More girl issues

[Broomstick]

God, we're about ready for a friggin separate forum for this...

Uh, right - a board dominated by horny young men getting all touchy-feely with a love-life advice forum. That would be something to see.

But if you guys really want to... well, I won't destroy your manly reputations by tattling.

Okay, so I've got this female friend who is really fucking hot. She's got a boyfriend. I've recently become attracted to her, and with the onset of warmer weather she's starting to wear less. I don't want to be caught staring at her and have things get awkward and shit, and most of all I don't want to fuck up a good friendship because she (correctly) thinks I have trouble thinking with the wrong head.

Aside from finding someone else to be attracted to (my usual fix), does anyone have any thoughts on how to avoid this?

I don't think you can avoid it, looks like you're already in the middle of the mess.

You got choices, dude, among them:

1) Be an asshole to all other parties invovled by hitting on the hot chick and hoping to score. Factors to consider are the cost/benefit ratio, how good a lay you think she might be, how long the relationship might last, and the size and temper of her boyfriend.

2) Find someone else to focus your fucking energies on.

3) Masturbate until your dick is so sore you don't want to fuck (which is an impossible state to achieve with some men)

4) Shut up and suffer in silence.

5) Tell her she's a hot babe and you don't want to screw things up between her and her current boyfriend, so could she please tone down the hot outfits before your eyes and balls explode from frustration. I mean, you're only a guy, you can't help but be horny and you're trying to be a gentleman about this.

Can men and women be friends? Yes. Does lust eventually enter the picture? Yes. Do you have to act on that lust? No. Some folks carefully avoid all sexual innuendo with opposite-gender friends, some use flirting and humor to dissapate the tension. This only works when both parties have similar coping strategies. Also, very important that flirting does not come across as teasing, particularly when one of the two parties isn't getting any sex, just broke up with someone, or the like. Yeah, it's a balancing act. So is most friendship. And some men and some women really aren't able to be "just friends". Some are, though. So there's no hard and fast rule. What else is new in human relations?

[Illuminatus Primus]

We broke up after 19 days, but that was because of a totally unrelated drug problem.

Ouch. Sorry about that Red. That burns.

[GoldenFalcon]

Y'know, this whole thing about men and women not being able to be "true friends" is complete crap.

I have woman friends that have and will never reach the point of "girlfriend", but we still talk, help, etc. I know others with the same status. True that hormones will eventually attempt to enter the picture, but most of the time friends are able to ignore these hormones...

Unless you have the mental control of a teenager, that is.

[Darth Wong]

Y'know, this whole thing about men and women not being able to be "true friends" is complete crap.

That depends on the circumstance. If you have a good relationship with your significant other, it's not difficult to ignore any hormonal attractions to other women. But if you're alone, and you find yourself spending platonic time with a smoking-hot woman, it's going to be pretty damned frustrating.

[Macross]

Speaking from experiance, the friendship is already over. Your best bet now is to cut your losses and end the friendship on good terms. Before you really get hurt.

[Howedar]

Uh, right - a board dominated by horny young men getting all touchy-feely with a love-life advice forum. That would be something to see.

But if you guys really want to... well, I won't destroy your manly reputations by tattling.

I was merely commenting on the number of similar threads in OTF right now. Next time I'll be sure to spell it out so you don't miss the point again.

Speaking from experiance, the friendship is already over. Your best bet now is to cut your losses and end the friendship on good terms. Before you really get hurt.

Now that's something I didn't expect to hear. Probably cause it's wrong.

[RedImperator]

Speaking from experiance, the friendship is already over. Your best bet now is to cut your losses and end the friendship on good terms. Before you really get hurt.

The friendship is over because he's attracted to her? What the hell kind of experience did you have?

At one point or another I've been attracted to nearly all my female friends. Thus far, it's only led to one serious problem, and that was the result of me running my big mouth to her ex boyfriend. We didn't speak for weeks afterwards, but we patched things up eventually. I've ended up sleeping with another one, the one I mentioned earlier in the thread, and we had the start of something really good going. Unfortunately, oxycontin shitcanned that, but I doubt Howedar is in the same situation.

[RedImperator]

We broke up after 19 days, but that was because of a totally unrelated drug problem.

Ouch. Sorry about that Red. That burns.

THanks man. The thing about doing pills, you can convince yourself you're not really doing drugs, even when you're crushing up and snorting doses that would knock over a horse. She's got to get her life back together, and that, unfortunately, doesn't leave room for me.

Such is life, sometimes. End threadjack.

[Master of Ossus]

Howedar, in my experience it's possible for a girl to know you're attracted to her without creating much of an awkward situation. I used to compliment people I was attracted to as little jokes (ie. "You look stunning" after something happens that they know makes them look comical, like when a big gust of wind throws their hair in a mess). This is a difficult situation, though, and I wish you the best of luck with it. I would recommend that you make it clear you're attracted to her, but that you're not willing to risk your friendship or break her up with her boyfriend. If she's as nice as you're making her seem she'll understand. Good luck!

[muse]

Speaking from experiance, the friendship is already over. Your best bet now is to cut your losses and end the friendship on good terms. Before you really get hurt.

What the hell? Are you saying that you can't be friends if you're attracted to her? Surely that can't be right.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being attracted to friends of the opposite gender, especially if they fit your criteria for sexyness. Hell, I think most of my guy friends are either hot or cute, or both in several cases, doesn't keep us from being friends. The trick is dealing with it, I find it's best to clear the air and get all your thoughts and feelings down on the table so as to avoid future confusion and misunderstandings. If you all know where you stand, and it's understood that you're not going to act out your feelings of lust & seduce them then there's not much chance of a problem. They know you think they're cute, but they also know you're not suppose to be trying to get in bed with them so that if you start getting too carried away they can smack some sense into you before something disastrous happens.

[SAMAS]

Never mind the cretins, Howedar, not all of us are shouting "Yo Dude, hit it!"

If you've truly developed feelings for her -- a friend -- that's one thing, but if it's more a matter of suddenly finding a friend attractive and desirable, that's another. I gather it's more the latter, so remember:

...most of all I don't want to fuck up a good friendship...

Repeat to self as necessary.

Which will be a part of life longer: a friend, or a hot girl? I'm not against sowing wild oats, but you'll meet plenty of attractive women over the course of your life and a friend is something of great value.

That depends on him, and her. In fact, their friendship, if used correctly, can keep a relationship going for quite a while.

I'm of the Chris Rock School that says that 90% of guys would probably do any female friend if given half a chance. There's nothing wrong with that.

So I say look at the situation first don't automatically say "Hit That Shit!" or "No! The Friendship is too.. Preciousssss..." Look at both the situation and your present relationship. How often do you and this girl meet? When was the last time she complained to you about something, and how often does she do it, if at all?

But overall, I do suggest going for it, to some degree or another. Better a rejection than months to years of wondering.

If you're worried about threatening the friendship, don't be too upfront about it. Do the stuff you normally do, but just make it the two of you. You don't have to try to sleep with her, or even kiss her, right off the bat. just try for a few dates or outings first.

[Macross]

What the hell kind of experience did you have?

A very very bad experiance.

If he does nothing, his attraction will grow into general feelings, then those feelings into love, then at somepoint he will confess those feelings to her, at which point, she will reject him because they are "just friends." Then he will be seriously hurt.

Its best to avoid all that, and the best way to do that is to cut himself off from the source of the problem.

[Master of Ossus]

What the hell kind of experience did you have?

A very very bad experiance.

Unfortunate. My experience has been vastly different, though. Best of luck in the future.

[aerius]

If he does nothing, his attraction will grow into general feelings, then those feelings into love, then at somepoint he will confess those feelings to her, at which point, she will reject him because they are "just friends." Then he will be seriously hurt.

Its best to avoid all that, and the best way to do that is to cut himself off from the source of the problem.

Man, that's no way to go through life. If I had to avoid every single chick friend who I thought was attractive I wouldn't have any of them left other than my mom. What you're doing is just running away from potential issues, escapism if I remember my psych course right. No, you can't go through life running away from every single person you start getting attracted to, you could but it would be a very lonely and IMO worthless life. It's no way to live.

Chick or guy issues, like every other problem in life will have to be dealt with, talked over, worked with, and solved. So what if you're attracted to your friend who happens to be a cutie, work it out! Sit down and have a talk with her, let her know that your having feelings for her, that you value the friendship and don't want it ruined. Make sure you know where you both stand so that if you get a little too frisky she can whack some sense into you or go "hey, buddy, remember what we talked about?"

edit: I would never have ended up with my GF had I cut off every chick friend I was thinking impure thoughts about. We were friends for a good long while before I started dating her.

[BoredShirtless]

If he does nothing, his attraction will grow into general feelings, then those feelings into love, then at somepoint he will confess those feelings to her, at which point, she will reject him because they are "just friends." Then he will be seriously hurt.

Its best to avoid all that, and the best way to do that is to cut himself off from the source of the problem.

Man, that's no way to go through life. If I had to avoid every single chick friend who I thought was attractive I wouldn't have any of them left other than my mom. What you're doing is just running away from potential issues, escapism if I remember my psych course right. No, you can't go through life running away from every single person you start getting attracted to, you could but it would be a very lonely and IMO worthless life. It's no way to live.

Chick or guy issues, like every other problem in life will have to be dealt with, talked over, worked with, and solved. So what if you're attracted to your friend who happens to be a cutie, work it out! Sit down and have a talk with her, let her know that your having feelings for her, that you value the friendship and don't want it ruined. Make sure you know where you both stand so that if you get a little too frisky she can whack some sense into you or go "hey, buddy, remember what we talked about?"

edit: I would never have ended up with my GF had I cut off every chick friend I was thinking impure thoughts about. We were friends for a good long while before I started dating her.

Looks like aerius's less dominate female personality is commanding the ship today.

[BoredShirtless]

Well what's going on here aerius? Your first draft had you refering to "males", now in your second it's "chicks"...

[aerius]

Looks like aerius's less dominate female personality is commanding the ship today.

Yeah, I write like a girl. I know, even that website thing way back when says I have girly writing.

[BoredShirtless]

Looks like aerius's less dominate female personality is commanding the ship today.

Yeah, I write like a girl. I know, even that website thing way back when says I have girly writing.

Ok something is totally out of whack, either I'm hallucinating or you're fighting multiple personalities. In your first draft I could have sworn you wrote:

Man, that's no way to go through life. If I had to avoid every single guy/male [can't remember which one] friend who I thought was attractive I wouldn't have any of them left other than my brother [this one I'm 100%].

[muse]

Ok something is totally out of whack, either I'm hallucinating or you're fighting multiple personalities.

It's because you touch yourself at night..

[BoredShirtless]

Ok something is totally out of whack, either I'm hallucinating or you're fighting multiple personalities.

It's because you touch yourself at night..

You know, you two can use each others accounts for all of me. But why do you do it?

[aerius]

You know, you two can use each others accounts for all of me. But why do you do it?

Because you touch yourself at night.

[BoredShirtless]

That's it I'm getting a beer.

[RedImperator]

What the hell kind of experience did you have?

A very very bad experiance.

If he does nothing, his attraction will grow into general feelings, then those feelings into love, then at somepoint he will confess those feelings to her, at which point, she will reject him because they are "just friends." Then he will be seriously hurt.

Its best to avoid all that, and the best way to do that is to cut himself off from the source of the problem.

If I followed your advice, I'd have about two friends left. One if I were bisexual.

[Broomstick]

Uh, right - a board dominated by horny young men getting all touchy-feely with a love-life advice forum. That would be something to see.

But if you guys really want to... well, I won't destroy your manly reputations by tattling.

I was merely commenting on the number of similar threads in OTF right now. Next time I'll be sure to spell it out so you don't miss the point again.

Sorry dude, I guess my attempt at low-key humor totally failed.

Hey, a forum like that probably would work, it's just, like I said, not the first thing you'd expect from such a male-heavy board like this one.

I agree with the folks who say get the feelings out on the table. A lot of it is in how you say it, though.

[Macross]

Man, that's no way to go through life. If I had to avoid every single chick friend who I thought was attractive I wouldn't have any of them left other than my mom. What you're doing is just running away from potential issues, escapism if I remember my psych course right. No, you can't go through life running away from every single person you start getting attracted to, you could but it would be a very lonely and IMO worthless life. It's no way to live.

I think we are defining the word "attracted" differantly. When I became attracted to someone, it was not just a physical attraction but an emotional attraction as well. I have female friends who are physically appealing to look at, but I would not say that I was attracted to them. In my mind they are friends and out of the realm of romantic possability. When I became attracted to a friend, so many long agonizing years ago, the wall that seperated "friends" and "romantic possability" became blurred and disappeared. Thats when everything came crashing down.