looks like the Presidential election is already decided.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-02-04 09:06am

That's right! According to everyone's FAVORITE christian prophet (who, oddly enough never seems to get his prophesies right..

) PAT ROBERTSON!!! Apparently, Ol' Patty and God, at their monthly poker game in January, God informed Patsy that he has "blessed" George Bush, so much so that it doesn't matter what mistakes Georgie makes, since he's "Blessed" then he will always come out smelling like rosar-err-roses.

Patty O'Robertson wrote:"I think George Bush is going to win in a walk," Robertson said on his "700 Club" program on the Virginia Beach-based Christian Broadcasting Network (search), which he founded. "I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004. It's shaping up that way."

<snip>

Patsy McPatserson wrote:"The Lord has just blessed him," Robertson said of Bush. "I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad, God picks him up because he's a man of prayer and God's blessing him."

And finally:

Fair And Counterweighted News wire wrote:The Rev. Barry W. Lynn, a frequent Robertson critic and executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State (search), said he had a prediction of his own: "Pat Robertson in 2004 will continue to use his multimillion broadcasting empire to promote George Bush and other Republican candidates."(ROFLMMFAO!!!!!)

Would you like to know more?

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2004-02-04 09:12am

Constipated Robertson strikes again!

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-02-04 09:15am

I would think PR would be Black, or some variation of Gold.

Either way, neat card.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-02-04 09:18am

He's been blessed? Well good. Then that means the religious side of the Republican party doesn't need to bother voting since Bush winning will be taken care of by divine providence.

This also means they don't need to donate any more money to his reelection campaign since it's already garunteed that he'll win. Might as well find something to do with that money.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-02-04 09:27am

I also just found out that, last year, Patty was "Blessed" With Prostate Cancer, and Laproscopic surgery, where the blessed surgeon was blessed by God, removed the blessed gland, and Pat, Being the Blessed person her is, has made a full recovery, no doubt because of the blessing of the LORD.

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-02-04 09:41am

There's nothing more tacky than people writing LORD and GOD in capitals. That way you really know what you're dealing with

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-02-04 10:32am

I was hoping someone would pick up on that

*props to vympel*

"Back the truck up, boys! We got a cookie to deliver!!!

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2004-02-04 12:17pm

Then again, considering that the LORD's blessing usually involve massive death and destruction, maybe he shouldn't be so happy about being blessed by that sadistic fucker...

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-02-04 12:30pm

Wednesday, Feb. 2, 2004 Washington DC.
Shocking the nation, God held a press conference today to response to evangelical Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson made on his Virginia Beach based program "The 700 Club", that He told Pat Robertson that incumbant candidate George W. Bush was "going to win in a walk".

The Supreme Diety, last seen making an appearance at the Playboy Mansion in to attend Hugh Hefner's birthday party, claimed that in no way has he lent his support to any candidate in the upcoming electon, and hasn't spoken to Robertson since November.

"It's like this", God said, addressing reporters "Pat Robertson and I have been kind of in communicado since like November, after I asked him to stop using My Name to promote his television network. Not that I mind the publicity, but it's really not helping My image. I reminded him gently about what happened Oral Roberts and Jimmy Swaggart, but he just wouldn't listen."

While the Supreme Diety cut the conference short and wasn't taking questions, claiming at this time He had no official position on the upcoming electon. Unofficially: "This is off the record, but I really kind of like Al Sharpton."

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-02-04 12:32pm

Iceberg wrote:Constipated Robertson strikes again!

I refuse to accept that Pat Robertson could take on a naked Lhurgoyf and live.

That said, what the hell does Pat say when his predictions DON'T come true? This isn't the first time the LORD (ha!) has told him something was going to happen and it didn't, after all.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-02-04 04:39pm

Hey, if God can predict elections like that, then maybe he should get his own news show.

I wonder what Pat Robertson's excuse will be if Bush loses in 2004. He'll probably claim it was hearing problems, and God actaully said the Democrats would win or something.

Metatwaddle · Post by **Metatwaddle** » 2004-02-04 04:58pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:I wonder what Pat Robertson's excuse will be if Bush loses in 2004. He'll probably claim it was hearing problems, and God actaully said the Democrats would win or something.

He'll say that God has a plan for the nation, but the nation is not following the plan and the election of a Democrat is proof that the USA is going to the devil. I'm sure all of you have heard Christians try to explain how God has a plan for *YOUR* life and *YOU* should follow it. You suggest that you don't actually need to pray or ask questions because God will point you in the right direction regardless, and they go back and claim that lots of people don't follow his plan because they're sinful.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-02-04 05:02pm

LORD and GOD is actually a placeholder for JHWH, the sacred name of God.

It makes sense when used in the Bible and other religious texts, but I'm not very used to people using it in writings made in the present. And of course, if they're actually emphasising it while speaking, they're a moron.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-02-04 05:52pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:LORD and GOD is actually a placeholder for JHWH, the sacred name of God.

It makes sense when used in the Bible and other religious texts, but I'm not very used to people using it in writings made in the present. And of course, if they're actually emphasising it while speaking, they're a moron.

I only capitalize LORD and God with a capital G as a sort of....I don't know..poke, I suppose. No real purpose. But you bring an interesting point, spanky, for when I DO read the bible (mostly revelations, cause it's Spooooooooooooooooooooooky) And I see the word LORD, for some reason, my brain initiate a picture of the person speaking the name LORD suddenly growing 10 feet tall and having a booming voice which Echoes for miles.

......I'm kinda....odd, I suppose....

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2004-02-04 06:15pm

And the people who do the G-d thing

Man, there's like 2 freepers that do that, it's so asskissy

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2004-02-04 06:31pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Hey, if God can predict elections like that, then maybe he should get his own news show.

I wonder what Pat Robertson's excuse will be if Bush loses in 2004. He'll probably claim it was hearing problems, and God actaully said the Democrats would win or something.

He will say, and I quote...

"This is a sign of the END TIMES"

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-02-04 06:42pm

Hamel wrote:And the people who do the G-d thing

Man, there's like 2 freepers that do that, it's so asskissy

Some Jews prefer to not even write "God," so they're often the one's that do that.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2004-02-04 08:14pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:LORD and GOD is actually a placeholder for JHWH, the sacred name of God.

YHWH. I do not believe the original Hebrew-without-vowels had a J.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-02-04 08:39pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Hey, if God can predict elections like that, then maybe he should get his own news show.

I wonder what Pat Robertson's excuse will be if Bush loses in 2004. He'll probably claim it was hearing problems, and God actaully said the Democrats would win or something.

I guess there's no way he could get around it like with his hurricane predictions:

"All of you prayed to God to prevent the disaster, and He, in his infinite mercy, did so!"

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-02-04 09:55pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:
Spanky The Dolphin wrote:LORD and GOD is actually a placeholder for JHWH, the sacred name of God.
YHWH. I do not believe the original Hebrew-without-vowels had a J.

You're right. It was a slip on my part.

Bob McDob · Post by **Bob McDob** » 2004-02-04 11:26pm

Hamel wrote:And the people who do the G-d thing

Man, there's like 2 freepers that do that, it's so asskissy

Do those people have to spell things "G-d Emperor of Dune" or such?

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-02-05 12:55am

I don't think so, because that's not refering to the God.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2004-02-05 10:23pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:
Spanky The Dolphin wrote:LORD and GOD is actually a placeholder for JHWH, the sacred name of God.
YHWH. I do not believe the original Hebrew-without-vowels had a J.

Righto. It's yod-heh-waw-heh. There's no J; it comes from a German mistranslation (which is also where we get Jehovah from).

And Robertson is such an irritant to my side of the Christian spectrum. It's really disappointing that not a single television preacher is even moderate, let alone liberal. They're all conservative to fundamentalist.