Battlestar Galactica Review

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2003-12-11 02:23am

Why couldn`t they have done something simple like say bay doors???I mean nice thiock bay doors that can open and close while the bayds don`t move??? I can understand why they would set them away from the hull ,in case of a lkanding bay accident the entire ship isn`t in danger but still....

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2003-12-11 03:00am

So, does the human race still originate from Planet Kobol, or did they change it to Planet Phortran or Planet Basik?

Or, based on what I've heard of this show, maybe Planet Java would be better, being a watered-down insult to that which inspired it.

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2003-12-11 10:03am

I've finally gotten a chance to review part two of the new Battlestar Galactica miniseries. I have had too much work to sit through the whole thing before now.

Having finally watched the whole miniseries, I have to say it wasn't too bad overall. I'm still surprised at the vicious condemnation I am reading from some people, and I stand by my earlier statement that such blasts seem to be far more spiteful than the material really warrants. Some of the criticisms I am reading are that the storytelling is inferior to the original, the explosive battle scenes of the original were not in the new version, Edward James Olmos is wooden, Number 6 is only a babe in skimpy clothing because they're taking their cue from Voyager and Enterprise, etc.

Well, let's take a look at some of these criticisms.

As for the storytelling being inferior, I must disagree. Come one folks, let's be really honest here. The original had some serious flaws, storytelling-wise. For starters, the original had some pretty cardboard characters. Baltar for one. I've already covered this, so I won't repeat the whole thing here, but I will say again that the new Baltar's motives for what he does are far, far more believable than the original's. Likewise, the way in which the Colonials are surprised and destroyed is simply more believable as well. It's far more likely that they could be complacent about an enemy they haven't seen in forty years, and who disappeared from view before most of the Galactica's crew was even born, than it is that people would just suddenly and unquestioningly accept peace overtures from an enemy that they had fought tooth and nail for a thousand years, and would blithely ignore all the warning signs of impending attack.

Also, the new version does a far better job at showing the scope of the human tragedy. In the original we don't really get as much of a sense of the tragedy. When Adama and Apollo land on Caprica, they are confronted by an angry mob of survivors, but Adama shakes of his grief (you can practically see him donning the mantle of The Hero) and gives an inspiring speech about how they'll all pull together and make it. But in the new version, when Boomer and her fellow officer are confronted by a similar mob, they have to pull their sidearms to prevent themselves from being overwhelmed in a rush, and they have to hold a lottery to see who can be saved. They have to leave most behind, which again, is vastly more probable and realistic. Also, the Colonial officer who stays behind has to shoot a desperate Caprican who panics and tried to rush the ship as it takes off. The new show just does a far, far better job at portraying desperate, panicked people than the original. This is how people would really act in a tragedy like this, and we just didn't see it in the old show.

In the same vein, there is a moment in the new show, when a Cylon scout fighter locates the convoy of survivors, and the President makes the decision to leave behind all the ships that have no FTL capability. She knows that this will condemn thousands of people to certain death. But if they stay and try to rescue them, the Cylons will likely kill them all, thus ending the human race's chances for survival. So the president leaves the sublight ships behind, and it proves the correct decision, as the FTL ships only just escape ahead of the Cylon fighters who come to finish them off. Just before they jump out, you can hear the people on the sublight ships pleading and begging not to be left behind, and then cursing those about to leave as they realize their pleas will not be heard. Again, this is precisely how you would expect desperate, terrified people who can see their own deaths approaching to act. Contrast this with a single, throwaway line uttered by Richard Hatch in the original about how many people they had to leave behind for lack of transport ships. The new version simply does a vastly better job at portraying the terrible tragedy and loss of the situation, and the kind of hard desisions that would have to be made by those in charge among the survivors.

Also, a problem with the original was characters behaving in entirely implausible, even unbelievable ways. I mentioned this before as well. Aboard the Rising Star, Sire Yuri and his sycophants partying like a bunch of hedonists without a care in the world. And again on Carillon, the survivors appeared quite willing to hit the casinos and party it up like they hadn't a care in the world. Starbuck tried to coopt the casino's cabaret singers and make himself their agent to take them on tour and manage their careers. WTF!

The twelve colonies have just been obliterated. Just where the hell is he going to book them? Who will be the paying customers? And how can he really expect to find a "meal ticket out of the military" in the aftermath of humanity's destruction, when the survivors must fight desperately for escape?

And how about Sire Yuri's plan for the survivors to lay down their arms and "prove" to the Cylons that humans are willing to live in peace, and pose no threat. Yuri almost persuades the Council of 12 that this is the right thing to do. The original show depicts Adama as having to scheme like mad to avert the disaster he knows this will cause. Now think about this. We are asked to believe that the surviving humans, having just been treacherously attacked and all but wiped out by an enemy who deceitfully initiated false peace overtures, and used them to open the Colonials up to a surprise attack, would seriously consider just laying down their arms before this enemy! We are asked to believe they would seriously consider trusting their lives and the future of the human race - the very survival of the human race - to the good intentions of an enemy of proven treachery and ruthlessness.

This is superior storytelling? Cardboard characters, implausible situations and flat out unbelievable character actions? Wake up folks. The new BG makes some genuine improvements over the original in the storytelling department. And they're pretty big improvements too.

As for the big battle scenes being missing... Well, there's a little more justification for this complaint. In the original, we saw the Atlantia and other ships destroyed. In the new version, we only hear about it as a sitrep from Adama to his crew. I believe I understand the reason for it, and it is not merely budgetary constraints or lack of storytelling ability on the part of Ron Moore and crew. Think about this as well. They obviously made a serious attempt to tell this story from the point of view of the survivors on the Galactica and in the ragtag fleet. Throughout the whole miniseries, you only see what they see. You only see what characters in the fleet see. This is clearly an attempt to put you in their shoes, give you thier perspective, or at least, as close as possible. This is how they convey the confusion and chaos of the situation. They need to act in the face of woefully imcomplete information. Again, this is how it would be if this were real, so this is an effective dramatic technique. You don't see the battle in which the Atlantia was destroyed because none of the characters see it. And while this deprives us of some potentially cool battle scenes with great special effects, it is keeps the sense of confusion and uncertaintly that the characters in the story are supposed to feel - a sense you the viewer would simply not have if you had a "big picture" view of the whole attack. So think about this. You hear people complain all the time about how shitty sci fi puts story behind flashy effects, well they put dramatic considerations ahead of flashy visuals here, and the same people who complain about style over substance the rest of the time are busy complaining about it.

Regarding Edward James Olmos' performance... He's not Lorne Greene, it would be a huge mistake for him to try and simply repeat Lorne Greene's performance and characterization. He simply had to try and give us a different take on the character. I don't think he did a bad job. No, he's not the inspiring fatherly figure of the original BG. So what? They're trying not slavishly to copy the original. They're right not to do that. If they did just try a shot for shot remake, people would still be bitching about how this was just a pale, unworthy copy. So we see a character with more flaws than the original Adama. You may not like this interpretation of the character, and that's your priviledge. But at least keep things in perspective, and realize that just trying to be a copy of the original would also have been a mistake.

And then there's Tricia Helfer as Number 6. I keep hearing about how this is just like Seven of Nine and T'Pol - a shapely female in skimpy attire simply to draw in the young, hormone driven males. I must disagree. I do agree that's what Seven of Nine and T'Pol are. There is no logical reason why those characters should walk around in skintight, impractical catsuits. It's clearly a gratuitous display to show of their curvaceous bodies and use sex to boost a show with flagging ratings. But that's not why Number 6 is a revealingly attired babe. There is a genuine, logical reason why she should be a hot female dressed that way. Her mission was to get into the Colonial defense mainframe. The best way to do that was to exploit the weakness of Gaius Baltar. Her power over him comes from her sexuality, so her attire and mannerisms are intended to maximize this. Her beauty and her sexuality give her power over him, so she wears clothes that make her an object of desire, and she sits in his lap and whispers into his ear and generally acts in a way that a seductress would be expected to act. This behavior fits with what the character is supposed to be doing. There is a logical reason for Number 6 to be dressing and acting the way she does.

Overall, I though the show was a good effort. I still like the original. But I am willing to judge the new version seperately on its own merits. I think it's not bad. It's a pit more of the rest of you aren't willing to be more open minded about it.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-12-11 11:18am

Perinquus wrote:But at least keep things in perspective, and realize that just trying to be a copy of the original would also have been a mistake.

IOW, quit your griping before we get a "special edition" of the original BSG.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-12-11 11:36am

Just to address the sire Yuri complaints from the first, perfectly valid BTW but I feel that the Original was trying for a tone that worked for me, they were telling the BSG story as if it was the Israeliites of old fleeing Egyptian bondage, essentially a bible story. And what constantly pops up in the Book of Exodus? That one idiot or groups of idiots that wants to abandon God and go and do something else like smelt a Golden Calf or soemthing. How many times in Exodus do we read a line like: And the people despaired and strayed from the ways of God?

Frankly if I were God I would have left the bastards to rot in the desert for losing faith so many fucking times.

When you look at it from that POV Sire Yuri's character (and many of the other weird character decisions) starts to make sense. BSG is trying to be a Sci Fi Book of Exodus retold. Don't beleive me? Watch it again and look for all the biblical references that makes it into a glorified bible story.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-12-11 11:58am

Whoa, P-man. Good post. But some comments;

I'm still surprised at the vicious condemnation I am reading from some people, and I stand by my earlier statement that such blasts seem to be far more spiteful than the material really warrants.

My real problem with a majority of the new seriers is the utter lack of inclusion of the things that made BSG, BSG. They took the names, and even bastardized them, and left almost everything else.

I doubt that if this show was called, The Warship EverVictorious, noone would give a shit. In fact, alot of the reviews on the forum would be akin to; 'Hey, its cool and lot like BSG.'

The creators of the new seriers went through and sterilized it. Cleansed it of all the hookey bits and pieces that made the show what it was in the late 70's.

Where was the Ambrosia?, the Eygpt style helmets?, Yarens and Microns? The show is medicore, IMO. I could be fixed and saved and go on to be great SCi Fi. But it is the movie Starship Troopers to the book. Nothing but a vauge reference to the original.

And then there's Tricia Helfer as Number 6. I keep hearing about how this is just like Seven of Nine and T'Pol - a shapely female in skimpy attire simply to draw in the young, hormone driven males. I must disagree. I do agree that's what Seven of Nine and T'Pol are. There is no logical reason why those characters should walk around in skintight, impractical catsuits. It's clearly a gratuitous display to show of their curvaceous bodies and use sex to boost a show with flagging ratings. But that's not why Number 6 is a revealingly attired babe. There is a genuine, logical reason why she should be a hot female dressed that way. Her mission was to get into the Colonial defense mainframe. The best way to do that was to exploit the weakness of Gaius Baltar. Her power over him comes from her sexuality, so her attire and mannerisms are intended to maximize this. Her beauty and her sexuality give her power over him, so she wears clothes that make her an object of desire, and she sits in his lap and whispers into his ear and generally acts in a way that a seductress would be expected to act. This behavior fits with what the character is supposed to be doing. There is a logical reason for Number 6 to be dressing and acting the way she does.

Twas little in the way of seduction shown. Twas blatent sex, or atleast as close to it as they could get on cable. I think I would have enjoyed it if #6 had actually seduced Baltar in a teasingly way.

On Baltar, I will agree with you that I like the new one. The story arc is more plausable. Though there is something to say about the badguys wearing black and the good guys wearing white. Sometimes, its nice to be clear on a few things. The new series is a cluster fuck of dysfunctional characters that are meant to show how flawed humanity is. They went too far.[/i]

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-12-11 12:00pm

Knife wrote:They took the names, and even bastardized them, and left almost everything else.

Um, lets change that to; and left almost nothing else.

Teachs me not to use the preview button.

Sam Or I · Post by **Sam Or I** » 2003-12-11 02:30pm

Finally saw it. I went into the series with very low expectations. To my surprise it was better than expected, and it could stand on its own as a sci-fi series. Now giving it the name Battlestar Galactica, it is still hard to accept.

The Bad:

The Charactor Cliche: Every charactor is almost a cliche. The drunk officer, the anger son, the person dying of cancer, blah blah blah. It is almost as they had a book of character flaws and gave each of the characters one. The only characters I actually liked was Adama, and Baltar. Adama was flawed, but not overly so, and Baltar is supposed to be flawed, as the main villian.

The Atlantia: I understand that we are seeing the POV of the characters, but I think this was one of the most memorable scenes from the original. They could have fit it in somewhere (Boomers raptor could have seen as they dirfted by, or they could have been on route to it vs the planet.)

The pace: the pace of the whole show was off, you did not have any real sense of time from scene to scene. One scene gave the impression at one locations as if it were days, while a scene at a different location seemed as it was a half hour.

The look of the ships: Most of this is opinion, but I did not like the look of everything that was redesigned. The new Cylon fighers looked like something from the power rangers crossed with wing commander. (Although I do like them being all robotic). The New look of the Galactica, looks to bubbley. I could stand the new vipers, and I liked the old. The new base ships seemed flawed.

Battlestar Galacticas Age: This is more of a nit pick, but I liked having the Galactica 200 plus years old.

Starbuck and Boomers sex change: It did not need to happen, it did not add anything to the story, and just gives me something (and many others) something to bitch about. If they wanted to show other female pilots, they should have included Athena. I think most of it was to create unnessary sexual tension.

To much sexual Tension: Yes, it is good to a point, but it was over done. I think the black girl on the bridge and the guy were the only nessary one, instead of having almost every single character making out in the hallways.

The Original Sound track: They should have had it in the movie for more than the one quick scene. It is another part of the original that is irreplacable. It would be like taking the original music out of Star Wars.

Apollo: I Just don't like that guy who played him. He bugs. No Richard Hatch.

The Good:

Special FX: Loved the missile clusters the Cylons launched, how the vipers moved, and the flak cannons of the Glactica. I also like how the battles were shot.

Fixed alot of flaws: It fixed alot of flaws of the original, explained alot of what the original was missing.

The Feel of the Galactica: The inside of the ship, it felt like it was a military ship. I liked how the plot made the Galactica to be a relic, and how it was an out dated ship. It gave the Galactica itself alot of character, much like the original.

Adamas Character: I liked him, granted he is not the original Adama, but his character fit the show very well. He is a vetran of the original war, and it shows quite well. A very realistic potrail of Adama, in my view.

Baltar: I like his character, a lot more depth than the original. I almost feel sorry for him. He has almost a MacBeth quality to him.

No Daggits: Enough said

Realism: Much more so than the original. For the most part I can see people really acting that way verse the original. The struggle to survive was alot more tense in this version, and more believable.

Religion: Barely mention at the beginning, and it becomes more and more important to the people as times become more and more desprate.

The Basic Plot: Ok, I like the plot if its this BSG or the original. The surviors of humanity in a ragtag fleet fighting to survive to find a place called Earth. I don't know it does something for me.

The Neutral:

The new Cylons: I don't if I like them or not. Undecided.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-12-11 03:15pm

ALright... there's been alot of griping about the Casino ship from the original, and how it 'didn't feel right'.

Now for the opinion of someone that watched the original's premiere, and every episode as it came out.
The feeling that I always got from the casino ship was "Eat Drink, and Be Merry, for Tomorrow, We Die." It was a necessary escape from all the people were feeling and dreading. It was a relaxant for the pilots, who were risking their lives each patrol shift and each surprise Cylon attack.

About Starbuck and the lounge singers on the Casino Planet... that was his normal eye on the money idea. Also, the Casino Planet wasn't one of the Twelve Colonies... it was a seperate planetary system, ran by another race (that was abducting some of the guests to use as food), and was also a necessary stop for the Galactica, which needed fuel.

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2003-12-11 04:18pm

Knife wrote:My real problem with a majority of the new seriers is the utter lack of inclusion of the things that made BSG, BSG. They took the names, and even bastardized them, and left almost everything else.

I doubt that if this show was called, The Warship EverVictorious, noone would give a shit. In fact, alot of the reviews on the forum would be akin to; 'Hey, its cool and lot like BSG.'

That was still not necessarily a mistake. They're trying to pull in new viewers as well as the old show's fans. Like it or not tastes and styles change over time. The approach that worked for the show 25 years ago would not necessarily work today. In the post Vietnam era, a lot of people wanted good, old-fashioned simple stories where the good guys wore white and the bad guys wore black, and there was no ambiguity. These days what people want is a little different. People have been influenced by realistic CGI effects, and by movies like Saving Private Ryan and Blackhawk Down, and today it's more fashionable to tell a grittier, more realistic story, one that's less black and white, morally speaking. Verisimilitude is the flavor of the month, and the show reflects this. It may not be what you like, but that's what a lot of people want to see these days.

Everybody's howling how wrong this approach is. Well it's not wrong, just different. If you don't like it, fine. That's your prerogative. Personally, I've always liked more realistic stories.

Knife wrote:The creators of the new seriers went through and sterilized it. Cleansed it of all the hookey bits and pieces that made the show what it was in the late 70's.

Again, this was not necessarily a mistake. Some of that stuff would not necessarily play as well today.

Knife wrote:Where was the Ambrosia?, the Eygpt style helmets?, Yarens and Microns? The show is medicore, IMO. I could be fixed and saved and go on to be great SCi Fi. But it is the movie Starship Troopers to the book. Nothing but a vauge reference to the original.

Frankly, I don't really miss all that stuff. Even as a kid I thought the show was too much of a jumble of such things. Roman and Greek names intermixed with Egyptian helmets, and names like "Starbuck" that didn't fit with that personal nomenclature. It felt kind of thrown together, and not well thought out in that respect. like they went on a random, haphazard shopping trip through ancient mythologies for names and visual cues and so forth to use, with no method to their madness.

Knife wrote:Twas little in the way of seduction shown. Twas blatent sex, or atleast as close to it as they could get on cable. I think I would have enjoyed it if #6 had actually seduced Baltar in a teasingly way.

But it does show Number 6 using her looks and her mannerisms to influence Baltar. You can practically see him weakening in her presence whenever she appears to him on the Galactica. Her obvious sexuality gives her power over him, and she is using it. Again, this is the whole point. It's not just a gratuitious display, like Seven of Nine on Voyager or T'Pol on Enterprise. There is a logical reason for it.

Knife wrote:On Baltar, I will agree with you that I like the new one. The story arc is more plausable. Though there is something to say about the badguys wearing black and the good guys wearing white. Sometimes, its nice to be clear on a few things. The new series is a cluster fuck of dysfunctional characters that are meant to show how flawed humanity is. They went too far.[/i]

See above. They just went in a different direction, and gave the show a different moral tone. I, for one, have no problem with this. And it might be well to remember that the original show, in being a clear, unabiguous Good versus Evil, white-hatted good guys versus black-hatted bad guys show, came in for a lot of criticism back in the day for being too much a copy of Star Wars in that respect.

A lot of people are saying the new BSG lacks originality. What they forget is that a lot of people were saying the same thing about the original back in 1978.

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-12-11 08:43pm

Kuja wrote:What seriously pissed me off was that the explosive battles of the original were GONE.

Oh please, the original had horribly campy "battles." Basically they show some Raiders flying, then Vipers, then a few lame fighting scenes from the pilot episode, then that's it. The best exterior shots was when they were just flying or making huge turns.

What true BSG fan doesn't remember the Atlantia going up in flames during the first episode? Or the Pegasus forcing its way through Baltar's blackade at Gamoray? Who could ever forget the sheer volume of Raiders swarming out of a single Basestar to engage Galactica's own healthy dose of Vipers?

The Atlantia was OK. The Pegasus forcing it's way involved single shots of the Gala- I mean Pegasus model, then a shot of a single Basestar, then wimpy exchanges of fire. For at least one of the explosions they reused the Imperious Leader's ship's explosion and then the explosion of Carillon. Sheer volume launching? You mean like 5-6 at a time? There were never more than ~14 Raiders on screen at once, and they were in such perfect double lines that I wouldn't be suprised if they just flipped the negative. The Galactica was never shown launching more than three Vipers at a time. Your glasses have some rose-colored crap on them, you should wipe it off.

'New' BSG it struck me as being seriously minimalist when compared to the original. I mean, we hear a blurb about the Atlantia being destroyed and that's it?! BULLSHIT! I hated it.

Justify showing a battle that the Galactica was not, and should not have been, involved in. Especially when the Cylons are just flipping the off switch.

Stravo wrote:I'm rewatching the original on DVD and I have to say it is superior storytelling wise to the remake. The effects are dated for sure but not bad in the sense that we see strings or any crap like that.

Take the Celestra? Greetings from Earth? The Young Lords? Gun on Ice Planet Zero? Fire in Space!? The original is full of episodes that could have been much faster or outright turds. Four hours of a miniseries/pilot is not enough to judge a series.

One of my favorite Adama lines so far that I've seen:

"Father, maybe she wasn't here " About Apollo's mother in Adama's home.

Adama looks around the ruined home and with such emotion he says: "She was here...she was here."

Notice how he drops that attitude minutes later to launch into his well-acted, but horribly inappropriate speech on running away?

[quote="Stravo pt. 2"[/quote]When you look at it from that POV Sire Yuri's character (and many of the other weird character decisions) starts to make sense. BSG is trying to be a Sci Fi Book of Exodus retold. Don't beleive me? Watch it again and look for all the biblical references that makes it into a glorified bible story.[/quote]

Uri's decisions are excusable, he's a horrible person. The rest of the character's disregard for the huge tragedy that occured no less then perhaps a few days before is not!

LadyTevar wrote:The feeling that I always got from the casino ship was "Eat Drink, and Be Merry, for Tomorrow, We Die." It was a necessary escape from all the people were feeling and dreading. It was a relaxant for the pilots, who were risking their lives each patrol shift and each surprise Cylon attack.

Do you remember the scene aboard the Gemini Freighter? Of the starving, destitute people? They're still in that condition far over half way through the series as shown in War of the Gods. Why the hell are people feasting aboard the Rising Star when there are entire ships of people in this condition?! Why are there people vacationing all around the fleet, wasting their valuable fuel?!

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-12-11 09:00pm

Kuja, when's the last time you've actually seen Battlestar Galactica...?

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-12-11 09:04pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Kuja, when's the last time you've actually seen Battlestar Galactica...?

Heh, I should have just said that.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-12-11 09:11pm

Yeah, I mean don't get me wrong, I'm very excited that I'll be getting the DVD set for Christmas, but even my nostalgic rose-coloured glasses aren't so rosy...

Bob McDob · Post by **Bob McDob** » 2003-12-11 10:11pm

SUPER NEON BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 2003 - PART ONE
by Ron Moore

PROLOGUE
EXT. POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION

(Note: Since actually showing anything remotely interesting on-screen is anathema to this production, all background information will be provided via onscreen text. No, really.}

Text: MANKIND INVENTED CYLONS. BUT CYLONS WERE EVIL AND BAD. THEN THERE WAS A WAR. LATER, THE CYLONS WENT AWAY AND EVERYONE FORGOT ABOUT THEM. A POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION WAS SET UP TO MONITOR THE PEACE, BECAUSE ACTUALLY CHECKING ON THE EVIL WAR ROBOTS PROGRAMMED TO KILL US SEEMS LIKE TOO MUCH WORK. ALSO, IF THE CYLONS BLOW UP THE POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION SET UP TO MONITOR THE PEACE, NO ONE WILL CARE AND THEY WILL STILL ACHIEVE A COMPLETE SURPRISE ATTACK.

INT. POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION

ADMIRAL MOTTI
As a Battlestar Galactica fan, I sure love my folder of blueprints! Also, look at this picture of my kids! That humanizes me!

Enter SOME CYLONS

ADMIRAL MOTTI
I'm not especially interested in SOME CYLONS.

Enter A GIRL CYLON

ADMIRAL MOTTI
A GIRL CYLON! Lets have sex!

GIRL CYLON
Okay, because that makes sense. Also, we're blowing up the space station now. We just came over to the space station that we're in the process of blowing up to let you know that it's being blown up. And for some sex. During the blowing up.

EXT. POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION

The POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION *BLOWS UP*!

SCENE TWO
INT. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA HALLWAY

TOUR GUIDE
Originally, Battlestar Galactica was a midly entertaining ripoff of Star Wars, but now...

TOUGH GIRL PILOT
Make room! I'm a tough girl pilot! Take note of this!

FAT MEXICAN CAPTAIN
I hate technology, because of the Cylons are going to use it to destroy the world! I blame myself for my son dying! The president has breast cancer!

SCENE THREE
INT. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA POKER ROOM

TOUGH GIRL PILOT (Smoking a *CIGAR*! Because she's *TOUGH*!)
Poker? I just met her!

ANDROGYNOUS PILOT
Hah hah hah hah.

OTHER GIRL PILOT
I guess that's why they call you WHAT YOUR NAME IS.

TOUGH GIRL PILOT
And your skill for exposition is why they call you WHAT YOUR NAME IS.

ANDROGYNOUS PILOT
Hah hah hah hah.

TOUGH GIRL PILOT
All I did was sit in Lt. Cmdr. Chen's fighter!

HUNTER
She's a *PILGRIM*! You're under arrest!

SCENE FOUR

TEXT: "CAPRICORN ONE / CAPRICORN CITY / PLANET CAPRICORN / CAPRICORN SYSTEM / CAPRICORN GALAXY"

GIRL CYLON
I guess I didn't blow up afterall. Now I can have sex with Baltar.

BALTAR
Yay! Here are the command codes.

GIRL CYLON
But do you *love* me?

BALTAR
Sure.

GIRL CYLON
Hah hah, you love a robot.

BALTAR
Now, for a sexy, mature pun.

GIRL CYLON
I'm *HOT*! (GIRL CYLON GLOWS GLOWS RED HOT)

SCENE FIVE

EXT. CAPRICORN ONE MARKET

GIRL CYLON
We're going to destroy this entire planet with nuclear weapons! But people won't know I'm evil unless...

{ENTER - A BABY}

GIRL CYLON
... I kill A BABY!

(GIRL CYLON kills A BABY)

SCENE SIX

INT. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA BRIDGE

FAT MEXICAN CAPTAIN (giving a speech)
A lot of people have died on Battlestar Galactica, daggit. But the most important casuality... was my sons love for his father! I'm sorry, ENTIRELY NON MEXICAN SON, that I let you down in a matter entirely unrelated to the important decomissioning speech I'm giving!

MISTER OBUTU
Sir, Cylons are attacking the fleet! There's a huge battle going on! Thirty Battlestars have been destroyed!

FAT MEXICAN CAPTAIN
That sounds interesting! Can we see it?

MISTER OBUTU
No.

THE END

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-12-12 10:20am

Did you do that? It sure is stupid.

INT. POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION

The hell?

GIRL CYLON
Okay, because that makes sense. Also, we're blowing up the space station now. We just came over to the space station that we're in the process of blowing up to let you know that it's being blown up. And for some sex. During the blowing up.

Meh.

TOUR GUIDE
Originally, Battlestar Galactica was a midly entertaining ripoff of Star Wars, but now...

...it's ripping off Wing Commander, right?

TOUGH GIRL PILOT (Smoking a *CIGAR*! Because she's *TOUGH*!)
Poker? I just met her!

No, because she's Starbuck. Did you even watch the original?

TOUGH GIRL PILOT
All I did was sit in Lt. Cmdr. Chen's fighter!

HUNTER
She's a *PILGRIM*! You're under arrest! (Note: I won't be bothering with any of the other WC references)

Oh my, because one fighter in the show resembles a fighter in a mediocre video game movie, the show must be ripping them off. You must hate Babylon 5, too, for daring to have the Omega, an obvious ripoff of the Leonov from 2010, and the Starfury, an obvious ripoff of the X-Wing.

Hell, the original Viper looks like it was made by Incom.

ENTIRELY NON MEXICAN SON

Yeah, I wish non-Mexicans and Mexicans wouldn't marry, too.

That sounds interesting! Can we see it?

Yet no one complains about not seeing the last 3 battlestars die in the pilot of the original. STFU about that point, hypocritical cry-babies.

Sam Or I · Post by **Sam Or I** » 2003-12-12 01:18pm

Oh my, because one fighter in the show resembles a fighter in a mediocre video game movie, the show must be ripping them off. You must hate Babylon 5, too, for daring to have the Omega, an obvious ripoff of the Leonov from 2010, and the Starfury, an obvious ripoff of the X-Wing.

Hell, the original Viper looks like it was made by Incom.

I object, the original star fury looks NOTHING like the X-Wing. The only resemblence is that the wings cross. I personally think they look more like TIE fighters than X-Wings due to the lack of a nose, or maybe a Gunstar, but not an X-Wing. As for the Omega, yes you are correct.

Mechwarrior · Post by **Mechwarrior** » 2003-12-12 03:18pm

StarshipTitanic wrote:Did you do that? It sure is stupid.

INT. POORLY CGI'D SPACE STATION
The hell?

TOUR GUIDE
Originally, Battlestar Galactica was a midly entertaining ripoff of Star Wars, but now...
...it's ripping off Wing Commander, right?

Wrong on both counts, George Lucas thought the origional was a Ripoff of Star Wars too and even sued, but he lost the suit.

TOUGH GIRL PILOT (Smoking a *CIGAR*! Because she's *TOUGH*!)
Poker? I just met her!
No, because she's Starbuck. Did you even watch the original?

No Dirk Benidick was starbuck, the New one is StarButch as far as i care

All in all it had Nothing to due with the origional BSG. It should have been done as an origional story with a different title and new character names and they should have let Richard Hatch do his BSG Revival (picking up 20 years after the origional with the origional cast and some new characters - ignoring all the G-1980 crap of course)

Mechwarrior · Post by **Mechwarrior** » 2003-12-12 03:22pm

Sam Or I wrote:
Oh my, because one fighter in the show resembles a fighter in a mediocre video game movie, the show must be ripping them off. You must hate Babylon 5, too, for daring to have the Omega, an obvious ripoff of the Leonov from 2010, and the Starfury, an obvious ripoff of the X-Wing.

Hell, the original Viper looks like it was made by Incom.
I object, the original star fury looks NOTHING like the X-Wing. The only resemblence is that the wings cross. I personally think they look more like TIE fighters than X-Wings due to the lack of a nose, or maybe a Gunstar, but not an X-Wing. As for the Omega, yes you are correct.

I agree, the Starfury is such an origional design in its own right (and a very beleivable one too) that NASA actuall asked if they could copy the design for one of their projects (a space telescope or something like that) and the creator of B5 agreed as long as they kept the name Starfury. (that way he can look up and see REAL starfuries in the sky)

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-12-12 03:52pm

Sam Or I wrote:
Oh my, because one fighter in the show resembles a fighter in a mediocre video game movie, the show must be ripping them off. You must hate Babylon 5, too, for daring to have the Omega, an obvious ripoff of the Leonov from 2010, and the Starfury, an obvious ripoff of the X-Wing.

Hell, the original Viper looks like it was made by Incom.
I object, the original star fury looks NOTHING like the X-Wing. The only resemblence is that the wings cross. I personally think they look more like TIE fighters than X-Wings due to the lack of a nose, or maybe a Gunstar, but not an X-Wing. As for the Omega, yes you are correct.

You (and Mechwarrior) do know I was using a mocking tone for the Cylon Raider = Movie Kilrathi fighter comparison that was being made, right?

Wrong on both counts, George Lucas thought the origional was a Ripoff of Star Wars too and even sued, but he lost the suit.

What are you talking about?

No Dirk Benidick was starbuck, the New one is StarButch as far as i care

It sure seems like a lot of people are having trouble with names around here because I recall seeing a Starbuck smoking a cigar as a reference to the old series Starbuck, not a Benidick or StarButch.

they should have let Richard Hatch do his BSG Revival (picking up 20 years after the origional with the origional cast and some new characters - ignoring all the G-1980 crap of course)

And then have to listen to the whines about an inadequate replacement for Baltar or any other character who can't or won't return? No thanks.

Mechwarrior · Post by **Mechwarrior** » 2003-12-12 04:20pm

Wrong on both counts, George Lucas thought the origional was a Ripoff of Star Wars too and even sued, but he lost the suit.
What are you talking about?

When George Lucas saw the origional BSG he thought it was a ripoff of Star Wars so he decided to sue Glen Larson over it, the case went on for a long time and didnt end until after BSG was canceled but in the end Lucas Lost the case.

No Dirk Benidick was starbuck, the New one is StarButch as far as i care

It sure seems like a lot of people are having trouble with names around here because I recall seeing a Starbuck smoking a cigar as a reference to the old series Starbuck, not a Benidick or StarButch.

Dirk benidice was the actor who potrayed StarBuck in the origional BSG, StarButch was just my way of describing the new starbuck (who seems to have the Physique of a man)

Mechwarrior · Post by **Mechwarrior** » 2003-12-12 04:27pm

they should have let Richard Hatch do his BSG Revival (picking up 20 years after the origional with the origional cast and some new characters - ignoring all the G-1980 crap of course)
And then have to listen to the whines about an inadequate replacement for Baltar or any other character who can't or won't return? No thanks.

There would be no need to replace Baltar as Hatches revival would have been set 20 years later (or did you miss that part) and Baltar role would not have mattered, so some characters woud naturally be gone (Baltar and Adama included) due to their having passed on like the actors who potrayed them, old characters remaining would have advanced up the ranks (like Apollo now being in charge of the Galactica) and New characters would have been introduced to 'fill in the ranks' as for a new 'baltar' like character maybee he could have had a son, or some new Villian could be introduced.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2003-12-12 04:39pm

Mechwarrior wrote:There would be no need to replace Baltar as Hatches revival would have been set 20 years later (or did you miss that part) and Baltar role would not have mattered, so some characters woud naturally be gone (Baltar and Adama included) due to their having passed on like the actors who potrayed them, old characters remaining would have advanced up the ranks (like Apollo now being in charge of the Galactica) and New characters would have been introduced to 'fill in the ranks' as for a new 'baltar' like character maybee he could have had a son, or some new Villian could be introduced.

Baltar was marooned on a planet at the end of the first series. No need for his "replacement" to have anything to do with him.

Mechwarrior · Post by **Mechwarrior** » 2003-12-12 04:56pm

True but having a character trying to live down being his Son could be an interesting subplot (no need for him to be the villian there) or on the other hand a son trying to avenge his father could be interesting as well (maybee blaming Adama for his Dads Abandonment and trying to take it out on Adamas son Apollo)

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-12-12 05:04pm

Mechwarrior wrote:When George Lucas saw the origional BSG he thought it was a ripoff of Star Wars so he decided to sue Glen Larson over it, the case went on for a long time and didnt end until after BSG was canceled but in the end Lucas Lost the case.

So I'm "wrong on both counts" how exactly?

Dirk benidice was the actor who potrayed StarBuck in the origional BSG, StarButch was just my way of describing the new starbuck (who seems to have the Physique of a man)

Yes...I know...you missed the tone of my message.

(or did you miss that part)

What, making a show with no antagonist? No one can replace Baltar as an antagonist because no one will accept that new guy. That's a perk of the new BSG, Baltar isn't the arch-enemy so he doesn't need to replace John Colicos' persona.