facts In mind I thinks its clear who you should vote for.
*THis AD PAiD FOR BY BACKHANDED DIRTy POLITICANS FOR FANBOY 2004!*
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
*begin GSDA Smear Campagin Commercial #3*
*Cut to picture of Yoda railing a Twi Lek Slave girl in the rear end*
Narrator: Mike Wong SaYS he loves Anal Sex, and he has provided several examples of his love of the hershey Highway.
But Mike Wong's Fanfic doesn't have ANY anal sex in it at all? "Reign Of Terror" has no example of hot Third Input Action, or even good old fashioned meat and potatoes Backdoor entry!
*Cut to A victorious Darth Fanboy butchering gnomes, then shaking hands with grateful humans*
Narrator: But Darth Fanboy loves Killing Gnomes, and his Fanfic "Gnome hunter" Has plenty of that! In fact, in the regular episodes, theres always gnome death!
Tell Mike Wong and "Reign of Terror" that we've had enough of the hypocrisy. Vote for Gnome Hunter.
*cut to, Scene of Darth Fanboy eating EL Fudge Cookies*
*This Ad as been paid for by people that want gnome hunter to win a GSDA they'll resort to lying and cheating and slandering fanfics of a much superior quality in 2004*
*Cut to picture of Yoda railing a Twi Lek Slave girl in the rear end*
Narrator: Mike Wong SaYS he loves Anal Sex, and he has provided several examples of his love of the hershey Highway.
But Mike Wong's Fanfic doesn't have ANY anal sex in it at all? "Reign Of Terror" has no example of hot Third Input Action, or even good old fashioned meat and potatoes Backdoor entry!
*Cut to A victorious Darth Fanboy butchering gnomes, then shaking hands with grateful humans*
Narrator: But Darth Fanboy loves Killing Gnomes, and his Fanfic "Gnome hunter" Has plenty of that! In fact, in the regular episodes, theres always gnome death!
Tell Mike Wong and "Reign of Terror" that we've had enough of the hypocrisy. Vote for Gnome Hunter.
*cut to, Scene of Darth Fanboy eating EL Fudge Cookies*
*This Ad as been paid for by people that want gnome hunter to win a GSDA they'll resort to lying and cheating and slandering fanfics of a much superior quality in 2004*
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.