It's time to play, "Who's getting fired?"!

[RedImperator]

Well, it's getting to be that time of the year in the NFL where it's pretty much clear who's going to the big dance and who's going to be watching the playoffs on TV. And that means, its time to guess which head coaches will be standing on the unemployment line this year.

1. Dick Jauron - Bears: Jauron went 13-3 a few years ago and since then his team has been thoroughly mediocre. Last year they had an excuse--they were playing 16 road games. This year they're just lousy. However, with the Vikings flaming out and the Packers stumbling, they still actually have a chance in the NFC North. If Jauron can get his team close to a playoff berth, he'll have earned himself another year. If the Bears collapse, he'll be gone.

Conclusion: Hot seat

2. Marvin Lewis - Bengals: Marvin Lewis might be the first smart personnel decision Mike Brown has ever made.

Conclusion: Safe

3. Greg Williams - Bills: What in the hell is going on in Buffalo? The defense is solid, but how can an offense with Drew Bledsoe, Eric Moulds, and Travis Henry be so awful? Greg Williams was hired to end Buffalo's decade-long Super Bowl hangover, and he hasn't. Worse, he's a quitter--see his performance at the end of last season.

Conclusion: GONE

4. Mike Shanahan - Broncos: The Broncos have had some setbacks this year, but they still have a shot at the wild card. It's not his fault he's in the same division as the Chiefs or that Jake Plummer broke his foot in his own living room.

Conclusion: Safe

5. Butch Davis - Browns: Davis is the only coach the new Browns have ever had. He's gone precisely nowhere. He probably should be on the hot seat, but he'll get at least another year to turn it around.

Conclusion: Safe

6. Jon Gruden - Buccaneers: The Bucs collapse is inexplicable and inexcusable, but it eventually was going to happen to a team full of whining brats that handles adversity like Paris Hilton would handle clothes shopping at Target. Benching Keyshawn Johnson hopefully sent a message to the rest of the team that everybody is expendable (I'm looking at you, five-sack Sapp). At any rate, his Super Bowl win has insulated him from any consequences for this year's collapse.

Conclusion: Safe

7. Dave McGinnis - Cardinals: McGinnis is too nice a guy to deserve this. Another one bites the dust in Scottsdale. Bill Bidwell is often overshadowed by Mike Brown as the worst owner in pro football, but when a team has one playoff win since 1948, it's not the head coach's fault the team sucks.

Conclusion: GONE

8. Marty Shottenheimer - Chargers: Go back to ESPN. Marty has never been able to do anything but field "solid" teams that compete but never win it all. In San Deigo, he hasn't even been able to do that.

Conclusion: GONE

9. Dick Vermiel - Chiefs: Three teams, three Super Bowl contenders. The man is a master at turning mediocre programs into championship material using players nobody else would take a second look at. I don't think it's a coincidence that the only time Kurt Warner ever accomplished anything was under Dick.

Conclusion: Safe

10. Tony Dungy - Colts: He's brought Indy back to respectability. His real test will be next year, when management and the fans are going to expect big playoff results.

Conclusion: Safe

11. Bill Parcells - Cowboys: I was a lot happier when I didn't have to hear any of that America's Team nonsense. Despite the Cowgirls' obnoxious fans' proclamations, this team isn't quite ready for prime time. But Parcells has done a hell of a job turning around a program that a lot of people thought was going to be abysmal for a few more years.

Conclusion: Safe

12. Dave Wannsted - Dolphins: He's been on the hot seat since day one. He still is. If his team can snag a wild card berth and actually go somewhere in the AFC playoffs, he'll be safe for another year. If not, he's done.

Conclusion: Hot seat

13. Andy Reid - Eagles: After a horrible start and a rash of injuries, the Birds had every excuse to pack it in for this season. That they didn't, and are now riding a 7 game win streak, is a tribute to the coach's philosophy, demeanor, and system--and the shoddy state of the NFC.

Conclusion: Safe

14. Dan Reeves - Falcons: Mike Vick's broken leg earned him a mulligan for this season, even though the Falcons' problems run a lot deeper than that. But if Atlanta doesn't produce next year, he's gone.

Conclusion: Safe

15. Dennis Erickson - 49ers: Firing Steve Mariucci doesn't seem like such a good idea now, does it? For now Erikson is safe, but this non-entity will be out the door after 2004.

Conclusion: Safe

16. Jim Fassel - Giants: What more needs to be said? The Giants have completely collapsed, his players have bailed on him, and New York is not a town known for its patience.

Conclusion: GONE

17. Jack Del Rio - Jaguars: The jury is still out on this guy. His team is a mess, but he has to work with what he inherited from Tom Caughlin.

Conclusion: Safe

18. Herman Edwards - Jets: Edwards is the sole reason the Jets haven't imploded the same way the Giants have. Like Reeves, he gets a mulligan because his quarterback got hurt in the preseason.

Conclusion: Safe

19. Steve Mariucci - Lions: Despite the shambles the Lions are in right now, Mariucci (along with Joey Harrington) is a ray of hope iin woebegotten Detroit. He turned San Francisco around and he'll do the same here.

Conclusion: Safe

20. Mike Sherman - Packers: They'll call this seson a fluke in Green Bay. Heck, the way the Vikings are fading, they might even win the NFC North. But one more performance like this and Sherman will be on the unemployment line.

Conclusion: Safe

21. John Fox - Panthers: Carolina is fading in the stretch run, but the turnaround there has been quite impressive. If the Bucs get back to form and the Falcons live up to their 2002 promise, the NFC South could be a very competitive division next year.

Conclusion: Safe

22. Bill Belichik - Patriots: After an opening-day debacle in Buffalo, the Pats have been just flat out great. Belichik fed his old mentor (Parcells) a big slice of humble pie on national televison a few weeks ago. For that reason alone he should probably get a raise, but I hate Bill Parcells and the Dallas Cowboys, so I'm biased.

Conclusion: Safe

23. Bill Callahan - Raiders: Talk about a Super Bowl hangover. His players have quit on him and each other, and the oldest team in the NFL may have finally hit the wall. He's existing entirely on Al Davis's good graces, and we all know what that means.

Conclusion: GONE

24. Mike Martz - Rams: Marc Bulger has saved his job. I'm convinced that Martz is nothing by a hack who got lucky enough to inherit Dick Vermiel's Super Bowl champion Rams, but as long as that team keeps producing, he'll be safe in St. Louis.

Conclusion: Safe

25. Brian Billick - Ravens: The Ravens need a reliable quarterback if they're going to be contenders again, but you can't fault Billick's coaching. If they beat the Bengals on Sunday, they're pretty much assured the AFC North title, not that that means very much in the NFL's worst division.

Conclusion: Safe

26. Steve Spurrier - Redskins: The Ole' Ball Coach can't cut it in the NFL. The question is will Dan Snyder give him the axe this year or try and save face and give him one last shot.

Conclusion: Hot seat

27. Jim Haslett - Saints: It's December, and that means it's time for the Saints to disintegrate. If they do, Haslett will be out on his ass despite his accomplishments with a team that's historically been the bad joke of the NFL. If they hang on, he'll get another shot.

Conclusion: Hot seat

28. Mike Holmgren - Seahawks: Taking personnel decisions out of his hands seems like exactly the right decision. The Seahawks will make the playoffs this year.

Conclusion: Safe

29. Bill Cowher - Steelers: Cowher has coached the Steelers for what seems like forever, but the last few years have seen big playoff thumpings and total mediocrity this season. He's safe this year, but he'll be under as much pressure as any other head coach in the NFL next year.

Conclusion: Safe

30. Dom Capers - Texans: Capers has done a good job with an expansion team and will be force to be reckoned with in the AFC South next year. His willingness to make gutsy calls to win games rather than play it safe and hope to win the coin toss in overtime has endeared him to his players and the fans.

Conclusion: Safe

31. Jeff Fisher - Titans: Jeff Fisher gets the job done, and so does his team.

Conclusion: Safe

32. Mike Tice - Vikings: After a promising start, the Vikings are fading fast. Fortunately, the Bears are terrible again and the Packers have been unable to capitalize on Minnesota's misfortunes, so the NFC North is still theirs to win. But if the Vikings don't make the playoffs after such a great start, expect Tice to be job hunting in January.

Conclusion: Hot seat

[Col. Crackpot]

Bill Callahan is beyond gone. I seriously doubt he will last the week, never mind the season. You don't hold a press conferance and announnce that your team is the stupidest team in america and expect theeam to give you the time of day next week, never mind play football for you. You know what Mr. Callahan, there is a whole lot of stupid in the Oakland Raiders franchise, and most of it resides in that big melon you call your head.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

27. Jim Haslett - Saints: It's December, and that means it's time for the Saints to disintegrate. If they do, Haslett will be out on his ass despite his accomplishments with a team that's historically been the bad joke of the NFL. If they hang on, he'll get another shot.

Conclusion: Hot seat

You nailed that one on the head! That's exactly what the Saints do in December, too. Haslett did a good job, but the Saints really are the Bad Joke of the NFL you said they are.

The Saints may be a joke, but to me and my fellow New Orleanians, they're OUR Joke! Go Saints!

[Howedar]

Gripe: the Cardinals are not in Scottsdale. They do suck balls though, and nobody here cares about them. Fuck, Arizona State's games get more crowds than the Cardinals, and we went 4-8 this season!

[Kyle]

No real arguements. But I've got a related question for the other football fans out there. Since we're talking coaches, what's everyones choice for Coach of the year so far.

As a diehard bengal fan I saw Marvin Lewis. Come on, this is unreal, the last time the bengals made the playoffs I was in elementary school. This team is almost the same team that went 2-14 last year and have been the joke of the NFL for a dozen years.

Sure we picked up a couple free agents (Kevin Hardy and Tory James) but other then that and a few draft picks (Jeremi Johnson and Kelley Washington) most of the starters are the same as last year. It's all in the coaching.

[Col. Crackpot]

speaking of getting fired, the Patriots just released punter, and overall useless waste of skin Ken Walter.

http://flash.patriots.com/news/fullarti ... pe=general

[Iceberg]

I think Red McCombs is going to give Mike Tice one more season to prove himself before showing him the door.

[Chardok]

There is a VICIOUS rumor that Davey is going after....*Drum roll*

Mark Brunell. I swear to God, If that happens, I will walk to Miami barefoot from here in J'ville and chew off his fingernails.

_________EDIT_____________

I should mention, in the spirit of the thread, that if that happens, and Brunell attempts to start next year, Wannstadt is teh f1r3d.

[Zoltan]

Good call on Bill Belichik. Totally agree. He's been doing extremely well this season. He is one HELL of a coach. I can't believe some of the plays that that guy has. Incredible. That Dallas game was definitely a notable in his career.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

You're absolutely right about Steve Mariucci. We haven't been able to turn it around this season, but with Steve at the helm, I can say with no confidence--but a big smile--that the Lions will be contendors for the Super Bowl in 2004.

It was good for him to beat the Packers in front of the whole nation on Thanksgiving though. Poor Favre has sucked increasing amounts of ass proportional to the time he's had a screwy thumb this season, so I half expected them to lose. Although we won, again, with only a SINGLE touchdown and then a bunch of fieldgoals so it was sorta embarrasing even for us. Whatever, LIONS FOR SUPERBOWL 2004!

[Tsyroc]

It was good for him to beat the Packers in front of the whole nation on Thanksgiving though. Poor Favre has sucked increasing amounts of ass proportional to the time he's had a screwy thumb this season, so I half expected them to lose. Although we won, again, with only a SINGLE touchdown and then a bunch of fieldgoals so it was sorta embarrasing even for us. Whatever, LIONS FOR SUPERBOWL 2004!

Incidently, the Packers need a good backup for Favre and a coach with the balls to sit Favre's ass on the bench when he's fucked up like he has been so often the last few years. Sure he's a great quarterback but trying to will your team a win is much more difficult if you are part of the problem because your throwing hand is jacked. The funny thing is that I still run into Packer fans that would rather have a fucked up Favre in the game than just about any other healthy quarterback. At least the Packers switched to a mostly running game but even that is catching up to them because teams know that right now that Favre alone isn't likely to beat your team so they can just work on stopping the run.

I believe the Lions proved that on Thanksgiving.

Oh yeah, when the Packers do get a coach with balls will he smack Favre upside the head and get him to stop throwing off his back foot all the time. I think he could be much more accurate if he hadn't let his mechanics go after Holmgren left.

[Tsyroc]

Gripe: the Cardinals are not in Scottsdale. They do suck balls though, and nobody here cares about them. Fuck, Arizona State's games get more crowds than the Cardinals, and we went 4-8 this season!

Everything about the Cardinals has been handled poorly ever since they bailed on St. Louis. The one and only NFL game I ever went to was to see the Cardinals play the Cowboys in St. Louis. IMO the city had decent fans. The stadium looked full to me and most of it was wearing red so I don't see why someone would pull out of a built up fan base, but then who would have thought anyone would want to take the Browns out of Cleveland either?

[RedImperator]

No real arguements. But I've got a related question for the other football fans out there. Since we're talking coaches, what's everyones choice for Coach of the year so far.

As a diehard bengal fan I saw Marvin Lewis. Come on, this is unreal, the last time the bengals made the playoffs I was in elementary school. This team is almost the same team that went 2-14 last year and have been the joke of the NFL for a dozen years.

Sure we picked up a couple free agents (Kevin Hardy and Tory James) but other then that and a few draft picks (Jeremi Johnson and Kelley Washington) most of the starters are the same as last year. It's all in the coaching.

As far as I'm concerned, the only competition for Coach of the Year in the AFC is between Dick Vemiel and Marvin Lewis. Bill Belichik and Jeff Fisher will probably get a few votes too, but really, what Lewis and Vermiel have done is just incredible. My vote would be for Lewis only because Vermiel has had a couple years to build Kansas City into his kind of team, while Lewis inherited a team that last year probably would have been seriously challenged by Ohio State.

The NFC will come down to John Fox and Bill Parcells. Frankly, I hope Fox wins it because I'm sick to damn death of Parcells and the hype machine following him around (the only good thing about him coming back is that we stopped hearing about Steve Spurrier, not that that wouldn't have happened on its own).