Updating meaningless religious bans for the 21st century

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-03-01 02:12am

We all know that Jews aren't allowed to eat 'unclean' meat. Now, I'm no Judaism major, but it seems likely to me that this prohibition was originally soemthing sensible. They lacked the technology to store pork properly, for instance, and eating pork in 1000BCE was a good way to die of food poisoning.

So I'm proposing we all petition our favourite (or least favourite) religion to impose some bans with bearing of life in the 21st century. The Catholics made tax evasion a deadly sin (or is that Deadly Sin?), so why not make the mores of our society religious decrees too?

Since *my* society is IT nerdness and skanky raver chicks, I'll start off with 'Thou shalt not read or post to slashdot at work' and 'Thou shalt not procure recreational drugs from men in toilets'. Take it and run, people

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-03-01 02:36am

Actually the better reason for avoiding pork then was for Trichinosis which would have been easier to get from pork back then.

Even now, it's a good idea to make sure you cook pork throroughly.

Dark Hellion · Post by **Dark Hellion** » 2004-03-01 02:38am

But if you buy from the men on the toliet, at least you know the drugs are untrustworthy. Better than getting them from you buddy and then finding they are laced with shit.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-03-01 02:39am

All the more reason to find new things to prohibt/encourage whatever!

How bout 'thou shalt wash your childs hair, lest it become infested with foul vermin'

NapoleonGH · Post by **NapoleonGH** » 2004-03-01 02:50am

Stark if we are going to add bans against something to do with taxes, it makes more sense to ban paying taxes, that way you have a religious reason to not pay em.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-03-01 03:08am

But then all our followers go to prison... so we'd need things like 'thou shalt not pass the shiv'...

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-03-01 03:14am

Thou shalt not cook meat to less than 160 degrees Fahrenheit; it is an abomination.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-03-01 03:54am

'Microwave dinners are an affront to the LORD GOD'... 'thou shalt not fail to put some water in empty coffee mugs before abandoning them to the mercies of the sink'....

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-03-01 04:56pm

If thyne be a female, thout shalt fellate darthdavid, for he is in dire need of ye.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-03-01 04:56pm

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-03-01 04:57pm

No no, thou, it's definately thou.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2004-03-01 05:25pm

Thou shalt not spam, thou shalt be castrated if thy name is darthdavid.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-03-01 06:48pm

Rye wrote:Thou shalt not spam, thou shalt be castrated if thy name is darthdavid.

No no no... we are being Biblical. That means stoning darthdavid.

Someone get a bag of hash on the double!

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-03-01 06:56pm

thou shalt not make love without thine glove

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-03-01 06:58pm

thou shalt not consume tequila and jagermeister on the same day, for such a consumption is unholy, and an affront unto the Lord.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-03-01 07:09pm

Thou shalt not... ah fuck it.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-03-01 07:15pm

Moved to OT.

Jawawithagun · Post by **Jawawithagun** » 2004-03-01 07:17pm

thou shalt not mix whiskey with anything but pure water

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-03-01 07:24pm

Thou shalt not eat food from McDonald's, it is an abomination.

Thou shalt not charge more than $2 for a cup of coffe, it is an abomination.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2004-03-01 07:41pm

Jawawithagun wrote:thou shalt not mix whiskey with anything but pure water

HEATHEN!!! We all know that god is part Irish and god decrees, ney DEMANDS! that whiskey must be drank straight lest ye be cast into the fires where englishmen dwell for all eternity.

Appologies to the English EBC members

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2004-03-01 07:48pm

Thou shalt not drink soft drinks that containeth aspartame, for they are foul perversions of true, sugary goodness.

Jawawithagun · Post by **Jawawithagun** » 2004-03-01 07:56pm

Lord Pounder wrote:
Jawawithagun wrote:thou shalt not mix whiskey with anything but pure water
HEATHEN!!! We all know that god is part Irish and god decrees, ney DEMANDS! that whiskey must be drank straight lest ye be cast into the fires where englishmen dwell for all eternity.

As long as the englishwomen dwell there too I see no problem.
And of course I agree with you about drinking it straight. Merely for the ladies that are not used to such pure and divine spirits a gentleman should allow them to drink them lessened slightly like this, lest one has to deal with such a sweet creature breaking divine law and that cannot be a gentleman's intent.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-03-01 10:52pm

Thou shalt ignite thine BBQs with kerosene, for it is a sweet savour unto the LORD.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-03-02 03:49am

Thou shalt spell thine words and punctuate thy sentences correctly when posting upon a message board, lest the Grammar Nazis stone you with stones.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-03-02 05:26pm

Thou shalt not be an obnoxious dickhead of abdominable smell, as thine is an affront to thy LORD, and thou dost stone them.

I'm sure that would get rid of all but a dozen of the guys in my school, though. Oh well, more girls for me.