Lessons learnt from computer games

CorSec · Post by **CorSec** » 2003-12-09 09:56pm

You can run everywhere without getting tired.

You can jump the exact same distance every single time.

If there's an ancient artifact worth having, it's probably hidden behind thousand year old traps that are still fully operational and deadly.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-12-09 10:25pm

You will drown if you are in anything more than knee-deep water (GTA)

If you eat a special kind of mushroom, you will double in height. (Mario Bros. Games)

If you are cornered by a bunch of guards, close the door and fire at them when their heads pop through. (Goldeneye)

You can fire two rocket launchers at once. (Goldeneye)

No matter what everyone else is doing around you, only you will get caught by police. However, you will soon be free, regardless of what you did. (GTA)

Thunderfire · Post by **Thunderfire** » 2003-12-10 04:21am

WW2 Bi-Planes will beat late war mono planes(most versions of IL2 FB)
Germany get hundreds of nice toys like jet planes & monster tanks like
the sturmtiger(many WW2 games).

BlkbrryTheGreat · Post by **BlkbrryTheGreat** » 2003-12-10 08:12am

Not to ever have a heart attack, or any other sort of near death expirence, in the warcraft universe- as my skin and viscera will almost be instantaneously sucked off of my bones, and into the Earth, following my "death"; precluding any chance of recessisitation.

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2003-12-10 08:18am

What I learned playing XCom

Sectoids like apples, blow up the orchard.
Never put a lightly concussed chysalid into your backpack.
Every city on earth looks exactly the same.
Enough weapons fire will destroy anything, except whatever the VTOL is made out of.
The aliens are not delivering Pizza to our base.
Never hunt Mutons in Jungles.
Even if it's a funny idea. Do not let the aliens eat Sydney.
Well, mabye once.
Never open a door, always get someone else to do it fpr you.
High command does not care whether you live or die.
Unless you are named after him, his girlfriend or their cat.

PainRack · Post by **PainRack** » 2003-12-10 09:41pm

Howedar wrote:
PainRack wrote:Panzershreck are more effective against infantry than they are against tanks.
This is actually true. You can imagine how sucky it'd be to get nailed by a Panzershreck in the chest.

Hitting a person is a one-in-a-million event, but man, when you DO hit them!

Not when said panzershreck wiped out an entire rifle section.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2003-12-12 01:31am

Lessons learned from that wonderful game known as Earthbound:

Yo-yos, baseball bats, and frying pans are effective weapons against an alien invasion.

The Pizza Delivery Man can bring you pizza at any location you might be at, even if you're deep in the snowy wilds, in a couple minutes, and he'll do it just by running!

Zombies are like flies; if you put up sticky paper they'll get caught and your problem is solved.

Gelatinous blobs like honey.

If you want a girlfriend, just sit around until a girl gives you a psychic plea for help, and then rescue her.

If they paint everything blue, they're an EVIL CULT!

You can hold an entire conversation using the words "Boing" and "Zoom."

Always listen to talking bees, but don't take them to your neighbors' house.

Psychadelic swirling colors are COOL (no wait...I thought that anyway).

And last but not least,
if you never see your dad, calling him occasionally will make him deposit thousands of dollars into your bank account.

Yeah, I love Earthbound...

Spyder · Post by **Spyder** » 2003-12-12 05:22am

I can take multiple RPG rounds to the face unless I'm in a tank.
-Command and Conquer series

I can take multiple tank rounds to the face unless I'm in a building
-StarCraft

The key in my hand opens every single lock ever created and disintegrates after use
-Diablo 2

Tuvok gets mildly upset with me when I disintegrate Janeway, politely asks me not to do it again.
-ST: Elite Force

A random physicist can easily become a total badass and defeat US special forces and aliens.
-Half Life

I can jump higher by firing rockets at my feet.
-Quake series.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2003-12-12 05:57am

The Imperial side loses. (X-Wing:Alliance, wherein if you put entirely identical forces on each side of a custom scenario you build, the green side will entirely decimate the red side every time. In fact, if you want the Imperials to win you must heavily weight the scenario to favor them.)

If you are in a tank, if the tank is hit, you get hurt. (Halo.)

I can flip over a tank. (Halo.)

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-12-28 12:49pm

Heroism is just a matter of cash-AOM:TT X-pack

Luzifer's right hand · Post by **Luzifer's right hand** » 2003-12-28 01:43pm

A single fighter-mage can butch everything from goblin to Demon Lord, and you can kill Drizzt O'Urden(unlike in the books of R.A.Salvatore). BG2+Addon.
Powerfull Shields have always a generator outside of the shield. Freelancer
Other Jedi survive hits to the head with a lighsaber. Jedi Academy, Kotor .....
2 mercenaries can destroy the entire military of a 3rd world country. Jagged Alliance 2.
A throwing-knife is deadlier than a RPG. Jagged Alliance 2
Inertness does not exist. Wing commander, Freespace, .....

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-12-28 04:05pm

Pablo Sanchez wrote:Always aim for the head.

Unless another part of the body is flashing. Always aim for whatever's flashing.

90% of the world's population only knows how to say one or two sentences, which they will repeat to random passersby.

Swords do more damage than guns.

Touching a bird does more damage than being hit in the crotch by a bazooka shell.

The jetpack was among the traditional arsenal of tools and weapons used by the ninja.

A robot can be hit several times with plasma weapons and suffer minimal damage, but even the slightest contact with a spiked floor or spiked walls will destroy it instantly.

If you're trying to sneak around an enemy base and are spotted by the enemy guards, all you have to do is stay hidden for a few seconds afterwards and they'll forget that you ever existed.

Buildings are much larger on the inside than on the outside (the same applies to cities.)

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-12-29 08:44am

the price of freedom is eternal vigilance. (Wing Commander IV)

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-12-29 09:00am

Drive a tank at an AA gun and the tank will backflip. (BF1942)

If a tank shoots you, you can parachute to earth and survive. (BF1942)

The nazis are secretly using submarines in desert conditions (BF1942 multiplayer)

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2003-12-29 09:27am

You can survive sustained machine gun fire yet be killed by a single shotgun shot - Quake 3 Arena.

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2003-12-29 10:15am

No matter what piece of equipment you want, all you need is a few blue crystal thingies and fart some green gas, and you can afford it: from those cool occular implants to those massive battlecruisers. (StarCraft)

You can only train 5 units at a time, and even then you can only command 12 guys at the same time. But that doesn't matter, because a dozen marines pumped full of angry juice can bring down a carrier. (StarCraft)

Death isn't so bad: I get to pilot a 4-legged spider-thing with a death ray strapped to my back, and swim in blue gunk all day. (yep - you guessed it, StarCraft)

In the future, all aircraft will be VTOL capable, while all ships will be steered by blind, drunk morons. Also the ultimate weapon will be the D-Gun, but inexplicably only one guy will be allowed to use it. (TA - it's in the game.*boo hiss!*)

In the future, aliens will be just like us: psychopathic cannibals who love to eat skin and wish our destruction (the Drengin, Galciv).

Hyperdrive will be invented in the next couple of centuries, but it will act conspicuously like warpdrive. (Galciv)

You can be down to 1 HP, but as long as there's a Blood Fountain in the Dungeon you can get back your HP if you can click a hundred times. Demons will hang around desecrating churches (they have nothing better to do). Shrines will offer bizzare, cryptic advice like "True Strength Is Forged From Destruction" or "The True Light Is In The Darkness." When Evil Archbishops go bad, they go bad in style - setting up a Succubi harem. The Big Bad Demon Lord of Terror can be defeated by casting a level 1 Holy Bolt spell (suck it down, BITCH!). Once the King of Demons has been defeated, your hero will inexplicably slam a crystal dagger through his or her forehead; not surprisingly you will begin to see red. Mushrooms will make you grow stronger and smarter, you can fill the town centre with piles of gold and rest assured no-one will steal any of it, and a stairwell to hell will eventually appear next to the healer's hut (which I've gotta say is convenient). (Diablo, the First, the Best)

Anywhere worth getting to will have a Demon guarding a magic glowing box, and they have names like "Ancient Kaa the Souless," "Szzark the Burning" or "Rotfeast the Hungry." Getting poisoned isn't the big deal they make it out to be. I don't care how strong you are or what insane bonuses you get from hefting your Two-handed Bitchkiller broadsword - you're not going to open that chest unless you have a key. Good Guys who set up a harem will inevitably be attacked by monsters (who make off with the women, or just kill them). You can defeat the Stupid Queen Demon Bitch by running around in circles. Got a problem with someone? Curse them. Still got a problem? Call down a meteor, a blizzard or a spinning frozen Orb Of Death; throw a dozen javelins, hack and slash with a sword, bash them with a shield. Still have a problem? Then you suck. (Diablo 2)

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2003-12-29 10:30am

Despite being hit by the equivalent of the Hiroshima bomb several times over, in the end all it took to do in Aeris was a sharpened piece of fucking steel.
--FFVII

He liberated her city, saved her life a dozen times over, got shot into space while drifting endlessly to find her and she still didn't put out.
--FFVIII

Don't push the red button.
--Maniac Mansion

The bitch with claws is sexy.
--Starcraft

Aparently, 21th century fighters can shoot down UFO's with impunity.
--X-COM UFO Defense

Aparently the ultra-cool Billy Zane is somehow less powerful then Lance Bass. Yeah, riiiiight.
--Kingdom Hearts

There are some times when you just don't want a giagantic erection.
--Leisure Suit Larry VII

Trust me, don't order the Liquid Lobotomy.
--Spaceship Warlock

Never trust a monkey, pirate, or a woman.
--Monkey Island

This game sucks.
--Daikatana

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-12-29 10:32am

Well AD&D and most RPG computer games.

If something happens once every 10,000 years, it WILL happen the day you walk into a town.

No matter how useless and trevial something is you should always pick it up and keep it in your limitless inventory, as you know that a piece of lint will be the thing you need to stop the Alien Invasion from suceeding.

The only thing's more usefull then lint are String and used chewing gum....

Zac Naloen · Post by **Zac Naloen** » 2003-12-29 10:51am

you can have sex in a car without once touching each other and by keeping your clothes on - gta 3 +vice city.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-12-29 11:04am

The sewers of anytown will be infested with monsters, Demons, and powermad sorceriers, It will also contain potent magical artifacts, undead, and more deathtraps then an Indiana Jones film. No one has ever noticed this.-many RPG games

No one ever makes saving throws, Stinking cloud will kill a dragon. Beholders hate Mirrors(Secret of the Silver Blades, SSI/AD&D)

While fucking a prositute in Reno get's you wasteland rot (Even if you have a rubber equipped), A female character in fallout can sleep areound as much as she wants and never get pregnant, or get any diseases unless she goes down on someone in a porno.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-12-29 02:48pm

-Days usually last 3-24 minutes (Zelda games, GTA games)

-When in formation, your wingmen will move in perfect syncronision with with you, regardless of differences in speed between the craft and obstacles in the way (Rogue Squadron)

-Whenever you destroy the main bad guy, things will revert to the moment before you fought him (Many games)

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2003-12-29 03:56pm

If a cop beats up someone, and they are lying on the ground, every time you hit them the govt. gives you 50 dollars for being a good citizen(I've made a lot of money this way)-GTA-Vice City

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2003-12-29 04:07pm

FaxModem1 wrote:If a cop beats up someone, and they are lying on the ground, every time you hit them the govt. gives you 50 dollars for being a good citizen(I've made a lot of money this way)-GTA-Vice City

Isn't it simpler to just beat up the cop, take his pistol, grab a change of clothes and start killing random people and taking their cash?

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-12-29 04:09pm

You can buy a battle ready tank for less than 2 grand. - Command And Conquer

Hospital Administrators have shotguns - Theme Hospital

Battle Cruisers the size of a small village can enter atmosphere and form large battle groups - Star Craft

If the police are looking for you shoot a triad and steel his PJ's to take the heat of you - Hitman

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-12-29 04:55pm

BF1942:

Panzerfausts are very effective weapons against infantry, easily wiping out even spread out troops. In the hands of the enemy at least. If you're using it, only direct hits that are impossible to achieve will kill.

Whenever you respawn as with a AT weapon, all tanks will already be dead and you will face infantry. Vice versa with an assault weapon.

Similarly, almost all friendly and enemy units with have a Panzerfaust or Basooka. All battles therefore involve volleys of rockets.

Rifle fire can easily damage or destroy an aircraft on the ground.

While flying, you can be knocked out of the sky by flak and machine gun fire within moments. Enemy planes however will go unchallenged and attempting to man a flak gun with get you bombed instantly.

All planes, including fighters, carry lots of bombs and torpedoes in internal bomb bays. Planes can also be reloaded while in the air by flying over specific places.

Ships are near invincible, with shells, bombs and torpedoes doing little except in huge quantities. Shore guns are totally useless against ships (landing craft are difficult to hit at best) and are little more then targets for aircraft.

You can capture a landing craft and drive it back to an enemy ship without anyone noticing.

Friendly artillery only results in friendly fire, and is ineffective against the enemy. Meanwhile, enemy artillery can take out individual soldiers.

Hitting someone in the head with a sniper rifle will not cause them to die. Enemy sniper rifles though can kill you instantly.

Japaneese soldiers will be armed with Stg44 rifles in 1942.

Pistols are nonlethal, since emptying a clip into someone at close range with even a few head shots will only cause them to jerk slightly.

There is no M1 Garand.

Russian troops have all foreign weapons.

CALL OF DUTY:

Repeated shots to the chest will cause an enemy to fall to the ground for a few seconds and not move, then get back up with no problems.

Adding a scope to a weapon means it needs different ammunition to fire.

For the first Stalingrad level, you cannot pick up dead soldier's weapons.

Panzerfausts are able to penetrate a Tiger's front armour at long range. Though in enemy hands they can't penetrate any aspect of a T-34's armour.

A T-34 can penetrate a Tiger's front armour at long range, but Tigers need multiple shots to penetrate a T-34's rear armour.

The only available anti-tank weapons are captured flak guns and panzerfausts.

You cannot carry two pistols.

Friendly tanks are completly useless, requiring infantry to take out all opposing antitank weapons and tanks.

Enemy tanks can be taken out by sticking a bit of explosives to the front. Sometimes.

Enemy tanks can be taken out by opening the hatch and throughing a grenade in. But not by you.

An exploding fully fueled V2 rocket will not harm you if you stand 10 feet away.

Grenades have 10 second+ fuses, allowing everyone to run or take cover by the time they explode.