Lessons learnt from computer games

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-12-08 03:21am

Deus Ex has taught me:

That trained military personal will take cover behind crates clearly marked "TNT".

That it's important to make sure your Super Legs are turned on BEFORE jumping off a five-story building.

That you can drink as much as you like, and be sober within five minutes. (Admittedly, this may be because of an agumented stomach.)

Feel free to add on, making a note of what game you are talking about.

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-12-08 03:30am

That throwing my balls at an animal in the wild will result in it becoming my servant - Pokemon.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-12-08 03:38am

A light shot in the shoulder from an Artic Warfare Magnum will instantly kill you (Counterstrike).

You can shoot down capital ships with spines (Starcraft, Hydralisks versus Battlecruiser)

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2003-12-08 09:32am

Any enemy you jump on will die as a result, but sometimes they take two or three jumps before you kill them.

eating mushrooms can make you either more powerful or even give you an extra life if you happen to die. watch out for the poisonous ones though.

bodies fade away after you kill someone.

you can grab a feather, wear a cape and fly as a result.

everyone with a gun is a bad guy. therefore it's okay to shoot them, and you get rewarded for it. in contrast everyone without a gun is a good guy. while no real harm will result from shooting them, you do get points deducted.

violent crime happens daily and it's okay to go out there as a vigilante for justice beating up everyone that looks bad. you won't get arrested for it.

that creepy old guy living in the mansion next door really being mind controlled by an alien meteorite.

you can safely eat any food you happen to find lying along the street.

you don't have to worry about getting shot or blown apart. you'll respawn somewhere else in a few minutes.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-12-08 10:05am

Camo net is not only bulletproof, but it will even stop rounds fired by the 8.8cm main gun of WWII German Tiger tank. - BF1942

Inconspicuously flimsy looking board fences cannot be destroyed by ramming them with a heavy tank, infact the fence will not only stop the tank, but it will also inflict considerable damage to it. - BF1942

Injuries, no matter how severe, will not slow a soldier down one bit. - BF1942 and a whole host of other FPSs.

Semi-automatic handguns are more powerfull (per shot), more accurate and posses greater range then assault rifles. - Halo PC

Tasoth · Post by **Tasoth** » 2003-12-08 10:06am

No matter how close they are to you, if you're in the shadows, you'll never be seen. -Manhunt

mauldooku · Post by **mauldooku** » 2003-12-08 10:18am

One construction worker can build a complex, high tech building.

....In 3 minutes (Starcraft).

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2003-12-08 10:58am

No matter how much the authorities want to see your dead, mangled corpse, after your drive your battered and shot-up car into a respray shop and leave five seconds later, they will never recognize you...even if you leave the car right afterwards with a big ass rifle in your hands and wave it in front of a squad car.

No matter how many policemen, detectives, FBI agents or soldiers you've killed, after you get arrested they will always release you after taking away your guns.

You can easily survive a 200 kmph crash with a bridge support, and loose no more than a bumper.

Shooting RPGs and 7.62 machine guns at random buildings is too small a matter for the police to trouble themselves.

On the other hand, if the same bullets hit and blow up a single car, they will do their best to hunt you down.

You can have half the National Guard on your ass, as soon as you finish a job some mobster's given you, they'll let you off the hook.

You can change clothes right in front of a policeman who's chasing you, he won't recognize you afterwards.

And many, many more. Guess what game they're from

PainRack · Post by **PainRack** » 2003-12-08 12:03pm

(Counter-strike)

Guys jumping around all the time can cap off a head shot.

A machine gun <<<<Ak-47.

Grenades = worthless.

Fragging your sarge and hearing him moan out your name in a voice that laments how he could be fragged by his worst recruit?=priceless

(World Combat, an arcade game)
The officer dies last, the medic dies first, signallers are timid, commandoes are crazy and the MG trained can't aim worth a damn.

Ammo is free.
(Arcade shooters)
Markmens in real life will miss, teenage boppers punks will duke it out to the last stage on one token, achieving a head shot with every kill.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2003-12-08 12:04pm

One Person can drive a entire Destroyer-BF1942

Gernades are acutaly super-balls and as such can bounch 5-10 meters in the air if you throw them at your feet-BF-1942

If you can see it, You can Rail it-Quake Series

No matter how many chances you have to defeat X uberbeast, it will always be the very last one before you can acutaly pull it off-To many games to count

And up and coming

Thanks to inviations in plastics, most Vietnam Era Tanks can be transported VIA Helicopter-BF Vietnam

PainRack · Post by **PainRack** » 2003-12-08 12:14pm

Close combat
An anti-tank gun can be housed in a building and has a free tranverse of fire.

In reference to above gun, the gun now becomes invulnerable to enemy tank fire, but dies when a machine gun blows it up.

Machine gunners can kill 10 tanks, and 340 infantry by the end of the campaign.

Your men will not hesitate to use panzerfaust against enemy infantry.

Your sniper loses all accuracy once the enemy closes to 100 meters.

Artillery is worthless, except when its on the enemy side.

Panzershreck are more effective against infantry than they are against tanks.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-12-08 05:03pm

No matter what YOU CANNOT DIE! - Tony Hawk Underground

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-12-08 05:20pm

Life is measured in percentages. -fps'

Death isn't the end - fps'

Only people are killed when nukes go off, everything else remains the same. -Crossfire level on halflife

Killing scientists is actually immense fun - halflife

People in gunfights look constipated - max payne

Hiding for a number of minutes absolves you from any responsibility - GTA and Postal 2

I can and will fight off the police force, FBI and Army, given sufficient weaponry and spinning police bribes - GTA

Painkillers hold life within - Max Payne

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2003-12-08 05:36pm

(Flight simulators.)

You don't need any sort of instruction whatsoever in order to fly any sort of aircraft ever built. And even if you do crash, you'll conveniently respawn at the closest airport in order to demolish the scenery in your next spectacularly fiery wreck.

(Combat flight simulators.)

After realizing that any idiot can pilot an aircraft, it becomes trivially easy to shoot down enemy aircraft. Furthermore, all aircraft piloted by the player come better armored than most tanks, or combat warships, for that matter. On the other hand, aircraft piloted by the enemy tend to be made out of balsa wood and tissue paper. This means that you could win entire air wars singlehandedly.

PainRack · Post by **PainRack** » 2003-12-09 01:28am

GrandMasterTerwynn wrote: (Combat flight simulators.)

After realizing that any idiot can pilot an aircraft, it becomes trivially easy to shoot down enemy aircraft. Furthermore, all aircraft piloted by the player come better armored than most tanks, or combat warships, for that matter. On the other hand, aircraft piloted by the enemy tend to be made out of balsa wood and tissue paper. This means that you could win entire air wars singlehandedly.

Man, this is so true. I demolished the entire Korean Airforce in Fighting Falcon, in one day.

That was quite a bad move, cause it caused the Chinese airforce to intervene, just as all of the USAF squadrons were running out of aircraft and ammunition.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-12-09 02:32am

PainRack wrote:Panzershreck are more effective against infantry than they are against tanks.

This is actually true. You can imagine how sucky it'd be to get nailed by a Panzershreck in the chest.

Hitting a person is a one-in-a-million event, but man, when you DO hit them!

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-12-09 03:34am

I learned you can get Wasteland Herpes if you sleep with prostitutes.

I also learned that if you cheat the old blind lady for reagents you will lose an eighth.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-12-09 03:42am

PainRack wrote:Your men will not hesitate to use panzerfaust against enemy infantry.

That is historically factual. There were far too many Panzerfausts too go around and way too few tanks. Some intrepid soldiers strung barbed wires around the shells to produce more shrapnel.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-12-09 03:43am

A Jedi Guardian can *miss* hitting a door you're trying to bash open- Knights of the Old Republic (fuck what a mad game, I've been playing it obsessively since I got it last week, but the above PISSES ME OFF).

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2003-12-09 05:44am

There's always one evil genius/rich man behind it all - Too many games to count

You are actaully immune to the T-Virus, it's just everyone else who has the problem - Resident Evil series...duh

Weapons spin when they're left on the floor - Timesplitters

Getting hit by trains/golfcarts/cars and/or falling great heights will not stop you, but the clock will - Tony Hawks Skater games, Matt Hoffman Biking gmaes

Wrestling isn't fake - all WWE/WWF/ECW/WCW games

Foxes don't eat hedgehogs - Sonic the Hedgehog

Pretty Princesses dig fat, short, Italian, plumbers and not their thin tall brothers - Mario

Passangers like having the crap scared out of them on rides, they even tip for it! - Crazy Taxi
______

That's all I can think of right now, give me awhile and I'll have some more.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-12-09 07:21am

Knee high picket fences stop elite commandos. - Most Red Storm games.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2003-12-09 06:38pm

You can become a master DJ within a week. -Beatmania

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2003-12-09 08:51pm

You can carry as many guns as you want, up to and including multiple bazookas, RPG launchers, and assault rifles.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-12-09 09:17pm

All heros of FPS' suffer from selective blindness, in that they cannot see their torso or legs.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-12-09 09:45pm

Always aim for the head.