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Remind me to tell you guys about the time I got a
search warrant for a womans vagina. True story BTW.
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She had a plastic baggie with about 40 rocks in it
stuffed up there. We put her 2 sons and one
daughter in prison for trafficking. We did 7 search
warrants at her house and always came up with
nothing more than a few crack pipes (this was after
making controlled buys with C.I.'s).
Finally one who was close to her got pissed at her and
gave her up. She would take the money and leave the
room and return with the rock. She would keep that
baggie full of crack in her crack all day. Trust me,
nothing else was going up there.
After we did a search of the house she thought she
rooked us again. The look on her face was priceless
when I served her with her copy of the warrant for her
vagina. We took her to the local E.R. with the intent
of them doing a pelvic exam and retrieving the dope.
She decided to take a female Narc into the head and
give up the dope and avoid the spectacle that would
take place in the E.R.. I didn't see it but when she
relayed the story of how Aunt Jemima (not real name)
started digging in her snapper and came out with the
baggie and just tried to hand the slimy, stanky thing
to the Narc, I almost pissed myself. She ended up
getting the pelvic exam anyway. I didn't trust her
to give it all up (it seemed like such a small amount
for such a large hiding place) and it was important
to establish a procedure for future similar searches.
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I once wrote a search warrant that included a guy's rolls
of fat. He was an incredibly fat crack dealer who was know
to carry baggies of crack by lifting up a big old fold of fat
and stuffing the baggie underneath. When I finally saw
the guy in person in court, it was obvious that he could've
carried whole kilos in that fashion. Dude was huge.
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Gotta love the war on drugs.....
