birds, winged beasts of evil!

[Jason von Evil]

So I was unhooking my Xbox this morning so I could hook my PS2 up to my TV. My mom starts hollaring for me from her room, so I run to her room, look inside and there's a bird, a big one in her room, inbetween the blindes and the window. You see, my dad put an AC in one of their bedroom windows and this left two open spaces on either side of the AC. My dad covered these gaps with cardboard and duct tape, but somehow, this bird managed to push both off the gap and got inside the room. I went and got a hanger to hold the piece of card open away from the opening and try and get the bird to leave the way in it came in. No such luck, so i went downstairs to get a pair of gloves and a towel to try and catch the thing and release it outside. Again, a hopeless endeavor, so my mom and I decided it was time for the broom. I ran downstairs, grabbed it and ran back up to my moms room, where apparently, the bird finally got loose and was flying around the place.

So, while my mom pulled the covers over her head, I slowly advanced towards the winged creature and took a swing. What did the bird do? He dive bombed my ass. I'm not ashamed to say that I dived for the ground. The next five to ten minutes were filled with broom swings, dive bombs, bird shit and more ground diving. Finally, I decided to go back down to the kitchen and get a bottle of something, anything to spray the bird with. That's right, I was more than ready to wage chemical warfare on the little feathered SOB. Yeah, that didn't work out too well. I ended up dropping the bottle during the second battle. Then things got worse, or better, I'm not sure. I hadn't shut the bedroom door all the way and the bird saw this and escaped through it. With a hardy "Sonofabitch!", I gave chase and found it in the hall, hanging from the light. It saw me and flew down the stairs to the living room and hung out on the top of an curtain rod.

I went to my room and disconnected from the net so my mom could first call my dad, then my brother and finally the landlord. My dad couldn't do anything, my brother was barely awake and the landlord, as always, was useless. Meanwhile, the bird flew to the door and when I came downstairs, flew behind this wooden display case. It stayed there for a while until we came up with a plan. The landlord suggested using a bug spray on the bird, but fate favored the bold and in this case, the bird. We opened all the doors and tried to get the bird into one. It was in the kitchen when I took my dog upstairs, to keep her from running outside. Anyways, I grabbed the broom again and tried to shoo it towards the back door, which worked. The bird flew towards the living room, then turned and flew right out door. All I did then was run and shut the screen door, victory was mine.

He was a tough opponent for sure, but near the end he showed weakness, cracks in the armor, if you will.

So, how was everyone else's day?

[Dargos]

Well, think of it as a learning experiance. Next time you KNOW exactly what to do when your home is invaded by evil avians.

[General Zod]

this reminds me of something that happened at my old job once. i used to work in Ross (retail clothing store for those that don't know it), and one day we had a bird that somehow got trapped in the store. spent the better part of the day when things slowed down attempting to catch the bugger. blasted thing just wouldn't stay in one place long enough to throw a towel over him.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Did the bird look like this?

[BoredShirtless]

Jesus owned by a bird, how embarrassing.

[Jason von Evil]

Did the bird look like this?

No, it's beak was a few inches longer and as black as the devils heart! It was also curved alittle. Bird was also a bit bigger.

Edit: How was I owned, exactly?

[General Zod]

Did the bird look like this?

>snippity image<

that looks exactly like the little fucker that came into the store i was working in at the time!

[BoredShirtless]

Edit: How was I owned, exactly?

Damage to you and your place: grazed and/or bruised body from repeated diving....bird shit all over the place....possible emotional trauma.
Damage to Bird: zilch.

Owned.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Did the bird look like this?

>snippity image<

that looks exactly like the little fucker that came into the store i was working in at the time!

That's called a Starling. They were introduced in America around the Last Turn of the Century by some dildo who missed seeing them. As of now, they're pests. Break out the air rifles...

[Dargos]

Well.... running around like a silly swating at a small avian with a broom, diving to the floor when counter attacked, calling for reinforcements and not getting any against a bird. And finally, I am sure the bird got bored when his playmate (you) went up stairs with your dog, and left under its own violation for a better parts unknown.

Sounds like ownage to me.

[Jason von Evil]

Edit: How was I owned, exactly?

Damage to you and your place: grazed and/or bruised body from repeated diving....bird shit all over the place....possible emotional trauma.
Damage to Bird: zilch.

Owned.

Damage to house - None.
Damage to myself - None. Just sweaty.
Bird shit - Only on the AC and a stack of bed sheets.
Emotional Trauma - Ha, right. I've been through worst BS that a fight with a bird.

I'd say it was a draw. If I had an air rifle...

[Lagmonster]

You're a puss.

We had one of those smallish, brown birds caught in the house once. I put on a pair of gloves, grabbed it, and carefully took it outside. Coordination and the fact that I'm not afraid of something smaller than my head rules all.

[Jason von Evil]

You're a puss.

We had one of those smallish, brown birds caught in the house once. I put on a pair of gloves, grabbed it, and carefully took it outside. Coordination and the fact that I'm not afraid of something smaller than my head rules all.

It was like a three or so inch long beak! Plus, it purposely dived at my head.

[Montcalm]

You're a puss.

We had one of those smallish, brown birds caught in the house once. I put on a pair of gloves, grabbed it, and carefully took it outside. Coordination and the fact that I'm not afraid of something smaller than my head rules all.

It was like a three or so inch long beak! Plus, it purposely dived at my head.

In cases like this always wear goggles or if you have one a helmet.

[Jason von Evil]

Well, my eyes were protected by my glasses. The problem with catching it was that it kept flying about once freed and before that, it kept moving back and forth behind the blinds.

[BoredShirtless]

Edit: How was I owned, exactly?

Damage to you and your place: grazed and/or bruised body from repeated diving....bird shit all over the place....possible emotional trauma.
Damage to Bird: zilch.

Owned.

Damage to house - None.
Damage to myself - None. Just sweaty.
Bird shit - Only on the AC and a stack of bed sheets.
Emotional Trauma - Ha, right. I've been through worst BS that a fight with a bird.

I'd say it was a draw. If I had an air rifle...

You got into a "fight" with a bird? Please. Emotional damage noted, that's one for the bird. Now, you can brush off the bird shit cause it only hit the AC but it's still there and it still needs to get cleaned up, one more for the bird. Finally red knees from repeated diving == personal damage. That's three for the bird, none for you. Owned [again].

[Jason von Evil]

Damage to you and your place: grazed and/or bruised body from repeated diving....bird shit all over the place....possible emotional trauma.
Damage to Bird: zilch.

Owned.

Damage to house - None.
Damage to myself - None. Just sweaty.
Bird shit - Only on the AC and a stack of bed sheets.
Emotional Trauma - Ha, right. I've been through worst BS that a fight with a bird.

I'd say it was a draw. If I had an air rifle...

You got into a "fight" with a bird? Please. Emotional damage noted, that's one for the bird. Now, you can brush off the bird shit cause it only hit the AC but it's still there and it still needs to get cleaned up, one more for the bird. Finally red knees from repeated diving == personal damage. That's three for the bird, none for you. Owned [again].

They're called pants, my friend. And I didn't literally dive, I would've cracked my head up against a dresser, if I did. It was more of a dropping to the ground.

[BoredShirtless]

They're called pants, my friend. And I didn't literally dive, I would've cracked my head up against a dresser, if I did. It was more of a dropping to the ground.

A little birdie told me the bird is in a generous mood and will give you that, making it 2 to 0. You're still owned, for shame.

[Comosicus]

Maye that bird was a fan of Hitchcok's.

[Chardok]

It delight's me to no end to see embellishments retracted in this manner.

[Jason von Evil]

It delight's me to no end to see embellishments retracted in this manner.

Well, diving sounded better than dropping to the ground.

[BoredShirtless]

Owned by a bird, just like you.

[aerius]

This is why I have an airgun and a slingshot as well as a bow & arrow set. Would you like your bird stunned, dead, or skewered?

We had a bird fly into the bikeshop where I work last summer. That was fun, it flew around the shop and scared the shit out of customers. It left after an hour, too bad, I wanted to shoot it with the shop's compressed air hose.

[Majin Gojira]

Sounds like a crow or Raven...they're very smart birds though...

[Mr Bean]

Hmmm bird problem?

Sounds like it good old surplus soviet hardware to the resecue!


May I present the Soviet ZSU 23x4 it is equipped with four radar-guided 23mm guns capable of engaging avian targets up to thirty six meters in diameter all the way down to the pint sized littler birds such as a the infamous "Humming Bird"

Quite a few of these are aviable supluss in most old former Soviet Reupiblics as well as the few hundred up for sale now with the fall of Iraq