Aargh! (Or why people wonder why I play violent video games)

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-12-12 11:55pm

OK, at this moment in time I believe I have in this here internet cafe the most STUPID CUSTOMER EVER!

Lets start with her opening statements:

"So how much do you charge?"

"A dollar for five minutes, two dollars for ten, five for half an hour, eight for a full hour, its billed in five minute blocks and its timed and you pay when you have finished."

"So, I want half an hour, how much will that be?"

"Five dollars."

"Can't you give me a cheaper rate?"

*look lady, if you were one of the amazingly sexy backpackers who come through here wearing next to nothing I might be tempted, but even then I wouldn't, but seeing as you appear to be a reformed midget bearded lady, it won't even cross my mind, you have no idea how hard I am trying not to start screaming and run out of the room*

"I'm afraid not."

"OK. I'll use a computer."

"Choose any one, click in the yellow box on screen where it says click here to start, and that will start the timer." She then dumps a large suitcase and several shopping bags full of all things toilet rolls and balls of yarn infront of the counter and walks to a computer.

30 seconds later.

"How do you get to google?" I wander over and have a look. She hasn't even clicked on the yellow box, hence the mouse is locked inside that box. I point out this fact. She doesn't do a thing except: "But how do you get to google?"

"You need to click in the yellow box to activate the computer."

"Where?"

"That big, bright yellow square in the centre of the screen where it says 'Click HERE to start', just click there."

"OK." She finally does so.

"Now, just type in the address bar..."

"Whats that?"

"That long box there with the writing in it."

"OK. What do I type?"

"www.google.com"

1 minute of hunt and peck typing later...

"Now I want to go to this website." She hands me a sheet of paper with an internet address on it. I somehow resist the temptation to punch her.

"Just type that into the address bar. It will take you straight there."

"Whats the address bar?" This is going to be one of those customers isn't it...

50 minutes of helping her cut and paste, and explaining why clicking print in IE WON'T print what I'd cut and pasted to notepad for her... And she's still here. Every time she raises her head to ask something every other customer in the cafe gives me that look that you give a puppy thats just been hit by a car and is dying.

Updates as they come.

I can see SoF2 or Postal2 getting re-installed tonight...

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-12-12 11:59pm

How often do you get people like that?

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-12-13 12:00am

Look at it this way: You get to watch her face as she realizes what her bill is

Oh yes.

baelfire1945 · Post by **baelfire1945** » 2003-12-13 12:13am

You have impressive self-control and excellent people's skills if you've managed not to say anything openly rude to her. I hate it when customer service forces me into a position like that. It is, in fact, also why I play violent video games.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-12-13 12:14am

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:How often do you get people like that?

Several a shift, but this one is really taking the cake, most just have a single problem or something... This one could send entire nations stupid just by her sheer presence. She has an IQ black hole. I can feel myself becoming stupider as I approach her.

The last one I had that neared this was the retiree Texan on a cruise vacation who thought that the fact that he was a) American, b) older than me, c) American and d) rich, gave him the right to be rude to me, the other customers and immediate use of the internet despite the fact that every machine was busy and there was a queue.

DPDarkPrimus wrote:Look at it this way: You get to watch her face as she realizes what her bill is

Oh yes.

Oh and the lady just left....

Total bill was close to 15 dollars (I didn't charge her for all the printing just 2/3s, I just wanted her out the motherfucking door). Strangely enough all of the stuff she was looking up was from a mental health website...

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-12-13 12:30am

This is why I want to own a business, because then not only will own the store, I can pay off the cops, so I c6an totally kick ass on idiotswithout any reprecussions, ever.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-12-13 01:06am

I worked in retail 15 years ago for a while, and there are several kinds of horrible customers:

Idiots. They come into the store and ask stupid questions constantly, thus monopolizing your time. They elevate your blood pressure because you must constantly suppress your urge to call them idiots.
Lonely people. They come into the store and obviously just want company. They want to talk to a human about something ... anything. You feel sorry for them so you try to humour them, but they use up so much of your time that you can't get anything done, so you have to start hinting that they should just buy something or leave. In bad cases, you eventually start doing work and turning your back on them while they continue trying to talk to you.
Compulsive hagglers. They tend to come from European countries and be older males. They think that every price on every item is negotiable by the cashier. They are perfectly willing to hold up the fucking line trying to argue a price concession out of you. They can even get belligerent and insulting if they don't get their way, and in some cases have been known to storm out of the store ranting about how unreasonable the management is. Conversations often end with them saying something like "I can get this for two dollars less downtown!" and you responding "OK, then go downtown!"
Shoplifters. This goes without saying.
"Product return" kings. These are the ass-clowns who buy something, use up part of it, and then return it. I've had fuckers buy a snack bar, take a bite out of it, decide they don't like the taste, and try to return the half-eaten snack bar for a fucking refund. Naturally, they get angry when they're told that you can't return half-consumed product for a full refund. These are the same kinds of people who bring a bug to the restaurant so they can toss it in the soup and then demand a free meal. They should be dragged out and shot, I say.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-12-13 01:12am

What I need is to install a "Bond Villain"-esque series of numbered buttons on a console next to the admin computer...

Hmmm, the customer on number 4 is using hotmail...

Presses button, watches as chair tips backward, a hole opens in the floor and they disappear through. Screams follow as they land in a pit filled with rabid shrews.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2003-12-13 01:24am

What I hate is the people who are careless with our equipment.

A conveyer belt goes down to the cashier so we can ring up their groceries. There is a phone on each register over the conveyer belt used to make announcements and call for help over the very end and edgeof the belt..

People constantly put big items such as cereal boxes on edge of the belt, so that we have to scramble to get them off the blet before they knock the phone off of its pegs. If the item gets stuck under the phone, the belt's movement can nearly tilt over and break the pole that has the phone and monitor on the top where people can watch the transaction.

Today I saw the guy on the next lane had a lady who put an entire basket full of groceries on the belt, which knocked the phone off to the point where the guy couldn't reattach it, and she laughed like she thought it was fucking funny!

All cards, be they credit, debit, or food stamp, are run through a machine by the customer. You use a light pen to sign the screen and punch in your pin numbers. I get people who hammer the pen onto the screen, and I have to rush to stop them, because that's why they have to be replaced. When they get bad because of the abuse (it becomes more difficult to enter numbers), those same people complain about the machines.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-12-13 10:53am

Darth Wong wrote:Idiots. They come into the store and ask stupid questions constantly, thus monopolizing your time. They elevate your blood pressure because you must constantly suppress your urge to call them idiots.

I'm rather fortunate since in most cases I can call them idiots. I appeal to my own authority ("I've been doing this for a living for the last 6 years, I know everything") and then I lay out the facts for them ("shit don't work that way, you're wrong or you're lying, take you pick"). Of course I can't use those exact words unless the idiot's pissing off everyone in the store, but I can and have used milder versions of it.

Lonely people. They come into the store and obviously just want company. They want to talk to a human about something ... anything.

I don't mind them too much unless I'm busy, and even then I can usually ditch them. The phrase "I'm sorry, but I'm quite busy and I have to get back to work before the boss fires me" always works for me.

Compulsive hagglers. They tend to come from European countries and be older males. They think that every price on every item is negotiable by the cashier.

This is why I'm not a cashier, though I have been stuck with cash duty a few times. Our shop deals with them by saying "Are you gonna buy it or not? If you're not buying then just leave the stuff here and get out of line because there's people waiting behind you who want to buy stuff". And if the fucker won't leave we just ignore him and go "can we help the next person?"

"Product return" kings. These are the ass-clowns who buy something, use up part of it, and then return it.

We get a variation on them, the "warranty fix fuckers", they believe that everything is covered under warranty and that we'll fix their shit even after they run it over with a car. The warranty is clearly stated on the customer's bill, and in case they forget it's written in big block letters above our service department. Our warranty does not cover you riding one of our bikes off a cliff and wrecking it, you will not get a free replacement, nor will you get any discounts on parts & labour. In fact we'll likely void your warranty and ask you to never return to our store.

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2003-12-13 10:57am

aerius wrote:We get a variation on them, the "warranty fix fuckers", they believe that everything is covered under warranty and that we'll fix their shit even after they run it over with a car. The warranty is clearly stated on the customer's bill, and in case they forget it's written in big block letters above our service department. Our warranty does not cover you riding one of our bikes off a cliff and wrecking it, you will not get a free replacement, nor will you get any discounts on parts & labour. In fact we'll likely void your warranty and ask you to never return to our store.

So what is covered in it?

~Jason

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2003-12-13 11:27am

Soontir C'boath wrote: So what is covered in it? ~Jason

Defects in parts and labour, to be judged by a qualified mechanic (that's me). We're actually quite generous in our policy, if you're reasonable and can explain what really happened we'll often cut you a break on costs or even waive them. But if you say "I was just riding along and my front wheel just folded itself into a pretzel" I know you're a lying scumbag and I'll rape you on service costs.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-12-13 12:23pm

Load GTA: VC into your main terminal and for every bad customer you get, go on a killing spree*.

*In game, for the love of Darwin, stay in game!

Sriad · Post by **Sriad** » 2003-12-14 07:22am

Bug-Eyed Earl wrote:What I hate is the people who are careless with our equipment.

A conveyer belt goes down to the cashier so we can ring up their groceries. There is a phone on each register over the conveyer belt used to make announcements and call for help over the very end and edgeof the belt..

...I'd say your ire should be focused on whatever slapnuts designed your checking stations. Where's the quality control?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-12-14 07:41am

Today someone asked if they could have the display (no for consumption, just for looks) cakes for free....

Anotherone complained about the hours of operation, another one complained to me about the prices......

Oh, better yet, working in an "EMPLOYEES ONLY" big bold signs all the way up the stairs, on the wall and right behind me.

"Well everything else is Closed and your the cheapest place in the park can't you just let us eat here."

"I am sorry we are an Employees Only Facility"

"Does that mean we can't eat here?"

Arrow · Post by **Arrow** » 2003-12-14 10:06am

I used to be a library clerk. I've had several people try to tell me how to do my job (I was just a 'dumb' college kid). They were hoping they'd be able to get around the rules and check out material reserved for in-library only use or (worse yet) material for use only by professors and instructors.

I remember the last person that tried this, because she acted like I had no memory and was completely ignorant.

Patron: I'd like to check out these videos.
Me: I'll need to see your id.
Patron: Okay. *hands id*
Me: Sorry, mam, but you're not a professor nor an instructure. These videos are reserved for their use only.
Patron: But the other lady let me do it.
Me: What other lady?
Patron: *describes lady*
Me: None of our employees fit that description.
Patron: But I've done this before!
Me: I'm sorry, you're not allowed to check these videos.
Patron: Yes I am, it's your policy! The other lady has never given me this trouble.
Me: That is *not* our policy and that *other lady* doesn't work here. Next patron!

AnimeJet · Post by **AnimeJet** » 2003-12-14 01:14pm

I'm sorry that i'm laughing at all your misfortunes

, can't wait till i get a job XD

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-12-14 03:20pm

THe mysterious "Other person" justification....

I have a 20 year old that keeps trying to buy beer.

Bill Door · Post by **Bill Door** » 2003-12-14 05:22pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:THe mysterious "Other person" justification....

I have a 20 year old that keeps trying to buy beer.

So what's wrong with...
Oh, wait. You're in the US.

Ah well, guess its tough luck for him.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2003-12-15 12:41am

When i worked in a park district, little kids would always screw around on the running track. Normally, i'd tell them to get off. They'd get off the track for two minutes and go right back on again. So, this time there was about 3 kids on the track. Not having a good night, I decide to try a new approach. I put on a mean face, and a dark tone. "Hey, get off the track right now, or i'm going to kick you out of the building." I dont see them on the track for a while. About ten minutes later, a lady comes up to me and confronts me.

"Hi, are you the guy who told my kids you'd kick them out of the building?"

"Yeah"

"Well, you really scared them."

"Uhm...Sorry?"

"You dont have to threaten them to get them off the track! You could have told them and they would have listened."

I took a sip of my Red Fusion and walked away. Then she complained. Nothing happened to me. Bitch.

Brother-Captain Gaius · Post by **Brother-Captain Gaius** » 2003-12-15 01:54am

Solid Snake wrote:When i worked in a park district, little kids would always screw around on the running track. Normally, i'd tell them to get off. They'd get off the track for two minutes and go right back on again. So, this time there was about 3 kids on the track. Not having a good night, I decide to try a new approach. I put on a mean face, and a dark tone. "Hey, get off the track right now, or i'm going to kick you out of the building." I dont see them on the track for a while. About ten minutes later, a lady comes up to me and confronts me.

"Hi, are you the guy who told my kids you'd kick them out of the building?"

"Yeah"

"Well, you really scared them."

"Uhm...Sorry?"

"You dont have to threaten them to get them off the track! You could have told them and they would have listened."

I took a sip of my Red Fusion and walked away. Then she complained. Nothing happened to me. Bitch.

Well, how old were these kids? Kid kids, or teens?

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-12-15 04:08am

weemadando wrote:*snip*

This is EXACTLY why I will never work in a tech support call center. I can only deal with idiots so long before I snap....

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-12-15 03:00pm

The best one i had was when i worked in a call centre, after i'd told him what he could claim for following the New Tax Credit introduction.

Dumbass "well thats not fucking good enough"

Me "I can tell you're upset but please refrain from cursing at me again ot i'm authorised to terminate the conversation"

Dumbass "Swear? I didn't fucking swear"

Me (nervously) "uh, yeah you did and you just did again"

Dumbass "Fuck you, you irish cunt tell me where you live so i can fly over to Ireland and kick your ass"

*Click*

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2003-12-15 03:28pm

oi. . . .i've had some horror stories after working in retail clothing. here's a few:

1. a woman with the IQ of a doornail walks into the building. she asks where men's clothing is. i tell her it's downstairs. she asks how does she get downstairs. i respond either the stairs or the elevator in the back. then she goes and fucking asks where the stairs are. they're the first thing you fucking see when you walk in the door.

2. some stupid bitch came up to me after i'd gotten off my lunch break and asks me where the bags she had supposedly left at some register were. i'd asked her who she left the bags with. she said me. naturally, i don't recall seeing her or her asking me to leave her bags at my register. so i asked her how long ago was this. she said fifteen minutes ago, which was bullshit because i'd been at lunch for a half hour and just gotten back. by then i could tell she was trying to scam me (or the store), so i went to get the manager to sort it out.

3. some dipshit walked downstairs when i was working in the men's department and asked if i could do a return for him. i told him we do returns upstairs at the help desk. so he kept badgering me to help him find an exact copy of the coat he had in his hand so he could do an exchange. naturally there wasn't any, and he kept pestering me about a refund or an exchange or some shit because his zipper wasn't working anymore. I kept attempting to explain to him that he would have to go upstairs to the help desk and do the exchange because i couldn't do anything for him down here. but did he listen? nooooo. he then proceeds to bitch to the manager about how i won't let him do an exchange.

4. the bathrooms in the store i worked at are locked with a keypad in order to prevent customers from going in with merchandise. many, many times when i was watching the fitting room i had customers walk up to the doors, notice it doesn't open. so they try to fiddle around with the keypad. after about 30 seconds of no success, they come up to me and ask if there's a code to open it. (we have buzzers near the fitting room to open the bathroom doors). you'd think they'd get the hint that because it's a fucking keypad they just can't hit in fucking random numbers to open it.

and that's just a few of them. thank god i no longer work there.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-12-16 04:20am

Here's one from my friend who used to work at Circut city.

Person walks in with a very, very used "Kenmore" product. Claims that he bought it at this store, yestarday, and it wouldn't work, so he want's to return it. <No reciept, No Box, obviously older then he's claiming, and of a brand that can ONLY come from SEARS> Threatened to call lawyers and everything,

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Aargh! (Or why people wonder why I play violent video games)

Aargh! (Or why people wonder why I play violent video games)

Re: Aargh! (Or why people wonder why I play violent video ga