stupid drivers, stupid big ass SUV's

[The Yosemite Bear]

Those new hummers and Lincoln Navigators are commonplace now where I live (I see those behemoths more often than I see buicks which is what I drive) and 90% of the time, its driver is a woman.

When they're trying to park their KDY SUVs, they will actually get out of their car and request other drivers to repark their cars to give their SUVs more room to park.

I have a very long scratch on the side of my car from a Hummer parking in the imployee parking COMPACT! section next to my little GEO.

[The Yosemite Bear]

But why do women seem to like them so much?

Mine doesn't. And the one woman I know who does love giant SUVs is ... well, let's just say that she might as well have a dick. Although I imagine that there may be some kind of appeal for women there as well, since they are accustomed to being unable to threaten people on a physical level.

Yes, but we all know Rebecca's a cut above the rest in terms of common sense. You put up with her, after all.

Soccer Moms (if i'm using the term in it's correct context) seem to love SUVs because they're safe from the inside. As long as their brats are inside the car for the whole mile of a school run, then they're not going to get hurt by another car.
Of course, no thought is spared for those kids who aren't being ferryed in a death machine...

I have seen them roll over

in fact two years ago I was in the hospitol for diabetic related problems when one did over here. the Ten year old was paralyzed by the lap belt, and the impact with the front seats.

[Vertigo1]

I made this exact point a long time ago on this board about the sight-line obstruction threat posed by giant SUVs. They're a fucking menace on the road, and while you could say the same about tractor trailers, at least there is a reason why those things have to be that big. Giant SUVs are nothing but dick size compensation.

A-fucking-men! You know what's worse? Pulling upto a red light next to one driven by a sockermom thats in a fucking hurry. You pull up a little bit just so you can see past the damn thing, and the stupid bitch pulls up thinking that you might be trying to actually get ahead of her (heaven forbid... ) Its because of people like that, that I wish it was legal to mount a minigun like the one used in Predator on the hood of my father's Dodge RAM and just mow the fuckers down. Same goes for the stupid pricks that cut me off, or the stupid old farts that poke ass along 30 fucking miles under the speed limit on a two-lane highway for no damn reason at all.

(Note: for those that are overly anal about wording, this post is meant to be taken as a vent, and in no way actually advocates the senseless slaughter of stupid people.)

[Superman]

Women driving SUV's is sort of interesting. When I see all of the shit kickers around here driving their raised monster truck looking pick ups, I know it's because they have small penises and feel the need to compensate. When women do it, I have no idea why...

[The Yosemite Bear]

As a coustomer service worker I can tell you the answer.

people consider themselves the most important people in their existance.

I have people get extreamly angry at me because the person before them bought the last slice of Lasagna for the next half an hour.

women and SUV's tend to be either.

1. my children and my safetry and ability to see around the corner is more important then your driving safety.

2. I have self esteem issues and want men to know that I am not to be taken lightly. (aka the same reason men buy them when they live in the suburbs because they feel they have to have an artificial penis to act as a stand in)

3. Women who engage in male dominated professions. Who have to put one external "armour" to keep up/play with the boys. Hence why my good friend the paramedic driver also owns and drives a hummer, as does my friend Denise the firefighter etc.

[neoolong]

Women driving SUV's is sort of interesting. When I see all of the shit kickers around here driving their raised monster truck looking pick ups, I know it's because they have small penises and feel the need to compensate. When women do it, I have no idea why...

Obviously because they feel they have small breasts and feel the need to compensate.

[Metatwaddle]

Giant SUVs are nothing but dick size compensation.

But why do women seem to like them so much?

I don't. I think they look stupid.

My feelings about SUVs are summed up in a song by Capitol Steps, a political comedy group. Their song "God Bless My SUV" is sung to the tune of "God Bless the USA."

Well I've heard that other countries
Are down on the U.S.
A land of mass consumption
Our lives filled with excess
But my daddy wasn't fighting
On Normandy that day
For the right to drive a Hyundai
I refuse to live that way...
And I'm proud to be an American
Who gets just five mpg
Though I live alone the car
I own can seat a hundred three
And I'll gladly park so close to you
When you pull out you can't see
No, I'll never trade my Escalade
God bless my SUV
Well the road may have congestion
But hey, I'll get there alive.
So don't pester me with questions
Like what would Gandhi drive
And you won't catch me in Starbucks
If I need a drink or snack
When I bought this ship she came equipped
With a Starbucks in the back
And I'm proud to be an American
With a car that fits my rear
The cash I put down could have fed a town
In Somalia for a year
And I'd gladly go and fight Saddam
He'd lose a war with me
He'll be stuck in mud when he sends his scud but not my SUV...

I love stuff like this.

[Alferd Packer]

I'll still keep my truck, thanks. I prefer to have a rig that can haul what I need it to haul, go offroad when I want, and not handle like absolute shit in the snow.

Incidentally, friend of the family owns a Suburban, which is, for all intents and purposes, as big as an Excursion. Think the Excursion has a slightly higher body lift, but that doesn't matter. Point is that the gigantic SUV does serve practical purposes, several of which I will name:

1. Hauling 4 people and 3 full-size dogs, plus accompanying luggage, from New Jersey to Florida and back 3-4 times a year.

2. Moving child into college in September and out in May.

3. Hauling mulch, lumber, furniture, just about everything you could imagine needing to haul when maintaining one's property and house.

4. Towing a 6000+ lb boat without even breaking a sweat. Let's see a Honda Civic or Accord attempt that one.

5. Being able to get out of the driveway in 6+ inches of snow, which happened seven or eight times this winter in northern NJ, and even more last winter. I don't care if your piddly Subaru Impreza has AWD and limited slips front and rear, you'll be fighting for every inch of ground without enough clearance under the car.

6. Helping the local high school marching band either haul or tow their largest instruments to and from games/band camp. (and this one time, at band camp...)

7. Chauferring around a teenage girl and her google of friends without worrying about running out of seating.

I invite you name another vehicle which will not only do all these things with ease, but not obstruct sight-lines of low-slung cars. There are people who need giant SUVs to easily accomplish the things they do in their day to day life. Certainly the vast majority of us could get away with not having one of these behemoths, but to say that they are nothing but compensation for small penis/tits/whatever is simply wrong.

[Darth Wong]

I'll still keep my truck, thanks. I prefer to have a rig that can haul what I need it to haul, go offroad when I want, and not handle like absolute shit in the snow.

Incidentally, friend of the family owns a Suburban, which is, for all intents and purposes, as big as an Excursion. Think the Excursion has a slightly higher body lift, but that doesn't matter. Point is that the gigantic SUV does serve practical purposes, several of which I will name:

1. Hauling 4 people and 3 full-size dogs, plus accompanying luggage, from New Jersey to Florida and back 3-4 times a year.

Two words: American Airlines. Alternately, rent a van. That's less expensive than owning an SUV.

2. Moving child into college in September and out in May.

I did that in a car. Over five years, I moved more than 15 times in a car.

3. Hauling mulch, lumber, furniture, just about everything you could imagine needing to haul when maintaining one's property and house.

Actually, a pickup truck is much better for hauling messy items such as mulch and lumber.

4. Towing a 6000+ lb boat without even breaking a sweat. Let's see a Honda Civic or Accord attempt that one.

So you need one ostentatious, expensive, road-menace toy in order to haul around your other ostentatious, expensive, road-menace toy?

5. Being able to get out of the driveway in 6+ inches of snow, which happened seven or eight times this winter in northern NJ, and even more last winter. I don't care if your piddly Subaru Impreza has AWD and limited slips front and rear, you'll be fighting for every inch of ground without enough clearance under the car.

Don't bullshit me. I live in Toronto and I don't need an SUV to get out of my driveway. Here's a hint: many thousands of years ago, Ancient Man in his wisdom invented this thing called a "shovel". And that is no excuse for driving around alone in the goddamned thing to commute to work during rush hour every day, unless you expect snow in June.

6. Helping the local high school marching band either haul or tow their largest instruments to and from games/band camp. (and this one time, at band camp...)

How often does one perform this kind of move? Did you know you can rent a huge U-Haul cube van for about $30 plus mileage? Does this justify driving around in a giant SUV every day?

7. Chauferring around a teenage girl and her google of friends without worrying about running out of seating.

They don't have buses in New Jersey?

I invite you name another vehicle which will not only do all these things with ease, but not obstruct sight-lines of low-slung cars. There are people who need giant SUVs to easily accomplish the things they do in their day to day life.

Frankly, anyone who claims that all of the above is his "day to day life" is so full of shit that it should be oozing out of his ears.

Certainly the vast majority of us could get away with not having one of these behemoths, but to say that they are nothing but compensation for small penis/tits/whatever is simply wrong.

Yeah sure, whatever you say.

[SyntaxVorlon]

6. Helping the local high school marching band either haul or tow their largest instruments to and from games/band camp. (and this one time, at band camp...)

This is far far more economical with a rented truck. We did this for every summer at my HS. Busses can accomodate most equipment for sporting events if not small vans, there would be no point to having large clunky cars around all the time simply for the purposes of moving around equipment that is better handled in larger vehicles that can be rented.

[Crayz9000]

You know, I'll say one thing that an SUV as big as a Surburban is good for...

You can sleep (or make out) rather comfortably in the back if you remove the rear seat

[Darth Wong]

The thing about SUVs is that once you've bought one, you can undoubtedly find all kinds of ways to use it. But that does not mean you really needed it in the first place.

The SUV is a fine example of "manufactured need"; you buy it and then you have to justify it after the fact. You can always tell the person who recently bought an SUV because he's the one who immediately pipes up and offers to help ferry kids on a school trip. "Hey, my SUV seats three hundred! I can take a few kids!"

[EmperorMing]

Then let him do it and pay for the gas and wear and tear on his vehicle.

[Darth Wong]

Then let him do it and pay for the gas and wear and tear on his vehicle.

Actually, the school will generally point out that the potential legal liability of allowing some random parent to ferry kids on a school trip is unacceptable. They don't even know what his driving record is; for all they know, he has twelve DUIs on his rapsheet. They have to use their own buses and drivers.

Mind you, if the parents of the kids involved give specific consent, that's a different matter. But the school can't just hand over kids to some parent.

[Crayz9000]

The thing about SUVs is that once you've bought one, you can undoubtedly find all kinds of ways to use it. But that does not mean you really needed it in the first place.

You know, I'll be the first to agree with that. I'm kind of fed up with driving an SUV; sure, it has its uses, but overall it's just a big pain in the ass and drinks gas like it's going out of style.

Yes, it's nice for moving stuff. But if that was what I wanted to do, I'd have recommended my dad get a regular Chevy van instead of a Suburban. In many ways that would be be better, too; a van doesn't have such high ground clearance, making cargo loading much easier.

Now if the Suburban was loaded up with TV transmission equipment and had a microwave mast on the roof, then yes, it would certainly be useful for going off-road and doing TV reporting. But that's not what we use it for.

The irritating thing is that my dad mainly got the Suburban for occasional use and off-roading, or carrying lots of people when necessary. We have a V6 station wagon that needs to be fixed, and is a nice workhorse, but ever since we got the Suburban he hasn't done a damned thing to that station wagon. Meanwhile we're eating a ton of fuel. Oh well; at least he got it used and not new.

[Alferd Packer]

Two words: American Airlines. Alternately, rent a van. That's less expensive than owning an SUV.

Stops are made along the way to Florida. Moreover, what do you drive when you get there? You still have to get the luggage and dogs from the airport at Key West some thirty miles out the house in question. Renting a van would work, but then you run into the same sight-line obstruction problems.

I did that in a car. Over five years, I moved more than 15 times in a car.

I did so several times before I bought my truck, but it was a pain in the ass being packed the brim (as in only able to fit myself in my '86 Camry) or worse yet, having to make two trips, if I needed to bring furniture. Giant SUV = fit the family + all the crap to move in, and you're more comfortable.

Actually, a pickup truck is much better for hauling messy items such as mulch and lumber.

Absolutely, but again, if you want everything in one vehicle, and don't want the doggies with their heads in the wind...

So you need one ostentatious, expensive, road-menace toy in order to haul around your other ostentatious, expensive, road-menace toy?

Wait, what? Oh, I getcha. Pain in the butt to others when you're towing the boat. Well, simply put, you need a heavy duty hauler to tow a large boat. And hey, if you've got the money to afford one, more power to ya, I say. You can't get around it; no sedan can tow 6000 pounds. They're just not built with that in mind. The cheapest vehicle which can haul that much is probably in the neck of 22-23K, and is just a bare-bones pickup truck.

Don't bullshit me. I live in Toronto and I don't need an SUV to get out of my driveway. Here's a hint: many thousands of years ago, Ancient Man in his wisdom invented this thing called a "shovel". And that is no excuse for driving around alone in the goddamned thing to commute to work during rush hour every day, unless you expect snow in June.

For the record, the Suburban in question isn't used as the commuter car, to my knowledge. However, you're right in stating that shouldn't. Sadly, most other people don't seem to share that notion.

How often does one perform this kind of move? Did you know you can rent a huge U-Haul cube van for about $30 plus mileage? Does this justify driving around in a giant SUV every day?

One probably doesn't do this often, but in this case, a few times a year. And to clarify, it's more for moving one or two of the largest pieces over a shorter stretch. Like in such places where the U-Haul cube truck couldn't fit. More of a convenience, but still, saves your back that much grief. This was just listed more as an example of where it would make life easier over, say, a Corolla. And no, this only doesn't justify owning a giant SUV. Taken as a part of a larger sum of uses, though...

They don't have buses in New Jersey?

Actually, not in the area in question. In northern New Jersey, public transportation is limited to the Senior citizen shuttle and the school buses. That's it. You can't walk anywhere, because anything of interest is 15+ miles away. So, when a giggling bunch of teenage girls want to go the mall on a Sunday afternoon, a carpool is the best answer. Sometimes its the mini-van mom who makes the trip, other times it's the Suburban.

You have to understand something about New Jersey: The northern tip and southern third(with the exceptions of Atlantic City and Camden) are quite rural. The middle of the state is the part that everyone jokes about: insanely bad traffic, mobsters, pollution, overdevelopment, etc. Outside of it this heavily-populated belt, you're living in the down-home country-fried boonies. Plows don't come through during heavy snows for a couple of hours, at least. You can't walk or take a bus anywhere, unless you live in a senior citizen home. Simply put, it's the country. I know that sounds odd for New Jersey, but that's the way it is. I dun seen it wif ma own two eyes. *strums his banjo*

Frankly, anyone who claims that all of the above is his "day to day life" is so full of shit that it should be oozing out of his ears.

Perhaps a bad choice of words. Rather, take a sum of those occurances listed above and divide them evenly over the course of a given year. Say 24-30 trips/events to which the vehicle is suited (but not exclusively so) and you have 'bout twice a month. You might be able to justify renting mission-specific vehicles, so to say, if you were able to do so with ease, but remember, we're talking about the country. The nearest rent-a-car place is...hmm, don't know off the top of my head. Maybe a gas station or something rents trucks out the back for a little side income.

Oh sure, the workarounds you suggested are perfectly viable. Given the sum total of the circumstances involved, however, it would be easier to simply buy the SUV and use it as a catch-all vehicle, save commuting. How many people entertain these or similar circumstances? Probably not that many. Certainly very few(if any) people in cities, I'd think.

What it boils down to is this: when you live in the sticks, travel a lot, haul a lot, and can't take public transportation, and you need one vehicle that does everything, the giant SUV remains a viable option. Certainly not the most eco- or other driver-friendly, but again, this is the boonies. Not a lot of traffic lights, if'n you know what I mean. The giant SUV, on the average, is simply the penis extension, but there are people who use their SUV's capabilities and enjoy the convenience afforded them by having a catch-all vehicle which can do just about anything.

[Darth Wong]

Stops are made along the way to Florida. Moreover, what do you drive when you get there?

They have these car-rental places right in the airport, you know.

You still have to get the luggage and dogs from the airport at Key West some thirty miles out the house in question. Renting a van would work, but then you run into the same sight-line obstruction problems.

Only for the duration of your trip.

I did so several times before I bought my truck, but it was a pain in the ass being packed the brim (as in only able to fit myself in my '86 Camry) or worse yet, having to make two trips, if I needed to bring furniture. Giant SUV = fit the family + all the crap to move in, and you're more comfortable.

And it's more economical to purchase and maintain a giant SUV than to rent a truck each time you move, if you really have that much shit? You flunked math, didn't you?

Absolutely, but again, if you want everything in one vehicle, and don't want the doggies with their heads in the wind...

Given the high TCO of SUVs, I am not seeing the advantage of having "everything in one vehicle".

So you need one ostentatious, expensive, road-menace toy in order to haul around your other ostentatious, expensive, road-menace toy?

Wait, what? Oh, I getcha. Pain in the butt to others when you're towing the boat. Well, simply put, you need a heavy duty hauler to tow a large boat. And hey, if you've got the money to afford one, more power to ya, I say. You can't get around it; no sedan can tow 6000 pounds. They're just not built with that in mind. The cheapest vehicle which can haul that much is probably in the neck of 22-23K, and is just a bare-bones pickup truck.

The point about using one ostentatious road menace to justify another obviously sailed over your head. It's like Imelda Marcos saying she needs to drive around in a giant SUV because she likes to bring her shoe collection around with her.

For the record, the Suburban in question isn't used as the commuter car, to my knowledge. However, you're right in stating that shouldn't. Sadly, most other people don't seem to share that notion.

So you're saying that the family in question has two vehicles, one for commuting and the other being this SUV? Why, then, should the second vehicle not be a pickup truck, since the only need for it seems to be hauling things?

How often does one perform this kind of move? Did you know you can rent a huge U-Haul cube van for about $30 plus mileage? Does this justify driving around in a giant SUV every day?

One probably doesn't do this often, but in this case, a few times a year.

Nowhere near enough to justify owning a giant SUV when you could rent cube vans for peanuts each time you need to do it.

And to clarify, it's more for moving one or two of the largest pieces over a shorter stretch. Like in such places where the U-Haul cube truck couldn't fit. More of a convenience, but still, saves your back that much grief.

Bullshit. They sell U-hauls in various shapes and sizes, and many of them have platform lifts on the back to make it much easier to put large objects into the back. Much easier than any SUV, just to punctuate the point.

This was just listed more as an example of where it would make life easier over, say, a Corolla. And no, this only doesn't justify owning a giant SUV. Taken as a part of a larger sum of uses, though...

... it's part of the "manufactured need" syndrome I mentioned earlier.

They don't have buses in New Jersey?

Actually, not in the area in question. In northern New Jersey, public transportation is limited to the Senior citizen shuttle and the school buses. That's it. You can't walk anywhere, because anything of interest is 15+ miles away. So, when a giggling bunch of teenage girls want to go the mall on a Sunday afternoon, a carpool is the best answer. Sometimes its the mini-van mom who makes the trip, other times it's the Suburban.

I suppose you'll have to forgive me if I don't treat the Caravan of Airheads to the Shopping Mecca as a legitimate need.

You have to understand something about New Jersey: The northern tip and southern third(with the exceptions of Atlantic City and Camden) are quite rural. The middle of the state is the part that everyone jokes about: insanely bad traffic, mobsters, pollution, overdevelopment, etc. Outside of it this heavily-populated belt, you're living in the down-home country-fried boonies. Plows don't come through during heavy snows for a couple of hours, at least. You can't walk or take a bus anywhere, unless you live in a senior citizen home. Simply put, it's the country. I know that sounds odd for New Jersey, but that's the way it is. I dun seen it wif ma own two eyes. *strums his banjo*

Oh puh-lease. In most places, including major cities, you can assume it will take a few hours to clear off the roads after a major snowfall. Somehow, I miraculously manage to get by, significantly farther north than NJ, without an SUV. Kind of torpeoes your assertion that it adds up to a "need", doesn't it?

Frankly, anyone who claims that all of the above is his "day to day life" is so full of shit that it should be oozing out of his ears.

Perhaps a bad choice of words. Rather, take a sum of those occurances listed above and divide them evenly over the course of a given year.

And then compare it to the cost of renting a van for the few times when you really need that capacity while owning a car and perhaps a pickup if you're a contractor or something.

Say 24-30 trips/events to which the vehicle is suited (but not exclusively so) and you have 'bout twice a month. You might be able to justify renting mission-specific vehicles, so to say, if you were able to do so with ease, but remember, we're talking about the country. The nearest rent-a-car place is...hmm, don't know off the top of my head. Maybe a gas station or something rents trucks out the back for a little side income.

I used to live in the country, in a really small town (6000 people), and everyone there seemed to get by just fine with pickup trucks.

Oh sure, the workarounds you suggested are perfectly viable.

In the case of carrying around mulch or lumber, the pickup is actually far superior. It's much easier to clean shit off the bed of a pickup truck than the interior of an SUV.

Given the sum total of the circumstances involved, however, it would be easier to simply buy the SUV and use it as a catch-all vehicle, save commuting. How many people entertain these or similar circumstances? Probably not that many. Certainly very few(if any) people in cities, I'd think.

If you acknowledge that even this questionable level of "need" is rare, then you acknowledge that the generalization is still basically accurate: people who buy SUVs are generally just doing it for dick compensation.

What it boils down to is this: when you live in the sticks, travel a lot, haul a lot, and can't take public transportation, and you need one vehicle that does everything, the giant SUV remains a viable option. Certainly not the most eco- or other driver-friendly, but again, this is the boonies. Not a lot of traffic lights, if'n you know what I mean. The giant SUV, on the average, is simply the penis extension, but there are people who use their SUV's capabilities and enjoy the convenience afforded them by having a catch-all vehicle which can do just about anything.

Given the number of conditions which must be met in order to (weakly) justify the "need" in this case, I'd say this is an excellent example of the so-called "exception that proves the rule".

[Gandalf]

I did that in a car. Over five years, I moved more than 15 times in a car.

I did so several times before I bought my truck, but it was a pain in the ass being packed the brim (as in only able to fit myself in my '86 Camry) or worse yet, having to make two trips, if I needed to bring furniture. Giant SUV = fit the family + all the crap to move in, and you're more comfortable.

I'm in my 17th house right now, we moved around Australia in a car, there were four of us. We were plently comfortable. The last one took 3 trips only because we were in a Hyundai Excel.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Oh BTW I have Totaled a company suburban, (not found to be at fault, but the company won't let me drive their vehicles anymore.) I hit black ice, going down hill, ran over a chainlink fence, and then crashed into the back end of the snow plow that had broken a chain followed by an axel on the same patch of killer ice.

[The Yosemite Bear]

oh, and I out manuver and pass wrecked SUV's up here in the wilderness with a Geo

[Crayz9000]

That's why the Jeep CJ-7/Wrangler is still the king of the off-road vehicles

[The Yosemite Bear]

I really do want a jeep....

mind you I saw an Excursion with "cartooned" axles today.... (fuck can't you people learn basic speed control?, or figure out that roads on the north side of the valley are going to have black ice?

[Darth Wong]

Actually, that does remind me that I've seen a lot of SUVs wiped out or in ditches before. The best vehicle for snow is a Jeep. Light weight combined with 4-wheel drive, big tires, and good ground clearance. SUVs have 4-wheel drive and good ground clearance but they weigh too much. And the idiots driving them don't seem to realize that while 4-wheel drive makes it easier to accelerate in bad road conditions, it does not make it easier to stop.

[The Yosemite Bear]

no shit

clearance I don't got good gas milage and light wieght I do.

or is it bad that I cary cat litter and a come a long wienvh in the back of my car that's usually used for rescuing SUVs....

[Tsyroc]

My favorites are the boneheads with four wheel drive who gun it as soon as they hit ice and keep on sliding...just faster.