Saddam Rules Cell with an Iron Fist

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2004-02-10 09:53pm

http://www.theonion.com/4006/top_story.html

The Onion hits another one out of the park.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2004-02-10 11:05pm

God that's hilarious, I like how he executes the roaches...

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2004-02-10 11:18pm

That was good. The link to the Bush-cards was a funny link, too.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-02-10 11:18pm

Another good one from the Onion.

"Every day at around 6, he delivers his morning decree," the CIA official said. "He tells the cockroaches and other vermin in the cell that he will protect them against the oppressive Western devils and reward those who remain loyal. Then he usually sings. I once rapped on the bars with the butt of my rifle, but that just fired him up. He started cursing a blue streak at me and launched into a recitation of the "64 Rules Of Order" for the cell. Now I know to just let him tire himself out."

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2004-02-11 12:38am

Heh. That was funny. He executed nine cockroaches.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-02-11 02:50am

That was vert funny and well written.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-02-11 03:29am

Hussein appointed 12 cockroach ministers to his cabinet, but he has already had to execute nine of them for crimes ranging from sexual impropriety to inappropriate scurrying. He has named his pillow the Ba'ath Party Military Bureau Deputy Chairman and Head of National Monitoring Directorate, and uses this top party member to execute disloyal subjects.

"It's not unusual to see Saddam running around the cell whacking everything in sight with his deputy chairman," the soldier said. "He's awfully attached to that thing. Not everyone knows how sentimental Saddam is. When they took his bedding to be cleaned, he openly wept for the loss of his closest confidant."

LMAO!

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-02-11 08:11am

omg! the onion has been weak of late, but this is pure gold!

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2004-02-11 08:53am

We must invade and take control of his... uh, cell.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-02-11 09:34am

Admiral Valdemar wrote:We must invade and take control of his... uh, cell.

in a related story, Saddam was caught red-handed today with the elusive weapons of mass destruction. After witnessing him killing thousands of his own minions an intrepid young Gunnery Sergant from the Marine 1st MEU tackled the former Iraqi Dictator and confiscated a large bottle of BUG-B-GONE brand pest control spray. President Bush was later quoted as saying "This is yet another display of saddam's willingness to use chemical weapons on his own people, or in this case cockroaches... but that's not important. What is important is that we've smoked those dang weapons out of their holes"

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2004-02-11 04:55pm

MWAHAHA!

"It's not unusual to see Saddam running around the cell whacking everything in sight with his deputy chairman," the soldier said. "He's awfully attached to that thing. Not everyone knows how sentimental Saddam is. When they took his bedding to be cleaned, he openly wept for the loss of his closest confidant."

Pure genius.

Melkor · Post by **Melkor** » 2004-02-11 06:46pm

Gotta love the onion. Loads of great stuff. One of the best things is their fake newspaper from the past. This one is great.

The Onion on WWI

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-02-11 07:31pm

The Onion wrote:Hussein appointed 12 cockroach ministers to his cabinet, but he has already had to execute nine of them for crimes ranging from sexual impropriety to inappropriate scurrying.

That had me cracking up.

Mlenk · Post by **Mlenk** » 2004-02-11 07:34pm

Ah, gotta love the Onion.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2004-02-11 07:46pm

Melkor wrote:Gotta love the onion. Loads of great stuff. One of the best things is their fake newspaper from the past. This one is great.

The Onion on WWI

ROFL, I love how pointless they make that war seem, since it really was kinda pointless...

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-02-11 10:14pm

Melkor wrote:Gotta love the onion. Loads of great stuff. One of the best things is their fake newspaper from the past. This one is great.

The Onion on WWI

"600,000 killed in 4-inch advance on western front"

"Henry Ford unveils new line of anti-semitic autos"

Comic genius...

Melkor · Post by **Melkor** » 2004-02-11 11:01pm

One Belgian regiment pushed as far as eight inches ahead, but was decimated by German cross fire when communication and supply lines were cut from its supporting units two inches back.

I was ROTFL with that one.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-02-12 01:32pm

Darth Raptor · Post by **Darth Raptor** » 2004-02-12 01:39pm

The horoscopes are always accurate.

Scary.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-02-12 02:26pm

Found the right smiley for this.

Yeah. That should about do it.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2004-02-12 04:19pm

Where the hell do you find all these smilies?!?

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-02-13 04:22am

Xenophobe3691 wrote:Where the hell do you find all these smilies?!?

My secret.