Ionic bonding erotic fiction???

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2004-01-04 05:26pm

Found this on SA some week ago, thought it might produce a laugh:

The fluorine atom sat lonely in her room. She had everything a young atom could want, except one thing: an eighth electron in her outer orbital. She peered out her window, and saw a young, hansome sodium atom walking down the street. This was it, she had been waiting too long. She got dressed and walked outside.

The sodium atom atom was walking down the street, minding his own business. He had a big, firm nucleus and a 2p orbital to die for. But all that the fluorine atom cared about was his one, lonely electron in his 3s orbital. The fluorine atom stood in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking his path.

“Hey hot stuff,” the fluorine atom said in a sexy voice, “what are you doing all alone on a night like this?”

“I am late for a very important single replacement reaction with silver nitrate,” said the sodium atom, “Please don’t hurt me.” He tried to step aside, but the fluorine atom move with him, blocking his path.

“Not anymore,” replied the fluorine atom, “I’ve had an incomplete octet for far too long, and tonight is my lucky night.”

The sodium atom tried to turn and run, but the fluorine atom grabbed him and threw him to the ground. She lowered herself and gently straddled his chest, and looked sinisterly into his eyes.

“Don’t even think about running. According to Graham’s Law, I’m 1.10 times faster than you. You could never out run me. “
She turned to see if anyone was watching, and when the coast was clear, she said slyly,
“And now to take what is mine.”

She turned and unbuttoned the sodium atom’s pants and slid them off his wildly kicking legs. The fluorine atom herself pulled off her own dress, leaving nothing but panties and a bra to cover her shapely non-metal body. She pulled down the sodium atom’s underwear and grabbed his slowly-hardening 3s orbital, stroking it gently. She quickly let go, not wanting him to ionize too quickly. She slid off her panties, revealing a shapely ass and a clean-shaven 1p orbital. The sodium atom did not have much time to admire it before her stank 1p orbital encapsulated his erect 3s orbital.
“yes, YES!” the fluorine atom screamed. The sodium atom could not hold back. He grabbed her bra and tore it off, feeling her silky breasts. He was starting to climax.
“Give it to me!” yelled the flourine atom, herself climaxing. The sodium atom came, releasing his 3s1 electron.

Just then, the sodium atom felt a sudden change. He began shrinking rapidly from the loss of his 3s orbital. Before long, he was no longer a young, innocent sodium ion; he was a robust, seasoned sodium cation. He looked at himself, admiring his new [Ne] electron configuration. He looked up to the fluorine atom. She too has changed, growing slightly and achieving an [Ne] electron configuration of her own. The fluorine atom, now an anion, was frightened. She hadn’t expected this. She tried to get up, but she couldn’t. She was stuck. The fluorine anion, in her youthful behavior, neglected to consider the consequences of her actions. She and the sodium cation were no longer mere insignificant atoms anymore.

They were now sodium fluoride, an important ingredient in toothpaste.

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » 2004-01-04 05:29pm

Ok, that was wrongly good.

mauldooku · Post by **mauldooku** » 2004-01-04 05:30pm

Wow. Just....Wow.

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2004-01-04 05:34pm

*boink*.~Jason

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2004-01-04 05:36pm

i don't know what to say about that one. . . .

Zac Naloen · Post by **Zac Naloen** » 2004-01-04 05:36pm

LMAO!!

thats great!!

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2004-01-04 05:38pm

That was great.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-01-04 05:40pm

*raises an eyebrow*

This board kicks so much ass...

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » 2004-01-04 05:41pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:*raises an eyebrow*

This board kicks so much ass...

Yes, it's nice when you find somewhere that's this is actually normal.

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2004-01-04 05:47pm

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-01-04 05:50pm

Roflmao.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-01-04 05:58pm

That was very funny in a very sad way.

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2004-01-04 06:02pm

Funny, especially since I'm taking chemistry this year and I halfway know what it's talking about.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-01-04 06:05pm

Is it wrong that that gave me a hard on?

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2004-01-04 06:17pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Is it wrong that that gave me a hard on?

Very, but at least you're on the right board for it.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-01-04 06:59pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Is it wrong that that gave me a hard on?

Yes, I feel dirty too.

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » 2004-01-04 07:05pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:
Gil Hamilton wrote:Is it wrong that that gave me a hard on?
Yes, I feel dirty too.

Yeah, but you know you like it.

The Aliens · Post by **The Aliens** » 2004-01-04 07:20pm

It's even funnier when you're currently taking chem. Did I say funny? I meant arousing.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2004-01-04 07:23pm

There's also the electronics version...sort of....

THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON

One night when his charge was at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to
get a cute little coil to discharge him. He picked up Millie Amp and
took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode across the wheat stone
bridge, around the sine wave, and into the magnetic field next to the
flowing current.

Micro Farad, attracted by Millie's characteristic curve, soon had her
field fully excited. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her
frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage
probe. He inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her shunt.
Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". With his tube
at maximum output and her coil vibrating from the current flow, her
shunt soon reached maximum heat. The excessive current had shorted her
shunt, and Micro's capacity was rapidly discharged, and every electron
was drained off. They fluxed all night, tried various connections and
hookings until his bar magnet had lost all of its strength, and he could
no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With
his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so
they ended up reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

The Cleric · Post by **The Cleric** » 2004-01-04 07:41pm

Alright, that was beyond fucked up.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2004-01-04 08:40pm

Whoever wrote this story is a REALLY perverted chemist or high school geek...

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-01-05 01:29am

That's just...what can I say?
Moo!

I ought to so that to some chem majors, but I may be drawn and quartered for attempting to awaken a sense of humor among them.
I feel dirty, but I am loath to brush my teeth.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-01-05 01:40am

ROFLMAO Those were hella funny.

BTW Go Tigers!

AnimeJet · Post by **AnimeJet** » 2004-01-05 01:48am

Roffles t3h Waffle

Agent Fisher · Post by **Agent Fisher** » 2004-01-05 01:52am

HOLY SHIT WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT WAS THAT?