Stewart VS a Sith Apprentice

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Bob the Gunslinger
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Stewart VS a Sith Apprentice

Post by Bob the Gunslinger »

Now, now--give me a chance. This is not as farfetched as it sounds.

Sure, a Sith apprentice has the power of the Dark Side at his command, and a lightsaber, but can he (or she) withstand the blistering heat of cold mercenary logic? Of course not, or he'd be a Sith Master.

What's that you say? Stewart wields logic like a duck wields a battleship? No, you are quite mistaken. I happen to have proof right here in front of me that Stewart was captain of the Harvard Debate Team. It's in my document pile right under my copy of Bigfoot and Chupacabras's marriage certificate. If only I could figure out how to plug in my scanner, I would dazzle you all with my evidence.

Not that we need evidence. Stewart here is a man of his word. He speaks nothing but golden shimmering truth. I have his word on it.

So where was I? Oh yes, a big rambling post that strays from its topic.

Anyway, you must admit that Stewart could kill the Sith from miles away (2.37mi by my calcs) as he is a better shot with a .45 cal pistol than any stormtrooper sniper is with a measly telesope-sighted BlasTech Blaster Rifle.
My evidence for this (not outrageous) inrageous claim is that Stewart can shoot better than I can and I'm a gunslinger. And a gunslinger can kill a sith lord. I know because I have. I'll mail you the corpse if you give me your address, security information, total value of your possessions and postage. Quod Erat Demonstratum.
That's Latin, you know.

( Now I must preempt your call for proof that I am a gunslinger with a demonstration of my slugthrowing prowess. That is if you'll be kind enough to provide me with money for a flight over to your area, pay for the shooting range fees, the gun rental and ammo, lunch and a return flight.
I'll also need some shooting lessons.)

Did I mention that Stewart is in a tank? He built it himself, so it's only fair.
And with his superhuman sensuality and 5kt of airborne pheromones, the battle will probably not even come to blows, but rather end up in blows of another kind. Right, Stewart?

Or maybe I'm just being naive. :?:
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Post by DPDarkPrimus »

Oh, I like this one. :D

You're going to fit in nicely here.
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Post by Rightous Fist Of Heaven »

Seconded.

Welcome to SD.net Bob, you're going to fit here nicely :P
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Post by Cornelius »

Stewart wields logic like a duck wields a battleship?
what the hell does that mean? A duck~ battleship?
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Re: Stewart VS a Sith Apprentice

Post by 18-Till-I-Die »

Bob the Gunslinger wrote:Now, now--give me a chance. This is not as farfetched as it sounds.

Sure, a Sith apprentice has the power of the Dark Side at his command, and a lightsaber, but can he (or she) withstand the blistering heat of cold mercenary logic? Of course not, or he'd be a Sith Master.

What's that you say? Stewart wields logic like a duck wields a battleship? No, you are quite mistaken. I happen to have proof right here in front of me that Stewart was captain of the Harvard Debate Team. It's in my document pile right under my copy of Bigfoot and Chupacabras's marriage certificate. If only I could figure out how to plug in my scanner, I would dazzle you all with my evidence.

Not that we need evidence. Stewart here is a man of his word. He speaks nothing but golden shimmering truth. I have his word on it.

So where was I? Oh yes, a big rambling post that strays from its topic.

Anyway, you must admit that Stewart could kill the Sith from miles away (2.37mi by my calcs) as he is a better shot with a .45 cal pistol than any stormtrooper sniper is with a measly telesope-sighted BlasTech Blaster Rifle.
My evidence for this (not outrageous) inrageous claim is that Stewart can shoot better than I can and I'm a gunslinger. And a gunslinger can kill a sith lord. I know because I have. I'll mail you the corpse if you give me your address, security information, total value of your possessions and postage. Quod Erat Demonstratum.
That's Latin, you know.

( Now I must preempt your call for proof that I am a gunslinger with a demonstration of my slugthrowing prowess. That is if you'll be kind enough to provide me with money for a flight over to your area, pay for the shooting range fees, the gun rental and ammo, lunch and a return flight.
I'll also need some shooting lessons.)

Did I mention that Stewart is in a tank? He built it himself, so it's only fair.
And with his superhuman sensuality and 5kt of airborne pheromones, the battle will probably not even come to blows, but rather end up in blows of another kind. Right, Stewart?

Or maybe I'm just being naive. :?:

ROTFLMAO :lol:

Now THIS is fucking helarious! Welcome, freind Bob, welcome!

Someone PM Stewie and get him over here, i want to see his response to this, he'll probably agree with every sarcastic word :twisted:

It'll be classic!
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Post by NecronLord »

Most impressive, at first I suspected that you were a sock puppet for one of more expreinced members, so good was this jibe, but indeed, you are a new member (according to the IP check anyway), who brings a finely honed skill in the art of "Mockery of stupid people" to the board, and, as such, welcome.

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Post by Bob the Gunslinger »

DPDarkPrimus wrote:Oh, I like this one. :D

You're going to fit in nicely here.

Thank you. :D
May I use your quote as a sig?
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Post by Techno_Union »

In the words of Emperor Palpatine, "Greetings young Bob the Gunslinger. We are looking forward to completing your training." Welcome to the great SD.Net.
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Post by Bob the Gunslinger »

Cornelius wrote:
Stewart wields logic like a duck wields a battleship?
what the hell does that mean? A duck~ battleship?
I just meant that ducks are cute and fluffy and squishy, all traits that prevent them from swinging a battleship around like a mave. Or comandeering them.
Except maybe for Donald, since he was in the navy. ...On second thought, I didn't put nearly enough thought into my simile.
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Post by Bob the Gunslinger »

Thank you very much for the warm welcome, Righteous Fist, 18-Till, NecronLord and Techno Union.
Now I must work hard to maintain the illusion that I am not a dork.
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Post by EmperorMing »

ROTFLMAO!!!

Nice one!
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Post by Solauren »

Welcome Bob.

I forsee you rising quicking amongs the ranks of the Sith
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Post by The Aliens »

You, sir, are my new patron.
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Post by DPDarkPrimus »

Bob the Gunslinger wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:Oh, I like this one. :D

You're going to fit in nicely here.

Thank you. :D
May I use your quote as a sig?
*shrugs* Do as you will.
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Post by Drooling Iguana »

Bob the Gunslinger wrote:
Cornelius wrote:
Stewart wields logic like a duck wields a battleship?
what the hell does that mean? A duck~ battleship?
I just meant that ducks are cute and fluffy and squishy, all traits that prevent them from swinging a battleship around like a mave. Or comandeering them.
Except maybe for Donald, since he was in the navy. ...On second thought, I didn't put nearly enough thought into my simile.
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Post by Tasoth »

Bob the Gunslinger wrote:Thank you very much for the warm welcome, Righteous Fist, 18-Till, NecronLord and Techno Union.
Now I must work hard to maintain the illusion that I am not a dork.
[Wheeze] Give into the DorkSide. We are many and... hold on...*hits the inhaler*[/wheeze] Much better. Welcome to the board and keep the humor flowing.
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Post by 2000AD »

Funny, but shouldn't this be in HoS?
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Post by Sarevok »

Excellent. Welcome to Stardestroyer.net Bob.
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Post by harbringer »

I am not worthy Bob succinct, funny, intelligent god I have so many things to learn in order to match you <sigh>. In any case welcome I haven't laughed that much in a while - since stewarts first post.
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Post by harbringer »

Dammnit I forgot and no edit.

I vote for Stewart since if all else fails he can down the sith in B.S. or bore him to death. As for the rest if I can find a Sith I will gladly watch him demonstrate.
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Post by Darksider »

Is this guy for real?
I know he's not a sock puppet, but please, someone tell me he's joking.


I'd vote for stewart though. The second he starts spouting off one of his hairbrained theories, the sith will bleed to death through his eyeballs.
And this is why you don't watch anything produced by Ronald D. Moore after he had his brain surgically removed and replaced with a bag of elephant semen.-Gramzamber, on why Caprica sucks
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Post by Darksider »

Can a mod please scratch the above post?

I can tell this guy is joking now.
(you never can tell with trolls at a first glance.)
And this is why you don't watch anything produced by Ronald D. Moore after he had his brain surgically removed and replaced with a bag of elephant semen.-Gramzamber, on why Caprica sucks
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Post by Bob the Gunslinger »

Darksider wrote:Is this guy for real?
I know he's not a sock puppet, but please, someone tell me he's joking.
I'd vote for stewart though. The second he starts spouting off one of his hairbrained theories, the sith will bleed to death through his eyeballs.
Initially I was just trying to point out the stupidity of Stewart's claims by taking them at face value, but now I think this could be a lively topic for discussion. (By which I mean long, rambling posts.) I mean, it was a natural match-up:

After all, that would make Stewart a badass Shaolin super-sniper who understands the subtle forces of nature, like a Sith. He also stirs emotions of anger, hatred and suffering in those around him, like a Sith.

And he has a tremendous amount of funds to throw around on wagers and "adult drinks" for people who otherwise wouldn't talk to him, unlike a Sith, who has no money and lives in an un-carpeted Studio with faulty plumming, and this only by mooching off a horny old man. (Have you seen the rental prices for Coruscant? The whole planet is like the Sunset District!)

Now to substantiate my claims:
Stewart is Shaolin badass: He must be, because only the ways of Shaolin are unknown to me. Stewart said he is a master of Ti Quon Do, and this is clearly the Pinyin transliteration of the Chinese martial art "T'ee Ch'uan-To," which I have never heard of.

Stewart understands the forces of nature: Isn't he like Dean of Technology or something? I know he's been telling us all where to go when it comes to expanding gasses. Or maybe he's just full of hot air?

Sith are poor: I direct you to the Editor's Choice Cut Edition of TPM, the Coruscant balcony scene:
blah blah blah...
Maul: "At last we will have our revenge."
Siddious:"Yes, and plenty of Adult Drinks to help us enjoy it."
Mauls: "Err, if you mean choholl you know that always gives me problems. I'm Asian and I don't have that enzyme."
Siddious: "What are you really saying? Toilet backed up again?"
Maul: "... Yes."

And then there's the scene where Maul packs up for his trip to Tattooine:
(Interior of Maul's apartment.) Maul is packing.
Maul's roomate: Toota gotto bo rhinkee?
Maul: I told you I'll do it when I get back. Leave me alone, Greedo--you so don't know the shit I go through.
Greedo: Chufa dunda trista toota ki pooska!
Maul: We can't all be bounty hunters. JEEZ! Great, now I've broken my second, much cooler lightsaber! Look, here! Here's a plunger! You fix the toilet and I'll do dishes when I get back, ok?
Maul hands Greedo a double-sided plunger and storms out while muttering about how he'll be lucky to make it to Tattooine by sundown.
Greedo: Bastard.

Proof that Maul is Asian: He is played by an actor named Ray Park. Park is a Korean name. Duh.

Wait a minute--Adult Drinks? According to the internet that's another way of saying "creamy splooge smoothies" or, even worse, "mung!"
Does that mean he had to grant certain "favors" for his professor friends? And will we be able to find a clip of it on the internet?
(I can just imagine it now:
Stewart: Hey, man, wanna cheeze-bergah? Ah gots a cheeze-bergah.
Professor: No, thanks. I'm on Atkins'.
Stewart: Hey, man, I suck yo dick for a good te'nical a'gument 'bout how tuhbo-layzas ain' shit tuh shit on.
Professor: Okaaaayyy...)
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Post by Drooling Iguana »

Ya know, when I first saw this thread, I thought it would be Patrick Stewart vs a Sith Apprentice...
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Post by Darksider »

Bob the Gunslinger wrote: Initially I was just trying to point out the stupidity of Stewart's claims by taking them at face value, but now I think this could be a lively topic for discussion. (By which I mean long, rambling posts.) I mean, it was a natural match-up:
I know that now.

It's just that, with some of the insane trolls that have shown up around here, it pays to be careful.
And this is why you don't watch anything produced by Ronald D. Moore after he had his brain surgically removed and replaced with a bag of elephant semen.-Gramzamber, on why Caprica sucks
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