Going to murder my fucking cat!

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justifier
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Going to murder my fucking cat!

Post by justifier »

God damn fucking bitch ass hell damn fart cat!

My dad comes home and after a while he notices that he hasn't seen our cat. We check the house and she isn't there, so we check our garage, then we check our yard. Then we spend 45 minutes going up and down the street and hill behind our yard(I'm barefoot) and then my dad finally finds her; in the yard next to ours; which we swept three times with flashlights, hoses and sticks. Urge to kill...rising.
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Post by haas mark »

That's better than having two cats, where when one goes out of heat, the other one goes into heat, with a seemingly endless cycle..
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The Yosemite Bear
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Post by The Yosemite Bear »

<cat> oh look at the slaves and thier little lights, too bad they can't see infrared and low light. *smirk* </cat>
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justifier
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Post by justifier »

The Yosemite Bear wrote:<cat> oh look at the slaves and thier little lights, too bad they can't see infrared and low light. *smirk* </cat>
Yes, that's it. Good, now step into the quick-sand box.
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Post by Gandalf »

This is why I love cats, they're much more independant than dogs.
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Post by Montcalm »

Gandalf wrote:This is why I love cats, they're much more independant than dogs.
And they`re hippocrites and don`t give a shit if you die :P :P
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Post by consequences »

Yup, they are completely selfish little bastards. However they can't work a can opener, so its like having a live-in roommate you can fuck with a s much as you want. Plus, there is something very disturbing about how soothing petting one of the little furry demons is.
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Post by Shinova »

Your cat went outside to plot. It wants to steal...your body parts. :twisted:
What's her bust size!?

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Post by Einhander Sn0m4n »

My cats already tried to castrate me once, and today the big black one (Chalupa) laid a fart that would make an atomic bomb jealous! Plus they like to play the "Shit RIGHT FUCKING NEXT to the Litter Box" game...

But they're SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!! LOL
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Post by RedImperator »

How long until someone brings up Hemlock's cat?

Oh, wait. I just did.
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Post by The Yosemite Bear »

Cute+evil also there's the infamous Consol kitty sub variety of cat that has figured out how to use the fuckin mouse, and how to hit Ctrl+alt+del with his fuckin paws....
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Post by consequences »

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Cute+evil also there's the infamous Consol kitty sub variety of cat that has figured out how to use the fuckin mouse, and how to hit Ctrl+alt+del with his fuckin paws....
All cats know exactly how to Ctrl+alt+del, some of them just aren't as good at biding their time.
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Post by The Yosemite Bear »

pet me now or I will fart in your face while you are playing quake, or CTRL+ALT+DEL while you are in the middle of an important paper or when you have just finished a tough opponet and haven't saved in a really long time.
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The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin
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Post by GoldenFalcon »

Cats have a knack of making their wants quite clear when you're trying to work on something else. :evil:

But other than that... :lol:
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Post by Crown »

I usually find just banging on his meal bowl brings the little fella 'a' running ... seriously, you need to instill a sense of who's the boss with cats ... and afterwards make sure you follow their rules! :D
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Post by haas mark »

Crown wrote:I usually find just banging on his meal bowl brings the little fella 'a' running ... seriously, you need to instill a sense of who's the boss with cats ... and afterwards make sure you follow their rules! :D
And the very fact that you feed them shows you to be boss how?
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Post by Crown »

verilon wrote:
Crown wrote:I usually find just banging on his meal bowl brings the little fella 'a' running ... seriously, you need to instill a sense of who's the boss with cats ... and afterwards make sure you follow their rules! :D
And the very fact that you feed them shows you to be boss how?
Hint :: Reading the entire post helps you avoid looking foolish. :wink:
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Re: Going to murder my fucking cat!

Post by Comosicus »

justifier wrote:God damn fucking bitch ass hell damn fart cat!

My dad comes home and after a while he notices that he hasn't seen our cat. We check the house and she isn't there, so we check our garage, then we check our yard. Then we spend 45 minutes going up and down the street and hill behind our yard(I'm barefoot) and then my dad finally finds her; in the yard next to ours; which we swept three times with flashlights, hoses and sticks. Urge to kill...rising.
Did you checked if it developped any human body parts? like ..... hands? :lol: :lol:
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Re: Going to murder my fucking cat!

Post by salm »

justifier wrote:God damn fucking bitch ass hell damn fart cat!

My dad comes home and after a while he notices that he hasn't seen our cat. We check the house and she isn't there, so we check our garage, then we check our yard. Then we spend 45 minutes going up and down the street and hill behind our yard(I'm barefoot) and then my dad finally finds her; in the yard next to ours; which we swept three times with flashlights, hoses and sticks. Urge to kill...rising.
why didn´t you leave the cat out for the night? cats are independant enough to do that.
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Post by Crom »

My grandmother had a kickass cat. His name was Midnight and he loved to chill out with people.

The cat was practically a dog. He'd hang out with you, chase string, sleep on you, and to my recollection never pulled any of that farting in your face, or shitting next to the litter box crap.

He really loved to play with boxes. Got to love cats with personality. Too bad the bastard went and died on us.
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Post by muse »

On a sidenote my classmate taught me a fun little trick you can do with cat. First you gotta get it to relax a bit, then you hold it upsidedown by its hindquarters about a foot or two off the ground. Once the cat stops struggling and stretches out into a horizontal position, you gently but firmly throw its backend up. The cat will do a flip in the air and land on its feet.
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Post by Superman »

My cat is sort of weird. When one of us takes a shower, she sits at the door and meows to come in the bathroom. Then she sits by the sink and just hangs out while the shower is going. I think she likes the steam or something.
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Post by Dorsk 81 »

Montcalm wrote:
Gandalf wrote:This is why I love cats, they're much more independant than dogs.
And they`re hippocrites and don`t give a shit if you die :P :P
One of mine would (Vicky)! The other three probably wouldn't care.
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Post by Jason von Evil »

RedImperator wrote:How long until someone brings up Hemlock's cat?

Oh, wait. I just did.
What about his cat?
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Post by Oni Koneko Damien »

Actually, as some of the posters here have inadvertantly pointed out, cats are kind of like humans. They don't give a shit about much that doesn't immediately apply to them, they enjoy pissing others off. They are egotistical, selfish, evil little bastards. Now, unlike humans, they're cuter, they don't have this phobia of touching, they don't talk shit behind your back, if they're going to fuck you over, they let you know up front, despite the fact that they shit everywhere you don't want them to, they at least don't let out nearly as much shit as humans do, while they may be expensive, at least you get to make the decision on what you spend their money on, rather than them going to the mall and giving you a 2000 dollar credit card bill, and they sound a lot nicer.

Between cats and the average human, I'll take cats any day.

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