Girl problem: Getting to know her.

Crom · Post by **Crom** » 2004-03-16 04:25pm

Galvatron wrote:That's good. I was afraid you were both teenagers. First of all, I'd ignore any advice that encourages stalking or gift-giving. You want to appear confident but not cocky and she needs to think you have an active social life.

Do you ever work with her on Thursdays?

I don't really know her schedule that well. I think we both work on Thursdays. We work in different departments, though, I'm Night Maintenance, and she's Art Department.

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-03-16 04:35pm

Next question: what do you usually do on weekends? Are you a homebody? Do you hang out with friends? Ever go out for drinks to TGIFriday's or anything like that?

Crom · Post by **Crom** » 2004-03-16 04:42pm

Galvatron wrote:Next question: what do you usually do on weekends? Are you a homebody? Do you hang out with friends? Ever go out for drinks to TGIFriday's or anything like that?

I do generally tend to be a homebody. I end up hanging out with my roommates, or generally goofing off. I have started going to the nearest African Drum & Dance center on Saturday nights for their jam sessions, to combat the whole homebody thing. On Sundays I try and hit up a yoga class.

Generally I don't go out for drinks. Since I don't drink much.

My roommates are my friends, so I usually end up hanging out with them ...

Oh my god. I'm boring.

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-03-16 04:50pm

Crom wrote:I do generally tend to be a homebody. I end up hanging out with my roommates, or generally goofing off. I have started going to the nearest African Drum & Dance center on Saturday nights for their jam sessions, to combat the whole homebody thing. On Sundays I try and hit up a yoga class.

Generally I don't go out for drinks. Since I don't drink much.

My roommates are my friends, so I usually end up hanging out with them ...

Oh my god. I'm boring.

"Going out for drinks" is just a convenient and casual way to get together so you can break the ice. Depending on your tolerance for alcohol, you could power down shots or simply order a light beer and nurse it the whole time. That part's up to you. My point is that you could ask her to join you and your friends at a pub or TGIF's or someplace like that. I'm sure you have at least one or two places like that in your area.

Also, at the risk of getting shouted down by the more uptight members of the peanut gallery, I recommend reading this...

The Aliens · Post by **The Aliens** » 2004-03-16 05:01pm

It's all about ice-breaking. The first steps are like passive scans- then one you get to talking with her you can decide if you want to continue your present co-worker level relationship or try and continue on. You have to get your foot in the dorr before you can walk through it.

Crom · Post by **Crom** » 2004-03-16 05:02pm

Galvatron wrote:"Going out for drinks" is just a convenient and casual way to get together so you can break the ice. Depending on your tolerance for alcohol, you could power down shots or simply order a light beer and nurse it the whole time. That part's up to you. My point is that you could ask her to join you and your friends at a pub or TGIF's or someplace like that. I'm sure you have at least one or two places like that in your area.

Also, at the risk of getting shouted down by the more uptight members of the peanut gallery, I recommend reading this...

That was actually a pretty interesting read. I could understand why you could get yelled at for that. Unfortunately, for me, I fall under the no-confidence list. Crap.

I read the part on body language too, that was really interesting. Maybe it is time I go out for a drink.

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-03-16 05:12pm

Crom wrote:That was actually a pretty interesting read. I could understand why you could get yelled at for that.

Hey, fuck 'em if they don't like it. Right?

Crom wrote:Unfortunately, for me, I fall under the no-confidence list. Crap.

But that's reversible. Knowledge is power.

Crom wrote:I read the part on body language too, that was really interesting.

You can learn a lot from that site. I know it's helped me and my buddies from time to time.

Crom wrote:Maybe it is time I go out for a drink.

That's the spirit.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2004-03-16 07:26pm

His Divine Shadow wrote:
Colonel Olrik wrote:What risk? There is no risk. If she says no, blah, you're no worse than before, your ego will heal in a few days, or in a night if you have enough beer with you.

On the other hand, there's so much to gain..
I OTOH have a problem that I want to get to know a girl first before I decided wheter it could be anything else, and then I might have come to like them alot so there's alot more at risk, just going forward and trying to pick someone up is something I could never do unless heavily inebriated...

My crowning achievement was to pick up a venezuelan born north american flight stewardess in a flight from Paris to Lisbon, with two portuguese friends looking at me the whole time. She was on Holidays, I was returning home, and by random accident I was separated from my friends and given a place next to her. It took me almost an hour to start talking, and then the food came and I had my excuse. We left the airport together. Once in a lifetime, that will never happen to me again.

She was the most beautiful woman I have ever been with. Gah.

If only I knew enough german to pick up the pretty chinese girl sitting next to me in the german classes..

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2004-03-16 09:13pm

Okay, I have little experience with this, but here's my attempt at fabricating something.

She likes Kung-Fu movies. Extend that to Kill Bill. If she liked that, you're set (maybe). Two weeks or so before it comes out, talk about some random Kung-Fu movie, extend it to Kill Bill 2, and mention that you are going to see it on <insert date>. Ask it she would like to see it with you.

Or something like that.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2004-03-16 09:22pm

Crom wrote:Unfortunately, for me, I fall under the no-confidence list. Crap.

You don't have to have confidence, you just have to act like you do.

Crom · Post by **Crom** » 2004-03-16 09:29pm

I just got back from the bookstore.

I went in with a sketch pad in my hand and a box of charcoal in my pocket. Why? It just seemed like a good idea. I walked down the stairs down to the basement, I think the adrenaline was starting to kick because my heart started to kick up a notch.

She was at the table the art clerks hover around, since her back was to me I had to walk around the table. I was about to say hi when another clerk swooped in next to me and started talking to her. Startled, I managed to keep my cool long enough to say, "Hey."

She saw the sketch pad and assumed I wanted to draw her. The third clerk got drawn into the conversation and I ended up drawing her instead. Then I drew two pictures of the target, quite horribly I might add. I tried to strike up a conversation, but I couldn't keep one going. I may have commented that her hair looked better dirty, I can't be sure.

Time was slipping away, she had to finish some orders and then head upstairs. I knew that if I didn't take my shot now I probably never would. But I hesitated, and I figured it better to keep silent then to try and stutter my way through. She drew a picture of me, not bad I thought, since she was into blind contour drawing too. Then she started off. I tried to follow but had to fall back to not appear desperate.

This cool thing is a fine line to walk.

I retreated back to the cash register and talked to a buddy of mine. Then I saw her by the employee elevator. I thought something similar to "Fuck it," though I think I don't remember thinking much at all. I walked up to her and said, "Hey I'm going to go see the new Johnny Depp movie and was wondering if you wanted to come along."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," said my brain.

"Midnight showing of what?" She asked.
"I'm planning to go see the new Johnny Depp movie."
"Oh, he has a new movie out?"
"Yeah, it's written by Stephen King."
"Sure, when is it showing?" Major disaster. Oh crap! I had no idea when it was showing!
"Uh ... You see when I said planning I meant I was going to see it eventually." She smiled. I can't possibly be acting cool at this point.
"Sure." What?
"Uh ... when's a good day for you?" She lists off the days that work. Then I do something I've never really done in a situation like this before.
"Could I get your number?"
"Sure." Only the only thing I had to write on was my drawing pad, I tried to crank open my pocket zipper to get out my charcoal when it jammed. That's when I made the big mistake.
"We're doomed," I said, as I tried to open my pocket. Luckily she went and got a pen, from the office a yard away, and wrote her phone number down on the back of my sketchpad.
"Ciao," she said.

... Now admittedly, I could have pulled that off smoother, but at this point I couldn't care less!

Woo-hoo! In your face Space Coyote! (Thank you Superman and SD.net, wherever you are!)

salm · Post by **salm** » 2004-03-16 09:30pm

Colonel Olrik wrote: If only I knew enough german to pick up the pretty chinese girl sitting next to me in the german classes..

hmm... chinese. isn´t there something about tossing the desiered girl a red ball in china?

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-03-16 09:39pm

Congrats man.

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-03-16 11:56pm

I'd suggest having an idea for post-movie coffee or drinks in case things seem to be going well. After all, you still need to break the ice.

We should rename this thread The Passion of the Crom. That sounded brutal, dude, but good going.

GoldenFalcon · Post by **GoldenFalcon** » 2004-03-17 12:07am

About the no-confidence thing, I was once like that.

However...out of sheer willpower I managed to shake the thing off. Once you do it the first time, it's like removing a psychological limiter that's been ingrown for decades. Your strength grows exponentially.

Lt. Dan · Post by **Lt. Dan** » 2004-03-17 12:24am

Good job! Now you need to work up the nerve to call her.(It shouldn't be that bad)

Dorsk 81 wrote:Personaly I would just go up to her and ask her to a movie, that's too obvious for me and it's a kinda date thing, which you don't wanna do if you want to get to know her first.
I'd say wait till you finish work and then ask her if she wants to go for a coffee of something. Never underestimate the power and alure of caffine.

This is so true. All the women I see all day at school have a cup of Starbucks coffee. It's like if they know your willing to spend that much money on coffee, your worth their time.

And BTW, RedImperator, your a sick, sick little kitten.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2004-03-17 12:41am

Lt. Dan wrote:And BTW, RedImperator, your a sick, sick little kitten.

Just offering alternatives. I guess his way worked out, though.

Worlds Spanner · Post by **Worlds Spanner** » 2004-03-17 01:10am

Crom, you are an inspiration to the rest of us scared little anti-social freaks.

Not that I intend on doing anything so frightening any time soon, mind you.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2004-03-17 02:18am

Goob job, I'm glad you at least worked up the courage to ask. It's better to ask and be rejected then to just sit back and hang onto a thread of hope for years. I remember when I first asked a girl to dance... Heart was pounding like crazy.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-03-17 02:30am

Good luck on your movie date. Make sure you know the location of a good coffee shop or other late-night time-wasting joint near the theatre, so you can direct her there in order to prolong the date if she's not comfortable going back to your place or hers.

Remember: if she really likes you, she will want to prolong the date.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-03-17 03:01am

Congratulations and good luck on your date.

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2004-03-17 05:26am

RedImperator wrote:I recommend getting her full name and the tag number from her car. Armed with that information, you should be able to get her address and phone number, maybe her social security number. Then you can stake out a good spot to watch her house and learn her schedule. Be sure to remember a camera with a telephoto lens! After a week or two of observation, you should be able to enter her home confident nobody will be there--we wouldn't want her to spoil the surprise, would we? Don't forget, people often forget to lock upstairs windows, if you're having trouble with the lock on the door.

Inside, you'll want to document everything you can. Especially important are documents like bank statements, credit card bills, tax records, etc. Be sure to check her bedroom thoroughly--that's where her most treasured possessions are likely to be kept, and they'll give you a good idea what kind of person she is (also, take the opportunity to search for any firearms and remove their ammunition--guns aren't safe, and if you really care about her, you won't risk her hurting herself). Be sure you leave the house just the way it did when you came in, and leave before your sweetie gets home!

Now, with all this information (you might want to build your own darkroom to develop the photos--heaven forbid she knows one of the guys at the drugstore who develops pictures who might spoil the big surprise for you!), you can get to work impressing her. Because you know her schedule and her route to and from work (you HAVE been following her, right?), you can arrange a "coincidental" meeting at your convenience where you can casually mention how you two are so alike, your credit card balances are nearly the same, or that your mothers live within a few miles of each other (be sure you mention her mom's real address and maybe a few fun facts, like the time she goes to sleep at night or the type of lock on her back door, just to show you're not some dilletante, but you're REALLY interested in her). To really impress her, arrange several of these "coincidences" within a few days, each at different locations. She'll think Fate is bringing you together!

Finally, one magical evening, it will be time to make your move. Buy a dozen of her favorite flower and sneak into her house while she's asleep. Get naked and slide into bed with her, holding the flowers. Wrap your arms around her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear until she wakes up. She might be startled, so be sure to hold on tight when she first wakes up. Once she realizes who you are, she'll be so happy she'll shriek with joy.

I hope this advice helps.

FUQed!!!

Ravenwing · Post by **Ravenwing** » 2004-03-17 09:56am

All i can say is you should take pains to make sure that you dont fall into her 'friend'. category because that will mean taking it anywhere further would make it harder for you both. Stick to direct, if theres a movie you know she wants to see suggest going together, then maybe something to eat somewhere you wont run into any people you know. the sooner the better.

Arthur_Tuxedo · Post by **Arthur_Tuxedo** » 2004-03-17 01:10pm

Congrats, man. The first time is ten times harder than the second, which is ten times harder than the third. In no time at all, you'll be able to coolly ask a woman out without feeling any butterflies at all.

Crom · Post by **Crom** » 2004-03-17 03:39pm

Thanks for all the support.

Hopefully the date is set for Sunday. I'm off today to go do some research (movie times, coffee shops or similar hang out places.) I'll try giving her a call on Friday.

I'm glad, from the sound of things, that it get's easier. Though, I must say, the adrenaline rush was pretty sweet.