The crimes of KJA

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-01-08 03:15am

KJA's incompetence is something of a legend, and as I've only read his first three SW books, I'm not up on all his crimes- this is a thread to list them. Any takers?

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2004-01-08 03:25am

Hmm. Didn't make it much pass the Jedi Academy trilogy myself. But I recently barrowed the Dune prequel co-written by him and I will make the plunge to see how good it is.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-01-08 03:52am

Superweapons. Many sizes, many shapes. Some on his back.

Cookie to whoever gets the reference. I'd be astonished if anyone gets it.

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2004-01-08 04:14am

Repetitious storylines. I'm talking of the Dune House Prequels. Basically the climax of House Atreides repeats itself in House Harkonnen. I haven't read House Corrino, and I don't want to - it continues to stand on my bookshelf, like a malignant demon, taunting me...

"C'mon, read me!"

No.

"You know you want to."

I'm pretty sure I don't.

"You won't know how I fuck up the rest of the Dune universe if you don't read me."

How is that positive affirmation? Why should that make me want to read you?

...

Aside from minor continuity breaches, the other thing that shits me about the House Prequels are the crappy characters and stupid, innane plots. The fearsome Swordmasters of the Ginaz were reduced to a bunch of wankers; Thufir Hawat fucked up royally on so many levels that it's a wonder the Atreides kept his retainership; Prince Rhombur waits I don't know how many decades to attempt to reclaim his throne and planet, who's people have been suffering enormously under the Bene Tleixu, and what was he doing in all that time? Chilling out with his homeboy Leto.

And on and on... I am amazed he can take a story and universe, which is already rich and detailed and well-received by others, and piss all over it.

He does it with Star Wars, though to be honest I had little patience for his "writing skills." I tried reading the Jedi Academy Trilogy, but the first book was so mind-numbingly stupid I gave up quite early on. I think it was 'round about the time when... yep, that's it - the BLOB races. Of all the stupidiest things that I have read, BLOB racing is by far the worst. Basically, from what little I remember, the plot pauses for a bit so Lando or someone can go to a BLOB race, where sentient little BLOBS are put into some kind of track where they compete against each other, finding out who's the quickest BLOB of all.

I never thought any writer could make paint-drying so needlessly complicated and so integral to his plot... I'm sure there was a reason why they had to go to a BLOB race, but I can't remember why... nor am I inclined to care why either.

Others have probably read his other works, such as the abominable Machine Jihad (still Dune), as well as the rest of his SW books. I honestly can't pick the books up and flip through them without feeling disgusted. Bah, on to somebody else's experiences with the Wonderful World of KJA.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2004-01-08 09:30am

There was a Star Wars book (can't remember the title) where a small group of Jedi apprentices standing on a temple that amplified their Force powers were able to send a group of 7 Star Destroyers (yes, Star Destroyers) out of the system using telekinesis.

Then there's the first Dune prequel book, House Atreides. The screw-ups in that book are so numerous, I can't mention them. I've stated before how that book burns real nice, but it sucks as a read.

Tribun · Post by **Tribun** » 2004-01-08 09:40am

Well, we can be glad, that the "uber-jedi" were already refuted in canon. If they were really as powerful as KJA said, then why are they nearly totally massacred in the arena in ATOC?

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2004-01-08 10:16am

KJA is a waste of genetic code. His stories are like a really, really, really hot, sexy, good looking woman ... and when you go up close to her, she's really a man (change the analogy for all you queer folk

)!

Darksaber; the Hutts use the SW equivalent of Tribbles to build a 'superweapon'.

JAT; Snotty Kyp, with the help of Uber Bad Exur kick Jedi Master Skywalker's (you know, the guy who went up toe-to-toe with Vader the fucking Force incarnate and won) ass into comotomia ... and then big bad Kun is beaten by two toddlers, and a bunch of under-trained Jedi Wannabes ....

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-01-08 11:09am

Defiant wrote:There was a Star Wars book (can't remember the title) where a small group of Jedi apprentices standing on a temple that amplified their Force powers were able to send a group of 7 Star Destroyers (yes, Star Destroyers) out of the system using telekinesis.

I remember that part. Right after I finished reading it, I threw Darksaber into the fire and watched for several seconds in facination as the book literally cooked before my eyes. Infintely more entertaining then actually reading it.

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-01-08 11:11am

Oh, and a question for all the Dune and Star Wars fans. Do you guys think he did more damage to the Star Wars or Dune universes?

Trytostaydead · Post by **Trytostaydead** » 2004-01-08 11:32am

The Kernel wrote:Oh, and a question for all the Dune and Star Wars fans. Do you guys think he did more damage to the Star Wars or Dune universes?

Dune universe. Star Wars can keep on ticking, it's a big faniverse out there. Dune is rather limited and just got the equivalent for having 50% of its body just whacked out.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2004-01-08 02:40pm

The Kernel wrote:Oh, and a question for all the Dune and Star Wars fans. Do you guys think he did more damage to the Star Wars or Dune universes?

Definitely Dune. He took arguably the most beloved sci-fi series of books and knocked continuity on its ass.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-01-08 03:39pm

I haven't read any of them, but I can tell that frankly he's done more damage to Dune, primarily due to his and Brian Herbert blatant lying out of their asses in regards to the DE...

Kernel, did you actually burn your copy of Darksaber?

On one hand, I must commend you for giving a KJA book exactly what it deserves, but on the other, I must chastise you for commiting what in my eyes is a sin (burning a book)...

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2004-01-08 05:01pm

The Dune Universe. Basically he's done all the damage he can to the SW universe and now he's contracted to write about the Butlerian Jihad and *shudders* a sequal to Chapterhouse. I swear the man is a rabid trekie considering he's fucked up nearly every other brand of sci-fi except ST.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2004-01-08 08:05pm

Defiant wrote:There was a Star Wars book (can't remember the title) where a small group of Jedi apprentices standing on a temple that amplified their Force powers were able to send a group of 7 Star Destroyers (yes, Star Destroyers) out of the system using telekinesis.

Darksaber is the name.

Oh, and I think it was eleven ISDs, not seven.

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2004-01-08 08:17pm

RogueIce wrote:
Defiant wrote:There was a Star Wars book (can't remember the title) where a small group of Jedi apprentices standing on a temple that amplified their Force powers were able to send a group of 7 Star Destroyers (yes, Star Destroyers) out of the system using telekinesis.
Darksaber is the name.

Oh, and I think it was eleven ISDs, not seven.

18 actually, if i recall...

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-01-08 08:21pm

The Kernel wrote:I remember that part. Right after I finished reading it, I threw Darksaber into the fire and watched for several seconds in facination as the book literally cooked before my eyes. Infintely more entertaining then actually reading it.

Guess ya didn't have the reciept

.

As for which one he's done more damage...Dune.

Literally him and Frank's brat bitch boy have basically shit on every possibly tenet of Dune other then ressurecting Paul Atredies and having his ass rape Leto(who cares which one)

Techno_Union · Post by **Techno_Union** » 2004-01-08 08:33pm

The_Lumberjack wrote:
RogueIce wrote:
Defiant wrote:There was a Star Wars book (can't remember the title) where a small group of Jedi apprentices standing on a temple that amplified their Force powers were able to send a group of 7 Star Destroyers (yes, Star Destroyers) out of the system using telekinesis.
Darksaber is the name.

Oh, and I think it was eleven ISDs, not seven.
18 actually, if i recall...

I guess that just makes it worse

. He annoyed me with the 8km for the Knight Hammer too and for how stupid Daala was with all her forces.

Kazuaki Shimazaki · Post by **Kazuaki Shimazaki** » 2004-01-08 08:41pm

The Kernel wrote:
Defiant wrote:There was a Star Wars book (can't remember the title) where a small group of Jedi apprentices standing on a temple that amplified their Force powers were able to send a group of 7 Star Destroyers (yes, Star Destroyers) out of the system using telekinesis.
I remember that part. Right after I finished reading it, I threw Darksaber into the fire and watched for several seconds in facination as the book literally cooked before my eyes. Infintely more entertaining then actually reading it.

I remember reading that part. I thought that was also in Dark Apprentice, but I could have been wrong. It doesn't matter. The only (kind of) saving grace was that the Dorsk 81 (I think he was the nexus) incinerated himself. I remember actually being happy about that.

KJA obviously wanted us to sympathize with him, but it is a measure of how lousy a writer he is that my sympathies (even in my uncritical, 12 year old or so self) are with the Star Destroyers that were thrown away. So close, and fouled by such a stupid plot device. Dorsk 81 should not hate the Imperials or treat them as wrong as he died. He should hate KJA, who set up this impossible scenario and then tried to get out of it with impossible cop-out methods.

I've long had a soft spot for villains, eespecially when they are killed by cop-outs.

Techno_Union · Post by **Techno_Union** » 2004-01-08 08:57pm

And are the ISD sensors so bad as to they cannot target a huge ancient temple?

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2004-01-08 08:59pm

Techno_Union wrote:And are the ISD sensors so bad as to they cannot target a huge ancient temple?

No, but Pellaeon was replaced by a legally retarded doppleganger of himself in Darksaber, preventing him from attacking the Temple until it was too late.

Techno_Union · Post by **Techno_Union** » 2004-01-08 09:10pm

Well that explains why he only took 18 of 45 ISDs to Yavin. I hope KJA would not be retarded enough to say that 45 ISDs could be pushed away.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2004-01-08 09:29pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:On one hand, I must commend you for giving a KJA book exactly what it deserves, but on the other, I must chastise you for commiting what in my eyes is a sin (burning a book)...

But those objects that have KJA's name on them are not books, so its ok. Burning one of those things is like flushing a turd down the toilet.

Cal Wright · Post by **Cal Wright** » 2004-01-08 09:30pm

Burn the heretic!!! I guess you weren't around when I did my rewrite, or write off the Jedi Academy Trilogy? I will not re read that trilogy unless I am given the chance to totally rewrite it. Nuff said.

Techno_Union · Post by **Techno_Union** » 2004-01-08 09:32pm

The only part I semi-liked of Darksaber was when Daala had to attack Terradoc's fortress, that part was the only interesting part of the book. But right after that I was hating the book.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-01-08 10:26pm

Defiant wrote:
The Kernel wrote:Oh, and a question for all the Dune and Star Wars fans. Do you guys think he did more damage to the Star Wars or Dune universes?
Definitely Dune. He took arguably the most beloved sci-fi series of books and knocked continuity on its ass.

I'm not so sure how badly he screwed up continuity, some of the basic plot seems reasonable. But there's no question that the Dune prequels are horribly, horribly written.