Going to murder my fucking cat!

[Demiurge]

Don't. Every time you kill a cat, Ashton Kutcher makes a movie.

[Montcalm]

Don't. Every time you kill a cat, Ashton Kutcher makes a movie.

SAVE THE CATS SAVE THE CATS

[irishmick79]

My fiance used to have a cat that attacked and bit EVERYTHING. It was a really pretty cat, but she would just crouch down and stalk anything that moved. She liked to bite and use her claws alot, and would scratch people up pretty good. Finally her roommate moved out and took kitty with her. It was'nt a fun experience for anybody.

[haas mark]

Damnit.. no masturbation!

Corwn: Yes, reading the whole post does help. So does being totally awake.

[Rye]

That's better than having two cats, where when one goes out of heat, the other one goes into heat, with a seemingly endless cycle..

Neuter/spay them.

[haas mark]

That's better than having two cats, where when one goes out of heat, the other one goes into heat, with a seemingly endless cycle..

Neuter/spay them.

Not my option.

[The Yosemite Bear]

I used to find it very funny that my calculus class was full of them, these wild "campus cats" would just sit in and audit all of the physics and calc professor's classes. Come to think of it, they seemed to be paying more attention to her then the student's did....

Either she was giving them food on the side, or that joke about cat's attempting to constantly test gravity, and figure out the physics/geometry of catching birds with a well timed pounce is correct....

[Crown]

Corwn: Yes, reading the whole post does help. So does being totally awake.

Well I took a stab at one of the two, hece my smiley!

[The Yosemite Bear]

I just noticed that Ver called you a prince of Amber.... "Corwin"

does that mean you have Greyswyder?

[Crown]

I just noticed that Ver called you a prince of Amber.... "Corwin"

does that mean you have Greyswyder?

Depends ... can I pick up chicks with it?

[The Yosemite Bear]

well it can cut through patterns and I guess since you can rearrange reality you could pull it off...

[Crown]

well it can cut through patterns and I guess since you can rearrange reality you could pull it off...

Well in that case I definetly don't have one!

[haas mark]

WHAT? I made a typo??

[aerius]

Well, if you're gonna murder your cat, at least have some fun killing it. I present "25 fun ways to kill a cat", a special from my dialup days.

25 Imaginative Ways to Kill A Cat
---------------------------------

By Admmiral Halcyons and The Bad Man,
and inspired by Outy.

What's more fun than driving really fast? A day at the amusement parks?
Going to a good movie? CAT KILLING! The best form of Anarchy!
Yes, that's right, time to kill that cat that pisses on your driveway,
blocks your way when you're out for a walk, scratches the hood of your car,
and stares at you with its evil glowing eyes late at night!
If god hadn't intended for us to kill cats, he wouldn't have made them so
fun to kill! Fur all over the place, a rotting cat corpse hanging from the
lamp post! That's what life's all about! You haven't lived until you've
heard a cats last meow of agony as you wrench its legs off from its torso!
The following are 25 creative, destructive, and most of all fun ways of
killing those ferocious feline fuckers.

1.) Put a cat on top of a flat rock, then put another flat rock on top of
the cat. Make it big, but not big enough to crush the cat. Then obtain a box
of bricks, thus the game begins. How many bricks do you think you'll have to
pile up on the flat rock until it meets the other rock and flattens
kitty? For extra fun, invite some friends over and gamble on this.

2.) Can a cat fly? Throw the cat off a high building or cliff. My preferred
height is fifteen stories or more. Let's see if it lands on its feet this
time. Note: I've never seen a cat fly yet, but it might adapt if you do
it often enough.

3.) Catnap your neighbors kitty. Put it in a dark, cold, and wet
place in your basement with minimal food. In a weeks time, your neighbor
will start advertising for help to find his lost cat. When the search begins,
find yourself a nice unidentifiable piece of road kill, put it in a shoe box,
and throw in the cats collar. Drop it off on your neighbors doorstep with a
sorry note. Give your neighbor time to recuperate and buy a new cat. After
he's gotten used to the new cat, throw his old one over his fence. It works
best on old geezers, because they might have a heart attack or something fun
like that. If you're really lucky, they might drop dead right in front of
you. (For those of you who are disappointed to let the cat live, look on the
bright side: your neighbor now has two cats for you to kill in the future.)

4.) Steal a cat, go on a busy freeway at a speed of roughly 100 kph then
throw the cat out the window. It will either die of fright, die of hitting
the cement at 100 km per hour, or die of being run over or hit by a vehicle.
The possibilites are endless.

5.) Tie a cat to your computer, disable the fan and leave it on for a long
time. The cat will roast.

6.) Are you pro-choice? Get a pregnant cat, and your favorite rusty cutlery
and give it an abortion. Yeah that's right, you get to kill some before they
even come into the world. Bonus points here.

7.) Tie a cat to your hood ornament by the neck (or if you don't have one
due to a fellow Anarchist ripping it off, tie it to your hood) and go
really fast. Make a sudden stop, then watch the cat fly forward, and when
the rope reaches its end, watch its neck snap. This, again works well if an
old person is watching, because it's the type of thing likely to give them
a shock and kill them, hopefully.

8.) Don't you believe in equality for all living things? You were forced
to take swimming lessons at camp, so why shouldn't cats
be forced as well? Throw one in a lake, it'll give him a good reason to start
learning.

9.) Take out a cat's teeth with some tweezers. Put a rat which you have
been starving in a box in the cats mouth, then steal your moms thread and
needle and sew the cats mouth shut, then watch the rat eat its way out.

10.) Build a cat-apult out of a few elastics and pieces of wood, then place
the cat inside, and help it learn to fly so that it has more of a fighting
chance when you go to throw it off a building later.

11.) Coat a cat in strawberry jelly and drop it off in front of a fat farm.
The cat will get eaten. You might want to try fried cat yourself,
it goes good with a nice white wine.

12.) Did curiosity really kill the cat? Put a bomb in a dark corner, and
put some nice smelling cat food on the bomb. Then steal a cat from
that old bag neighbor of yours. Encourage the cat to enter the room, then
shut the door. Wait a while, and when you hear an explosion accompanied by
a startled meow, you have succeeded in your mission. Note: This is not
reccomended to be tried in a place with an easily stainable interior.

13.) Shoot the cat. Simple, yet effective.

14.) Number 13 is not always successful... shoot it again.

15.) Put the cats tail in a hand operated meat grinder. *Slowly* grind the
cat through. Don't let its screams deter you from your mission, just keep
thinking of your neighbors expression when he sees it ground up. This will
give you strength.

16.) Do you have a young child around the neighborhood? My these little devils
are destructive aren't they? Give the cat to the kid and explain to him that
it is a package and that there's a special suprise inside just for him.
Watch the greedy bastard rip and tear at it, just as if were a birthday
gift. When he finishes ripping apart the cat and asks what the surprise is,
tell him it's a cat kidney and tell him to show his mommy.

17.) Don't the halls at school get busy between classes? No one would notice
a cat thrown out under their feet. The only problem is that the cats screams
of agony are hard to hear because of all the noise.

18.) Get a meat cleaver and take a big fat cat and chop it up into little
bitty pieces. Save it for the next time you have a party and want to serve
odeuvres.

19.) You know those stuffed Garfields with the suction cups that people always
stick inside their car windows? Damn, they cost so much. Why not make your
own? Dead cats stiffen up after being left for a while... get some suction
cups and attach them to the cats paws. Guaranteed to get laughs on the
highway.

20.) You've seen gremlins... take a cat and put it in your microwave
or your neighbors, if you don't have one. Instructions: Two minutes on high
for a light fry, 10 minutes for cat guts all over your microwave, 30 min.
for an evaporated cat, then open up the microwave door and breath in the
fresh smell of evaporated kitty.

21.) Rumour has it cats have nine lives, let's find out. Take another cat,
hang it, scalp it, knife it, set it on fire, poison it, play baseball with
it, jump on it, blow it up. Now that you have killed it eight times, test
to see that it is still alive. If it's dead, that's good. If it isn't, then
its true! Cats really do have nine lives! Now kill it.

22.) The pied piper thing worked with rats.. well hell, who says it won't with
cats? Steal a flute from your school's band room or from your local music
store, and walk around your neighborhood playing a merry tune. Soon all the
kitties will follow you. Lead them all to one room, where you have previously
set up a remote controlled bomb. Run out and shut the door quickly, and it
is recomended that you be at least 100 feet away from the room. Go to your
most cat-loving neighbor, and persuade him to push the button. Tell him
he'll get a real blast out of it.

23.) Cats blood combined with cats cuss makes a nice thick mixture. You want
to make your neighbor (who has just had his cat stolen) feel better, don't
you? Invite him over for a barbecue. Don't forget the catsup.

24.) The cat comes back the very next day. Every time it comes back, chop
a little piece off of it. Unfortunately, the cat stops coming back after a
while.

25.) A hunting we will go! Put on your checkered hunting jacket and your
favorite hunting cap. Get your handy rifle, and go for a little walk
around the neighborhood. And remember: cat season is all year long!

[Comosicus]

Well, if you're gonna murder your cat, at least have some fun killing it. I present "25 fun ways to kill a cat", a special from my dialup days.

You have one hell of morbid imagination

[Crown]

WHAT? I made a typo??

Yes but don't worry, I didn't follow my own advice!