How Stravo Got His Groove Back

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-12-02 02:19pm

Part 29: I Couldn't Think of a Good Name So This Is All There Is

*open up on STRAVO'S bedroom, early morning. He sits up, yawns, and goes to get dressed. He brushes his teeth, scarfs down some breakfast, and goes out the door. He emerges into a massive nuclear wasteland*

KUJA: Sorry, but I couldn't resist!

STRAVO: NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*cut to the bedroom as STRAVO sits bolt upright in bed and slaps himself once or twice*

STRAVO: Oh man...what the hell did I do last night?

*another lump on the bed sits up*

DALTON: I'd like to know that myself.

*a long silence as STRAVO and DALTON slowly turn to face each other*

BOTH: YYYYYAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

*STRAVO rolls out of bed, runs to the door, throws it open, and runs out. DALTON rolls out of bed, runs to the door, closes it, and smashes through. Moments pass, and a third figure sits up*

ZAIA: Guys...I know I don't look my best in the morning, but was all that really necessary?

*cut to the living room. ZAIA wanders in to find the nuke lying on the floor. She looks at it, then shrugs and continues searching. She finds STRAVO in the kitchen attempting to drown himself in the sink and drags him away*

ZAIA: Now where's Rob?

STRAVO: Can you let go of my collar now?

*a rumble*

ZAIA: Did you hear that?

STRAVO: Sounds like it came from the fridge.

*ZAIA opens the door to find that DALTON has somehow stuffed himself in between the shelves and is gnawing on a donut*

STRAVO: HEY! That's my emergency rations!

DALTON: It was an emergency!

STRAVO: Get out of my refrigerator!

*ZAIA sighs and wanders back out into living room and sits down on the couch. Angry shouts and several crashes emanate from the kitchen. ZAIA sits for a bit, then frowns and tilts her head slightly. She leaves the couch and puts her ear to the nuke*

ZAIA: Stravo?

STRAVO: What?

ZAIA: The nuke is snoring!

STRAVO: What nuke?

ZAIA: Get in here!

*STRAVO enters, followed by DALTON*

STRAVO: Why is there a nuclear weapon sitting in my living room?

DALTON: And why is it snoring?

*the nuke grunts. STRAVO leaps back*

STRAVO: It moved!

ZAIA: Is this thing alive?

*banging sounds from inside the nuke*

DALTON: It's going to go off!

*all three grab each other*

ALL: THIS IS THE END!

*a panel on top of the nuke flies open and KUJA sticks his head out. He yawns and stretches*

KUJA: *brightly* G'morning everyone! *a pause* What's with the group hug?

DALTON: You slept in the nuke?

KUJA: Uh huh!

STRAVO: For God's sake, why?

KUJA: Uh...well, I figured that I if wasn't going to set it off, this would be the next best thing.

ZAIA: You jerk! Do you realize what kind of shock you gave us?

KUJA: Certainly not an electric one. The EMP on this baby would've handled it.

ZAIA: That's it!

*she launches herself at KUJA and they both fall inside the nuke, the panel falling shut after them. Several loud crashes and screeching begin. The nuke suddenly rocks and an impression of KUJA'S body appears in the side. Someone rings the doorbell and STRAVO answers it to find his NEIGHBOR standing there*

NEIGHBOR: When are you going to stop strangling those poor cats?

*STRAVO slams the door in his face*

DALTON: Stravo!

STRAVO: What now?

DALTON: The nuke's rolling towards the balcony!

STRAVO: Oh no.

*freeze*

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-12-02 02:26pm

Kuja wrote:Part 28: I Couldn't Think of a Good Name So This Is All There Is

STRAVO: Oh man...what the hell did I do last night?

*another lump on the bed sits up*

DALTON: I'd like to know that myself.

*a long silence as STRAVO and DALTON slowly turn to face each other*

BOTH: YYYYYAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

*STRAVO rolls out of bed, runs to the door, throws it open, and runs out. DALTON rolls out of bed, runs to the door, closes it, and smashes through. Moments pass, and a third figure sits up*

ZAIA: Guys...I know I don't look my best in the morning, but was all that really necessary?

I'm just glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time when I read this. God that scene made me laugh my ass of here in the office. I swear I have to shut my door when I read your latest chapters.

Great work on this one. And thanks for giving me a balcony. For future reference I do have a fire escape with a lovely view of the building in front of me and the Hudson river to the right.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-12-02 03:11pm

It kicks teh arse!!!

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2003-12-02 04:39pm

Um hasn't the sticky thread got a chapter missing? Theres no part 27
BTW great chapter kuja.

EDIT: Oh wait there is. But theres still a part missing. The bit where you spear Darkstar. Is it missing supposed to be symbolic of the characters memory lose?

2ND EDIT: Ah i see there are two part twenty eights in this thread and only the later in the sticky.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-12-02 05:18pm

Uhhh, Kuja? What happened to the insides of the Nuke?

Funny chapter Kuja, got me laughing with the "That's my emergency rations!" "This is an emergency!".

By the by, where the hell am I?

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-12-02 06:46pm

An intresting part... but i still have to wonder what, exactly, happened after Scooter got the rocket.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-12-02 07:53pm

Cyran wrote:snips

Im assuming that Kuja fitted you with cement shoes while you were passed out and dumped you in the east river.

Or, better yet, Perhaps this leaves the door open for a future tale of your exploits.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-12-02 08:33pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:
Cyran wrote:snips
Im assuming that Kuja fitted you with cement shoes while you were passed out and dumped you in the east river.

Or, better yet, Perhaps this leaves the door open for a future tale of your exploits.

I was thinking less the East River and more the River Of Chocolate. And the boat isn't showing... any signs of slowing...

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-12-02 08:34pm

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
Darth Fanboy wrote:
Cyran wrote:snips
Im assuming that Kuja fitted you with cement shoes while you were passed out and dumped you in the east river.

Or, better yet, Perhaps this leaves the door open for a future tale of your exploits.
I was thinking less the East River and more the River Of Chocolate. And the boat isn't showing... any signs of slowing...

Chocolate River? As in Shit Creek?

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-12-02 08:42pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:
Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
Darth Fanboy wrote: Im assuming that Kuja fitted you with cement shoes while you were passed out and dumped you in the east river.

Or, better yet, Perhaps this leaves the door open for a future tale of your exploits.
I was thinking less the East River and more the River Of Chocolate. And the boat isn't showing... any signs of slowing...
Chocolate River? As in Shit Creek?

Up Shit Crik without a paddle!

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-02 09:49pm

Poor, poor Zaia. Her excuses for jumping all over Kuja are becoming less and less veiled. Get with it, girl! You can keep your hands off him for a whole chapter! I have faith in you!

*shakes head* Jumping into the nuke after him indeed... And who knows what was going on to imprint his body into the side of the nuke, hey? Get ahold of yourself, woman! Sheesh...

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-12-02 10:14pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:
Cyran wrote:snips
Im assuming that Kuja fitted you with cement shoes while you were passed out and dumped you in the east river.

Or, better yet, Perhaps this leaves the door open for a future tale of your exploits.

Hey, we aren't EXACTLY like you have us in your story...we actually manage to try not to kill each other...sometimes...We've managed to say hi once without going at each other's throats first.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-12-02 10:38pm

Oh cripes, that was hilarious!

Stravo has an office?

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-12-03 01:00am

Crazedwraith wrote:2ND EDIT: Ah i see there are two part twenty eights in this thread and only the later in the sticky.

Oh shoot, I mislabeled this last one.

*fixes*

Um Stravo, can you help me here? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

*points to the stickied thread and makes Bambi eyes*

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-03 03:55am

Bambi eyes? LMAO Sure, ok...

I wonder what was going on in that bed, though...

And just so you know, the first time I read the bit where Strav says, "Can you let go of my collar now?" I had naughty thoughts and I pictured him wearing a dog collar..which possibly would have been related to what had been going on in his bed with the three of us the night before...?

*bats eyelashes innocently?*

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-12-03 04:04am

Zaia wrote:Bambi eyes? LMAO Sure, ok...

I wonder what was going on in that bed, though...

And just so you know, the first time I read the bit where Strav says, "Can you let go of my collar now?" I had naughty thoughts and I pictured him wearing a dog collar..which possibly would have been related to what had been going on in his bed with the three of us the night before...?

*bats eyelashes innocently?*

Tch.

Amusing, Kuja.

VERY amusing. hehe.

~ver

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-12-03 10:03am

Zaia wrote:Bambi eyes? LMAO Sure, ok...

I wonder what was going on in that bed, though...

And just so you know, the first time I read the bit where Strav says, "Can you let go of my collar now?" I had naughty thoughts and I pictured him wearing a dog collar..which possibly would have been related to what had been going on in his bed with the three of us the night before...?

*bats eyelashes innocently?*

You nymphomaniac!

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2003-12-03 05:44pm

Aya wrote:
Zaia wrote:Bambi eyes? LMAO Sure, ok...

I wonder what was going on in that bed, though...

And just so you know, the first time I read the bit where Strav says, "Can you let go of my collar now?" I had naughty thoughts and I pictured him wearing a dog collar..which possibly would have been related to what had been going on in his bed with the three of us the night before...?

*bats eyelashes innocently?*
You nymphomaniac!

You say that like it's unusual for this board.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-12-03 05:47pm

Aya wrote:
Zaia wrote:Bambi eyes? LMAO Sure, ok...

I wonder what was going on in that bed, though...

And just so you know, the first time I read the bit where Strav says, "Can you let go of my collar now?" I had naughty thoughts and I pictured him wearing a dog collar..which possibly would have been related to what had been going on in his bed with the three of us the night before...?

*bats eyelashes innocently?*
You nymphomaniac!

*Looks at Zaia* I'm not judgemental to your personal preferences at all Zaia...I believe that whatever you want to do is perfectly acceptable.

*Zaia taps her foot* Cyran, I'm up here...

*Cyran looks up from oogling* ... That you are.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-03 07:26pm

Ok, boys, let's clear up a few things here, alright? *clears throat*

1. I was not the one who had Strav, Dalton, and I all sleeping in the same bed. That was Kuja's idea; I was merely a hapless victim. As everything else stems from this fact, it's a fairly important one to consider.

2. The dog collar idea was nothing more than an innocent line of thought inspired by Point Number One (see above), as I was trying to figure out exactly what had gone on in said bed with said occupants. Again, entirely Kuja's fault.

3. Even if I did like the idea of Stravo in a dog collar, that wouldn't make me a nympho. It would just make me a bit...different.

4. Cyran, Cyran, Cyran... *shakes head and then smacks him firmly on the ass* Try a bit harder to focus here, would you please?

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-12-03 07:38pm

YOu know at first I was going to storm in here and bitch and moan about the very THOUGHT of having a dog collar on and as I started to write my tirade I imagined Zaia talking me into wearing one and the things she would have to do to get me to open up like that and suddenly I found my self sitting very uncomfortably with a carnival like tent being pitched in my kahkis.

I have come to the conclusion that Zaia can have whatever she wants.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-12-03 11:30pm

Stravo wrote:YOu know at first I was going to storm in here and bitch and moan about the very THOUGHT of having a dog collar on and as I started to write my tirade I imagined Zaia talking me into wearing one and the things she would have to do to get me to open up like that and suddenly I found my self sitting very uncomfortably with a carnival like tent being pitched in my kahkis.

I have come to the conclusion that Zaia can have whatever she wants.

*laughs softly, takes Strav's hand, and leads him into the bedroom*

*soft click of the lock on the door*

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-12-04 12:50pm

Good thing I wired that room with cameras.

*Turns on tv* Bwahahaha...

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-12-04 02:45pm

Part 30: Hard Hat Zone

*unfreeze*

STRAVO: Don't let it go out the window!

DALTON: Too late!

*the nuke rolls into the glass and stops*

BOTH: Whew...

*the nuke suddenly leaps into the air, does a complete spin, then smashes through the glass and begins falling. Both men freak out and rush to the edge of the balcony*

STRAVO: What on Earth are they DOING in there?

*cut to inside the nuke*

KUJA: My mama always said never to hit a lady, even if she hits you first, but I don't think she could've seen this coming. THUNDER!

*KUJA flings an electrical bolt at ZAIA that bounces off the nuke casing and back towards him. He yelps and ducks. The bolt slams into a circuit panel and shorts it out*

ZAIA: Don't do that in here!

KUJA: Fine!

*he pulls out his sledgehammer*

KUJA: Hold still!

*cut to the sidewalk, where CYRAN is buying a hamburger*

CYRAN: Nice stand.

OWNER: Thanks. I used to operate a fruit stand, but someone wrecked it.

CYRAN: Boy, what kind of jerk would do that?

*a shadow appears on his head and begins to grow. Cut to the balcony*

STRAVO: Please don't go off, please don't go off, PLEASE don't go off...

DALTON: God, I know you and I give each other a lot of shit, but I do believe in you, I really do!

*a sunbeam breaks through the clouds and shines down on DALTON*

HEAVENLY VOICE: No you don't, you liar.

DALTON: Fine, you don't need to get all pissy about it!

VOICE: Bitch.

*the sunbeam disappears*

DALTON: That asshole always needs to get the last word.

*cut to CYRAN*

CYRAN: So, did you ever catch the guy who wasted your old stand?

OWNER: No. He just took off.

CYRAN: Man, that sucks.

*the shadow continues growing. Pan up to the nuke, which suddenly flips so that it's falling tail first. STRAVO and DALTON breath a sigh of relief*

DALTON: Maybe it won't go off now.

*the nuke flips back. STRAVO grabs DALTON by the neck and shakes him*

STRAVO: You had to open your mouth, didn't you?!

*cut to CYRAN, who is now covered in shadow*

CYRAN: Boy, all of a sudden it looks like rain, doesn't it?

*the nuke falls straight towards CYRAN, then at the last minute throws itself to the side, demolishing the burger stand*

OWNER: Not again! I give up!

*STRAVO and DALTON come rushing down the stairs*

STRAVO: Are you okay, Cyran?

CYRAN: Oh yeah...I think I might've changed the color of my robes, though...

DALTON: Is it safe, do you think?

*the panel flies open and KUJA comes scrambling out, juggling a glowing object*

KUJA: HOT! HOT HOT! TOO HOT!

*ZAIA pokes her head out*

ZAIA: Ditch it!

KUJA: OW! HOT!

DALTON: What the-

CYRAN: Is he juggling a uranium rod?

KUJA: YES! HOT!

HYPERION: Oh, I'll take that. I've dealt with these things before.

*KUJA flips HYPERION the rod and he walks off, totally ignorant of the gouts of smoke erupting from his palm. KUJA begins frantically blowing on his hands*

KUJA: HOT! HOT!

CYRAN: Hang on, buddy!

*he douses KUJA'S hands with Coke. KUJA'S eyes bug out and he goes flying high up with a screech*

CYRAN: Whoops.

*ZAIA crawls out of the nuke and immediately merits a catcall from across the street*

STRAVO: Hey!

DALTON: Bastard!

CYRAN: Shut up!

*all three rush over to beat on the guy who whistled*

ZAIA: Ah, the joys and perils of being popular.

*she sighs and holds her hands out. KUJA comes down out of the sky and lands right in her arms, smoke still trailing from his hands*

KUJA: Nice catch.

ZAIA: Um, thanks. Are you all right?

KUJA: Sure. One thing, though?

ZAIA: What?

KUJA: Can you kiss my hands and make them all better?

*she drops him*

KUJA: Ouch.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-12-04 03:06pm

LMFAO!!! How'd you manage to find room in the nuke for that?

Loveed the Dalton/God bit and the Hyperion thing too.