GF/BF Wierdest Kink

[Rob Wilson]

Rob's Sex Informational Short #71 in an occasional series :

Gentlemen, When engaging your sweetheart dear in manual 'stimulation', it is important to remember that the area into which you delve is a sensitive one. As when you run your tongue over your teeth, everything that goes in seems much bigger to the touch. So should your nails be rough, or hangnails be present. The Young Lady will swoon and possibly utter an imbreciation or two.

With fingernails properly trimmed and fingers silky smooth, the 'Stimulation' may commence. Be warned, the path ahead is one for which a map is necessary. Trying to navigate here without understanding the topography properly will lead to you ending your expedition tired, unhappy and without the continued support of the natives.

Once you are throughly familiar (boned up as it were) with the area, you can begin to start your journey. There are many routes, the inner thigh path, the belly slope, the underpass, and several others. Which ever way you attempt be sure to treat the 'ladies friend' with care.

The 'ladies friend' is shaped like a small nubbin, near the forward entrance to her 'pass' (if you are journeying via the underpass, this means an extra bit of travel). Direct, hard pressure to the nubbin can lead to much distress in some women and immediate revocation of travel permits to the area for the immediate future.

The Nubbin must be treated with care, fingertips moving in a small circle have been known to operate a secret fountain, which eases the journey further into the 'pass' itself. By appeasing the nubbin you can ensure smooth and repeated access to th depths of the pass.

Further inside can be found the 'G-spot' so named because when touched the Lady will tremble and men will say "Gee, that hit the spot." Some 'g-spots' are infact located too deep within the 'pass' for a single adventurer to reach, at this time and with the Young Ladies permission, it should be joined by 4 friends to aid in the search for the depths.

Having appeased the nubbin and through gentle strokes brought the Young lady to a state of delight, you will know your mission has been a success when the entire pass becomes flooded. It is considered bad manners at this point to remove your finger(s) and ask "Smell that and guess where it's been."

[Darth Wong]

There seems to be more girls lately who are into being choked for some reason. Its arousing for them I guess, but thats off the margins for me and would never choke someone even if it was consensual but I have friends who have done it.

It pisses me off when I see that in porno movies too.

[Rob Wilson]

Rob gives me boners too, but mainly because I imagine being in the girls place.

What can I say? I'm a sex symbol of the ages. Modest too.

[Rob Wilson]

There seems to be more girls lately who are into being choked for some reason. Its arousing for them I guess, but thats off the margins for me and would never choke someone even if it was consensual but I have friends who have done it.

It pisses me off when I see that in porno movies too.

Never seen it in a Porno thankfully. Never come across it in RL either, the Girls that really liked to be hurt was more than enough of that route than I cared for.

[The Aliens]

Trying to navigate here without understanding the topography properly will lead to you ending your expedition tired, unhappy and without the continued support of the natives.

That's brilliant. Not only educational, but an entertaining read, you should write a book in that style and watch the money roll in.

[darthdavid]

Why must you all tourture me? Why?

[Darth Wong]

Well Rob, I've been lucky in the sense that most of my GF's or partners have been very receptive to anal, in fact some requesting it without prompting it from me. One woman I dated for a long time went through an anal period in our sexual relationship when she preferred that to vaginal intercourse.

Weird thing is now I have no taste for it (ARGH BAD pun) and so I rarely if ever go that route unless asked for it. I guess once you have alot of something you can get sick of it after awhile.

That's true. I've only really known about 3-4 women that wnated Anal sex without prompting or persuasion. You Lucky git.

Never known one to prefer t to Vaginal intercourse though, mind you there's plenty of strange fetishists out there so some are bound to find it better. Maybe she was a masochist?

Not necessarily. Some women say they just have stronger orgasms that way.

Ever had them ask you to whip them... I mean a real whip, leave massive bruising sort of thing. Turned me off so fast i think my dick moved from erect to flaccid faster than the speed of light. I don't mind the soft whips, the lace ones (funniest things ever), but I'm not into inflicting serious pain on a woman I want to fuck.

People who get off on real pain are disturbed.

PS. Regarding the thread subject, I've never gotten into kinky activities. Nothing I've ever done could be described as "kinky", since it's all pretty much mainstream as far as I'm concerned.

[aerius]

I suppose this is as good a time as any to describe the skinny dipping fun I had with my GF this summer in more detail. It all started during a hot spell this summer, it was too hot outside to really do any sports so my GF thought it would be fun to go for a picnic in the countryside and then do a bit of swimming in the small lakes & streams. I thought it was a great idea too and was quite happy to go along with her. She came to pick me up and she was wearing just shorts & a t-shirt, with no bra on. I'm looking at her sexy legs and getting rather turned on by the fact that she's got nothing on under her shirt.

The drive out to the countryside was...stressful. I kept wanting to do naughty things to her but since she was driving that had to wait. By the time we got there we were both a little sweaty from the heat and her shirt was beginning to stick to her breasts. She winks at me, pats my butt, and gives me a little hug before we grab the picnic basket, towels, and other stuff. I gave her butt a nice squeeze and pulled on her shirt a bit to try and look down it. So we found ourselves a nice secluded spot by a small lake (or more like a large pond) and had a nice picnic, and I fondled her legs a bit more while she gave me more cute looks.

Then we went to go take a dip in the water, but she didn't feel like changing into her swimsuit so we decided to skinny dip. We locked eyes for a moment...and then she dropped her clothes, and I dropped my clothes, and Mr. Happy was most definitely happy. That was until we jumped in the water which was colder than expected and I learned what male shrinkage is. It also perked up her nipples nicely. So I swam up behind her and cup her breasts with my hands and give them a little squeeze, and she reached down and did the same with my dick. We swam around and fondled each other for a while before the water got too cold for me and I had to go warm up.

That's when the fun started. She pounced me and rolled me onto the towels we'd setup for the picnic. She's on top of me with her breasts right in my face so I do the only thing I can, I use my tongue on them. She moves down a bit and I lick my way up her chest & neck before she locks lips with me and we share a passionate kiss. Before long I'm nicely warmed up and my dick is fully functional again, and she straddles me and takes me into her. She rides me for a bit before we move to other positions. Much fun was had on top of those beach towels, and the best part? We did it all over again the next day in a different spot.

[haas mark]

The bondage girls - and the million and one different sets of straps, cuffs, whips and laces they all prefer;

ROFLMAO. So typical.

Btw, the tongue piercing may or may not make oral sex different; depends on your sensitivity. However, it DOES make kissing a whole lot more interesting. XP

~ver

[Rob Wilson]

Trying to navigate here without understanding the topography properly will lead to you ending your expedition tired, unhappy and without the continued support of the natives.

That's brilliant. Not only educational, but an entertaining read, you should write a book in that style and watch the money roll in.

Actually the style is a mixture of Harry Enfields 'Mr Cholmondley Warner' and the spoof expedition book " The Ascent of Rumdoodle" by WE Bowman. It's quite well established over here as a Piss take style.

And these work better a shorts for when the amusement mood takes me. What can I say? Like most men I'm only good for short spurts.

[MKSheppard]

Holy fuck, where to begin?

You can begin by using paragraphs.

(for your very first post in this thread; the rest are much easier to read)

[Rob Wilson]

The bondage girls - and the million and one different sets of straps, cuffs, whips and laces they all prefer;

ROFLMAO. So typical.

Btw, the tongue piercing may or may not make oral sex different; depends on your sensitivity. However, it DOES make kissing a whole lot more interesting. XP

~ver

If i wanted to taste metal when I kissed someone, I'd snog Bender.

And I've not found it any better for kissing than for oral sex (or do you mean it's better for the preson with the lump of metal in their tongue?).

[Rob Wilson]

Much fun was had on top of those beach towels, and the best part? We did it all over again the next day in a different spot.

Well this should kickstart a spate of Summer Picnics amongst the Sd.net denizens.. just so long as we don't show them the small print.

*JMAC not included in Summer Picnic bumper fun pack

[haas mark]

If i wanted to taste metal when I kissed someone, I'd snog Bender.

And I've not found it any better for kissing than for oral sex (or do you mean it's better for the preson with the lump of metal in their tongue?).

Oh, I never necessarily said better, I just said more interesting. If you've two people with tongue rings, then it gets kind of fun. XD Also, people with tongue rings (don't know why) seem to have stronger tongues. Which is a plus, IMO.

Plus, a tongue ring can do wonders for.. other.. types of oral sex. ><

~ver

[Darth Yoshi]

*JMAC not included in Summer Picnic bumper fun pack

Good one.

Alas, I am but a virgin. Never been kissed either.

[haas mark]

People who get off on real pain are disturbed.

I resent that..

Then again, I may have just confirmed your point..

~ver

[Rob Wilson]

Good one.

Alas, I am but a virgin. Never been kissed either.

Well the virgin part is nothing to worry about (unless you're middle-aged inwhich case you need to get out more and meet women/men [delete as applicable]). Most teenagers are virgins and to be honest there's no rush to change that fact just to say you've done it.

As to the getting kissed part (presuming it wasn't joke), that is slightly unusual, but can be remedied by talking to girls/boys [delete as applicable], getting to know them and building a relationship until you find one you really like and asking them out on a date. Kissing normally follows a good date.

[The Cleric]

But Rob, some of us are social incompetents that can't make good impressions. And end up getting very nervous and being assholes.

[aerius]

But Rob, some of us are social incompetents that can't make good impressions. And end up getting very nervous and being assholes.

You should've seen me when I started high school. During my entire first year I don't think I was able to string together a single coherent sentence in front of a girl and I pretty much gave up trying halfway through the year. You can imagine how well my social life went that year. I was about the biggest dork you could imagine, and yet I turned out OK in the end. Even in my last year I was never fully comfortable talking with girls, but by then I could at least string a sentence or 2 together without sounding like an ass and they'd actually talk to me. There's no secrets to it, I didn't find a secret bottle of mojo or anything, you try, you do, you learn, and eventually you get better at it.

[Rob Wilson]

But Rob, some of us are social incompetents that can't make good impressions. And end up getting very nervous and being assholes.

Congratulations you are a perfectly normal teenager.

Do you have any idea how many times you have to strike out before you get a girl on a date? As many times as it takes.

OK, it can be terrifying. OK, it can be embarrassing. But all it takes is one girl to say yes. The more you practice the better you'll get, all you have to do is persevere. Hell, I talked to no-one at school, and now you can't stop me talking to women.

It's just a case of getting over that first hump - the awkwardness, the nistakes, the humiliation in extreme cases. And it's all about keeping an ear out for the responsive people. Listening to what they say helps a hell of a lot, and not being defensive as well - especially if they show an interest in you.

Just a tip that can save you from a lot of failed attempts, if you find yourself babbling or suffering from nerves in any way. Just stop babbling/whatever and say so.

"It's weird. I don't know what's going on today, but right now I'm suddenly feeling really nervous and babbling... something like this infact." and then shut up.

She will ask you what you're nervous about, and if you're trying to ask her out, just shoot for the honest answer and see what happens. It gets past the hurdles, stops you fucking things up with a runaway mouth or making a complete fool of yourself.

This still won't stop her from saying no, but if she does you can come out with a smile and "You see, that's why I was nervous." it ends the encounter with a laugh and you don't look like a prat.

If however she says yes, you can let out sigh of relief (really, it always gets a giggle and comment along the lines of "Wow you really were nervous huh?") and make the arrangements for the date/Drink of Coffee/whatever.

Other than that, just keep asking until someone says yes (and that doesn't mean keep pestering the same girl after she says no, keep asking different girls).

[haas mark]

Being the one to be hit on has its advantages.

~ver

[The Cleric]

Being the one to be hit on has its advantages.

~ver

Shut up you. Not everyone can be like you.

[haas mark]

Being the one to be hit on has its advantages.

~ver

Shut up you. Not everyone can be like you.

Oh, it comes with its downsides. Lots of them. Most of them tend to be female.

~ver

[DPDarkPrimus]

aerius, once again, my hatred for you knows no bounds.

[Mitth`raw`nuruodo]

Being the one to be hit on has its advantages.

~ver

Shut up you. Not everyone can be like you.

..... I know plenty of girls (and guys!) that would go for you man, just based on looks. Just flaunt yourself, they'll come to you. Then you can get to know 'em, pick a good one.

(that sounds kinda bad, somehow...hrm.)