Yup, I've got problems.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2004-01-09 05:02am

I have discovered I am an awful wreck with some sort of real problems, and this is as good a place to get it off my chest a any.

When I first arrived at college, I met this girl. My first thought on seeing her went along the lines of "Whoa. That is one cute girl. I stand no chance with her." At this point, I had never had a real relationship, and while I had fooled around a bit in high school, I was a virgin. Never the less, I had made a pledge to myself to be more outgoing in college. I go up to this girl, and start talking to each other. We bump into each other a few more times, talk, and I begin to get the impression she's interested in me. It's a very heady experience, as those who have experienced it can attest. We have coffee together, go out for a walk after seeing a movie at the UC, so on and so forth. One night, we end up kissing, but we both get kind of weirded out, as we still bearly know each other.

The more time passes, and I start, very suddenly, to completely lose interest in her. It's liike a switch has gone off in my head. She'll come up to visit me in my room, and I'll get uncomfortable and wonder how long she is going to stay. It's as if she has become almost repellent. Her banter about her hometown looses all it's interest to me.

One night, the school acappella group puts on a show. I run into her there, and she asks me to wait for her afterwards. At this point, weird as it seems, I don't want to be around her. Instead of waiting, I go back to the dorm with one of my friends. She comes up to my dorm, asks where I'm going. I tell her, she rebukes me for not waiting for her. I just leave with my friends, and wind up sleeping with another girl that night.

In hindsight, I see how completely awful and ridiculous this looks. WTF was I doing? WHY the FUCK did I blow this girl off, in the worst way possible? She was a good girl, she was nice, friendly, attractive- WTF was I thinking? Why did I do this retarded shit? Why the hell did I push her away from me? I leave her hating me, and the worst thing is, I know she hates me for good reason. I was completely and utterly wrong. Even if I had decided that I wasn't interested in her (and maybe I was only initially attracted to her for her face and the novelty of having my efforts at hitting on someone succeed spectacularly.)

I know I'm not gay. I HOPE I'm not just naturally an asshole. I know I wasn't more attracted to some other girl (the one I slept with was the hall whore, and I was quite blasted. I hated myself in the morning.)

WTF is wrong with me?

On a related note, my mother and father, who are pretty loving parents, I am incapable of showing affection to. I usually just find them annoying, and rarely feel love for them. Is this normal at this age?

Jesus, I am imbalanced.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2004-01-09 05:07am

Well, you are amongst friends here...

Besides, don't feel bad about blowing her off; maybe there was a reason for it.

You'll kick yourself later; been there, done that.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2004-01-09 05:12am

At the least you should apologise to her for being such an asshole.

Then maybe I should hit college in america, seems easy to get chicks there...

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2004-01-09 05:22am

Sounds like you've got the same problem as a few other people I know, male and female. You only want what you think you can't have. As soon as you have it you loose interest, it's not a chanllenge anymore, it doesn't interest you.
That or worse, you have what at least one person I know has and thats that you like being alone, enjoy wallowing in your own self pitty and skullking around bitching about it. I'm pretty sure thats a mental disorder.

Hopefuly it's the first, don't worry though, you'll find a women that challenge you continualy and then things'll be great or ok atleast.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2004-01-09 05:23am

Ahh, the challenge thing. Thanks Dorsk.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-01-09 08:23am

Well....you were honest with her, finally. Gotta give ya that...don't worry, bro. Just apologize, tell her you didn't know what you were thinking, and move on, maybe you'll remain friends, maybe not, but hey, you've already shown how rediculously easy it is to get chicks in that school. Besides, you yourself said she is repellant to you, so, at the very least probably you won't have to deal with her "blah blah blah" about her boring old hometown while you rock worlds on Halo, right?

Hethrir · Post by **Hethrir** » 2004-01-09 08:24am

We all do silly things from time to time, just look forward and not back. As old mate said, just appologise to the chix0r and you will feel better.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2004-01-09 12:14pm

Well....you were honest with her, finally. Gotta give ya that...don't worry, bro. Just apologize, tell her you didn't know what you were thinking, and move on, maybe you'll remain friends, maybe not, but hey, you've already shown how rediculously easy it is to get chicks in that school. Besides, you yourself said she is repellant to you, so, at the very least probably you won't have to deal with her "blah blah blah" about her boring old hometown while you rock worlds on Halo, right?

Damn, Chardok, you make it all sound so easy.
But yeah, I think apologizing as eloquently and in as self-effacing a manner possible seems like the best idea.

Sounds like you've got the same problem as a few other people I know, male and female. You only want what you think you can't have. As soon as you have it you loose interest, it's not a chanllenge anymore, it doesn't interest you.

Could be. But I don't think I ever really "had" her. I started feeling uncomfortable around her after only about a month, we hadn't gotten far. Come to think of it, I may have simply realized that I didn't enjoy her company for who she was, and just reacted REALLY badly to that fact.

That or worse, you have what at least one person I know has and thats that you like being alone, enjoy wallowing in your own self pitty and skullking around bitching about it. I'm pretty sure thats a mental disorder.

I'm not emo! Hell, there are some people on this board who know me in the flesh, and I am not usually one to complain about my problems.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-01-09 02:22pm

It's hard to give a really GOOD opinion without asking you what you really want with her. Which might be harder that you think to tell me because you said yourself that you don't really like being with her any more but you have no damn idea why that is or how long it could last.

As a thought, your shying away from her might be because you're scared to start to show your feelings for someone, especially if you've been closed all your life, even to your folks.

I just hope you didn't really hurt her feelings. If you're a nice guy she might have wanted to slowly get things going with you. Guys don't have to really and truly be assholes in order to have everyone think you are one.

Thirdfain · Post by **Thirdfain** » 2004-01-09 05:13pm

I just hope you didn't really hurt her feelings. If you're a nice guy she might have wanted to slowly get things going with you. Guys don't have to really and truly be assholes in order to have everyone think you are one.

Oh, no, her feelings are well and truly hurt. Her anger towards me is a tangible thing, I can feel it when I walk past her....

Jesus. Apologizing to her as soon as I get back to school seems like a good idea...

Tasoth · Post by **Tasoth** » 2004-01-09 05:27pm

Dorsk 81 wrote: That or worse, you have what at least one person I know has and thats that you like being alone, enjoy wallowing in your own self pitty and skullking around bitching about it. I'm pretty sure thats a mental disorder.

Well that sucks. Any possible treatment for that disorder?

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-01-09 05:33pm

Thirdfain wrote:
I just hope you didn't really hurt her feelings. If you're a nice guy she might have wanted to slowly get things going with you. Guys don't have to really and truly be assholes in order to have everyone think you are one.
Oh, no, her feelings are well and truly hurt. Her anger towards me is a tangible thing, I can feel it when I walk past her....

Jesus. Apologizing to her as soon as I get back to school seems like a good idea...

Apologies are all well and good, but have you thought about why you acted the way you did? After all, if she forgives you, she'll likely want to hear a good explanation.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-01-09 11:51pm

Perhaps, once you realized that the sexual chemistry was not there, you did not want to be around this girl any more because you felt there was no point, so you pushed her away like mouldy month-old bread in the subconscious hope that other females would see that you were now back on the market.

Of course, one must wonder why the sexual chemistry was not there. I'm not a big believer in mysterious requirements for sexual chemistry; I figure that male + female = chemistry. Why would you be kissing her and suddenly feel that it's going nowhere and pull back? Or did she pull back, to which you reacted badly?

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2004-01-10 12:38am

as to alot of problems like these it comes down to personality. u said yourself you thought she was attractive straight off but obviously when you got to know her you found her boring and hence didnt want to be around her anymore

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2004-01-10 12:50am

It sounds like you built 'being with her' up in your head alot, then it sort of deflated at the kiss. I dunno, maybe you were expecting violins and stuff.

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2004-01-10 12:50am

i've had similar problems myself. one girl i knew apparently liked me (i think. i'm not entirely sure), and was a bit more loose moral wise. after we'd fooled around for a bit, i simply realized i didn't have any kind of attraction to her at all, and more or less started blowing her off.

it could have been you simply realized on some type of subconscious level that she and you weren't going to work out, so as a result blew her off. of course, from the sounds of things it seemed like she may have been the somewhat aggressive type, which could have put you off as well. there's alot of possible explanations for something like this happening.

and unless you start finding the male underwear models in calvin klein magazines attractive, i don't think it's because your'e becoming gay.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-01-10 01:09am

Darth_Zod wrote:and unless you start finding the male underwear models in calvin klein magazines attractive, i don't think it's because your'e becoming gay.

Actually, there's a gay talk-radio host here in Toronto who likes to say that if you have to seriously ask youself whether you're gay, then you probably are

General Zod · Post by **General Zod** » 2004-01-10 01:17am

is that kinda like the whole 'if you start questioning yer sanity then yer still sane' schtick?

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2004-01-10 06:56pm

If all the girl could talk about was her hometown, then you might be better off without her. I'd have to have more information about what you and she talked about to be sure, but it might have simply been a case of trying to find someone to cling to in a totally unfamilar situation ( ie: in college and away from home for the first time.)

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2004-01-10 10:46pm

Tasoth wrote:
Dorsk 81 wrote: That or worse, you have what at least one person I know has and thats that you like being alone, enjoy wallowing in your own self pitty and skullking around bitching about it. I'm pretty sure thats a mental disorder.

Well that sucks. Any possible treatment for that disorder?

Repeated smashes to the head?

Tasoth · Post by **Tasoth** » 2004-01-10 11:50pm

Dorsk 81 wrote:
Tasoth wrote:
Dorsk 81 wrote: That or worse, you have what at least one person I know has and thats that you like being alone, enjoy wallowing in your own self pitty and skullking around bitching about it. I'm pretty sure thats a mental disorder.

Well that sucks. Any possible treatment for that disorder?
Repeated smashes to the head?

Sounds more like a cause to me....