Airplane Humor

[Tsyroc]

In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot
Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a
certain radio exchange that occurred one day
as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming
across Southern California 13 miles high.

We were monitoring various radio transmissions
from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles
airspace. Though they didn't really control us,
they did monitor our movement across their scope.

I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its
groundspeed. "90 knots" Center replied.
Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.
"120 knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our
groundspeed that day as almost instantly
an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center,
Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout.'
There was a slight pause, then the response,
"525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to
myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard
a familiar click of a radio transmission coming
from my backseater. It was at that precise
moment I realized Walt and I had become a
real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.
"Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed
readout for us?"
There was a longer than normal pause ....
"Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"
No further inquiries were heard on that
frequency.

----------------------------------

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles
Center reported receiving a request for
clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice,
asked, "How do you plan to get up to
60,000 feet?"
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded,
"We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go
down to it." He was cleared.

-------------------------------------

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled
out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the
instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,
"Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators
who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a 45 and
place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied,
"I'll know we're lost before you will."

---------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told
by the tower to hold short of the runway while
a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out,
turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew
got on the radio and said, "What a cute little
plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the
insult go by, came back with: "I made it out of
MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll
have enough parts for another one."

---------------------------------------

There's a story about the military pilot calling for
a priority landing because his single-engine jet
fighter was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he
was number two behind a B-52 that had one
engine shut down.
"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine
approach."

---------------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country
flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar,
ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

---------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate. After an
hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was
the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in
the engine," explained the flight attendant," and
it took us a while to find a new pilot."

---------------------------------------

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet.
How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747
makes when it hits a 727?"

[Warspite]

I've heard a few of those, but they're always funny none the less. The "Sled" Driver" ones are great!

[phongn]

"There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globe-master's intentions were. It is said that the C-124 pilot opened the clamshell doors in the nose and announced, 'I'm going to eat you.'"

[LadyTevar]

"There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globe-master's intentions were. It is said that the C-124 pilot opened the clamshell doors in the nose and announced, 'I'm going to eat you.'"

Oh yes, that's one of the best ones

[Admiral Valdemar]

Ah, Phong, you should have that in your sig still.

Pac Man planes.

[phongn]

Ah, Phong, you should have that in your sig still.

'tis on my SB sig, the one here is cluttered enough as it is.

[Admiral Valdemar]

Ah, Phong, you should have that in your sig still.

'tis on my SB sig, the one here is cluttered enough as it is.

Pie.

[Howedar]

Good shit!

[Sea Skimmer]

Seen em all about eighty thousand times, and I do seem to recall introducing phongn to the C-124 one.

[phongn]

Seen em all about eighty thousand times, and I do seem to recall introducing phongn to the C-124 one.

I can't recall where I got it from, it may have been you on ASVS.

[Hyperion]

Seen'em a few times, they never stop being hillarious.

[Wicked Pilot]

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles
Center reported receiving a request for
clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice,
asked, "How do you plan to get up to
60,000 feet?"
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded,
"We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go
down to it." He was cleared.

Actually, Flight Levels are in 100s of feet of pressure altitude. 60,000 feet would be equivilant to FL 600.

Other than that, old, but pretty funny.

[DPDarkPrimus]

I like the SR-71 stories.

[Howedar]

Actually, Flight Levels are in 100s of feet of pressure altitude. 60,000 feet would be equivilant to FL 600.

Other than that, old, but pretty funny.

Yeah, I noticed that. I'd forgotten to mention it by the time I got to the bottom of the jokes though.

[Burak Gazan]

"Air Force 1234, your engine has....oh, disregard, I see you've ejected"




lol

[jenat-lai]

Actually, Flight Levels are in 100s of feet of pressure altitude. 60,000 feet would be equivilant to FL 600.

Other than that, old, but pretty funny.

Yeah, I noticed that. I'd forgotten to mention it by the time I got to the bottom of the jokes though.

The only time you will get "Flight Level 60" is in Europe, where it means 6,000ft. In america Flight levels start at 18,000ft up. in Australia it starts at 10,000ft.

aah, Europe, the only place a Cessna 172 can climb to a Flight Level! hehehe!

[EmperorMing]

Good ones.

[Sarevok]

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet.
How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747
makes when it hits a 727?"

This one is my favorite.

[The Aliens]

Dave Barry wrote a funny column dealing with obnoxious people on the plane.

"Well folks," said the pilot. I knew this was a bad thing, because when piots say that they're about to say something like "Well, folks, if we dump the fuel we should be able to glide as far as the mainland."

Or something to that effect. Very funny in its entirety.