Need relationship help

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2004-01-20 07:03pm

I'm in need of advice once again. I recently founf out that a woman i really like is newly single. I've been nuts about her since the day i 1st met her. She's georgous yet still has a level head and is really quite a nice person. The thing was she was engaged. Yesterday i found out she's split up with him and apparently it was rather messey. My problem is i'm worried that if i steam in and ask her out she could end up hating me for trying to pick her up on the rebound. I'm also worried that she's WAY out of my league. What should i do?

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2004-01-20 07:12pm

You do NOT want to be the rebound guy. Give her space. Trust me, I was engaged once, and when it broke off, I needed time to get my head right. Be a good friend, but do not make any advances until she's had time to let things settle.

revprez · Post by **revprez** » 2004-01-20 07:16pm

Defiant wrote:You do NOT want to be the rebound guy. Give her space. Trust me, I was engaged once, and when it broke off, I needed time to get my head right. Be a good friend, but do not make any advances until she's had time to let things settle.

What the hell are you telling him?

Sure, give her space. But play the friend role too close to the hilt, and you can bet on spending the rest of your life there. Make sure that the option is open if you're gonna go for it. A safer route may be to stay only close enough to keep tabs on her availability. An even safer route is to move on to greener pastures.

Rev Prez

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-01-21 12:17am

She's going to need a lot of time, so keep her on your radar, but don't overlook others because she's single but not available. Not emotionally, anyway.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-01-21 12:24am

Yeah, the simple fact is she's not likely to be looking to get into a relationship. And if she does, it's probably not what you're going to be looking for. As Zaia said, be her friend and be there when she's ready. But don't screw yourself by waiting.

CrimsonRaine · Post by **CrimsonRaine** » 2004-01-21 02:23am

Feelings like this can be very, very tricky. And even me, being an emotional woman, can barely understand them.

If you think about it, she broke up with her boyfriend. But they had made a silent promise to marry each other. So take your feelings of breaking up with someone and times it by 10 or maybe a 100. Now, let's keep that in mind.

You obviously know she doesn't want to jump into a relationship. But you certaintly wouldn't want to be alone if in her shoes, right? Like most others have said already, be her shoulder and her friendly ear. Like most people, she will need to release what's built up inside of her. And if things go right, maybe your friendship will turn for what you want.

But don't be discouraged if they are. Just take it a day at a time and be, and for lack of a better word, gentle.

Crimson Raine

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2004-01-21 02:54am

Go with truth

Be her friend, support her, and tell her how you feel about her as well. Of course seeing that I myself too am having relationship issues regarding a ceartain female perhaps my advice is of less weight... unless I marry the girl in a few years that is.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2004-01-21 04:59am

You've lost a fiancee. If someone steamed in while you were getting over that, would you have had a meaningful relationship with them?

Basically, what everyone else said, excpet that as you've been friends for a while, if you're not already in the 'Friends Zone' you don't have to worry about it.

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2004-01-21 05:54am

Lord Pounder wrote:I'm also worried that she's WAY out of my league. What should I do?

I'm just curious why you think she's out of your league. What do you mean by that? Are you just being self-deprecating? Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do; sorry, I suck at relationships so any advice I'd give would be useless anyway. I just think that, if you do like this girl, then maybe show a little confidence? I mean, if you start to think she's way out of your league the attitude itself would be self-defeating.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-01-21 08:13am

Just be cool; she'll be pretty vulnerable, and if you take advantage of that you'll lose it all. Now is not the time.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2004-01-21 08:20am

Lord Pounder wrote:I'm in need of advice once again. I recently founf out that a woman i really like is newly single. I've been nuts about her since the day i 1st met her. She's georgous yet still has a level head and is really quite a nice person. The thing was she was engaged. Yesterday i found out she's split up with him and apparently it was rather messey. My problem is i'm worried that if i steam in and ask her out she could end up hating me for trying to pick her up on the rebound. I'm also worried that she's WAY out of my league. What should i do?

I'd ask her out. The worst she can say is, "no."

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2004-01-21 08:50am

Lord Pounder wrote:What should i do?

Without knowing the exact in's-and-out's of all the details, I am going to offer you some good, solid, general advice ...

<guru swamy music>

Imagine a beach, a big, beautiful, sandy beach ...

*cues tape with sound of waves crushing on the rocks*

Imagine the sand, feel it in your toes...

Now imagine the girl you are after, she is sitting in the sand...

Finally it is time that we start visualising ... You are a seagul and she is a fish 'n chip ATTACK!

</guru swamy music>

While the delivery is ment to be on purpose amusing, the core message isn't.

You need to put yourself out there, and you can't wait around for some Aussie fart half the way accross the world to tell you what to do.

Act! Act now!

To quote the Cable guy; 'He who hesitates ... masturbates.'

Good luck, and tell me how it worked out!

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-01-21 11:21am

oh how the yearning heart overwhelms the mind of even the most logical of thinkers. I'm not going to sugar coat this. She just broke up with a fiance. Not a boyfriend mind you, a finace. someone she, at least at one point planned on spending the rest of her life with. That is an emotional attatchment not quickly severed. Be her friend. If you try for something more to fast you will end up being a rebound tryst, and i sense you want a more meaningful relationship than that.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2004-01-21 03:05pm

I've invited her out to lunch tomorrow, my treat. Not to hit on her but to give her someone to talk to. I've been engaged myself all too often. As i've said before i've been engaged before, she died. When i was on the rebound i got engaged twice more and really ended up more messed up than before. For now i guess i'm content to offer her my broad shoulder. From there we'll see.

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