BLOODY HELL! (Or: advice for a dumbass.)

[Chardok]

okay, so I'm talking on the phone last night with my GF and she's acting kinda distant, I ask her whats wrong she says nothing, blah blah blah, you get the idea. finally she says:

"I think I need some time by myself."
Me: *shrug* "Okay."
Her: WHAT?! That doesn't upset you?
Me: Nope.
Her: I thought you loved me?
Me: I do. if you need time, go have your time.
Her: But you'll find someone else!
Me: *Shrug* Maybe you'll find someone else. We both know our short term goals are MUCH different. (She wants a kid soon, I do not. She wants to be married, I do not.)
Her: No, I don't want time, then, I don't want to lose you.
Me: Bullshit! If you didn't want time to think about things, you wouldn't have mentioned it! GO! You got your time!
Her: No, no, I don't want it now, besides I wasn't a very good person when we were apart before (I had, last year, taken some time to myself to try to figure out if the relationship was right for me.)
Me: Mmm hmm. I didn't figure you were.
Her: What?! What do you mean.
Me: *Shrug* I dunno, what do you feel guilty about?
Her: Nothing! What are you incinuating?
Me: Nothing! Fine! Why weren't you a good person?
Her: Well, I was just "mopping" around, hanging out with Kathy (A Drug addict with whom she would have never associated with [according to her] before) hanging out with Steven (A rather large redneck with a big house and truck who has really "Got it" for Ana, who has told her on many occaisions that he is a better man for her than I am. but, of course, Ana states they are nothing more than friends. [oh, and "Danny if you saw him, you would see nothing is going on]
Me: Yeah, I kinda figured.
Her: No, it's not like that, Danny! I just meant I didn't care about anything, I was totally depressed!
Me: What-the-fuck ever, Ana! Do you think I'm fucking stupid? Don't insult my intelligence, your words were I wasn't a very good person followed by Hanging out with Kathy and hanging out with steven. Here's what I think, you were about to come clean, thought I'd get pissed and end it, and decided to cover it up with bullshit! Well, let me tell YOU something, it'll be better for both of us if you just come clean! Then we can deal with it, Or not, and move on, Or not. Besides, I'm not going to be with you if you aren't sure if being with me is what YOU want. You're getting your time.
Her: Danny, no. I don't want my time now, I'll be at your doorstep on Friday.
Me: don't you DARE! You're getting your time, I've felt like you've been distant for some time now, I now have confirmation of my suspiscions (sp?) more or less, and you're taking your time. You're not going to play goddamned 12-year-old-junior-high-school-bullshit-headgames with me, damnit. you don't say you need time off to think about something if you aren't feeling it. In the long run, you're just going to be miserable in a relationship you aren't happy with and I'm going to be miserable being with the miserable person.
Her: Whatever. I'll be at your doorstep on friday, and if you don't call me tomorrow, i'll think it's YOU who needs time again.
Me: BULLSHIT, Mireya! (her middle name) you are not going to pin this wastewater on me! I've done my time, thought about what I want and decided. You should have done the same while we were apart, but apparently, you didn't. Now you are.
Her: I'll be at your doorstep on Friday.
Me: No, you won't.
Her: I'll be at your doorstep on Friday.
Me: goodnight, Mireya.
*click*

UGH! WOMEN! If you don't want to read all that tripe here's the summary:

*ala Friends*
I want a break.
Okay.
You're not upset?
Nope.
I don't want a break.
You're getting one.
I don't want to lose you.
You're getting your break.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes. bye *click*


Thoughts?

[Lagmonster]

Depends on what you were trying to accomplish, mind. Sometimes people say dumb things specifically to elicit support or fish for compliments, and sometimes people really and truly DO need to be sat down and told what's best for them. Hell if I know what this is about, lacking more backstory as we are.

So yeah, what are you trying to show her or get her to do?

[Chardok]

I'm telling her I don't think she's being honest with herself. Either that or she's playing headgames. you don't tell someone you need time off from a relationship to "think about" things, anthen immediately reneg on it because the other party doesn't get pissed/upset about it. obviously, she's having doubts, right? so, I'm trying to give her time to sort out those doubts, and figure out if I'm the kind of man she truly wants. her problem is, I'm not turning into a blubbering mess of weeping goo over it like she would if I was to do the same thing, see? she has doubts, but because I don't cry or whatever, she won't take time off to think about her doubts. (She thinks I may find someone else, to which I reply, YOU may find someone else, an asteroid could finish us all tomorrow, you COULD be hit by a bus, if we always dwell ion the what ifs we'll never get to the what are's.)

[Zac Naloen]

i think she was trying to see what you would say if she did that, hoping you would start begging and then she would give in. you didn't give her the expected response so she went back on it.

[Col. Crackpot]

i think she was trying to see what you would say if she did that, hoping you would start begging and then she would give in. you didn't give her the expected response so she went back on it.

that is exactly it. She was looking to boost her self esteem at your expense and it blew up in her face.

[Zac Naloen]

i dunno about you, but it seems this girl may have issues if she needs a self esteem boost like that, usually when i girl does that i oblige, but most of the time its just asking am i pretty, are my breasts too small etc... this is one of the more radical ones i've come across in my 17 years.

[Chardok]

Well, she DOES have a huge self esteem problem, as she used to be a model and international spokesperson and marketing exec for Fila (I've seen pics with her and Derrick (sp?) Jeter on a central american marketing tour; replete with newpaper articles, pics with her and ricky Martin when he was in Menudo, etc.) and she has since quit that job obtained for her by her father in order to "Make it on her own", had surgery to remove her gall bladder and, as a result, gained about 80 pounds (She is overweight.) I, on the other hand, am damned pretty, (Hell look at the col.'s Alleged pic of me on my way to AOTC opening night! what's not to like? ) and confident, (Okay, the confidence is a facade, but still...) and I need no self esteem boost. She's been going to a psychologist and stuff, and I've tried to be supportive up to now, but this is just a silly headgame where I decided I'm not going to pander to her. she's not going to lose me, but the way I see it, she's made her bed, now she needs to lie in it.

At any rate, I believe that the first time we were apart she may have fooled around with this steven guy, (see above post) though she denies it vehemently, even her own spoken words point to that conclusion, or i'm just a paranoid prick. I don't know if I should force her to take her time to think about our relationship (I want her to be certain I'm for her, because, EVENTUALLY (and I MEAN eventually) I could see myself settling down with her, she just needs to be patient with me, (I've been divorced only.....2...maybe 2.5 years.)


as an aside, I nominate myself for most per-word use of parenthesis ever.

[Knife]

Chardok, take stock of your feelings and make your choice. You seem to be leaning in a particular direction anyway so don't pussyfoot around and prolong it. It only gets worse if you prolong it.

Dump the needy chick.

[Chardok]

Dumped.


Now I'm sad. I'll move on, I suppose, but it sure hurts now. Goddammit. a year down the tubes. I'm such an idiot!

[AnimeJet]

Eh, just chalk it up to experience.
>.>

[Companion Cube]

i dunno about you, but it seems this girl may have issues if she needs a self esteem boost like that, usually when i girl does that i oblige, but most of the time its just asking am i pretty, are my breasts too small etc... this is one of the more radical ones i've come across in my 17 years.

Yes, your ass does look big in that. Goodbye!

[YT300000]

i dunno about you, but it seems this girl may have issues if she needs a self esteem boost like that, usually when i girl does that i oblige, but most of the time its just asking am i pretty, are my breasts too small etc... this is one of the more radical ones i've come across in my 17 years.

Yes, your ass does look big in that. Goodbye!

Seconds later, a fridge goes flying through the door.

[Rainfall]

Man! you are making your own hell here! from a girls point of view, she was just wanting a bit of your attention and you got all bent out of shape about it. Yes, she obviously have self esteem problems, but i really dont believe that is what she was after (pitty). She probably just wanted to feel around to see where things were going? Has she been a good person to you? does she care for you? Is she there through thick and thin? those are the things that matter the most. You may have just lost something good here. From a "bitch" point of view i would talk to her and find out what she really wants and go from there. (if you are really hurting that is)

Most women want kids, some of them change their minds as they go, some of us are online permanently and our kids are all grown. Im sure you will finds someone else if this dont work but GOOD LUCK! with the marriage situation, you wont find any that do not want to marry sometime. by what i read it seems like she loves you, but you are not taking a second to appreciate it. Men are all stupid, YOU GUYS JUST DONT GET IT DAMN IT

[Rainfall]

After reading the rest...you think she did not waste a year of her life also? loving someone who is so radical to just dump her with no problem at all. Fellow, GET A CLUE. you mention that you took sometime before did she wait for you? You dont finds girls like that in every corner you know. She is either a stupid bitch or she really loves you. I should not go down on you like that im new here. hopefuly you not take this the wrong way take it as advice from an older person (52).

[Nathan F]

Digging up long dead topics is frowned upon, newb.

[Rogue 9]

This isn't all that long dead. Then again, this board moves a lot faster than most of the ones I frequent, so I suppose "long dead" is a much shorter time here.

[InnerBrat]

hint: if it's not on the front page, if it's 3 weeks old, and if the situation described has been resolved and the protagonist started posting about other girls, It's dead.

[Chardok]

After reading the rest...you think she did not waste a year of her life also? loving someone who is so radical to just dump her with no problem at all. Fellow, GET A CLUE. you mention that you took sometime before did she wait for you? You dont finds girls like that in every corner you know. She is either a stupid bitch or she really loves you. I should not go down on you like that im new here. hopefuly you not take this the wrong way take it as advice from an older person (52).

Umm. Okay. Well, since you are so keen on this shit and since you are so goddamned learned, allow Chardok to enlighten you. Firstly, I've been married and divroced, both were nasty and I have no desire to repeat it. I do not deny that she is a wonderful girl, she just wasn't for me. I dumped her, if you must know because eventually her need to get married and my stubborn desire to *not* and her need to have children and my stubborn desire to *not* would have torn us apart eventually. I already have a daughter whom I do not get to see very often, so fuck you if marriage has left a bad taste in my mouth. It is simply *not* for me. I'm perfectly happy being a hermit. and yes, I have begun to move on with my life. I know it is difficult to find a woman who wants a man with no sex drive, who is a hardcore gamer and, in effect a loner and can deal with my emotional baggage, but that's the great thing about being me. I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. I clawed my way up from NOTHING to what I have now, and since being divorced I've been *used* as a trophy (It's true, the woman actually said that in her breakup speech) boyfriend, had a car sold out from under me, depriving me of transportation, given an STD by a cheating whore, and finally Ana, who wanted kids and marriage. Given my proclivity for shitty relationships, you'll forgive me for being a bit cold about severing this one. and oh-by-the-way, I know I should respect my elders and leech wisdom, (and I do), but off-handedly blasting me for my life decisions without knowing a thing about me and resurrecting dead threads (Albeit with at least *some* meaningful content) is not very cool, here. I will refrain from open flamage at this time. But I will close by saying this: The advice given long before you ambled in with the grace of a brontosaur was taken, weighed, contemplated, and finally enacted. I put much more weight on those who came before you than your mindless napalm spooging. That said I will end with this:





BAD NECROMANCER! BACK IN YOUR CRYPT!

[Straha]

Sounds sorta like the girl who is interested in me now, and (from quite a distance) E-Mailed me that she was in love with me after three "dates" (If you could even remotely call them dates) and then when I said that was bull-shit acted like I was trying to break up with her (which she sorta did)

[Son of the Suns]

hint: if it's not on the front page, if it's 3 weeks old, and if the situation described has been resolved and the protagonist started posting about other girls, It's dead.

Good point, welcome to SD.Net Rainfall. Thread Locked.